silly. insecure. sensitive.
bright. insightful. naïve.
brave, yet terrified.
loud, yet reserved.
outgoing, yet shy.
I’m an Asian-American — well, technically Filipino-American — Catholic girl who’s living Child-Free after Infertility.
It sounds simple enough, but having been married since 1996 and trying to start a family since 1997 has not been an easy task. We had gone through the gamut of therapies including Clomid, surgeries followed by Lupron for some nasty endometriosis, and months of medicated cycles. All before heading for the “big guns.” In 2003, Hubby & I decided to try a one-time cycle of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) that failed. And one lone frozen blastocyte that didn’t stand the chance of surviving a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) cycle.
Financially broke and unsure of our next step, Hubby & I took a break from trying to conceive (TTC), not knowing at that time that it would be a permanent break. And although we talked about adoption and/or another round of IVF, I think both of us knew that we (or rather *I*) would never be able to survive the potential of more disappointment and heartbreak.
In 2009, Hubby & I officially got off the Infertility Rollercoaster; opting to choose the very unconventional path (at least in the Filipino Culture, anyway) of living child-free. And while there are some days where I still cry for “what could have been,” I do know that I’m in a much better place today.
My Infertility Journey may have ended in Child-free living … But my quest to educate & inform others of the emotional turmoil of IF hasn’t.
Recommended Reading to Get Up to Speed:
Silly, Random Stuff about Emily: