Swimming the Breaststroke *updated*

For those of you that don’t know, TMI is an acronym for “Too Much Information.” So … I’m warning you now, if you don’t wanna read about women stuff, it’s best that you click off this page now .

two_flowersHere … check out this post if you’d rather not read on.

Hum dee dum dum … Dum dee doo dah …

Okay. Fair warning. Here goes.

I have gained weight. And it’s all because of that damn Lupron. And how, may you ask that I know this without having stepped on a scale (because I refuse to do so)? Well, besides the obvious tighter fitting clothes and the ring on my finger feeling a little tighter … Well, my b**bies have gotten a little larger.

And I know I’ve gained a sufficient amount of weight when these tatas have “bloomed.” Because they’re the absolute last place that fills out when I gain weight. (And sadly, they’re always the first thing to go, when I lose the weight … dang-nabbit!) And even though I may be a little more heavier-set than the typical Asian American woman, I was never graced with a “hearty set.” So, when Naughty Hubby snapped a picture of them during a recent dress-uppity event … the rather revealing cleavage that stared back at me confirmed that I had, indeed, gained a significant amount of weight.

To make things worse, Hubby & I are heading out of town next Thursday for a mini-vaca … a chance to get away for a spell. We’re heading down to Orlando to spend time with Hubby’s cousins just to have some fun. Yes, we’ll be heading to Dis.neywor.ld and Univ.ersal Studios. No, I’m not so much bothered about it being the center of the universe for all things kid-related. (Actually, I’m quite looking forward to being a big kid for the weekend!)

Anyway, one of those days we’re planning on heading to the beach for the day. Which, of course requires a bathing suit. And well, last time I wore my two-piece was on our cruise in November. Pre-Lupron. Pre-weight gain. So yeah … won’t be looking so hot in my two-piece these days. And I wouldn’t look so hot in a one-piece either, based on the little non-pregnant belly I’ve got going on.

But thank G*d for the invention called the tankini. A two-piece that, if the appropriate tank top piece is found can hide that non-pregnant pudge I’ve got going on … and can still show off a little of the recently gained “assets.” (Might as well flaunt them while I’ve got them, right?) Pair it with a matching swim skirt, and it might just hide the “a$$”-et you don’t want to flaunt.

So off to Hudson’s Marshall Fields Macy*s to look for a tasteful and age-appropriate tankini. I head directly to the sportswear department, where I assumed that they might put out all the seasonal summer wear. No luck. Then I walk over to the active wear area, thinking that perhaps they put it with all the brand name exercise crap. Yep, still no luck. Finally, I stop an employee who directed me up to the second floor. “It’s right by the restaurant. Next to the maternity wear.”

Excuse me? Did I hear that right? Next to maternity wear? Who the H*LL had the brilliant idea to put bathing suits next to maternity clothes?! But sure enough, there they were. One and two-piece bathing suits looking quite smug next to those fashionable maternity clothes.

I’m honestly not sure what horrified me more. Knowing that I was going to have to try on bathing suits to help … ahem … appropriately distribute the extra weight I’ve gained. Or having to walk past all those very stylish maternity clothes that I know I will never have the chance to wear.

For an infertile … nonetheless one that has probably gained weight from all them extra hormones pumping through our systems … that is just cruel and unusual punishment!

Alas, I managed to find a decent tankini/swim skirt set that “accentuated the positive” (heartier hooters) and “eliminated the negative” (okay, so there was no way to completely eliminate the larger booty). And just as soon as the sales woman wrapped up my purchase, you know d*mn well I booked out of there as fast as I could.

Ugh … I suppose that I should know by now that bigger bosoms means that I should get off my lazy (not to mention large) a$$ and start working out again.

Once again … D*mn Lupron!!

*******************************

Oops. I forgot to add the disclaimer. Nope … that ain’t my body in that picture. (If I were only that thin …) And I also forgot to mention that yes … I realize how horrifying it must be for those that are pregnant to have to look at skinny two-piece suits.

But I do stand by what I said … “Who the H*LL had the brilliant idea to put bathing suits next to maternity clothes?!” and “That is just cruel and unusual punishment!”

Okay … back to your usual blog-surfing … 🙂

0 Replies to “Swimming the Breaststroke *updated*”

  1. Great suit. I have one like it. ..

    Sorry about the location. Not to intrude on your grief – but I remember being pregnant and I can’t imagine what it would have been like to be fat and rotund and staring at swimsuits for skinny women.

  2. I gained so much weight from all my medicated cycles. I can’t seem to get rid of it, though to be fair I haven’t tried that hard, I was just sort of hoping it would disappear…

    maybe I”ll run into you at dis.ney next week. I’m actually headed there on sat. for a family trip. I posted a recent vent on the subject last week…

    anyway, enjoy your mini-vaca! and bravo on finding the tankini. I am not so brave.

  3. Oh man, my bewbies are huge, too. Well – for me anyway. So is my stomach!

    Of course the swimsuits are right by the maternity wear! That makes complete and total sense! I mean, it would be so stupid to put the maternity wear by the childrens wear, or by the baby gear.

    Have fun on your vacay!

  4. oh ms. e! lupron sucks, seriously. i hated every second.
    when i gained weight i decided that *smaller* swimsuits looked better. they really are slimming.
    i hope you have a great vaca.

  5. A hearty “Here, Here” to the Damn Lupron notion!

    And THANK GOD for tankinis! FINALLY, a swimsuit that seems to look decent (dare I say… flatter?) the most unfortunately REAL women’s body types (like myself, with my top size at LEAST 3 sizes smaller than my bottom… no one makes a 1 piece that’ll work for my body, and I wouldn’t be caught dead in a “standard” 2 piece.

  6. Damnit. I don’t even have any drugs to blame it on! I’m glad you found a swimsuit even though they put it in a terrible place.
    The picture up top make SO much sense now. How fitting.

  7. Urg! I totally know what you mean! The first thing to go when I lose weight is the boobs! I even had to have ‘shells’ put in my wedding dress because I had lost enough weight that I no longer filled out the top portion, while, of course, the waist was still slightly tight. Grr! Sucky!

    Of course, I have BCP boobs right now, which are all ginormous, making me consider buying larger bras, which is really pissing me off, ‘cos I’m trying to start a running regimen, and they don’t make running bras in DD, which seems to be where I’m headed at this point. Not to mention that tender, swollen BCP boobs make for some serious pain when trying to run… Here’s to hoping that the running has it’s typical effect and shrinks the boobies, tout suite!

  8. Is that the bikini you bought? I mean TANKini? It’s adorable.

    And I always look pregnant. I seriously carry my weight (even if I’m 100 lbs) there so I look pregnant constantly. That’s always fun!

  9. To add insult to injury, when i did syneral for a year, a drug that acts like your friend lupron, I gained weight in the mid section while the upper section SHRUNK significantly, so much so that things have never really been the same (how is that for TMI).

  10. I have the same boob dynamic: By the time any weight gain has plumped them, my ass is SUV wide. By the time I get in shape again, they’re back to their barely-a-B state. Oh well.

    Despite all the IF irritation surrounding the suit shopping, I hope your trip is wonderful and relaxing!

  11. Cute suit. I definitely think that maternity wear should be up with kids/babywear then you don’t get blindsided by the display. Thank you for coming by my blog on your NCLM trail – it is much appreciated by someone just starting out in blogwriting.

  12. what a great post! you are so funny. Sorry about the weight gain though, that is a downer! But the swimsuit is fabolous! Have fun with it!

    Here from NaComLeavMo

  13. I agree with you. What idea would do that? Flaunt skinniness to preggies and pregnancy to us IF’ers. Just doesn’t seem fair anyway you cut it!

    I hate bathing suit shopping.

  14. Oh my Emily, that Tankini is adorable! Of course you had to go next to the maternity section. Had you been shopping for shoelaces, they too would be there. It is like the Island on Lost. They move it at will to whereever you’ll be to remind of how you just haven’t reached your goal yet.

    Can you come over and post and tell me how bad the lupron really is over time? I know you said you had headaches and hot flashes a few months ago. Did they last, still strong? I think my RE will be making me go on the Lupron for two months before I cycle next. I am scared of it.

  15. I am visiting from NCLM….I have two great tankini’s from J. Crew. I love them. I am also carrying that extra Lu.pron weight too. Fun, Fun!

  16. STUPID BATHING SUITS. I finally ended up getting myself a little skirt bathing suit bottom with a bikini top in order to hide all of my, well, buns. And hips.

    STUPID BATHING SUITS.

    AND- STUPID MATERNITY SECTION.

  17. That’s a really cute suit!
    I don’t know the last time I wore a bathing suit and I’m really not looking forward to thinking about it again.
    Tankinis are great, but it’s hard to find one to cover all the right places when you have a really long torso.
    Hi from NCLM!

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