I’ve officially lost it … my voice, that is. There’s this bug that’s been going around work lately and I’ve finally succumbed to it. Definitely a pain in the butt, especially since my job requires interaction with both patients and providers (hospitals, home care agencies, etc). And that’s why I’m home sick today instead.

On the upside, I did get to see Kairi for a spell this past weekend. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to hold her for fear that I’d get her sick. That, and well … it’s not like her mom and I are on speaking terms at this moment.

I have to admit it, I felt really crappy afterwards … not having even acknowledged my SIL. And I’m sure it’s because I’m the type of person who totally hates confrontation and would rather sacrifice my own happiness in order to make things more comfortable for others. So yeah, part of me felt as if I should have been the bigger person and be the first one to make a move.

But then I remembered that I wasn’t the one that struck first. After all, what I’ve said in this blog has always been open for everyone to read. It’s been my way of letting off all those emotions I could never show or express in real life. It’s been my one way of letting people “in” to my life and inviting others to participate in my journey where, in real life, they might not be as comfortable in walking by my side.

And then I also remembered that since my one “strike back,” I’ve been hit … not once, but twice. However, rather than retaliate, I will simply continue to keep my distance. Because to me, not responding to those passive-aggressive behaviors * seems to be a much better move.

The way I look at it, my SIL can continue to deliver all the “blows” she wants but I’m still not going to give her the satisfaction of a response. Perhaps then she’ll realize that this “argument” (or whatever you want to call it) is not all about her. That her actions directly reflect who she is as a woman and as a friend. And that her behavior now will affect not only her relationship with me, but any of her other female relationships … especially the one with her daughter.

Quite frankly, I’m tired of always being the one to make the first move. I’m tired of the one having to be the one to help smooth things over for the sake of peace. To make things more comfortable for others. And all at the expense of my own health and happiness. So whenever she’s ready … she can make the first move.

The ball has ceremoniously been left in her court to do as she pleases with it.

I don’t know … what do you guys think? Do you think I’m being way too harsh?

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* NO … I don’t think I’m being passive-aggressive by posting this on my blog. After all, these are my feelings on my blog. At least I’m being direct about it.