Googly-Eyed

Lately I’ve been (what my husband has said “obsessively”) reading many other IF blogs. I completely blame Google Reader for it. And as Mel and Io have pointed out, it’s So. Damn. Addicting.

I find myself attracted to the fellow bloggers who, like me, are still childless. Specifically, those that have had “years” of experience in TTC and have either (recently) been successful in becoming pregnant, or have decided to forego any further IF treatment and chose to adopt or remain childless. I’m sure it’s because these are the fellow IF’ers that I can relate to the most, given my own experiences. But truly, I think it’s because these are the people that have seem to write about the same fears and hopes that I am feeling at this exact moment.

Not that any of the other IF blogs I’ve read don’t express the same fears and hopes as well. I guess it’s more because of where a person is at in their IF journey. For those that are “newer” to the IF roller coaster, there is still fear expressed in their writings … but, maybe it’s just me, but these posts seem to have more of a positive or hopeful outlook. I guess I’m just way too jaded and disappointed after all these years.

And for those IF’ers that have been successful in conceiving AND delivering a live healthy (or even not so healthy) baby … well, for lack of other words, they were able to do something that I haven’t been able to do. Ever. Not that a fellow IF’er can’t relate to or empathize with exactly what I’ve been through, it’s just that their posts will inevitably (and justifiably) become more about their child. And I should add here that yes, I am happy for them and I will continue to read their updates. However, I hope they might understand that it does become more difficult to relate to the change in their “no longer child-free” lifestyle.

I realize I’m beginning to sound horribly petty here. Especially since less than a year ago, I was complaining about how I couldn’t find anyone that might be going through something similar to what I was going through. I didn’t think that anyone could feel as “stuck” as I was in my IF journey, like I couldn’t take a step forward towards making my “Mommy Dreams” come true (whether through more ART procedures or through adoption). I’ve learned since then that, while they might not be going through the same exact thing that I was going through, there are other IF bloggers out there that share many of the same hopes and fears and habits (read: hiding underwear) as I do.

Really though … it doesn’t matter whether others are at the same point in their IF journey as I am … I just truly do enjoy reading about others’ experiences, hopes and fears. And I absolutely LOVE reading about other IF’ers thoughts and quirks about every day things. It honestly just makes me feel less of a truly crazed infertile “freak.”

So what’s the purpose of this post? Well … really, I guess there is none. Other than to wish that I might have found this type of support (and outlet for my IF frustrations) years ago … because maybe then I wouldn’t have felt so lonely for so long.

0 Replies to “Googly-Eyed”

  1. We’ve got to stick together!

    I hear what you’re saying about the Mom-omenon (uh, my lame attempt to merge mom and phenomenon), when all of a sudden it’s all baby puke and sunshine. While I do want a baby, I don’t want to go there. I respect gals like Nancy, who keep separate accounts of mom and IF life.

    I love reading others’ blogs because when do you ever get the privilege of hearing other women’s deeply private thoughts? About our fears and grief that have always been there, but were long relegated to silence and the periphery.

  2. Yes. For the longest time before going on online, I was convinced I was the only one who thought I was a “crazed infertile ‘freak.’ ” Much as I love the company, I wish the situation was different for all of us. Yours in being more jaded than I’d like.

  3. Isn’t it both wonderful and terrible all at the same time? (Hmm..that applies to both the Google reader and the IF blogging.)
    I think if anyone is going to understand your need to read and comment on certain people’s blogs and also your need to shy away from others, it’s IF bloggers.
    Gah, I have been so mushy and weepy lately.
    Oh, and I am totally unable to figure out how Janis Joplin and Mother Theresa are similar…

  4. i would not have survived IF without my fellow strugglers. no way. it’s weird that some of my closest friends are from the internet. i cry with them and think about you guys when i am driving. or working. or before an closing argument.
    and in a moment, of painful honestly, i wasn;t and am still not happy for someone who gets pregnant easily. period. i would never tell them and i fake it. and feel bad about that. but it is what it is.

  5. I agree, it’s most helpful to read about people in the most similar situations. I find myself leaning toward adoption blogs now, but I still have to check up on those that I’ve always read.

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