It’s official. Today, my nephew turned 13 … which officially makes him a teenager. Yikes!
Seriously, I can’t believe it’s been that many years since I changed his first poopy diaper. And when I mean his first poopy diaper, I do mean that meconium stool that all babies should pass within the first 12 hours. Oh … and did I mention that those are the thick, tarry stools that are very difficult to clean up?! I do believe that I earn bonus “Auntie Em” points for doing that. 🙂
He was 2 yrs old on this trip to Disney
Really though, I couldn’t have been happier to do it that day. He was such a stubborn baby, refusing to turn in his Mom’s belly, that she had to deliver him by c-section. Yeah … I’m sure cleaning that first yucky stool was what she needed to worry about at that moment.
In any case, my nephew has been the light of my Hubby’s & my life for the past 13 years. He holds a special place in our hearts for many reasons. First, because he was born the same year that Hubby & me were married … which makes remembering how many years we’ve been married much easier. That and the fact that there were two new “lives” (my nephew and the joint lives between Hubby & I) that were born that same year … my nephew is just a constant reminder of landmark point in our lives.
Another reason Hubby & I are especially close to our nephew is because there was a spell of time that he and his Mom came to live with us. He was about 18 months at that time and we all lived together for just under a year. I have very fond memories of those times, like celebrating Christmas with him. Or going shopping with his Mom and telling us oh-so-sweetly, “I neeeed to go hoooommmeee!” And there was also the time we found a pebble up his nose! But those moments with him, the time he spent living with us … it’s those reasons (and probably so much more) that we have developed a special bond with him.
So now here’s where I get to show off exactly how special we are to our nephew. By Christmas this past year, the whole family knew that Hubby & I would be moving out of Detroit. So imagine my surprise when Hubby & I opened our gifts and found this:
Yes, it’s a collage that our nephew made for us to bring with us to our new home. So that we won’t forget him.
But the thing is, we could never forget him. He has become part of our lives in ways that he, himself, probably doesn’t understand. And it’s for that reason that I just about bawled when I opened and read that gift.
This is what he wrote on the collage
In any case, he’s now 13 years old and taller than me. He’s now starting to shave and his voice is ever-so-slightly changing. And while this past weekend while at home to celebrate his birthday (his dad has him this weekend), he refused to leave our side … I know that those moments of showing unabashed love and affection to us will get less and less as he grows older.
And when that moment comes … the moment when he becomes that “man” who would rather shake his Uncle’s hand and lightly hug his Auntie Em … I will look back at these moments and remember exactly how special we are to him, even though he might not physically show it all the time.
Imagin me wearing stirrup stockings with this dress and kitten heel pumps ... yep, how 80's!
Well, since I finally made it home this weekend I got a chance to find a couple more 80’s pictures … including that one picture of me in a dress that reminded me of this one … the one I wore at the Addy Awards last weekend.
It’s actually quite funny, when you think of it. Because both dresses actually are a mod dress inspired from the 60’s fashion styles. And yet … here I am wearing one dress in the 80’s and another one, some 20 years later again. Amazing how fashion styles recycle.
Anyhoo … Pretty scary that I was only 14 years old in that picture. And I seriously can’t believe my parents let me out of the house in that dress. What’s even more “scandalous” (well, at least in my eyes), is that my Mom was the one that picked this dress out. Because looking back at this picture now … it’s a pretty sexy dress for a 14 year old to wear, don’t you think?
True 80's Fashion ...
But I remember the occasion at which I wore this dress for, which was a family friend’s 18th Birthday/Cotillion. It was during the summer before starting high school and I remember feeling quite self-conscious in the outfit. Which is probably why I can recall how socially “awkward” I felt that night.
And I realized this past weekend how some things never change. Hubby & I had some time to spare before heading over to my in-law’s house to celebrate my nephew’s 13th birthday. So we headed to the local mall just to walk about. (It was such crappy weather all weekend long, that doing anything outside was useless …)
Anyway, as we were there I headed into the local Sep.hora to look at some body lotion that a co-worker recommended to moisturize skin, but not leave it all moist and clammy especially when in the midst of a hot flash*. Now, I’ve never been inside a Sep.hora before; the reason behind it pretty obvious to anyone who knows me. I’m just simply not into make-up and dressing up.
A Bonus 80's Shot for y'all
I mean, I’ll dress up … when the occasion calls for it, I clean up quite nicely … but on an everyday basis? I’m the type of gal that’s more comfortable in a pair of jeans and a tshirt. And coming from a company where we could wear jeans daily to a company that requires leadership to dress business casual every day … well, that’s been a challenge.
So getting back to Sep.hora, I figured that while I was there I’d get some lip gloss to moisturize my lips … and maybe add a little color to it. Except I couldn’t believe how many choices were out there and I simply became overwhelmed. I mean seriously … all I wanted was a “leeetle” plum-rose color to my lips and what I saw was 50 zillion different varieties of plum or raspberry. I ended up just walking out of there with nothing.
But going back to the “some things never change” bit … I’m just not a “girly” girl and I never had been. I was the girl that climbed trees and ran her bike through muddy trails. I was the same girl who loved walking through puddles at school (seriously … whenever it rained, there would be this huge puddle in the middle of the parking lot that I believe I named “Lake St. Vincent”). I was that pre-teen (or “tweenager,” as they’re now called) that still loved to stay up and watch the movies at slumber parties rather than play dress-up or put on make-up.
For that, I still believe it’s because I never had that consistent female “bond” with another girl … a sister, or a mentor that could coach me through some of those things. And I still believe it’s because I was that first-generation Filipino-American; my parents not quite familiar with what typical American things that pre-teens (or even teenagers) do.
This pic was taken after one of my "modeling" classes I took. I think this is the class they taught me how to put on makeup ... ha!
I give my parents credit though. They did the best that they could do. And they, particularly my mom, did try to encourage me to do things that most teens might do (within reason, of course). One of them was signing me up for modeling classes after I turned 16. Now, I must be honest … this would have been something I would totally wanted to do at the age of 13 or 14. But by 16, my personality was such that doing anything that surrounded using your “looks” to get ahead with anything was something I was SO against. (Helloooo …. New Wave/Goth chick, here!) But I faithfully went; partly out of obligation, as my Mom shelled out a lot of money for these classes. And partly out of sheer curiosity. Because, the girls that were in my class … they were the antithesis of who I was.
And what did I learn from these classes? Posture (which still sucks), poise and grace (which doesn’t work with my two left feet), and that I look best in “Summer Colors” when it comes to clothes and makeup. I think that last thing is the only lasting impression from that class … because I realized recently (after years of simply wearing black and/or white) is that I do like to dress myself in those “Summer Colors.”
Not that it matters too much anymore … but sometimes I wonder how I come across to other people, looking the way that I do. Given that I tend to wear my hair pulled back in a ponytail (or even piggy tails … not. kidding. you.) and I am one for sacrificing fashion for comfort, I think people think that I’m young and immature. (Which I can be … ) But after talking to me for any length of time, these same people tend to realize that I am older and more mature than they originally thought. That I’m smart and intelligent. That I’m knowledgeable in certain areas. But that’s only after they get to know me. And probably after they see how much grey hair I actually have.
In any case, going into that Sep.hora brought me straight back to those days of self-consciousness. And back to such an awkward phase in my life.
But enough of looks and awkwardness and fashion and lack of make-up. Let’s talk about how much fun I had being back home this weekend. We celebrated my nephew’s 13th birthday on Saturday and I still cannot believe he’s officially a teenager now (well, really he’ll be one officially on the 12th …) by having dinner at a local restaurant and then heading over my in-laws afterwards for birthday cake. From the moment he saw us, my nephew didn’t want to leave our side. And as I know those moments are going to start to be few and far in between, I relished every moment of his closeness. I also got to see my niece for the first time since December and I can’t believe how much bigger she’s gotten. She’s now 6 months old and her personality has definitely started to develop. My favorite moment of that night was this following video.
This video was taken while my SIL and I were “video chatting” in iChat on our laptops. We were both in the dining room facing directly across from each other. And when my nephew sat down to chat with me, he took his baby sister with him who, of course, was fascinated by seeing me (and herself) on the computer screen. I wish we started recording it sooner, because the first few times were priceless … but this video is still awesome. She (and my nephew, of course) is such a cutie!!
And Sunday, I was supposed to meet up with a couple of grade school friends for brunch. Unfortunately, since the weather’s been sucking a$$ right now I think we’ve all come down with some sort of sinus thingy; one of my friends worse than myself and my other friend. It would have been great to see them both, as I haven’t seen them since … like, forever … but we’re going to reschedule for the end of this month when I should be back in town to help Hubby move. 🙂
Instead, Sunday was spent going for dim sum with my parents. It was nice to sit and talk with them; and I think I genuinely surprised them by making the time to see them during this weekend home. The truth is, I would have made the time anyway … I just didn’t have a chance to call them until I got into town.
And while at that restaurant, I ran into one of my best friends from Nursing School. He’s now working as a professor for a local University and we’ve recently caught up in Face.book. But nothing beats actually seeing him and hugging him in person. We managed to make plans to catch up next time he comes into my “neck of the woods.” Can’t wait for that.
And now … about 6 hours from now, I’ll be boarding the train back to the City. Another weekend home gone so quickly. This being the second time I’ve been back to Detroit since moving, I realize how much I miss parts of this area. I miss all the shops and the ability to jump in my car and find parking anywhere. I miss how much cheaper going out to eat and/or seeing movies are. I miss seeing Sabrina on a daily basis. But the thing I miss the most? Yep, my family.
But the good thing is … we’re never that far away by email or phone. And not even by physical distance.
Yay family!
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* Nope, not having hot flashes so much anymore. But when walking the distance I do from the train to my office building every morning … I do tend to work up a sweat. It usually is worse whenever I take a shower in the morning (and therefore putting body lotion on at that time) … Anyway, I’m sure this was more information that y’all needed to know.
A couple nights ago I had some visitors to my new place … specifically three of my younger cousins, one who is in the area for her college spring break. I absolutely love these girls; they are the youngest cousins on my Dad’s side and I can clearly remember them as babies (well, at least two of them anyway). Now they’re all “grown up” and in college.
In any case, the reason they wanted to come over was to watch some DVD’s of “The O.C.” on our new HD TV. Except we never did get around to doing that. Instead, we hooked up the Wii and played some Roc.kband and Raym.an Raving Rabb.ids. Way too much fun … except I have a feeling that our neighbors below weren’t too thrilled. Especially since playing Wii and the “photo shoot” (read: digital cam on timer at 10 shots per incident) lasted well into the night.
But oh … was it ever fun. And here are some pictures to prove it. Personally, I think we’re all set for the cover of Rol.ling Sto.ne! LOL!
[rockyou id=133909794&w=450&h=338]
Moving on …
Have I mentioned how much I liked working in the big city? I love not having to drive to work. I love not having to park in the same parking lot in the same general spot every single day. I love that there are multiple ways to get to my office building. So that on a cold crappy day, I can walk inside another office building and walk through the indoor pedestrian walkway. Or on a beautiful warm end-of-winter day I can walk down the busy avenue and enter directly into my building.
And let’s talk about that busy avenue. There are definitely more options for shopping and eating along the day. No more of that “get in the car and drive” to get out of the office just for lunch or to run to the bank. Nope, I can now just walk out of my office building and down the street. That doesn’t even count all the different cafes and restaurants in the pedestrian walkway inside; where I can run down in between meetings for a quick bite to eat. Believe me, having designer coffee available in the morning comes in handy after those late nights of Rockband on the Wii.
Anyway … there happens to be a Hallm.ark store in the walkway. I love going in there because … well, Hallm.ark stores are always such fun to look around in. (And besides, being a “Gold Crown” member has it’s little bonus coupon perks … !) It reminds me of my grade school days when Hallm.ark was the place to find cool stickers for your sticker book or cute stuffed animals to add to your collection. And in some rare instances, the young Asian girl in me would be delighted to find Sanr.io items at some of the stores (back when Hel.lo Kitty was just a blip on everyone else’s radar).
Except now, I find myself at Hallm.ark looking for a variety of different cards. Or other cute items to give as gifts. Personally, I love the whole Ho.ops & Yoy.o collection. That darn pink kitty and green bunny are too frickin’ adorable. (Must check out my cute totally new wave song and “music video” I created on their site! Tee-hee … !) And their selection of cards for any and every occasion makes picking out just one card nearly impossible. Especially when they have cool ones with music and sound effects now.
And their gift collections are just so chotski-ish … way too fun to look at, and on various occasions, buy as well. Like the whole series of clay jars that say anything from “Retirement Fund” to “Ashes of Former Employees” on them. Or all the Prec.ious Moments figurines with all the cute little sayings on them like “A tender touch makes love bloom.” I don’t mean to belittle them, because really … I would buy these gifts for the appropriate occasion. And I would certainly appreciate any of them if I were ever to receive them as gifts.
Anyway, the point of my rambling about Hallm.ark and their gifts is because I realized something the other day. I was in the store during my lunch hour just passing time after spending pretty much the entire morning in meetings upon meetings. It got to the point that by the time I got back to my desk my desk phone was lit up and blinking like a fire truck, my work-issued blackberry was vibrating non-stop, and my personal cell phone was personally notifying me about the “Devil Inside”. Yeah … it was a nutso day. And at that moment, I just had to walk away.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m truly enjoying my new job. And I’m clearly up to the challenge that face me in my new position. But as I’m still relatively “new” to the corporation, I find myself sometimes frustrated that I can’t pick up on processes as quickly as I used to in my previous job. I know that it will come in time. And believe me, I know that I should be proud of all I accomplished even in this two month period. I’d even go as far as to say that I believe I’ve made enough progress in my position that I’ve earned the trust of my staff and the respect of my other peers.
Yeah. I know … what a difference 8 months and a change in jobs and scenery makes. Amazing what it does for my self-confidence and self-esteem.
There I’ve gone again … I’ve once again digressed.
So as I was down in the pedestrian walkway, I strolled into the Hallm.ark store. I was tempted to buy a cute Ho.ops & Yoy.o plush, but I resisted. And then I wandered to the back of the store where many a picture frame and plaques were displayed.
I’m not sure if it was the effects of seeing the ceramic handprint in my boss’ office, but for some reason my eyes gravitated to all the “Mom” chotskies out there. The little paperweights or mirrored plaques with “Ode to Mom” poems. The angel figurines that talk about how ”Moms are a Gift from Heaven.” The picture frames or coffee mugs the proclaim how “Moms RULE!” The keychains or notebooks that proudly state, “Motherhood: The Hardest Job You’ll Ever Love.”
It’s that last statement about motherhood that had me a little hot under the collar. Not that I disagree with that statement. Nor do I discount how incredibly hard being a mother is. Because I am absolutely positively one hundred percent sure that particular statement is correct.
But the thing is … I’ve just never experienced being a mother. Nor do I know that I ever will experience motherhood. And while that truth does hurt … does make me incredibly sad … that last declaration evokes another unpleasant emotion in me. It creates this feeling of triviality in what I do with my job; my career. It’s as if what I do for a living will never ever top that of being a mother.
And what does that say for someone like me who has always wanted to be a Mom? Who has always held the idea that I could be a mother and a career woman? Who has been given these incredible job opportunities in her career but has not been given the opportunity to be a mother?
It’s thoughts like that … and all those tiny little observations that I notice on any given day … those are the things that also hit me square in the chest. They’re the things that knock me for a loop. The things that bring my self-confidence and self-esteem back down a notch.
I hope the receivers of such gifts; those mothers of children (or those other family members) realize what a hard job motherhood really is … I hope these moms truly appreciate the thought and the sentiment behind those gifts.
And I hope those mothers realize exactly what a gift motherhood is.
Because outside their world are those women who may never be on the receiving end of such gifts.
I’ve just boarded the train in Ann Arbor heading back to my place in the city. And even though the breathtaking scenery of the Huron River is around me, I am feeling blue. I’ve just said good-bye to Hubby after a fun weekend and – even though we deny it till the very last moment – I am terribly sad. It’s as if these train tracks, the same ones that took me to him on Friday, are pulling me further and further away from him. And I hate it.
I haven’t been writing much over the past week because I’ve been busy. I find the more time I spend apart from writing, the more difficult it is for me to write. And I hate that.
And now, with the two things I’ve admitted to hating out of the way … and with about 4 hours before hitting my final destination … I now find myself having that time to write.
MH & AF circa 1988
I’ve got my iPod on listening to the (new) INXS* song, “Afterglow.” I love this song, because it’s so beautiful. And it’s a song that I could totally hear Michael Hu.tchence singing, rather than JD “Fortunate-that-he-was-picked” from Rockstar. Sadly, it’s a song that was written by MH’s songwriting partner Andrew Fa.rriss. And perhaps I may be reading into the lyrics too much, but I’ve interpreted it as a song he wrote about dealing with life after Michael’s death. And how he has been trying to “let him go” so that he can move forward with his own life without Michael.
It’s perfect for how I’m feeling right now; having just left Hubby standing on the train platform. Not that I’m “letting him go” or anything. It’s more that I’m feeling like I have to go on living life without Hubby once again … at least for another 5 days until the weekend comes once more. You would think that I might have gotten used to it by now, as it’s been two months now, but it’s still as painful as that first day Hubby drove off down the street of our new “place” and back to our home in Michigan. The only thing that’s holding me together is that the end is now in site. And hopefully by the end of this month, I will finally be able to call this place I’ve been living in for the past two months “home.” Because Hubby will always be home for me.
And suddenly I’ve got that line from “Lilo & Stitch” in my head. “Ohana means Family. And Family means no one get’s left behind.”
*Sigh* ….
So … what to write about now ? Hmm, perhaps I could tell you about all the fun I had at Hubby’s Ad Club Awards show yesterday. You know … the same awards show for which Hubby designed the poster made completely out of Legos (with some assistance from his personal Lego Engineer, of course ). Well, because Legos was such a big thing for most of the “Creatives” (as they call themselves …) back in the early 80’s, the overall theme turned into a whole 80’s night. Well, at least the rest of the items that Hubby designed (the invitations, the programs, banners, etc) had a whole ’80’s feel to it.
D2 circa 1983
To complete the 80’s theme, Hubby and I decided to dress the whole 80’s part. This is where I’d probably insert a picture of Hubby in a white blazer coat, black dress shirt unbuttoned at the top with a black tie loosened around the neck (a la Dur.an Dur.an circa 1981). Or even one where I’m dressed in a 80’s mod dress complete with black stirrup leggings and kitten heel pumps. (I would have done the whole side-ways ponytail, but then my grey hair would have really stood out …) Unfortunately, neither of us remembered to take our cameras with us. So instead, I’ll share this true 80’s picture of me (circa 1985), in a dress that’s quite similar to what I wore. And no … my dress was not the same pattern … (Damn … thought I had it with me on my laptop here. Guess I don’t. I’ll have to scan it next time I’m back in Detroit …)
It’s always a fun night going to these Addy Awards. Being around Creative Folk is pretty darn funny. They usually have some interesting stories to talk about. Most aren’t too stuffy where they can’t take a joke or tell a pretty good one. Typically every year there’s some sort of theme around the awards. I think I already shared with you a picture of Hubby & I as a Ringmaster and Tightrope Walker during the circus-themed one. Then there was the one where everything revolved around solving some sort of crime, a la CSI … except in this case CSI stood for Creative Scene Investigation. And of course there was the whole “Austin Powers” Groovy theme; in which one couple dressed up as Dr. Evil and Vanessa Kensington. That was pretty darn funny!
So the Lego theme this year found the Creatives sitting around tables with various pieces of Lego surrounding the table centerpieces. People were encouraged to play with them, build things with them. If someone from their table won an award, when they came up to accept the award they were instructed to add Lego piece(s) to a Lego board up in the front of the room. The goal was that at the end of the night, everyone would have formed a communal sculpture made out of random Lego pieces. Well … the final piece was definitely a mish-mosh of various random Legos representing, what I overheard someone else call a “funky carnival.” And if I had my camera … this is where I’d share how absolutely imaginative some people got.
Opt.imus Prime
But the even more surprising Lego sculptures were found at the end of the night. After the festivities ended and as I went around collecting all the Lego pieces at the tables, I found random pieces of Legos shaped into various animals or house-like structures. I swear, someone even made a ginormous robot that looked like it should have been Optim.us Prime from the Tran.sformers. Really, I shouldn’t have been too surprised … I mean after all, I was supposed to be surrounded by the most creative people in the local industry.
Overall, it was a fun weekend. And because we both were away from our respective living areas (we stayed the weekend in Lansing, MI where the awards show was), it was nice to be in a place where neither of us had to “leave” one another at the end of the weekend. Both of us were going back to our places … albeit alone.
But, thank G*d, not for much longer.
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* I find that I’ve divided INXS into two categories; the old INXS (with Michael Hu.tchence) and the new INXS (sans Michael Hu.tchence).
And their gift collections are just so chotski-ish … way too fun to look at, and on various occasions, buy as well. Like the whole series of clay jars that say anything from “Retirement Fund” to “Ashes of Former Employees” on them. Or all the Prec.ious Moments figurines with all the cute little sayings on them like “A tender touch makes love bloom.” I don’t mean to belittle them, because really … I would buy these gifts for the appropriate occasion. And I would certainly appreciate any of them if I were ever to receive them as gifts.
