(previous post) • (next post)
This brings me to why it’s so hard to explain to others why you are extra special to me. Especially from our other pets. I felt that you were ours, the minute you were in my arms. The warmth of your chest, the slap of your tail on my right arm, the complete happiness you exuded. I don’t know why, I just knew. And somehow you became something more than just a dog. To me, you became my spirit animal. You became part of me; part of my spirit. Someone I had to nurture and love and continue to make happy because you made me so very happy. It had been a long time since I felt that happiness.
You gave me something to look forward to every day. I knew I had everyday responsibilities to tend to, which I did because — well, that’s just life, right? But you gave me a reason to wake up. You and Daddy. Those really were the only reasons to get up in the morning and put one step in front of the other. Since we couldn’t have kids, you became OUR son. Our lives revolved around you and spending as much time with you. Even vacations became road trips, just because we wanted to take you with us everywhere. That’s why flying to the other side of the world without you AND Kira was not a simple decision for us. I suppose that might be how couples with preschool-aged children probably feel when going on a long vacation without them.
I don’t think anyone, not even past infertility friends/couples who have found closure with their dreams of having a family (either with or without kids) can truly understand this. I’m generalizing, of course. But even though I didn’t give birth to you, I feel we share the same spirits; we embody parts of others that we can feel each other’s emotions. One that really embraces the whole “I am in you, you are in me” part. Maybe a “Mother’s Instinct”? Which if that’s so, I obviously failed.