Is it strange that I find the whole “Eggs-In-One-Basket” idiom rather humorous, given the whole infertility situation? I mean, seriously. I think, and correct me if I’m wrong here, that most women going through infertility have this tendency to literally put all their eggs in a “basket”. We have to find a way to put our “trusty” (or not so trusty) eggs in front of the male counterpart in order to procreate. But we all know that’s not as easy as it seems. Hubby & I have been trying for ten-plus years and it’s pretty evident that I haven’t replaced the basket with a bassinet.
So where am I going with this post?
Hubby & I had an interesting conversation about personality traits a little over a month ago. We happened to be discussing international vs. domestic adoption and I happened to bring up some worries I had about domestic adoption. It was about how I was afraid that perhaps we wouldn’t be readily chosen by a birth mother as I couldn’t think of one instance where a couple who are both of Asian-descent were able to adopt domestically. (Okay, seriously. That’s a valid fear, isn’t it?! Help … I need some reassurance that I’m not being silly in thinking this.) Then I doubled back and said, “I know, I’m just being pessimistic again.”
Hubby responded saying that I wasn’t necessarily a pessimistic person. Rather I was a “put all your eggs in one basket“-type of person. In other words, when I have this idea in my mind … I go at it at full-force, no turning back.
And when I look back at my life, I can’t say that Hubby’s assessment of me is completely wrong. I used to think I was a pretty laid back person, who would exhibit a few Type-A personality traits given certain situations (school or work projects, etc). But I think that by getting on the infertility roller coaster, I became more of that person that Hubby described.
To tell you the truth, I don’t think I could have avoided becoming that type of person who places all my hopes and fears on a single idea or plan. In this case, it’s in starting our family and raising children. How could I not be this way, given the monthly reminder and disappointment of yet another failed cycle? Now, others not going through infertility issues might respond to that by saying, “Well then, don’t get your hopes up too high.”
In which I’d respond back to that by saying, “Would you tell a someone who has been diagnosed with cancer that?” It’s not that simple. That is, not getting my hopes up. Or in this case, not placing all my eggs in a basket for whatever my next plan of action is. It’s a way to pick myself up after each disappointment … a way to move on.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, placing all my fears in one single plan or idea can be debilitating. And I know that’s the part that my Hubby was getting at during that conversation. If I kept thinking that the idea of domestic adoption was not going to work, then I wasn’t going to even TRY to make it work.
What I need to do is somehow find a way to find a bit of balance in my thinking. Find a way to be optimistic, yet cautious. Find a way to be hopeful, yet guarded. Find a way to put some eggs in the basket, and leave some eggs to grow so that other plans or ideas might hatch at a later date.
Now, why am I suddenly craving Cracker Barrel breakfast?