Why am I doing this? I’m sitting here on a Thursday night (yes, I’m still a day ahead) watching Discovery Channel. Tonight’s show just happens to be about the birth and growth of a set of quadruplets.
Yes, I know. Why. Must I. Continue. To put myself. Through torture?
Except … well, except the nurse in me is fascinated with it. Particularly because this set of quads happens to actually be two sets of identical twins. Two boys and two girls. And seeing as I’ve always been fascinated with identical twins, I got sucked right in.
And yet I know … I just know I’m jumping into a dark tunnel. I know that I’m going to start reflecting on my situation. And I know that I’m going to start feeling sorry for myself.
So … I will let myself watch this program. I *will* satisfy the nurse in me that loves watching the whole “Nature vs. Nurture” unfold. And I will smile.
After that, I will turn off the TV and turn in for the night. Then I will slip into bed and maybe let a tear or two slip. And I will go to sleep knowing that tomorrow will be another day …
4 Replies to “Untied & Undone”
I torture myself with those kinds of programs as well. For a while, my torture-of-choice was the 16 and Pregnant series (oh, MAN, those kids were train-wrecks). There’s nothing to make an infertile more depressed than a bunch of arrogant, smart-mouthed little shits getting accidentally knocked up, and being all flippant about how easy it’s going to be. Screw that.
Though it doesn’t end when you’re pregnant. Now, I just torture myself with “Oh, GOD, I lost my baby at 20 weeks, and now, my next pregnancy is going into labor early…”, etc., kind of programming…
Think of the program as a challenge to be overcome…I used to spend all my time avoiding such fare but now when I come across such programs/articles, I watch/review/use them to measure how far I’ve come in my own personal acceptance/growth.
Wishing you peace and strength as you confront the thorny questions such material raises…
I’ve always been fascinated by multiples, too (long before IF). Still am. My sister & I always used to get mistaken for twins, even though we’re 21 months apart.
Tomorrow IS another day. (((hugs)))
Yeah I watch those programs too. In my next life I’m going to be a doctor – that stuff fascinates me even more so after going through infertility.