Don't Stop Believing

Last night Hubby & I were “hangin'” at the local coffee house, both of us on our laptops. Well … actually, Hubby was working while I just putzed around. And really, I should have been finishing up on the “quickie” knit project I’ve been working on for the past two weeks (so much for quick!). Or I could have been catching up on some much needed blog reading. But instead I surfed the web. And listened to some tunes off of Hubby’s laptop.

I guess I should preface this by saying that I usually rely on Hubby to update my iPod. He’s the one who uploaded most our songs from our CD collection into our digital library. He’s usually the one to find new artists and songs on the web for us. If there’s a certain tune I’m itching to hear, he’s the one that finds it and uploads it on my iPod. Many times when I stick my earbuds on at work (to drown out those loud co-workers while trying to concentrate), I end up finding little gems on my iPod.

journey_escapeFor example, one week I had this incredible urge to hear that one Jo.an Je.tt song from that one movie she was in with Mi.chael J. Fox, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember the name of the song, let alone the name of the movie. (Oh yeah, I can hear y’all trying to remember it now, too … ) The next day at work, what do I find on my iPod? Uh-huh … He’s such a great guy, isn’t he?! I think so.

Anyway, lately Hubby’s been on an “Under $5” deal at the iTunes store, where you can purchase either movies or albums online for $4.99. Last week he got some great 80’s movies to watch on our iTouch. And this week? Well … that’s what we were listening to last night; the “Escape” album from Journey. “Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit” … Listening to it is totally flashing me back to growing up in the ‘burbs of Detroit back in the early 80’s.

I was telling Hubby that I remember that this particular album was one of those “tapes” that Dr. Bro bought during his one “stint” at the whole Co.lumb.ia H.ouse “Eight Tapes for a Penny” deals; the expensive shipping cost paid for by mowing neighbors’ lawns and saving his weekly allowances. So listening to the whole album in it’s entirety is like stepping back to the summers where Dr. Bro and I would ride around our neighborhood with our “bike gang.” And summers with swimming lessons at the local middle school.

When celebrating my mid-summer birthday meant either camping out of town or heading down to the county “wave pool.” Where summers were spent earning money by babysitting the neighborhood kids. Of which were eventually spent at the local B. Dalton’s buying books … and then reading them late at night under the covers with the flashlight.

The "Bike Gang"
The "Bike Gang"

Those days seem like such a lifetime away; even though it was only 25 years ago during this lifetime. It was a time of naivety; a time of feeling care-free. Especially during summers which, in it’s own, was a time of freedom. No timetable to conform to, no expectations to finish homework.

Referring back to yesterday’s post … it was simply a time of feeling as if anything was possible. As if the whole future was yet to be discovered. As if believing in any dream made could actually come true.

I miss those days. I miss not having to conform to a daily routine. And I miss not having expectations of others; and others not having expectations of me. I miss that feeling of the future being so far ahead of us … slightly out of reach, but still within the realm of reality. Still believing that anything is possible.

There are some days that I truly wish I could go back to that moment and relive it with the knowledge I have now. But then I remember that the choices and decisions I’ve made are what has made me into the person I am today. Bruised and a bit broken … but otherwise ready to face yet another challenge. Especially now that I’ve got that “second chance” I’ve been waiting for so long.

Journey was right not to stop believing.

Flying High

I am totally on cloud nine right now. The events over the past week and the reality that’s about to come has got me flying high.

I wish I could un-PWP those specific posts that can better explain the reason for such emotions. Unfortunately there are those certain aspects of our lives that won’t exactly allow us to shout it from the rooftops. At least for now.

In any case, this news has definitely added a skip to my step, a slight upturn to my lips … a light at the end of a really long and dark tunnel.

For once in a very long time, this change in tides just feels right. After years of banging my head up against a brick wall … of going through doors that seem to lead to nowhere … this path finally seemed to be the correct one. And the doors? They have amazingly been opening up all on their own. What a relief after years of struggling to open one door just to face the next locked door.

But I’m not taking anything for granted. I am truly relishing this moment. Because I know that moments like this are few and far between. Truth be told, the last time I’ve felt this excited … and full of optimism … was the two years before and the two years after our wedding. And that was more than ten years ago. (Wow. I just realize that it’s been that long …) Not that we haven’t had great times and haven’t formed a multitude of incredible memories and experiences … it’s just that we haven’t had that “anything is possible” feeling since then.

And especially since boarding that roller coaster ride called “Infertility.” Because really, there’s only so much “impossibility” (read: hopelessness, aka BFN … as in “Big Fat Negative” pregnancy test) that one can take.

Which is why I know not to take anything for granted. Seeing as I know that, even though at this very moment these doors are unlocked … it only takes a second for them to slam shut and to once again be dead-bolted.

So I’m going to relish this “high” for as long as I possibly can.

"All you need is Love"
Jumping for Joy in Las Vegas at The Beatles "Love" Cirque Du Soleil

Show and Tell: That "Just Married" Look

showandtellWow. I seriously can’t believe I’ve made it through half the month for NaBloPoMo. It seems like a week in, I was already struggling to find stuff interesting stuff to post about. And now … I’ve reached the halfway point.

So today, I decided to share a picture of Hubby and I on our honeymoon. And based on the picture, where do you think we went?

Hmmm …. jackets and sweatshirts, cuddling close to each other. Probably some place pretty cool in climate, eh? Maybe hiking in one of the state parks in Washington … or perhaps Alaska even?

Honeymoon

Nope. Hubby and I went to Hawaii. Yep, if you could only pan out a little further in this picture, you’d see that we’re both wearing our Doc Marten sandals with no socks … and completely freezing our tushies off.

That’s because we made the trek up Mt. Haleakala on the island of Maui, just to watch the sun rise over the summit of this dormant volcano. To put it in words would be near impossible. Just know that it was simply gorgeous.

But back to the picture. Can’t you tell how incredibly happy we are? By then we would have been married 9 days (even though the date displayed one day ahead …. what can I say? This was pre-digital!) and this would have been the second to the last day of our honeymoon.

To say that we enjoyed our trip would be an understatement. We started out in the island of Kauai, which was absolutely perfect for us to unwind from all of the wedding events. You see, Kauai is more of a quiet island (as compared to Oahu or Maui). Not too much going on throughout the island, but lots of beautiful scenery. We stayed at the Hyatt in Poipu, which is the southernmost city of the island. And we were absolutely spoiled rotten there. The oceanfront view, the beautiful gardens on the property, the multiple swimming pools and lagoons, and the incredible daily brunch spread that, to this day … cannot compare to any other brunch we’ve had. We took a raft up the Na Pali Coast and snorkeled at one of the isolated beaches. We drove up to Waimea Canyon and met a orange tabby cat named Simba, who was adopted by the vendors in the area. Oh, and we went on a helicopter ride, where … because of the extreme motion sickness I experienced … I realized it was not my life’s ambition to be a pilot. Although, what I do remember was beautiful. In all, we spent about 6 days on this island, relaxing and basking in our newlywed state.

Then it was off to Maui, which after spending almost a week in “seclusion,” seemed like a major metropolis as compared to Kauai. It was definitely an island with many more sites and activities. Oh, and lots of shopping too! We stayed at the Embassy Suites in Ka’anapali, which is on the northwesternmost part of the island. In order to get there, we drove through Lahaina, which was, at one time, the center of the world’s whaling industry with ships from around the globe docking at this port. This has certainly made Lahaina the “seaport” village that it has become; lots of storefronts and boutique shops line its streets.

Along with the aforementioned 2:00 am drive up to the “House of the Sun” to watch the sun rise, we also made another beautiful day trip to the east side of the island. Which, if you’ve ever been to Maui … it’s almost like being on a completely different island. Where the west side is more arid and dry, the east side is more lush and green. The highway to the east is widely known as the “Road to Hana” and it’s a wondrously windy road with more than 50 bridges, many of which are only one lane. Along the way, we passed by numerous waterfalls; some of which we were actually able to swim under. And at the end of our journey, we reached the “Seven Sacred Pools,” which are actually a series (of more than seven, may I add) of pools formed by cascading waterfalls that literally tumble into the ocean. It was stunningly beautiful.

By the end of the 11 days we spent in Hawaii, we were well rested and ready to start our lives as newlyweds. What we absolutely loved best about our honeymoon was that we were there together, exploring a place where neither of us had ever been before. On our very own. With no timetable or schedule to go by. And to this day, this was one of our most favorite (if not the favorite) vacations of all time.

Unfortunately, all my honeymoon photos have not caught up with the digital age at this time. Perhaps one day, I’ll be able to scan them in. Until then, I’ll just have to enjoy the beautiful picture of us up in the “House of Sun.”

Now; make sure you go and check out everyone else’s Show and Tell posts!

Double … Oh My!

p142
My heart’s a-thumpin’

I have a thing for actors. That and rock stars, but that’s another story. I’m definitely more of a tall, dark and handsome type of gal, and the more interesting (and diverse) roles they play, the sexier I think they are. Which is why I have this (almost unhealthy) obsession with Joh.nny De.pp. I’ve always had a thing for him, even back in his “Elm Street” and “Jump Street” days.

Which is why it makes almost no sense that I found myself having a “crush” on Da.niel Cr.aig. Before his take as James B.ond, I have never really taken notice of him. And truth be told, I had my reservations of have a blond hair / blue-eyed man playing 007. Because to me, Pie.rce Bro.snan (even back in his “Remin.gton Ste.ele” days) was always who I visualized as the penultimate Bond. (Ask my parents though, and they’d probably say Sean Conn.ery.) But then I saw “Casino R.oyal.e” and some of it’s steamy scenes. And yeah, I blushed.

qos-wallpaper-6-sm
Double Oh Sexy

So it’s no surprise that Hubby & I ran out to see the latest Bond flick. And I certainly was not disappointed. Even moreso, Hubby wasn’t disappointed either.

Okay, so that last statement sounded weird, but seriously … it was more because of the latest Bond girl, Ol.ga Kur.yle.nko. Who, I even admit, is pretty d*mn sexy. Of course, I’m sure it’s more because of the character she plays in this film. A beautiful girl with matching smart and wit about her; a girl with a mission in mind. Basically, she’s a female version of 007 but with a more shapely body.

I knew when Olga first came on the screen that Hubby thought she was attractive. Because just as I know him very well, I also know his “type.” Just like I know Jes.sica Al.ba is also his type. And just like he knows that Joh.nny De.pp is mine. Yeah … we’re that comfortable with each other. And that secure in our relationship.

And amongst everything else that seems to be in such a state of flux, it’s wonderful knowing that my relationship with Hubby is the one constant (yet ever-evolving) thing in my life.

Okay, so with that said … remember that one “Frie.nds” episode? The one with the “list” of five celebrity people that a person could sleep with without it considered cheating? If given the opportunity?

Obviously Joh.nny De.pp and Da.niel Cr.aig are on mine. Along with Dwa.yne “The R.ock” Joh.nson. And Micha.el Hu.tchence (if he were still alive, sigh …). Oh, and probably Gra.nt Hill (ex-Pist.ons, now Phx Suns basketball player). Hey … what can I say? My tastes are diverse!

And Jes.sica Al.ba and now Ol.ga Kur.yle.nko are on my Hubby’s list. Probably alongside Ang.elina J.olie and Gw.yneth Pa.ltrow. Probably Gw.en Stef.ani, too. Although really … his tastes don’t usually fall towards blonds. He’s really more about smart and sexy women than he is all about the looks.

So … now I pose the question to you … who’s on your celebrity list?

And better yet … who do you think is on your Hubby’s / S.O.’s list?

Most importantly … which one do you think is the sexier B.ond?

Seriously?!

Okay … seriously must counteract that awful picture above …. how about this one?

And since this is my blog ... I can post THIS sexy picture!

Mmmm …. Oh yes. Definitely better …

Freedom of Choice

So yeah … this is going to be one of those long, rambling posts. One where I will express my opinions about ethical issues. Besides, what better time to do this; less than a week after Election Day?

Remember Michigan’s Proposal 2? It’s the proposal that allows stem cell research within the State of Michigan? The same proposal that had gotten many conservative “Pro-Life”-er’s up in arms? The same one in which had my Mom placing a “2 Goes 2 Far” bumper sticker on her car? (Which, by the way, I took off her car before having to go pick them up from the airport last Thursday … 😛 )

This is the same proposal that had me on the fence for a long time on if I should vote yes or no during the election this past Tuesday. And as I mentioned in passing, I struggled with my decision because of my own experience with IVF.

Like many others, there was so much involved when Hubby & I went through our IVF cycle. First there was all the medication (read: shots) I had to take. Then there were all the “blood donations” I made to the laboratory (read: vampire) to measure my hormone levels; sometimes on a daily basis. And of course, there’s those “special dates” I had with the US tech and her “magic wand.” All of this was done so that my IVF doc (called a Reproductive Endocrinologist, or RE for short) could gain some sort of a “controlled environment” over my (already screwed up) body in order to achieve the “optimal conditions” (read: lots of eggies to fertilize and a cushy uterus to house any baby blastocytes) for a pregnancy.

When we entered our IVF cycle, we basically knew that we were giving ourselves (mind and body) over to the process. If we were told that I needed to go into the office for lab draws and an ultrasound; we didn’t question why, we just did it. If I was told to increase the dose of my medication in order to stimulate follicle growth, I knew I hated to give myself more hormones… but I still did it. Because the end result of a successful pregnancy and live birth is what Hubby & I were aiming for. And we obviously wanted biological child of our own so much, that we were willing to give up anything to achieve it.

To say that we lost a little bit of control over the situation at hand is an understatement. Actually, it was probably about twenty yards BELOW what an understatement normally would be. Simply put, in the midst of an IVF cycle: There. Is. NO. Control.

Now, I bet you’re wondering why I’m reliving this aspect of my life. And what this all has to do about Proposal 2. But before I explain … let’s go through exactly what was written in this proposal:

In basic language, Proposal 2 allows stem cell research on human embryos that were created soley for the purpose of fertility treatments. There are strict criteria for what kind of human embryos can be use. First of all, the embryos must be voluntarily donated specifically by the person(s) seeking fertility treatments; and this must be documented in writing. Second of all, the embryos donated should be either in excess of the clinical needs of the person seeking treatment and would otherwise be destroyed if not donated … OR the embryos donated were not suitable for implantation and would also otherwise be destroyed if not donated. And finally, no stem cells may be taken from any human embryo more than 14 days after cell division begins.

(Sidenote: Why 14 days you may wonder? Prior to the 14 days, the fertilized egg is technically still called a blastocyte. After 14 days, when the blastocyte begins to divide and properly turn into the placenta and the umbilical cord, the blastocyte is then considered an embryo. For an in-depth explanation of these stages, click on these links. For a basic, non-medical explanation, click here.)

Okay, now that it’s explained … let me focus on one specific part of that proposal. The part that says voluntarily donated. And now go back to what I said before. About having no control over the situation when going through the IVF process.

When starting the actual IVF process … when literally signing up for an IVF cycle, not only is there a lot of instructions given up front, but there is also a ton of paperwork to go through. Most of that paperwork has to do with timetables, schedules, and payment of services.

But there’s also all the legal paperwork; the stuff that forced Hubby and me to slow down and really think about what we were getting ourselves into. How many blastocytes did we want to implant at one time? (Two) Did we want to freeze any remaining blastocytes for a possible future frozen cycle? (Yes) After one year, what would you like to do with the frozen blastocytes? (Will decide after the one year) If something should happen to either partner, who decides what to do with the blastocytes? (Remaining spouse or designated relative, if neither spouse is physically able to make the decision) And finally, in the event of a divorce, what would you like to have done to the frozen blastocytes?

Up until that moment, the questions were simple. And the choices provided to us were obvious to us. But that last question … that one stumped us. First of all, neither one of us could fathom not being married to one another … especially at that moment, when we were over our heads in baby-making.

And then the options? Woh. Talk about having to make major decision. We could either give that decision to one or the other. We could choose to have the remaining blastocytes destroyed. Or we could choose to donate them for research.

These were one of those ethical issues. Those choices that had you literally deciding between life and death. Because even though I’m far from being a full-fledged, card-carrying Catholic “Right-To-Life”-er … and even though science tells me that a blastocyte is technically not an embryo or even a fetus for that matter … I believe that what is formed during conception (whether if it’s “naturally” or through IVF) has the ability to become a life.

Just for added emphasis, let me reiterate it again.

I am a Pro-choice Catholic who’s scientific reasoning believes that what is formed during conception … even if it was created through IVF … has the ability to become a life.

How oxymoron-ish does that sound?! But I do believe that if any reasonable person thinks long and hard about everything involved in creating a life and the circumstances that surround the creation of a life (from love and sex … all the way to rape and abuse) will feel the same way I do.

And that’s because when trying to create Hubby’s and my biological child, we had to think long and hard about those decisions. And we had to make choices about what we’d want to do in any given situation.

As difficult as it was and even though our IVF cycle did not result in a pregnancy … what I was most grateful for when looking back at it now, was that we were given choices.

Choices. In the midst of everything else that we had no control over. Choices during a situation in which it seems impossible to make decisions. Choices to do what we feel is best for us at that moment. Choices.

So ultimately, with my election ballot in front of me … during a time where it was not a life and death situation … I chose to vote YES on Proposal 2.

Because even though Hubby and I chose not to donate our one single blastocyte left over from our IVF cycle, I want other people going through IVF treatments to be able to have some sort of control … a “choice“, if you will … to know that their donation will assist in the research that will benefit other people who absolutely have no control over their various health issues.

And (even though I’m prepared to get H*LL for my vote) I’m happy that other 53% of Michigan voters voted the same way, too.