Category: Recess

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The List

Dr. Bro & Me in the Late 70's

I have this habit of making lists. Maybe it’s the John-Cusack-character-from-“High Fidelity” in me, but I just like trying to mentally put things in order.

Now, these types of lists aren’t your typical “grocery” or “To Do” lists … these are the type of lists where I can grab information from various sources and disseminate them into some sort of order.

For instance, I can take all the concerts I’ve been to in my life (too many to count) and come up with the top 5 concerts I’ve been to thus far. (INXS 1986, Depeche Mode 1988, Sisters of Mercy 1991, Underworld, and the Pixies 2004).

Or I can take a project I’m working on and come up with a fact-driven list of pros and cons to making a change to a particular work process. Either way, making these lists helps me organize my thoughts into some functioning and working order.

Yeah. I’m that much of an uber-geek.

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Dr. Bro & Me in the early 80's with Muffin

Last night, I received some incredible news. One that I’m – without a doubt – very excited about.

Last night I received the news that Dr. Bro and Dr. SIL are expecting.

I’ve honestly been anticipating this news for quite some time now; as Dr. SIL and I have had conversations about this same topic in the recent past. And, genuinely couldn’t be more than ecstatic for the two of them.

As I spoke with Dr. Bro on the phone last night, he oh-so-gently asked me if I was okay with this. Especially since he has been known to read my blog, and may have some idea of the subsequent reactions I’ve had with previous pregnancy announcements and birth.

Dr. Bro & Me on my Wedding Day, 1996

Without hesitation, I answered that I was perfectly okay with the news. But I also cautioned him that there may be days where I might be more snarky than usual. And if I was … then he should know that it is in no way directed at either him or Dr. SIL. I also told him that if I got too much, both of them had every right to smack me upside my head.

After hanging up with Dr. Bro, I sat quietly and let the news sink in … which, as any infertile should know, is never a good thing. As all these thoughts and emotions came at me fast and furiously, I found myself writing them down.

When I was done, I discovered that I unconsciously wrote down one of my “fact-based” lists. Except it wasn’t a “Top 5” list; nor was it a “Pro/Con” list. No … this list had me separating my negative emotions/thoughts about Dr. Bro’s recent announcement from the positive ones. And afterward, I put this list away hoping to revisit it again this morning with a clear head.

So this morning, I re-read my list. And what I found from my list was that I had more “positive” emotions than “negative.” I had more reasons to be “happy” and “excited” about this pregnancy than I had reasons to be sad.

Dr. Bro & Me on his Wedding Day, 2006

While this might not seem much to someone who has never experienced infertility … this was a major breakthrough for me. Because for once in my infertile life, I somehow know I’ll be able to survive this pregnancy (and hopefully with my dignity still intact afterward). Seeing my fact -based list will help me through this time.

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So … what did my list look like? What thoughts ran through my head after finding out about Dr. Bro and Dr. SIL pregnancy? Well, in case you were interested …

Negative:

  • Yet another pregnancy that I’ll never experience.
  • When my Dad goes to the Philippines, he’ll be “rightfully” bragging about it. Which will inevitably bring up the question about whether Hubby & I have any children.
  • There will be moments where I’ll unexpectedly feel blue. Or empty.
  • This will be a gift to my parents that I’ll never be able to give.
I've never seen my brother SO happy than on his Wedding Day

Positive:

  • I’m actually going to be related by blood to this child.
  • Although I’ve been “Auntie Em” to Hubby’s nephews and niece … I’m officially going to be “Auntie Em” to this child.
  • Part of my genetic makeup, even though it’s not my DNA, will be passed on to this child.
  • I’ll finally get to see some of that “Nature vs. Nurture” from my side of the family.
  • I’m in a much better frame of mind (not to mention acceptance ) in where I’m at in my Infertility Journey than I was back at the end of 2008.
  • Although I feel “close” to Dr. SIL, we’re not as close – nor do we have years and years of history – as Hubby’s sister and I do.
  • After all is said and done, the fact of the matter is that Hubby & I have our own future to look forward to.
  • My parents will finally get to be grandparents.

So, Dr. Bro and Dr. SIL – if you’re reading this – just know that I cannot wait to be this child’s “Favorite Aunt” … well, at least from Dr. Bro’s side of the family!

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How I Spent Mother’s Day

In years past, Mother’s Day would have been a difficult day. Yesterday was less difficult than the previous years; less traumatic.

I contribute it to the fact that Hubby & I weren’t physically “in town” to celebrate Mother’s Day with our respective Moms and his sister. Not that I didn’t like going out, typically for brunch, every second Sunday in May … it’s just that the day has always been a painful reminder of what I’ve never achieved in life.

I mean seriously; even at Mass. Any Catholic Church I had ever gone to on Mother’s Day always always always have all the mothers and pregnant woman stand up before the closing prayer to pray over them. And every year, I would glance around the church to see which women remained seated like me.

Don’t get me wrong … such a prayer is much deserved for all the under-appreciated hard work and unconditional love that a Mom provides to their children. But for every year that I was not “included” in these prayers, the less I felt “connected” to those women who would stand proudly as they received these blessing. The less I felt as if I were a part of that “sisterhood.”

Hubby, the "Cat Burglar"

The less I felt blessed amongst other women.

This year, Hubby & I spent Mother’s Day in Chicago; opting to call both sets of Moms and wish them the Happiest of Mother’s Days. And afterward, settled down on our couch to watch a marathon of movies on TV, starting with “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”** and ending with “Sweet Home Alabama.”

And this year, instead of getting all weepy over the twenty zillion Mother’s Day commercials that ran during the TV breaks, Hubby & I would have fun poking at the sometimes fake sentiment that these ads would portray.

This year, as Hubby & I sat on our couch, feeling completely unmotivated to do much but cook meals and take our puppy-girl on an extended walk to the beach, I felt completely blessed .

Because although I remain separated from the ever-elusive “Mommy” Sisterhood … I know I’m blessed with an incredible Husband and parents/siblings, as well as 3 four-legged creatures that look to me as their Mom.

So yeah … that’s my small victory for the day. I turned my Mother’s Day Frown upside down. (Pretty positive for a currently unemployed person, eh?)

Me, surrounded with two of my three furbabies

** LOVE that film. And check out what star, Nia Vardalos, says about her experiences as an infertile on Mother’s Day.

Hubby with Rain (Yami's on the window sill and Kozzy's on her rug next to Hubby)
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Midnite Wind

Yesterday evening I got to spend some time with an old friend, T. It’s been a while since we’ve had a chance to sit more than an hour and talk … which typically would be during the annual Chicago Comicon when both of us would be “in town.”

T was always a gracious host. Charming.

I say “in town” because before last year, T would fly in from the west coast (or even overseas!) while Hubby & I would drive from Detroit. Yes, we’re that much of comic-geeks (well, rather Hubby & T are) to go yearly to Chicago for the past 5-plus years now.

Now, as of two months ago … we’re all in the same state and within one hour of each other. And because Hubby’s been helping him (as well as me) set up his own website (still under construction, BTW) to promote his own comic, the two of them have been “chatty” lately.

And seeing that *I* knew T before Hubby ever did … well, yeah. I was feeling a little left out. So yesterday, when I knew the two of them were meeting up in Evanston, I made sure that they’d stick around long enough for me to meet them after I got off work.

Seeing T again after a couple years (he never made it out to last year’s comicon, and we opted for San Diego the year before) was nice. It had me reflecting over the first day as a university student, moving into my dorm. I happened to first meet him in line while waiting to get my school ID taken.

Even though he claims we met back in high school my freshman year  after Track practice when I asked a mutual friend of ours if they had seen my brother. T even insists that I told him to look out for Dr. Bro’s “sh*tty brown car.”

Future-SIL, T and me (from right to left) ... Look how skinny I was!! Sigh ...

Which of course, makes me chuckle because that would totally be something I would have said.  Unfortunately I only have a very vague recollection of that memory. Which is why *I* still claim that we first met that first day I started in college.

“Hey,” T said to me. “Aren’t you [Dr. Bro’s real name] little sister?”

“Yeah,” I answered, as I crinkled my nose.

And every time we see each other, T has to bring up that story. Just to  remind me on how “offended” I looked when he asked me that question. And then I have to remind him how in high school I was always known as Dr. Bro’s “younger sister.” And here, on the first day at a new school, I immediately get recognized as being related to Dr. Bro. Again.

After those awkward first words, we found out that he’d eventually be moving into the same dorm that I’d be in and that we should “hang out” sometime. So afterwards, I ran up to my room and told future-SIL** that I just met my first new college friend.

Once T moved into our dorm (probably about a week after that first meeting), the three of us became quick friends. Future-SIL and I would pester him mercilessly and, for some strange reason, he would put up with us. Then there would be the countless times we’d end up in his room late at night playing poker for pennies and  … uhm, yeah … other college-related “experiences. (Oh come on now … I wasn’t that bad, but it was my first year in college after spending 12 years in Catholic school!)

T showing off his Chinese yoyo skills

Like, for instance, the time he called us on our dorm phone and whispered oh-so-quietly, “Does the wind blow at midnite?” In which he later came up at midnight with one of those industrial-sized roles of toilet paper from the communal bathroom on his floor. And brought it up to Future-SIL and my dorm room. Which was the corner room. Of the top floor of our building. And we proceeded to … uhm … let the wind carry the whole roll of toilet paper outside of our dorm room. Which then proceeded to wrap around our entire dorm building. TWICE. !!!

Anyway, my point being is that T is one of those long time friends that, regardless where we are (both in location and in whatever stage) in life, we pick up wherever we left off.

And that’s a comforting thought in the midst of chaos or tranquility.

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Eesh. Why does the last few days of Lent seem like forever? Here’s my daily Lenten bit.

Look closely at the yoyo above me ... Hmmph!

Good Deed of the Day: Does going into work for an extra day count as a good deed? If it means that I was able to give some extra feedback and encouragement and to my staff, then methinks it does!

Grateful Thought of the Day: I think this one’s obvious today. I’m grateful for friends where it’s as if we’ve never skipped a beat. It could be as simple as not having seen each other in a long time. Or it could be as unique as meeting in person for the very first time, but feeling as if we’ve known each other forever.  Those are true friendships.

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** What? You didn’t know?! I may have, in a previous post mention that my SIL and I were college roomates the first two years at university.

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Pretty Asleep

Quickie entry for a Friday night. Since Hubby has an all-day conference downtown tomorrow, I’ve stupidly decided to go into work. Yeah, I’m a glutton for punishment.

Truth be told, I’m trying to get things done on a day where I’m not being constantly interrupted. As it is, it appears that the next month will be insane. And since I’d have the run of the office with no one there to bother me … why not take advantage of some peace and quiet?

So without further ado, here’s my daily activities for Lent.

Good Deed for the Day: Poor Hubby’s been working double-time lately. He’s been so busy this past week that he’s been up until the wee hours of the morning and yet still managed to wake up to get me to work on time. So the very least I could do was take his usual turn to walk our Kozzy-girl tonite just so he could take a bit of a snooze until he gets up again for another round of work.

Thankful Thought of the Day: Sleep. Right now I’m so thankful it’s time to sleep. Yeah … lame, I know. But it appears that the older I get, the more of it I need.

And since I just watched “Pretty In Pink” this evening, let me leave you with this wonderful quote that Iona said about growing old:

“Why can’t we start off old and grow young?”

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Boy, Lost.

Today a Lost Boy died.

It’s sad to know that more people … more celebrities around my age are dying. First there was Brittany Murphy, who died from complications stemming from pneumonia and a history of a heart murmur. Then there was Andrew Koenig, “Boner” of “Growing Pains” fame, who died under mysterious circumstances. And now Corey Haim from an apparent drug overdose.

Corey Haim’s death hits a little close to home for a couple of reasons. One is that he is the same age as I am. Now, mind you, I don’t have any drug addictions and probably other medical conditions associated with chronic drug use, but the fact that a celebrity my age has died … well, that just makes me feel less and less invincible; which is very much unlike in my early 20’s, when River Phoenix died at the age of 23.

But the main reason I’m actually mourning the death of pretty much a washed-up ‘80’s teen star is that one of his movies happens to be an all-time favorite of mine. It was the teen vampire movie before any of those Twilight movies. Well, unless you count that one Jim Carrey movie back in 1985 …

Hearing about Corey Haim’s death had me wondering about the other actors in the Lost Boys. So I ended up doing a little IMDb research to see what the other Lost Boys were up to. Sadly, most of the other actors (with the exception of one… ) did not, in my opinion anyway, have much commercial success outside of the 80’s and 90’s.

So yeah … here’s what I found:

  • Jason Patric (Michael): Oh boy, do I ever remember my 15-year old heart crushing on Jason. But then he kinda fell off the face of the earth … until 1997, when he starred opposite of Sandra Bullock in Speed 2.
  • Jami Gertz (Star): Oh, how I wanted to be Star in the movie … I wanted to be the glamorous Boho chick that Michael fell in love with. Of course, the only other movie I can remember her in is 1996’s Twister.
  • Edward Hermann (Max, the head vampire): You know … I remember many silly movies that Edward Hermann starred in over the years … he’s definitely one of those character actors. But for me, Edward will always be the Richard Gilmore, father of Lorelai Gilmore in one of my favorite TV shows of all time, The Gilmore Girls.
  • Dianne Wiest (Lucy, mom to Michael and Sam): Is it sad that the only other movies I can remember Dianne starring in (besides a couple Woody Allen films) is as the mom of Winona Ryder’s character in Edward Scissorhands?
  • Barnard Hughes (Grandpa): Here’s definitely one fact I didn’t know … apparently Blossom (as in the TV show) and Michael & Sam shared the same grandfather!
  • Alex Winter (vampire Marko): Out of the two“lackey” vampires (David excluded), Alex is the only one that ever went on to anything remotely successful following the Lost Boys. Oh yes … he went on to star opposite of Keaunu Reeves in non other than Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Whoa!
  • Jamison Newlander (Alan Frog): He’s the lesser known of the Frogg brothers. As for films following the Lost Boys? Next to nil. BUT … he will be seen in the THIRD film in the Lost Boys series, Lost Boys: The Thirst. Apparently he was in the second film, but his scenes got cut. Ouch.
  • Kiefer Sutherland (David): Oh geez, hands down the most successful actor in the motley crew that is the Lost Boys. Let’s see … he’s done LOTS of films following this movie and has pretty much kept busy up to this decade. Most famously known as Jack Bauer from the TV show 24. BUT … do you remember his high profile engagement to Julia Roberts? And how the wedding was canceled three days beforehand? And how Julia ran off with his “best man” … who just happened to be … da da da dum … Jason Patric?! Yeah, I figured you might have!

And finally, last but certainly not least …

  • Corey Feldman (Edgar Frog): The other half of the “Two Coreys” and costar with Corey Haim (and Heather Graham as Mercedes) in License To Drive. But I also have fond memories of Corey Feldman and Kiefer Sutherland starring in Stand By Me, with none other than River Phoenix. (Funny how they all run in the same circles … ) The most recent film I saw him in was in Lost Boys: The Tribe. And yes, he’ll also be reprising his Edgar Frog role in Lost Boys: The Thirst. Let’s just hope it’s not as cheesy as The Tribe was …

Anyway, thanks for the stroll down memory lane. And seeing as I don’t have a copy of the original Lost Boys in my film collection, I might have to go out an buy it!

RIP, Corey Haim. Hopefully you’re no longer “lost”

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Every Day Lenten Activities …

Every Day Good Deed: Today was another one of those days where I simply just sat and listened to a coworker vent about her frustrations in her personal life; sometimes offering my perception of a particular situation when asked. Sometimes I wonder if that’s just my nature to be a listener and to be an empathetic set of ears … or if I really am doing a good deed. But I suppose if whatever I do offers the other person comfort … I’d like to count it as a good deed.

Every Day Gratitude: Today I’m thankful for the fact that my hard work over the past year has been recognized. In an economic situation where most people struggle to find a job (and keep one), I consider myself lucky to have gotten a merit increase in my salary this year. G*d must know how much we need that little boost!

Well that’s it for the night … I’m obviously not any type of vampire, because I just can’t seem to keep my eyes open.