Wasting Grey Matter

So it’s yet another grey rainy day here in Suburban Detroit … fitting for Mother’s Day, if you ask me. Hubby & I have found our way to our favorite coffee house where we can finally read the paper and relax as we want. And yes … I managed to make my way through Mother’s Day lunch with the families without having to make a “trip” to the restroom to cry in private. Although … I do confess, I wanted to whack the hostess who wished me a “Happy Mother’s Day” and tried to shove a rose in my hand, even after I told her that I was not a mother. Grrr …

Anyway, since it’s a grey day, I figured it would be a great day to finally waste a little grey matter on answering a meme that Io sent to me earlier this past week. So here goes …

4 Things I Did Ten Years Ago (1998):

• Had surgery to correct a herniated disc in my lower back after a patient fell on me. That would signal the end of my “Floor Nurse” career and would eventually end up working for the hospital’s Case Management Department … signaling the beginning of my second career in Nursing Case Management … Or “Skirt Nursing,” as one of the ICU nurses referred to my job … meaning I don’t have to get my hands all dirty and in to every aspect of direct patient care. Well, I certaining DO get my hands dirty … it’s just a different kind of dirt.

• Watched the Red Wings win the second of two consecutive Stanley Cup Championships and made it a point to call in sick at work just so I could go to the Championship Parade in Downtown Detroit. Tried to make sure that no news cameras were around us either! LOL!

• Helped my SIL and our nephew (who was 2 and a half at that time) move in to our house after Tyler’s dipsh*t dad decided he wanted to get a divorce. They lived with us for just under a year while my SIL finished up getting her Bachelors. It was good thing to have them there with us, as we totally adored and loved Tyler (and still do!) and wanted to make sure he had some sort of stability while going through such a difficult transition. The only downside to it all was that Bobby & I were just starting to really focus on our marriage and starting our family … which made it just a little hard and frustrating when having other people living with us. In other words, not enough private time for some spontaneous nookie.

• In May, I had my yearly GYN appointment and finally told my Doc that I was having issues with trying to get pregnant. No blood tests were ordered at that time, which should have been my first clue. Was told to take my temp every morning and chart and if I wasn’t pregnant in 6 months, to make an appointment. In October, I started the first of many Clomid challenges (because obviously I wasn’t pregnant by then). I was optimistic at that time, thinking that I’d only have to do a few months of this and I’d be on my way to starting my happy family. How I wish I could go back and change things …

4 Things I Did Five Years Ago (2003):

• The first half of the year found me heading back and forth to the first of two RE’s I’ve been to. I’d spend the first two weeks of my cycles constantly at his office having blood sucked out of me. And another week of poking myself in my belly or thigh. And then waiting two weeks only to be utterly devastated and disappointed with the BFN (that would be “big fat negative” as in pregnancy test, for those that aren’t well-versed in IF-speak) which ultimately followed.

• At the same time, I was working in leadership for the same company that I work for now. I supervised about 10 RN’s and had overall an excellent group of nurses that all worked together seamlessly. I couldn’t have asked for a better team to supervisor. And then … we (as in the other supervisor I worked closely with) made the mistake of hiring a person who just couldn’t get the hang of the job nor could she get the hang of working with a computer. I remember thinking … “For f*ck’s sake! It’s the 21st century! Somewhere down the line you must have at least worked on a typewriter or even a computer in the hospital!!” So … unfortunately, I had to let her go. It wasn’t the most pleasant feeling in the world, knowing that I was the one responsible for making her unemployed. Now … imagine having to try to train this person and ultimately having to let her go while going through stim cycles. Yeah … definitely NOT pleasant.

• In July, I turned 31. While it’s not a milestone birthday to mark, I clearly remember this one because it’s when I decided to finally take a break from IF treatments. That weekend, we headed up to Toronto to attend, of all things, the baby shower of my husband’s cousin … whom BP (that would be “Before Pregnancy”) I felt very close to. I can clearly remember the drive up, feeling very dejected and when I think of it now, seriously depressed to the point where I couldn’t find the will to live. And I can also remember how difficult it was to hear Hubby’s extended family (whom I otherwise love dearly) sing me “Happy Birthday” when frankly, all I wanted to do was crawl up into a corner and wither away. Yeah. That bad. And the Monday after we got home from Toronto, I sought professional help and Hubby & I decided not to think about what our next step should be until the end of summer.

• And so that next step was taken in October, when Hubby & I were referred to another RE. This is the one that ultimately diagnosed me with mild PCOS and started me on Metformin. And eventually was the one who did my one and only IVF cycle. I truly liked this RE; and if we had decided to do another IVF cycle, I would have stayed with him. … So overall, I’d have to say that 2003 totally sucked …

4 Things I Did Yesterday:

• Woke up. D*mn … that was a miracle, considering how hellish my work week was. Let’s put it this way, last Friday I was so upset that if anyone would have asked me how I was, I would have burst in to tears. You know that feeling of wanting and knowing that you’re doing the right thing, but yet you feel like at every turn you’re hitting your head up against a bric.k wa.ll? Yeah … that’s exactly how I felt. But then I thought about the whole “Bric.k Wa.ll” analogy by Ra.ndy Pa.usch and contemplated exactly how I was going to climb over this obstacle. Still contemplating …

• Took Hubby to dentist appointment and while he was there, ran to two different banks and the pharmacy to pick up a couple of our prescriptions.

• Headed to the local mall to buy … da da da dum … Mother’s Day gifts for our Moms. And of course, Hubby’s sister (Tyler’s mom); but THAT gift was really from our “furbabies” to their “Auntie J” By the way … Does anybody find it strange that the majority of Sister-to-Sister Mother’s Day cards are more like “Sister with Kids” -to- “Another Sister with Kids” cards?! Yeah … personally I find that annoying. And yet another reason for an infertile to find fault with this holiday.

• Finished writing the post I started Friday night about the happenstances at the Resolve meeting AND also wrote my Mother’s Day “Woe-is-me” post. Except when I went to try to post both of them … W.ordpress decided to do some server maintenance. Dang-nabbit!

4 Shows I Love To Watch:
Okay, I confess that I do watch a lot of television during the fall and winter season. But if I had to pick my Top 4 from after the Writers’ Strike, they would have to be …

• “Dancing with the Stars” … Yeah, I know … but hey, at least it’s not all a popularity contest like, let’s say … Am.erican I.dol

• “Project Runway” … Yep, in this reality show, these contestants actually have to show talent and are actually being judged by professionals in the business. Definitely not a popularity contest here!

• “Grey’s Anatomy” … Uh huh. I know. Not as good as when it first came on air. But definitely not as bad as it was just before the strike. Ugh … totally hated the whole George and Izzie plot.

• “Smallville” … The comic book, super hero-loving geek in me is definitely something that I picked up from all the years of being with my Husband. (Okay, so maybe it started earlier, while watching the “Superfriends” cartoon every Saturday morning.) So watching a show that follows the story of Superman before he actually becomes Superman is definitely something I enjoy. Plus, seeing Tom Welling on my TV every week isn’t such a bad thing either …

4 Things I Love To Do:

• Write. Ever since I started regularly posting to my blog, I’ve found myself mentally composing thoughts in my head. Not all of them make it to my computer screen, but many times they end up fermenting in my brain for a few days or weeks before they come out in some sort of manner. Besides, keeping up on this has kept me from bottling up my emotions like I used to. So. F*cking. Therapeutic.

• Take random pictures. Last year for “Motherless Day” (that’s the day before Mother’s Day, at least that’s what I’ve named it), Hubby got me a newer, sleeker, easier to work digital cam that I have taken to keeping in my purse at all times. I never know when I will come across something that I might perceive as unique. Or cool. Or beautiful. And now that W.ordpress has a new template design for photoblogging, I’ve started yet another blog.

• Hanging out at our local coffee house. This gives me a chance to collect my thoughts and get them down on “My Lappie” (nickname for my beautiful MacBook). I get waaay too distracted when I’m at home, so sitting here and taking in the people and atmosphere gets my creative juices flowing.

• Read, Sleep, and Eat. In no particular order, I’ve condensed Io’s top three into my last thing that I love to do. (Is that cheating?) Because seriously, without them I am totally not able to do the other three things above.

Alrighty then. I think I’ve wasted enough brain power for the afternoon. Well, actually now it’s early evening … and it’s still raining. Yuck.

Hmm … who to tag, who to tag. I think this time around I’ll ask Sheils and Hope548 to to this next!