Category: Observe & Report

Posted on

Wanted: An Old Skool Spring Break

Wow. It’s bee-yooo-teee-ful outside here in Chicago. It’s a nice 68 degrees outside and sunny. But the best part is that tomorrow it’s supposed to reach the low 70’s!

Unfortunately, I’ll be stuck behind my desk at work for most of the day. Boo.

At least I was able to enjoy today; as I worked from home. How enjoyable is it to be able to take a mid-morning break to walk our doggie? And I just love not having to wake up any earlier to get ready for work on these days, when all  I have to do is roll out of bed, stumble to my trusty laptop and sign into the office. Oh how I wish I could do this more than once a month!

Today being the Wednesday before the Easter, I’ve noticed a lot more students out and about enjoying the nice weather. Which makes me believe that these kids are all on some sort of Spring break or semester break of sorts.

Jealous!!

Makes me wish I could be back at school just so I can have those extra days off. And it’s not just because you automatically get those days off … it’s more that when you’re off at that time, your entire “business as usual” routine stops. There’s no other person that you’re responsible for when you’re off. There’s no other person relying on you to make sure things are in order for him/her when you’re gone for the week. And most of all, there’s no pile of work waiting for you when you return from that time off.

Now, scheduling a vacation … even just between Hubby & I is a pain in the neck. After all, last time we went away (to Vegas, baby) … and even though people knew we would be gone, chaos still ensued which ultimately ended up with Hubby having to deal with work-related things. While on vacation.

Blech. When did we become so responsible?

But speaking of vacation … I know that I’m ripe for another one sometime soon. Maybe it’s the fatigue I’ve been dealing with. Or maybe it’s the feeling of being overworked that has me feeling like this. Either way, I think it’s time some quality Mr. & Mrs. ApronStrings time.

Unfortunately … and this goes back to the whole scheduling a vacation thing … that probably won’t be until August; when we’re scheduled to go on an Alaskan cruise out of Seattle with my parents.**

Oh, I take that back. It’ll be in July to Toronto for Hubby’s cousin’s wedding. But even then, it’ll only be for a long weekend.

Anyhoo … I wish that my numbers would come up in the MegaMillions lottery. That way I can go on vacation and travel more often!

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~

Whew. I did it. I blogged for two straight months … IN A ROW!

And thanks to NaBloPoMo … I get this lucky badge to add to my awards and such. Woo-hoo!

But hold on to you’re seats, kiddo. I still have 5 mores left of posting daily to fulfill that Lenten promise. So without further ado:

Random Act of Kindness Today: Sunday it was my kitty, Rain that needed all the attention. Today (and in most days that I work from home), it was my other kitty, Yami. So … before taking our Kozzy-girl out for that mid-morning walk, I let Yami snuggle on my lap and paw away at my computer for a bit until she got fed up with me trying to take a picture of her on the PhotoBooth application on my laptop. She’s just too adorable to resist … but when ya gotta work … 🙂

Grateful Thought Today: Work-From-Home Days … for all the reasons I listed above. Plus … the fact that I tend to concentrate better on reports and projects without the constant interruptions and meetings. Somedays it can be a challenge (read: still get interrupted by emails and phone calls and IM’s), but it’s worth it just to be able to sleep a tad longer.

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~

** Thank G*D for my parents love of traveling … if it wasn’t for them, I don’t think Hubby & I would have the gumption to plan something on our own. But really … it would be nice to have a quick getaway with just Hubby & me; to recharge our batteries.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]
Posted on

Effed-Up Signals

I’ve gone and done it. Finally.

That’s right, peeps. Stubborn Emily finally broke down and saw her primary doc today. Not for just the common cold or flu bug; no … I saw her because I’ve been feeling craptastic for the past five months or so. Specifically, I’ve been feeling fatigued.

Now, normally I’d chalk it up to stress and anxiety. After all, my current career path has certainly given me enough gastric reflux. And well, i fully admit that I’m prone to over-analyze and freak myself out over things I can’t control.

But this fatigue is just downright … exhausting; for lack of better words.

I mean, I can’t even wake up from my alarm clock until close to an hour afer it went off!

And even though I want to blame it on the fact that I just can’t stay asleep, I don’t think that’s the case. Because when I do have the ability to stay asleep and/or sleep in, I still wake up with the same fatigue.

This is what makes me think it has something to do with my body. And specifically with my endocrine system; my metabolic system. And given that I have a history of PCOS also which affects my pituitary, I’m thinking that this could be closely related to my body’s ability to produce adequate thyroid hormones. Which could consequently cause hypothyroidism.

Without going too much into pathophysiology, if the thyroid doesn’t produce enough thyroid hormones (T3 and T4) which help to control a person’s metabolism, then the pituitary sends signals to the adrenal glands to produce TSH; a hormone that “stimulates” the thyroid to make more T3 and T4.

How do I associate PCOS with hypothyroidism? Well, it has to do with the pituitary gland. In a woman’s reproductive cycle, the pituitary gland is responsible for producing the Lutenizing Hormone (LH), which sends a signal to the ovaries to mature and release an egg to be fertilized. In PCOS, the pituitary gland gets its signals mixed up and secretes too much LH. Which can, in turn cause the ovaries to secrete more than usual amounts of testosterone in a woman’s body … which then can create a situation of the inability to have regular menstrual cycles. In addition, the higher amounts of LH can also cause a lack of ovulation on the ovaries’ part. In turn, the pituitary gland continues to secrete LH, thinking that the ovaries still haven’t “done their job.”

SO … Because of how the pituitary relates to my PCOS, I’m also wondering if it has a part in the fatigue I’ve been feeling; which is one of the big symptoms of hypothyroidism. Perhaps my pitiuary is also getting its signals crossed with the secretion of TSH for my thyroid as well as with LH for my ovaries.

Which brings me to the reason why I went to my Doc. I told her about my fatigue and my concerns about my PCOS possibly contibuting to it … And, as expected, she ordered the specific lab tests to see if my T3/T4 and TSH are out of whack. She ALSO gave me a prescription for a sleeping pill; as she seems to think may also be contributing to my fatigue. <– Hmmph!

So we’ll see … and if I am right about having hypothyroidism, this may ALSO explain the ridges on my finger nails and the increased loss of hair I’ve recently been experiencing.

If not, then I guess my fatigue has nothing to do with my metabolism. Which would mean that I’m just a lazy-a$$ person who just doesn’t want to do anything more but work and sleep.

I hope I’m right about the hypothyroidism …

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~

Six more days! Until then, here’s my Daily Lenten exercise:

Good Deed Du jour: I actually “made” someone’s day today. At least that’s what the lab tech told me when I complimented her on a pain-free poke to my arm when she drew my blood. Apparently the previous patients were not happy with her technique. So when I told her that I’d been poked enough times during my active (but failed) baby-making yearsand that she was supberb … Well, I made her day!

Grateful Thought Du jour: Health Insurance. Glad I currently have it; glad that the rest of the country will, too.

Posted on

Voices Emily

I’ve made no bones that, at one time in my life I wanted to be a rock star. I wanted to sing in front of adoring fans and raise the roof with some kick-a$$ songs that I wrote myself. Never mind that I was just a mediocre musician. And never mind that I never have an incredibly strong voice. I mean really … I never did make the actual Show Choir in High School; the same Show Choir that would go on to compete and  perform in other settings (a-la Glee).

My Cousins & I being "Gleeks"

Regardless, I just wanted to BE something important; to display some incredible talent and to feel some pride in myself. I wanted show that I had enough confidence in myself because confidence was something I’ve struggled with my entire life.

Well, not my entire life. Just from Eighth Grade on, when upon leading up to graduation from middle school, I was voted “Most Arrogant.” Which then resulted in me being ousted from my usual group of classmates; especially  during our class trip to Toronto where I got stuck rooming with one of the school teachers and the other “bad girls” of our class.

Anyway, my point in bringing that up is to show how one bad incident in a person’s life can affect his or her outlook in life; his or her confidence in what may be considered talent or skill.

Hubby rockin' out on Rockband

Last week I’ve start getting back into American Idol. I usually like watching the first few weeks with all the auditions just so I can get a good laugh at some of the contestants (“Pants on the ground,” anyone?). Then I usually opt out of Hollywood Week and the first few live weeks; aiming to pick it back up around the Top 12 or so. And I think I do that because by then, most of the contestant’s real personalities start to show off in their performance; they’re more comfortable in the skin that they’re in. In short, they start to have much more confidence in themselves.

The reason I brought up American Idol in relationship to confidence is because some of the comments that Simon, Randy and the other judges make in response to some of the contestants’ performances. Many times I’ve heard them say that singers need to find themselves in the song choices they make; they need to make the song their own. And while I sometimes think they try to pigeonhole a few contestants into a certain genre, I do feel that the judges do that in their best interest; to help the contestants focus on what the judges feel is their strength.

As I’ve mentioned in the past, my parents had a very early version of a karaoke machine; a dual tapedeck and 8-track player that could record your voice singing to an instrumental version of any song in your karaoke tape library. (What can I say? It was the early 80’s … CD’s and digital technology wasn’t consumer-friendly at the time.) So yeah, I’ve got a few tapes downstairs in my parents’ basement with my voice one them.

More Rockband with Hubby's Cousins

But the thing about these recordings is that my voice always tried to sound like the artist that originally recorded the song. Whether it was a breathy version of “Like a Virgin” or a nasally version “Do You Really Wanna Hurt Me?” I never truly discovered my own voice.

As I continue to find my new reality in a Child-free world, I’m finding that I’m beginning to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I find that, although I’m not always the most well-liked person out there … don’t always hold the same popular opinion that other people have … I’m quite okay with it; comfortable enough that I don’t always feel like I need to be “right” or prove someone “wrong.”

Oh, believe me … most days I still find myself “left out” of the Mommyhood Club, seeing that I’m part of that 10% of the population that bite the infertility statistical bullet. There are more days than none where I feel the losses more than I count my blessings … but those “off days” seem to happen less frequently.

And, unlike the awkward 13-year old eighth-grader who felt incredibly shunned by her classmates, I’m no longer afraid of showing a little pride in myself; a little more confidence on who I really am … regardless of whether I’m a mom or not.

Ironically? This year … the year I’ve finally accepted myself and my body for what it is? Well, it’s the same year that I’ve managed to stop trying to sing like Madonna; the year that I’ve finally found my own voice.

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~

Annnnddd … it’s Finnish today; for my Daily Lenten exercise:

Tyler also "Rocks Out"!

Hyvän teon tänään: Once again, I managed to find another stray dollar bill laying around. This time it was in a typically busy hallway at work. And of course when I found it, the entire hallway was empty. So once again, I made a donation to my co-worker’s favorite homeless guy. Funny thing was, when I found it I was on the phone with Hubby. And his comment was, “Wow; if you kept all the dollar bills you’ve found recently, you’d have a nice little pot.” Of which I quickly replied, “No way … I’d rather have my good deed return to me in spades!” Hey, my philosophy has always been “What goes around, comes around”!

Tunne kiitollisuutta päivä: I am so grateful to have the staff of RN Case Managers that I do. Even though they challenge me every day … today, especially as I rolled out their performance goals for the year … they’ve always showed appreciation to me for giving them the opportunity to express their opinions. Hey, I figure that I’d rather hear the complaints directly in front of me than behind my back!!

Okay, that’s all for now. G’night once again!

Posted on

Mish Mosh

I think I’ve hit the proverbial “brick wall” with my daily blog entries. I’m just not at all feeling creative these days and I’m sure it has to do with the fact that I’m just 15 days away from finishing up the promise I made to myself to post daily until the Monday after Easter.

Yeah, I’ve got me some writer’s block going on.

Oh, not that I don’t have things to say (when don’t I?), I think I’m at that state where I know I’m in the last stretch before the home front. And if I. Can. Just. Push myself. A little further …

Today was laundry day. And at the cafe next to the laundromat, there happened to be this sign –>

How can you not laugh after seeing that? Especially now that I’m imagining a future bowl of soup take off on me in the midst of consuming it so it can save the world.

Afterward, it was back to the local coffee house so that Hubby can continue to do some more work without the distractions of the TV at home. Nope … instead we were distracted by looking up scores for the NCAA March Madness Tourney.

Of which, this is the first year I’ve ever did a set of brackets. While I’ve known I’m a sports fan(atic) for a while, I’ve never been too much of a college basketball lover. (Hubby blames it on the demise of Michigan’s Fab Five.) And I could never understand how people could become so distracted on those Thursdays and Fridays of the NCAA tournament. Until now. D*mnit.

Oh, and I just have to send a quick shout-out to my alma mater, Oakland University that did make the tournament this year. Unfortunately they lost in the first round. But that’s more I can say about Hubby’s alma mater. 😛

One more piece of babble before I sign off for the night. And I have to mention it only because it is a rather historic day in Washington DC. I think any American would’ve had to be living under a rock these past couple years not to know what I’m talking about.

Hubby "rockin' it" at the local *Bucks

Yes, I can’t believe that today will be the House vote on whether or not to pass the Health Care Reform bill. And seeing that the key Democratic  hold-out amended his decision based on a last-minute Executive Order from Obama, it’s sounding more and more like this Health Care Reform bill will be signed into legislation by the end of tonight or in the early morning hours.

As a professional clinician in the Health Care arena … let alone one that specifically works for a health insurance company, I’m honestly a little nervous about what this will mean for the landscape of my imminent future. While I will be incredibly relieved that this version of Health Care Reform means that everyone has access to quality health care (because regardless of whether a person is poor or rich, we should all have the basic human right of receiving appropriate care), I’m a little worried of the reality on how this will all be funded.

Again, not saying that I disagree with the concept that every living being should be able to have access to the basic human right of quality health care … I’m just simply stating that if Health Care costs continue to rise at the rate that they do, how will even the federal government pay for it?

My Mom made the comment this afternoon as a spoke with her that it’s because of rise in Health Insurance premiums that have forced those previously opposed to the bill change their mind. She specifically pointed to my employer ( … you know, the one who pays my bills?) as an example.

WTF?! This is Suburban Chi-Town's version of the Leaning Tower

However, what she failed to see (and what most people also fail to realize) is that the raise in premiums is due to the rise in overall health care costs. And rise in overall health care costs is a combination of multiple factors. One which can specifically be directed towards those pharmaceutical companies and high technology companies that produce those multi-million dollar machines that can diagnose cancer just by standing next to it.

I’m kidding, of course. There is no such instrument. But the truth is, it’s these companies that charge US the consumers millions of billions of dollars in order to turn a healthy profit on their end. And when I talk about “consumers,” I mean any person that seeks health care services, the facilities that prescribe these drugs or purchase these instruments, and the health insurance companies.

Where else would these pharmaceutical companies get the money to advertise their medications (A$$-effects anyone?) And how else would they continue to make the profits by keeping the patents to these medications for years and years (and years), and charge hundreds of dollars for their “Brand Name” drug when it could be made more readily available for generic distribution (and therefore cheaper to the consumers)?

So yes, this is more the reason I’m concerned about the current Health Reform bill. Because, quite frankly, it really doesn’t discuss any reform when it comes to health care spending.

Another Random Chicago Pic

And maybe it’s because I’ve seen both sides of the equation … both as a Registered Nurse working in the hospital and as a RN Case Manager working for the health insurance company …  trying to assist with finding resources for those un(der)insured patients in order for them to be safely discharged home, that I absolutely know Health Care Reform is needed.

I just hope that somehow with the passing of this bill, that these other issues will also be addressed. Especially now that those “bills” (as in the bills that typically get sent to the individual who received services and/or the health insurance company, if they have any) would be the responsibility of our government.

Whew. Okay … this was a much longer post that I anticipated. But hey … perhaps this means I’ve plowed through that brick wall?!

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~

In German today, here’s my Daily Lenten exercise.

Eine gute Tat des Tages: Uhm … I’m honestly not quite sure I did a Good Deed today. At least not yet. I guess I’ll have to do something before the day is officially over. Hmmm … perhaps walk our Kozzy-girl when we get home? So Hubby can continue to work? Yeah. Think I’ll do that.

Gefühle der Dankbarkeit für den Tag: Well, today I’m grateful for Hubby who did a stellar job in helping out with the laundry today. Especially since I’m not feeling a 100% today. I’m all achey and clammy. Uh-oh. 🙁

Okay y’all. Time to sign off for now. Until tomorrow …

Posted on

Triple the Thanks

“They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world; someone to love, something to do, and something to be hopeful for.”  — Tom Bodett

~~*~*~*~*~*~~

Happy St. Paddy’s Day to all you Laddies and Lassies … Well what’s left of it anyway.

Oh yeah, a Detroit Original ... *finally* in Chicago!

But more important (at least to me), Happy Blog O’Versary to me!!

Yeah, I’m lame; but I just had to add a bit o’ Irish to it, seeing as I started this blog three years ago to the day.

After my first Meetup last night, I was so exhausted. Not that going to the event was so stressful … It’s just that it had been a reaaallly long day, and the last thing I felt like doing was writing a blog entry. Yet I persisted. After all, I made that lofty promise both here and with NaBloPoMo. (D*mn you, the overachiever in me!)

~~*~*~*~*~*~~

This week I’ve been trying to have One-on-One meetings with my staff. It’s something that I’ve learned from my previous stint as a supervisor that has proven to beneficial with getting to understand my team.  While meetings are a great way for a message to be delivered in a manner where everyone hears it at the same time, One-on-One meetings provide a person to be heard and recognized individually. And since many days I’m too busy running from meetings to meetings of my own instead of being readily available to them, I’ve made it a point to allot a block of time on my schedule just to spend quality mentoring time together.

On the drive to the West Loop yesterday.

The thing is, I now have a staff of 12 people; 10 of them that are Nurse Case Managers (CM). With six CMs, carrying out One-on-One’s are quite a chore. Adding the additional four new CMs to the list? Well, it’s simply exhausting … even if I broke them up over the past three days. But the upswing to them is that I’ve really gotten to know these four new hires.

Two of the new CMs are younger in age** in comparison to the rest of my staff. Not that the rest of my staff are years and years older than them. But with these young newbies come a fresher, more enthusiastic attitude than the more established CMs.

Then there’s the older, more experienced new hire. She has years of knowledge in Case Management and resources up the wazoo. After spending time with her today, I realize that she is definitely one (of the very few) staff members than can understand the intellect behind some of the business decisions in our department.*** And, trust me … I truly appreciate that!

Anyway, this older new hire is currently going through Empty Nest syndrome. With her only daughter now in college and no spouse in the picture, she confessed that she had been going through a difficult time. For the past 18-plus years, her life was centered on her child’s life, and now she’s not exactly sure what her next step will be.

We stumbled on THIS while trying to find parking ...

Reflecting on that conversation had me contemplating about my struggles with my infertility “next steps.” For so long, my life was centered on getting pregnant and starting our family. After the failed IVF attempt, Hubby & I went on a long sabbatical on actively TTC (trying to conceive) to decide what our next step would be. Should we try another round of IVF? Or should we look at adoption? And even if we finally came to a decision, could we even afford either option? But after a multi-year sabbatical, entwined with several pregnancies in our families alone, we finally decided to go down the Childfree Living path.

While doing this, I realized that “Empty Nesting” is similar to an infertile who finally sets free that dream of having a family. Suddenly there’s no purpose in life and there’s a struggle to find out what to do next. And the childless couple as well as the Empty Nester both share the same thought process; both begin to think, “Our lives no longer revolve around a child anymore.”

It’s just that an infertile’s “child” is merely a dream.

~~*~*~*~*~*~~

One last bit about my Blog O’Versary … Thank you for all those readers and commenters out there; both faithful and new. Knowing that my voice is heard in some manner or another means that I am leaving a legacy behind … even if it’s a “virtual” legacy.

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~

We were told it's a large toy storage facility!

Oops. Almost forgot about my Daily Lenten practice. But really, this shouldn’t be too hard today.

Daily Good Deed: I think that today, my daily good deed happens to be setting the time aside to spend with my staff. As much as these One-on-One meetings take up a big chunk of my schedule when I could spend it working on those projects and reports I’ve been assigned to, I believe that this is one of those value-added tasks that allow me to see the bigger picture of my staff.

Daily Gratitude: It’s all about you readers today. Again … thanks for your love and support.

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~

** Which sometimes makes me feel so old as their supervisor … especially since I’ve always been the youngest CM/Superivsor on the block. And here I am hiring younger staff than me … eesh!

*** Here’s an example of what I mean. I know that most people are resistant to change, and I expect that. When enhancing and streamlining a piece of our established CM process, most of my established CMs will voice concerns that we’re adding an “extra” piece of work for us to do. While they may see it as non-value added step (despite given a logical explanation), this older CM actually sees it as another piece of the puzzle to a) understand the member and b) a way to “justify” our jobs.