Category: My Tribe

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Goin' With The Flo

The Pioneer of Modern Nursing
The Pioneer of Modern Nursing

I made the mistake of heading into the Hallmark store in my office complex yesterday. What part of me thought that taking that little detour on my lunch break during this time of year was a good idea? Yeah, silly me.

Lucky for me, every year Mother’s Day happens to be only a “day” in the midst of another important week of the year. Well, at least for those that happen to be “tight” with Florence Nightingale, anyway.

Yes, every year Nurse’s Week is celebrated in the US from May 6th to May 12th. Why those days specifically? Well, it’s because May 12th is the actual birthday of the “Pioneer of Modern Nursing.” And May 12th is officially known as International Nurses Day.

So yeah, having a whole week “dedicated” to my profession … it certainly takes the focus of the one day of the year that practically the whole nation celebrates the one thing in the world that has eluded me the most. The one day that celebrates the biggest disappointment I’ve encountered thus far in my life.

But going back to the whole Nurse’s Week thingy … I have to say that I find it pretty humerous that I ended up in the profession I did … and “liking” it.

Click on image to read the pledge and Detroit's history in it ...
Click on image to read the pledge and Detroit's history in it ...

First of all, there are waaaay too many Filipinos in this profession. And in my youth, I was constantly trying to break out of the stereotypes that follow my culture. But ultimately it was the whole “respect your elders” part of my culture that had me ending up pursing a career in nursing. In other words, rather than spend my undergrad years “pondering” what I wanted to do in life while my parents (most graciously) funded my university education … the suggestion was made by many-a-relative that nursing would provide me a lucrative* career while I figured out what I really wanted to do with my life. Lucky (or unlucky, depending how it’s looked at) for me, while I still don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life (as motherhood obviously hasn’t worked out) … at least there are enough “avenues” in the profession of Nursing that I’ve been able to dabble in other areas other than bedside nursing.

I do have to add this though … no matter where I’ve worked (in an office setting or at the bedside), I am constantly being asked when I’ll be bringing in pancit or lumpia to any potluck. Totally sucks for my co-workers who have the perception that all Filipinos are able to cook. Hah!

And speaking of different “avenues” of Nursing … I have to point out that this is probably the reason I do “like” the profession I’m in. Because believe me, in this modern day and age of health care … burnout in the “bedside” aspect of Nursing is pretty darn high. That’s because despite the advances in medical care, people that are admitted to the hospital are much much more “sicker” than they were in the past. And despite the higher acuity in patient care needs, the nurse-to-patient ratio has not improved in years. In fact, in many parts of the nation, the number of patients assigned to one nurse has exponentially increased; leaving Nurses at the bedside with more to do with less resources.

My Nursing School's reknown "Nightingale Award" (click on image)
My Nursing School's reknown "Nightingale Award" (click on image)

This is why I am glad I’m no longer doing “direct patient care.” This simply means that I’m not physically reaching out and touching a person. (Not to say that I’m not “caring” for them, though.) Rather the aspect of Nursing I’m part of is Case Management. So what’s the role of an RN Case Manager? Well, in a basic explanation, a Case Manager assists in coordinating the care of a clinically complex person in order to maximize this person’s ability to care for themselves.

Confusing, right? Well, let’s just say that instead of physically caring for a patient while he/she — I don’t know — is “tossing their cookies” … I’m the Nurse that, once the acute illness “settles down,” is helping to make sure that these patients follow up appropriately with their physicians or other health care professionals in order to prevent a recurrence or complication of their condition. And I’m the same Nurse that spends MORE time educating a patient and/or family member about their disease or condition so they can understand their physician’s plan of care and the various options they may have available to them.

Florence "The Lady With The Lamp" Nightingale
"The Lady With The Lamp"

Yeah, I bet you didn’t know that there were many aspects of Nursing as a profession. Just like I’m sure that you may forget about other jobs that Nurses do that don’t necessarily involve working in a hospital, nursing home or Doctor’s office. Yes. Nursing is everywhere. Like in the home setting. Or in the community. Or even at your own workplace.

Heck, you might even work directly with a Nurse. Or even an “ex-Nurse.”** Because believe me, we’re everywhere.

So with that said … I must remind everyone out there to wish all the Nurses you know a “Happy Nurses Week” over the next seven days. Because despite what it feels like to most Infertiles out there … this week isn’t all about being a Mom. Sometimes it’s all about going with the “Flo” … Florence Nightingale, that is.

Yeah. I’m that cheesy.

On an even sillier note … I must share this picture with you to show how “smart” my kitty cat can be. Notice how she’s perched on a pillow? Well … as she knows she’s not allowed on our new sofa, she’s found a way to get around it … by being on top of a pillow instead of directly on the sofa. How cute can she be?!

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* “Lucrative” as in “there are always going to jobs available in nursing” … not “lucrative” as in financially “stable.”

** Although I always say, “Once a Nurse, always a Nurse.”

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NIAW 2009, Pt VI

(The conclusion of the six-day series celebrating NIAW. I’d say it’s because I “planned” it that way … but the truth is, the series started out as one extremely looong post. To start at the beginning, click here.)

273Again, I just want to reiterate the importance of understanding infertility and how it effects a person’s entire lifestyle. Because to me …  misunderstanding leads to fear. Which leads to anger. Which leads to hate. Which eventually leads to suffering.

Yes, I am aware that I am quoting Yoda.

And while I’m at it, I am aware of how my fear of the unknown (during my travels through the land of infertility) has led me down such a huge spiral of negative emotions. But that just proves that Yoda (nee George Lucas ) was right.

So there you have it. Infertility and Loss, as explained by me.

And just so you know, I realize that a loss is a loss is a loss. Whether it’s a loss associated with infertility or with the death of a loved one or with having to deal with any given life-altering event. To me, it has never mattered how big or small the loss is. And there is simply no use in “comparing” one particular loss to another. Because the pain, heartache and devastation that follows any loss is, quite frankly, universal. It’s all in how you deal with the loss that is important.

My way of dealing with my loss is by writing about my experiences, about my emotions. It’s my way of expression in a culture and society that otherwise may not know how to respond to such a loss. It’s my way of “bonding” with other infertility bloggers out there that can understand where such emotions come from. It’s also my way of educating family and friends about infertility and its affect on every day life.

So … by writing this series of posts, I hope that you’ve come to a better understanding of infertility.  And that you’ve been able to take something away from this. I also hope that it has encouraged you to be better prepared in supporting the “one in eight couples” you know that are likely silently suffering through infertility.

Finally, I hope these posts emphasized how very important the “Miracle of Life” is and not to take any part of it for granted. I have learned, first hand, exactly how miraculous “conception” can be.* Oh … and how VERY expensive infertility treatments can get … as most of them are still not covered by health insurance.

So, as you’ve (hopefully) already read through my five previous posts written in celebration of “National Infertility Awareness Week” … I do ask one more favor of you. Click over to this page. And learn even more about what you can do to support your infertile friends.

Learn more. Support more. Be AWARE.

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* And if you care to know, it is absolutely true that all the stars in the world must align properly for any conception to occur … the timing of fertilization needs to be that precise in order for conception to occur.)

 

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NIAW 2009, Pt V

(Hellooo … Part Five of a six-day series to celebrate NIAW. I’d say it’s because I “planned” it that way … but the truth is, the series started out as one extremely looong post. To start at the beginning, click here.)

273First, let me pose this question. Do you remember that childhood rhyme that starts off with a boy and a girl “sitting in a tree / K-I-S-S-I-N-G”? Well, if you do, you’ll remember that it continues on to falling in love with the next step being marriage. It finally concludes with this particular “couple’s” child in a baby carriage.

The reason I bring this up is because this “path” in life is something that is taught to us at a very early age. A path that “society” expects every person to follow. It’s also this type of rhyme that often has little girls already imagining falling in love and planning their “dream” wedding. And that the next “obvious” milestone in life is all about having a baby.

However, the reality is this: As much as the majority of American society look down upon it … or simply “ignore” it … love (as in “couple” love) is not always about a boy and a girl.  Furthermore the US Vital statistics state that 51 out of 1000 live births in 2006 were to unmarried women between the ages of 15 to 44.* So much for marriage before the baby carriage.

The truth is that every person’s life takes a different path. And sometimes a person’s life doesn’t follow what society considers as “normal.” But because such thinking is ingrained into the general population at a very early age, anything that doesn’t follow the customary flow is considered unorthodox. The unfamiliarity of any person deviating from this path brings about awkwardness amongst the rest of his/her surrounding company.

And how does all this pertain to infertility and loss of contact amongst the rest of society? Well, when the general public considers the concept of a “nuclear family” (a couple comprised of partners of the opposite sex and their children all living in the same household) the “norm” … it makes it quite difficult for the infertile couple to “fit in.”

Adding on to that last statement, modern society today has obviously placed an emphasis on family and children. When everything from advertising and marketing to politics involve the importance of that “nuclear family”, how can you not find yourself involved in a conversation surrounding children?

Eventually when others find out that your married with no children, the first reaction is typically “Why?” Which is then followed closely by “Isn’t your biological clock ticking?” To me, this reaction is society’s way of trying to “include” you in a conversation about children and how important it is to have them.

For those experiencing infertility … it’s akin to “preaching to the choir” … believe me, we know how important children are. We wouldn’t be going through all the work-up, testing and heartbreak if we didn’t comprehend the importance of having children.

And for those of you brave enough to share with society your experiences with infertility, I’ll bet that the most common reaction of those “fertile” people is to redirect the conversation … quite frankly out of pure awkwardness of not knowing how to respond. In turn this action, whether intended or not, effectively separates you from that particular social connection. Because (and be truthful, my fertile friends …), how many other conversations can one have with you that doesn’t somehow develop into something related to their child? Especially since their lives (rightfully) revolve around their children and their needs.

This loss of connection amongst other couples, whether intentional or not, is lonely. It’s difficult to go through all the emotions of infertility by itself; however, adding the element of isolation creates gargantuan roadblocks when seeking even a little bit of support.

Let me use this as an example. For my “fertile friends” out there … when you started “planning” your family, was this topic something that you discussed with anyone and everyone? Chances are, you’ve answered this with a “No.”

That’s because “polite society” dictates that these topics are best discussed at home. Behind closed doors. I mean, really … as crude as today’s society can be … family planning is still considered a private affair.

Now put that in context with a couple experiencing infertility. And add to that the pressure that society places on every human being to procreate. How would you try to find support for an issue that is considered by society as both private and paramount?

Because of the privacy of such a topic, the average person is simply not equipped to discuss such “sensitive” issues such as infertility. Nor would they be able to understand some of the reasons behind their infertile friends’ behaviors (avoiding baby showers, for instance … or the lack of excitement about any pregnancy news). And because of that, the average person wouldn’t feel comfortable in providing any support to a friend traveling through infertility.

This is when learning about what kind of support you can provide to a friend becomes important. This is when it’s essential to bust the many myths you might have about infertility; to know what might help your infertile friend feel less uncomfortable about discussing such a sensitive topic. This is when understanding infertility and its effects on a person’s daily life is crucial.

Because ultimately … and I’m not just referring to infertility here … it’s often the misunderstanding of such matters that drives the wedge between what society deems as “normal” and “abnormal.”

(It concludes. Tomorrow.)

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* Heh. Apparently, the latest statistics for 2007 are even more staggering!

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NIAW 2009, Pt IV

(This is the fourth installment of a six-day series to celebrate NIAW. I’d say it’s because I “planned” it that way … but the truth is, the series started out as one extremely looong post. To start at the beginning, click here.)

273Finally there’s one last loss that those experiencing infertility may or may not have experienced in their unique journeys. It’s a loss particularly felt by those infertile couples/individuals who have decided to forgo medical treatment all together. These couples could simply be “in limbo,” deciding whether or not going through the grueling adoption process is their next step. Or they could have decided on the “child-free” path of life.

And while on this discussion, I must state that there is a difference between being a “childless” couple and “child-free” couple. Being a couple that is “child-free” indicates a methodical decision to live a life without children. It’s a choice that this couple made, for their own personal reasons, to remain a “family” of two. I’m sure that individually, each one has their reason, but the point is that there was choice in the matter.

However, living a “childless” life is simply a path in life that was given to them. It’s a path that was reluctantly forced upon them. “Childless” living may not have been the life these couples imagined when planning their future together, but it’s unfortunately the twist of fate that has taken them on their childless journey.

An ideal “childless” course … well, it would end up with the ability for any infertile to miraculously become pregnant … but that’s not what I’m getting at. (Besides, at this point in my life, it very well may be an “immaculate conception.”) In an ideal “childless” course, I would hope that a person would be able to progress from perceiving their life as “childless” to being able to live”child-free.” Because then this person (or a couple) would consciously and deliberately be making that choice to live “child-free.”

But wow … how I’ve digressed. So going back to the losses experienced with “childless” living … this last loss is one that not many like to discuss. But because this is my blog and it’s a loss that I’ve experienced, I will forge through this and write about it. And what I say isn’t meant to be received by the readers as a method to elicit sympathy or empathy. It isn’t meant to sound bitter or angry. It’s simply a fact.

And the fact is this: Couples experiencing infertility, particularly women, feel a loss of connection amongst other couples or women that have achieved pregnancy and ultimately a family. While I admit, part of that loss can be attributed to that bit of envy an infertile is *entitled* to feel. However, the loss of connection has more to do with the inability to be part of a lifestyle that is “natural” in every day society.

Let me explain this a little more.

(Tomorrow, of course … )


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McSnippets!

A few weeks ago, Hubby and I spent another one of our Detroit Saturday nights at our favorite Hole-In-The-Wall with our friend, J. It’s becoming a tradition to do this every Saturday we’re back in the Detroit area. First of all, it gives us a chance to get our fix of the best d*mn burgers in the area. And second, we get to have some great conversation with a great friend.

270That Saturday we were talking about childhood memories. The kind of memories that no one else but one or the other could remember. The ones that everyone else might think was crazy and make-believe. But the ones we knew in our minds were true.

For the life of me, I can’t remember what memory J had that neither Hubby or I could place in the back of our minds. And I wish I could … because then I’d want to see if anyone else out here in the blogosphere would know what he was talking about. As for me … I had two specific memories. Neither of which was “google”-able about three years ago.

The first one I had was almost a blur-like memory. A mini-TV show that played between shows on the local PBS-like station. They reminded me of the “Scho.olho.use Rocks” series in that it would always have some sort of lesson to learn. However, unlike “Scho.olho.use Rocks,” they’d always be aired during weekday afternoons. And instead of being cartoons, they would be budget-friendly claymation figures. But whenever I brought this up to any of my friends that grew up in the same area at around the same time period, no one could ever remember “Snippets.” In fact, I’ve been accused once or twice of making it up in my mind. Except now I’m here to prove that they did exist … because since the last time I googled the show, it appears that other people were remembering and wondering the same thing.

The second one is a little more personal. That same Saturday night, I told J and my Hubby about this memory I had about a Ron.ald Mc.Don.ald character that neither of them could remember. All I could remember was that it was a pirate-like character and that I saw a statue of him somewhere at an outdoor McDon.aldland playground out in front of the actual restaurant. (Remember when they used to have swingsets and merry-go-rounds located in a brick courtyard directly in front of the restaurant?) Both J and Hubby laughed at me, informing me that I surely must have mistaken this pirate with the Ham.burgl.ar. And furthermore stating that perhaps my love for Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack obviously extended back into my early childhood.

But see the thing is, I knew in the recess of my mind that I had a picture taken in front of this pirate. And so the next morning, before we left our home to return back to Chicago, I went rummaging through some of the old photo albums I managed to (a-hem) “borrow” from my parents. And lo and behold … I managed to find proof of said pirate. After showing Hubby, I told him that I now had to scan this picture in and share it with J … just to prove him wrong.

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But then I promptly forgot about it … until the other day at work ,when rummaging through my bag, I stumbled on said picture. Of course, then I had to show it around the office and relay to them the conversation I had with Hubby and J. And now that I had my solid proof, I told my co-workers, I had to find out exactly who this character was.

Well, duh … since I’m officially now living in the state in which McDo.nald’s was founded, it didn’t take me that long to find out the name of said character. Captain Crook (which was later shortened to just “The Captain”) was similar to that of the Ham.burglar … except instead of stealing burgers he was known to steal Filet-o-fish sandwiches. And apparently it was Officer Big Mac who would try to catch him. The Captain and Big Mac apparently got the cut in the early 80’s when McDon.aldla.nd began to streamline its characters. Don’t ask me how the Fry Guys (aka the “Gobblins”) and Birdie made the cut … along with Gri.mace. I mean seriously … what exactly is Gri.mace supposed to be?! *

272So there you go … apparently I really don’t pull things out of thin air (or from my a$$, as others might say). But ain’t it a sad state of affairs when I can remember silly trivial things … and yet I struggle with remembering where I last put my cell phone?

Don’t answer that. Somehow, I can already hear all those responses to that rhetorical question. Hmmph …

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* Silly side note: Filipinos use a vegetable called ube (pronounced like e.Bay, but with an”ooh”) in many sweet desserts. The color of ube is remarkably like the color of Gri.mace. My Hubby had this way of teasing his younger cousins that any desserts made of ube was actually bits and pieces of Gri.mace. Yeah … he devastated his poor cousins who really thought they were eating Ron.ald Mc.Don.ald’s friend!