Dear Facebook Moms,
I apologize in advance for the snarkiness of this note. I’ll be honest with you and tell you that I’m currently going through one of overall emotional downslides right now.
Because really — truly — if you are my FB friend, I honestly like you.
What I mean is that I don’t randomly “friend” a person unless I have a legitimate connection to any of you. And I follow your status updates and photos and notes that you all post because I’m genuinely interested in your lives.
But today I have a beef. And I must emphasize that it’s the Infertile childless woman in me that is really upset.
You see, I love that I get to live vicariously through my FB Moms … love that I get to see pictures of the youngin’s in their various milestones in life. I absolutely love that I get to read about random stories that truly make me chuckle.
And when I start to see FB status that ask me to honor all those Mothers out there for the hard work they do every day, I don’t complain. Because I know from watching my own Mom how difficult it is. And I know from reading and hearing about your lives how much you all deserve recognition.
But people … Must I remind everyone that there’s a National Holiday out there that celebrates this? One that happens every single May? One that, year after year, reminds me that I’ll never be on the receiving end of such love and adoration?
Please don’t get me wrong … I’m not asking anyone not to be proud of who you are or what you have in life.
If anything, I’m just asking that you remember — in your quest to be recognized and acknowledged for all the little (and not so little) every day things you deal with … that there are women, like me (who have desperately wanted to become Moms), that will never be able to partake in this recognition.
And that, as a woman … there are few other things (outside of a stellar career or ground-breaking discoveries) that an every-day woman can be recognized for. That … despite the need to find an identity for yourself outside of being a Mom … that you do indeed have some sort of socially recognizable identity.
So please … On your quest to show pride for the wonderful Mother you’ve become … also remember those women who won’t be able share in your own experiences. And that there is an entire world out there of women (one in eight, to be precise) that are struggling to have even a sliver what you have … Women that struggle to find any kind of every-day identity.
Because I can’t speak for other Infertiles out there … but being a Mom had been an identity that I’ve always wanted to say I owned. One that, even after so many years of giving up my dream of Motherhood, I still mourn the loss of every day.
Thanks for … at the very least … reading.
And now I’ll head back to my regularly-scheduled, self-imposed seclusion. Better that I stay quiet and contained for now, lest I offend even more people … including myself.
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((((Hugs)))) Emily, I’m having the same kind of day…er…week. You didn’t offend me. You actually voiced what’s been on my mind for the past week.
I couldn’t have written this post better myself and felt exactly the same way when Iogged on today. Blech.
My thoughts exactly. I refrained from commenting on the “mommy week” posts that there is a day for this in May….even though I REALLY wanted to.
It’s mommy week? I haven’t logged onto facebook yet obviously. I always like to check my blog friends first!!!! 🙂 But really, I agree with you completely and well said.
Colleen
Sorry that you are having an emotionally downslide of a week. If there is anything i can do, please let me know! I’m even in Chicago this week (Hoffman Estates). Hugs Em.
So true. You expressed eacatly how i’m feeling. I’m sorry your not doing well emotionally. I’ve been feeling the same way. I don’t know where I belong anymore.
Wonderfully written – and I empathise with every word.
Sorry you are having an icky week.
You know, every so often, when I work an 80 hour week, so that the mum’s on my team can be home with their little ones, I want to scream. No one says that I”m amazing.
Yeah, late to the party as usual, but part of me always gets a little sad when I read the “I’M A MOM, repost this if you have an amazing daughter, blah, blah” updates, because OMG, yeah. Motherhood does not come easily for everyone. I fully admit that my status updates focus on my boys too often, but in doing so, I try to keep it light, recounting the stupid things that I (or they) do, but that’s mostly because making fun of myself is a bit of a hobby of mine… It also makes me sad when I see things like that because it makes me think that the person is a little desperate for acknowledgement, or that they have no identity other than that of “mommy”. Kinda like the vanity plate the other day that read “JADESMAMA”. I hope she only has one child or what must the other child think that they didn’t rate important enough for license plate billing… but still sad that this person would be so wrapped up in that one singular identity as to pay to have a license plate that advertized her ability to be a parent.
Sigh. I guess I’m just commenting to say, I hear you and I agree with you and I hope you will let me know if my updates on facebook ever get too offensive!
I’ve rediscovered your blog after a self-imposed hiatus of reading fertility related blogs and I have the same struggle, since I truly love most of my FB friends, there isn’t one single friend I don’t relate with in person.
I agree 100% with everything you said, well said, I wish the lense of sensitivity we’ve gained from infertility was the way everyone viewed all relationships!