Do you remember the band Oasis? If you do, then you’d remember that the band comprised of two brothers named Liam and Noel Gallagher. I don’t listen to them as much anymore, but back in the mid-1990’s the songs off their album, (What’s the Story) Morning Glory, played a prominent part in the day’s following my 1996 wedding to Hubby. To this day hearing these songs, particularly “Don’t Look Back In Anger, remind me of driving in our convertible rental car (with the top down, of course) back to our hotel in Kaanapali from Lahaina on the island of Maui. That song just happened to be playing on the radio as we drove up the coastline while watching the sun set on the ocean. It. Was. Heaven on Earth.
But I digress. This post wasn’t to share that memory (although, I hope you enjoyed that imagery). This post is about another mid-1990’s pop-culture icon. A person, who might be related to the brothers from Oasis.
Mary Katherine Gallagher
Oh yes, I’m talking about Mary Katherine Gallagher. Remember her from SNL in the mid-nineties?
Yes, today my Show and Tell item is the Halloween costume I wore to work this year. Okay, so I wasn’t exactly Mary Katherine … but the intent was to be a Catholic school girl. A bad one, nonetheless. And no, I don’t mean the sexy Brit.ney version either.
It started off as a joke when my co-worker told me that she and her sister went to a costume party dressed as nuns. (Ha! Get it?! Sisters dressed as “Sisters”?) When we found out that there would be a costume contest at work, I jokingly said that I’d come as a Catholic school girl (with green and white saddle shoes!) and she could come in as one of my “teachers” back in my grade school days, complete with the wooden ruler for disciplinary purposes.
So we hatched a plan where we’d arrive at work at the same time and walk in together. After all … the effect wouldn’t have been the same if we came in separately.
Friday morning … I’m patiently waiting in our parking lot when my co-worker’s car pulls up behind me. One look in my rearview mirror and I’m completely cracking up … because she looked exactly like how one of my grade school teachers would look. As I literally stumble out of my car, she points up at the front of the parking lot … and there is my other co-worker dressed up as a nun as well.
As my co-worker said, “When have you ever seen a Sister without another one around? They always travel in pairs!”
Well needless to say, we had a blast playing our parts for the day. And during the competition, our “skit” included the me chewing gum and putting on inappropriately shiny lip gloss, as well as them chasing me while screaming, “Get back to class, young lady!”
After all was said and done … we won third place! And that was without the “flask” and candy cigarettes I wanted to carry around … Woo-hoo!
Don’t forget to check out the other Show and Tell blogs!
And while you’re at it … check out my latest favorite black kitty cate!
So let’s see. What else can I tell you? Uhm … things are looking good on the job front. After several phone conversations back and forth with the Nurse Recruiter at our sister company in another state, I have a formal interview scheduled at their company on Nov. 10th. And the thing is, they were really asking me to come out and interview sooner, but because of scheduling conflicts (big exec presentation this week and Election Day / cousin’s cotillion next week) we couldn’t do it until that date.
And the other thing is, they’ve already sent a benefit package for me to review. And they’ve asked me to fill out some paperwork to start the background check. Uhm … maybe I’m being waaay to optimistic, but something tells me that they reaallly want me to start ASAP if I should get hired! Which means that they’re thinking that I’ll do swimmingly well on this interview.
Which means I may actually be moving out of state … !!
I can’t tell you how even just the thought of moving out of state excites me. As weird as it sounds (okay maybe not that weird), I’m looking forward to the possibility of a new beginning. I’m looking forward to purging out all the old bad “stuff” and starting over. And when I mean “stuff” I do mean all the junk we’ve collected in our house and in our (or rather MY ) heart and mind.
I’m looking forward to finally getting my second chance.
Oh, but I hope I’m not setting myself up for a big disappointment … So if anybody’s got clout with the Big Man upstairs, can I ask you to put a good word in for me?
Well, I can’t believe the last week of October is already here. It seems like just yesterday that it was Labor Day weekend and Hubby & I were celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary.
And even though the past two months felt like they’ve flown by … when going over the blog posts I’ve written during this time period, it feels as if the end of August was a lifetime away.
Yes, I did not deal with certain events during this interval very well. And to some extent I’m still not doing so hot. But I think I’ve come to the decision that there isn’t much more I can do that would make things any better or any worse for me at this moment. As my Hubby is so fond of saying, “It is what it is.” In other words, accept it and move on.
This coming Saturday will include a family function that … I’ll be honest … I’m a little apprehensive to attend. However, I will do so only for the love of these children and for the love of family. I’m not exactly sure how the rest of the family will treat me, but I will make the effort to be on my best behavior. I have a feeling I will be full of anxiety for the duration we are there, but perhaps the little white magic pill I’ll take before heading out the door will help. Thank G*d for modern chemistry.
In addition, I’m already expecting work to be extremely busy this week. (Okay, so when is it not busy?!) The Process Improvement group I’m part of is presenting it’s results from our first session to the big-wig execs tomorrow, which means that I should find something other than jeans to wear to work. And yes, I am lucky enough to work for a company that sees the value in promoting casual work wear (which includes jeans, in our case). And I think it’s great as a Health Insurance Company, that they did this to help promote exercise, activity and overall healthy living. But crap … I haven’t worn “business-wear” in years. Not since the days of being a “stupor-visor.” Do I even fit into any of it? Somehow methinks not.
Anyway …
This past Saturday, Hubby & I spent the day in Ann Arbor doing a very typical Midwestern-y Fall Activity. Well typical for those that enjoy watching sports. We spent the day watching the annual “Battle for the State” game; the University of Michigan vs. Michigan State football game at the Big House. We were expecting it to be a very cold and wet day, but the weather gods apparently decided to be kind to us instead. Unfortunately the sports gods weren’t too kind to my team, as we lost. It was an exciting game, nonetheless.
Oh, and I just happened to snap a picture of this:
Yep, that’s right some of the University of Michigan students supporting “Oba-den” (uh-huh … I like combining words).
It’s seeing those things that remind me why I enjoyed college life so much. Those were the days where I felt I could make some sort of difference in the world. The days where I felt invincible. Not that I’m not contributing to society and making a difference in this world right now … I think I find myself more invisible these days than invincible. In any case … the picture ROCKS! And I’m so surprised that there weren’t too many “McPalin” supporters at the game; especially because I have this image of the rich, older U of M alumni being more Republican than Democratic.
Anyway (as I continue to babble), on the 40-some minute drive to Ann Arbor (and afterwards, as we were stuck in post-game traffic), Hubby and I were listening to a couple of NPR podcasts we downloaded onto our iPod. One of the podcasts came highly recommended by a co-worker/NPR-listener/friend of mine, as it was an episode of “This American Life” that broke down the current economic crisis in terms that everyday people could understand. And while searching for that episode online, Hubby found another episode aired in May of this year and was actually the predecessor to this October episode.
The Wolverine fan in me is still trying to understand how Sparty is College Football's most favorite mascot
Now, I can’t claim any prior knowledge (other than what we typically hear in the daily newscasts) on exactly why our country is in such economic turmoil. However, I can tell you this. The more I listened and learned, the more I found myself getting angrier. Seriously. Nothing says “Let’s make more money off the poor so we can get richer” like listening to some of the stories told.
And the fact that none of these financial “schemes” (for lack of better word) have been regulated?! Well … it totally pisses off the RN Case Manager in me that works for a Health Insurance company where … anything and everything (in terms of dollars and cents) is scrutinized by the government. Okay, so I totally understand that regulating health care is a matter of life and death. But really (in my humble opinion), by not regulating our financial market at all … well crap! We’re letting strangers bet on our livelihoods. And when you think about it, that’s what these financial people are doing … gambling with our lives!
Okay, I will get off my high horse for now. But again, I strongly recommend you listening to thesepodcasts. There’s a 95 cent fee to download the podcast from the website. Or you can always listen to them free directly on the site.
Oh, and while I’m on the whole NPR thing. Here’s a little tidbit I heard on the radio this evening. Apparently there is modern version of the “New Testament” coming out tomorrow that supposedly is very “pop culture”-ish. The little bit I caught talked about having images in it like Co.ca.Co.la and Gandhi. But the best part was hearing this girl say, “Can’t have a bible without Bono!”
And with that crack of lightning (from the heavens above) … I’m “Audi 5000“!
(Update 11.17.2008: I’ve decided to split up this post into two parts in order to allow for parts of this previously PWP post to be finally visible.
To view the first part of this long post, click here.)
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Which brings me to the next item of things I’m keeping under wraps for now. This one concerns my career; which has been absolutely blooming as of late. An interesting turn of events, given what happened in my last work-related post.
For starters, the Continuous Improvement Workgroup (CIW) has officially closed out its first phase. With the exception of having to participate in a couple of presentations (one of which is to the major Senior Executives and Board members … yikes!), I am all but done with my commitment to this group. Except … well, of course there’s always the next phase. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a “Continuous” process.
One of the "gifts" we got after completing the first phase of the CIW ... Oh, the irony! (click to enlarge)
Those of us that participated this time around were invited back to continue the work that we had started. After all the h*ll I went through these past 10 months, I took a couple weeks to decide if I wanted to throw myself into the fire again. And I did decide not to participate this time around. The reason I gave in my email to the CIW project manager and our Vice President for our department was that participating in this group had consumed much much much more time than any of us expected. And this was blindingly obvious by the decrease in our “numbers” in comparison to the other staff. But then I get the email from my VP specifically asking me to reconsider, as I apparently brought a lot of insight and ideas to the CIW. And if that wasn’t a request for me to participate, then the fact that our VP specifically sought me out in a department meeting to ask me again in person … well, that certainly did. So really … how can one say no to something like that when your big big boss singles you out? Uh-huh …
So yay! Big pat on the back for a job well done. And ugh! How much more “good work” can I take on?
But that’s not what I’ve been all hush-hush about. Shortly after finishing up on the first phase of the CIW project, our whole department found out that our Director (who reports directly to the VP I mentioned above) accepted a VP position for one of our sister companies in another state. One particular state that Hubby & I had seriously considered moving to at one point in our lives. And because my Director and I had talked casually about this particular city in the past, I jokingly said to him that if a position should ever come available, he should think of me. His response? “Well if you find yourself moving into the area, you should definitely contact me. I know we have positions and if not, I’ll find something for you.”
Wow. That was all I needed to hear. And after Hubby & I discussed it at length, we decided that now would be the perfect time to take advantage of this type of opportunity. So as I type, hopefully the email I sent with my resume attached finds its way to his desk. At work. As the new VP for our sister company. And hopefully I’ll hear some good news soon.
The reason I haven’t said anything to other friends and families is because it’s too early in the game to spill the beans. Plus I’d hate to get my hopes up in the event that it all falls through. And if anyone else IRL (and in close proximity of me) knew that this is what we’re planning on as our “next big step,” I guess I’d feel as if I was jinxing myself. Make any sense?
So just keep Hubby & I in your thoughts and prayers so that I might get this opportunity, because I find myself really really wanting to make this change.
Part of the desire, of course, is to put all the hurt and pain of infertility behind me. Don’t get me wrong. I love my city. I have great pride in saying that I’m from Detroit. It’s just that the longer I’m here, the more the sad moments start to overshadow the happier moments. The more I feel left behind while others keep moving forward. The more I feel stuck, tied down … weighed down.
And the longer I stay here, the harder it gets for me to try to change the course of my life. Because I do want to move forward past my infertility. I do want infertility to stop being who I am. I want to take that step away from “Emily the Infertile” and become just “Emily.” Smart & witty Emily. Silly & fun Emily. Happy Emily.
So do I think moving away will solve my problems? No. I’m not as naive to think that running away will make things better. I know it will take a large part of strength to start a life in another city. I know I’ll have to work hard at making new friends (or perhaps reconnecting with old ones). I know that I won’t have the security of having family close by. I know that it will be just Hubby & me.
But I’m okay with that. And I’m pretty sure Hubby is okay with that as well. Because quite frankly, this “trying to start a family” thingy has taken a toll on the two of us. (Oh, who am I kidding? I’m sure I’m the one that stressed over the whole IF thing and therefore stressed Hubby out because I was majorly freaking out.) And perhaps rather than focusing on what’s happening with every one else around us and what’s not happening with us … we can start focusing on just us again.
Because even though it’s just been “Us” for the past 12 years (read: no kids), infertility has definitely changed the two of us as a married couple. We’re no longer that young, fresh-faced optimistic married couple that feels impenetrable. We’re no longer that couple that thinks that the harder you work towards something, the more we’re ensured to get what we want. We’re … or rather I’m … more jaded and disappointed; hesitant to trust that everything will work out in the end. That what goes around might take a little longer to come back around. Yet despite those challenges we’ve faced, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t I thank God that we are still madly in love with each other.
So if this opportunity to move out of state happens, I will definitely be comfortable with life just revolving around the two of us. And I think that placing some distance between those things (and people) that remind us on a daily basis of our hurt and disappointment will be a good thing.
Which brings me to the final reason I’ve kept this post PWP for now. And trust me … this is definitely theonething I want to keep under wraps for now. So again … if I know you IRL and you run into people whom we both know, please please please do not spill the beans. So here goes …
Hubby & I both realize that with everything that has happened over the past year (both good and bad), we have reached a crossroad in our lives. We’ve come to the point where we need to know what to do next. And so … with the possibility of moving out of state and with the most recent emotional pain I’ve been through … Hubby & I have made the decision to take a stab at living child-free.
Yep. You read that right. Child-free.
And believe me, once I said it out loud (during a major cry session with Hubby, btw) it was as if a HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders. And suddenly I felt like I could breathe again. And I finally felt as if I could confidently take a step away from “Emily the Infertile” and a step towards the other Emily, as in “Hubby & Emily” and their “infinite playlist.” (Lame reference to “Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist.” Which, if you’re a fan of making great mixed tapes or … ahem, I’m dating myself … mixed CD’s, you must see this movie!) And another step towards the “other” Emily; the smart and sassy one who does the best that she can possibly do to be successful in her career (whatever that may be).
This, of course, is not to say that we’ve closed off any notion towards starting our family at a later date. I mean, who knows? Maybe having the opportunity to choose to live child-free will give us the ability to not always think about the whole “we have no kids” issue, which could (hypothetically) lead to the whole “It finally happened when I *cringe* ‘just relaxed’!” Or it could afford us the strength and the finances we’d need to go through the adoption process.
Either way, this removes the focus of our relationship from “must have kids to care for” to “must care for ourselves and each other.” And hey … since we’ve really enjoyed traveling this year, perhaps this choice to live child-free will allow us to continue to travel with each other and explore different countries and “re-explore” ourselves together.
So those are the big things that have been weighing on my mind and in my heart lately.
I know, I know … monstrously BIG decisions. But I hope that they’re ones that will eventually lead my down the road to being happy and content with who I am as a person and who Hubby & I are together as a happily married couple.
And where do I go now with this blog? Yes, I’ll still be keeping it. And yes, it will most likely still be about longing for something. But perhaps maybe these “Apron Strings” are no longer symbolic for just the longing to have kids … it’ll be symbolic to the want … need … desire to find happiness and balance in both my personal and professional life. Both of which I’m sorely lacking any sense of of balance lately …
Wish Hubby & I luck and please send any prayers up to the “Big Guy” up there to help guide us in the right direction.
And as always … thanks for being the best listeners / readers in the whole wide world.
Do you remember the band Oasis? If you do, then you’d remember that the band comprised of two brothers named Liam and Noel Gallagher. I don’t listen to them as much anymore, but back in the mid-1990’s the songs off their album, (What’s the Story) Morning Glory, played a prominent part in the day’s following my 1996 wedding to Hubby. To this day hearing these songs, particularly “Don’t Look Back In Anger, remind me of driving in our convertible rental car (with the top down, of course) back to our hotel in Kaanapali from Lahaina on the island of Maui. That song just happened to be playing on the radio as we drove up the coastline while watching the sun set on the ocean. It. Was. Heaven on Earth.
