Family – Page 11 – Apron Strings for Emily

25 March 201027 March 2010

The Other Look

I was five years old when I got caught shoplifting.

It’s one of those definable moments in life that a person never forgets. And it’s funny that today this memory would bubble to the surface of my mind.

I’m not quite sure what triggered this memory. Perhaps it’s because I’m hanging out at the local Border’s on Michigan Ave again (free WiFi … gotta love it!) Or maybe it’s because I happened to see a little kiosk in front of Macy’s that had stuff similar to the chotskies I stole at the tender age of five.

Anyway, I can remember shopping with my mom at Oakland Mall one Saturday afternoon when the incident happened. It must have been around Easter or Christmas, because all I could remember was having to try on frilly dresses that I had no intention of keeping clean once I wore them. Distracted by the ribbons and laces on third floor of Hudson’s, my Mom left me to my own device around the girls section.

I naturally found my way over to the little Sanrio kiosk located close to the girly accessories. The little Asian girl in me absolutely looooved Hello Kitty and secretly wished she could be Hello Kitty’s twin sister, Mimmy. As Mom continued to be distracted by polyester and rayon (it was the late 70’s at that time … breathable stain-free fabric for kids still hadn’t been invented), I thought about how cool it would be to have this pocket sized colored pencil and paper set complete with Hello Kitty stickers. Because they were so small, I didn’t think twice about putting them in my purple hippo Garanimal pants.

HKSharpener — Early 80's Hello Kitty Chotsky. Would have gone good with those mini colored pencils!

And because my Mom just happened to call me at that moment to try on a few dresses, I quite honestly forgot about my new treasure until we got home. Which of course, when I discovered it in my pocket, I immediately went to my bedroom and began to draw with my new mini-colored pencil set.

I probably would have gotten off scott free if my Mom didn’t catch me playing with my new “toy” the next morning before Mass. In which I can remember the shame I immediately felt when she asked me where I got those pencils. Without my Mom having to say any more words, I broke down and sobbed; confessing that I took them from the store the day before.

Now is the time I can tell you about this particular look my Mom would give Dr. Bro and me whenever she was angry. In our teenage years, Dr. Bro and I would call it “The Eyes.”

Yes … Eyes. As in plural. Because she just wouldn’t give us the “stink eye” where one eye would squint while the other eye glared at you intensely with the corresponding eyebrow severely arched in an upward manner. No … my Mom’s look was more like two normally big eyes bulging out to two times its normal size. Both eyebrows would be arched to the extreme while she glared at you as if lasers would shoot from her eyes to burn every fiber of hair on our heads. Needless to say, Dr. Bro and I would run and take cover whenever “The Eyes” would come out.

AngelKitty — Probably late 90's version of Hello Kitty

I distinctly remember the look in my Mom’s face when I confessed about stealing the pencil and pad set. Because it wasn’t “The Eyes.” Rather, it was this strange mixture of shock and sadness. As she stood speechless in front of me for a few moments, I suddenly felt smaller than I ever had been in the five short years of my life. I can recall feeling that way because I knew my shoplifting caused her to have that expression … and I hated knowing that I disappointed her so badly. At that moment, I almost wished I would have gotten “The Eyes” instead of that other look.

After she recovered from my confession, I was told to go to my room where I would wait anxiously until she returned. That’s when I got the lecture about stealing, which of course was reinforced by the Seventh Commandment. Then it was off to Mass where I had to pray to God for forgiveness. Afterward, we went straight to the mall where my Mom would make me give back what I stole and tell the store clerk that I was very sorry.

Obviously it was a very good method of learning from one’s mistake, because I’ve never shoplifted again since that incident.

I’ve seen “The Eyes” many times in my life; especially during those high school and college years. But I had never seen that other look since my shoplifting incident. I’ve never seen her disappointed in me as much as she was that Sunday morning.

To me, that is an extremely important thing to remember. Because even during the worst days of my infertility journey, when I felt as if I was as small as that five-year old version of me, she’s never me shown that “Other Look.”

Which, to me, means that even though *I* feel as if I’ve disappointed both her and my Dad by not giving them the grandchildren they so deserve, my Mom isn’t.

Disappointed in me, that is.

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Whew … is Easter here yet?! Oh yes, only 10 more days left of this Lenten Crusade.

FlipHK — Probably my fave Hello Kitty ... a Filipino version! LOL!

Daily Random Act of Kindness: Ugh. Having a hard time remember what good deed I’ve done today. Short of holding elevators for complete strangers and holding doors open for fellow employees, I can’t think of anything significant. Eesh … perhaps I need to make it up tomorrow with a better good deed.

Daily Thought of Gratitude: Not sure if I already said this in the past 30 or so days or this exercise, but I’m thankful for mass transportation. I love that I can get to places without having to drive myself (or have Hubby drive). I love that I can jump on a bus and travel down one end of Michigan Avenue to the other. But another unexpected benefit of mass transit is that I find myself getting more walking time in; it forces me to be active for more than I normally would have been if I was still living in Detroit.

Okay. I’m tired … and I still have another day of work in front of me before the weekend. Think I’m calling it a night!!

21 March 201027 March 2010

Mish Mosh

I think I’ve hit the proverbial “brick wall” with my daily blog entries. I’m just not at all feeling creative these days and I’m sure it has to do with the fact that I’m just 15 days away from finishing up the promise I made to myself to post daily until the Monday after Easter.

Yeah, I’ve got me some writer’s block going on.

Oh, not that I don’t have things to say (when don’t I?), I think I’m at that state where I know I’m in the last stretch before the home front. And if I. Can. Just. Push myself. A little further …

Today was laundry day. And at the cafe next to the laundromat, there happened to be this sign –>

How can you not laugh after seeing that? Especially now that I’m imagining a future bowl of soup take off on me in the midst of consuming it so it can save the world.

Afterward, it was back to the local coffee house so that Hubby can continue to do some more work without the distractions of the TV at home. Nope … instead we were distracted by looking up scores for the NCAA March Madness Tourney.

Of which, this is the first year I’ve ever did a set of brackets. While I’ve known I’m a sports fan(atic) for a while, I’ve never been too much of a college basketball lover. (Hubby blames it on the demise of Michigan’s Fab Five.) And I could never understand how people could become so distracted on those Thursdays and Fridays of the NCAA tournament. Until now. D*mnit.

Oh, and I just have to send a quick shout-out to my alma mater, Oakland University that did make the tournament this year. Unfortunately they lost in the first round. But that’s more I can say about Hubby’s alma mater. 😛

One more piece of babble before I sign off for the night. And I have to mention it only because it is a rather historic day in Washington DC. I think any American would’ve had to be living under a rock these past couple years not to know what I’m talking about.

467 — Hubby "rockin' it" at the local *Bucks

Yes, I can’t believe that today will be the House vote on whether or not to pass the Health Care Reform bill. And seeing that the key Democratic hold-out amended his decision based on a last-minute Executive Order from Obama, it’s sounding more and more like this Health Care Reform bill will be signed into legislation by the end of tonight or in the early morning hours.

As a professional clinician in the Health Care arena … let alone one that specifically works for a health insurance company, I’m honestly a little nervous about what this will mean for the landscape of my imminent future. While I will be incredibly relieved that this version of Health Care Reform means that everyone has access to quality health care (because regardless of whether a person is poor or rich, we should all have the basic human right of receiving appropriate care), I’m a little worried of the reality on how this will all be funded.

Again, not saying that I disagree with the concept that every living being should be able to have access to the basic human right of quality health care … I’m just simply stating that if Health Care costs continue to rise at the rate that they do, how will even the federal government pay for it?

My Mom made the comment this afternoon as a spoke with her that it’s because of rise in Health Insurance premiums that have forced those previously opposed to the bill change their mind. She specifically pointed to my employer ( … you know, the one who pays my bills?) as an example.

467 — WTF?! This is Suburban Chi-Town's version of the Leaning Tower

However, what she failed to see (and what most people also fail to realize) is that the raise in premiums is due to the rise in overall health care costs. And rise in overall health care costs is a combination of multiple factors. One which can specifically be directed towards those pharmaceutical companies and high technology companies that produce those multi-million dollar machines that can diagnose cancer just by standing next to it.

I’m kidding, of course. There is no such instrument. But the truth is, it’s these companies that charge US the consumers millions of billions of dollars in order to turn a healthy profit on their end. And when I talk about “consumers,” I mean any person that seeks health care services, the facilities that prescribe these drugs or purchase these instruments, and the health insurance companies.

Where else would these pharmaceutical companies get the money to advertise their medications (A$$-effects anyone?) And how else would they continue to make the profits by keeping the patents to these medications for years and years (and years), and charge hundreds of dollars for their “Brand Name” drug when it could be made more readily available for generic distribution (and therefore cheaper to the consumers)?

So yes, this is more the reason I’m concerned about the current Health Reform bill. Because, quite frankly, it really doesn’t discuss any reform when it comes to health care spending.

And maybe it’s because I’ve seen both sides of the equation … both as a Registered Nurse working in the hospital and as a RN Case Manager working for the health insurance company … trying to assist with finding resources for those un(der)insured patients in order for them to be safely discharged home, that I absolutely know Health Care Reform is needed.

I just hope that somehow with the passing of this bill, that these other issues will also be addressed. Especially now that those “bills” (as in the bills that typically get sent to the individual who received services and/or the health insurance company, if they have any) would be the responsibility of our government.

Whew. Okay … this was a much longer post that I anticipated. But hey … perhaps this means I’ve plowed through that brick wall?!

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In German today, here’s my Daily Lenten exercise.

Eine gute Tat des Tages: Uhm … I’m honestly not quite sure I did a Good Deed today. At least not yet. I guess I’ll have to do something before the day is officially over. Hmmm … perhaps walk our Kozzy-girl when we get home? So Hubby can continue to work? Yeah. Think I’ll do that.

Gefühle der Dankbarkeit für den Tag: Well, today I’m grateful for Hubby who did a stellar job in helping out with the laundry today. Especially since I’m not feeling a 100% today. I’m all achey and clammy. Uh-oh. 🙁

Okay y’all. Time to sign off for now. Until tomorrow …

20 March 201021 March 2010

First Day of Spring

Tyler in Chicago for Spring Break 2009

Today marked the first day of spring here in Chicago. So what was the first this I saw this morning? Snow. What’s worse is that yesterday was absolutely beautiful; just like the previous three days before then.

Welcome to the Midwest; where we’re all proud to boast the fact that we get to experience all four seasons. We just may not experience them in the order that Nature is supposed to hand them to us.

On another note, it looks like we won’t be heading back to Detroit until late April. We were thinking of going home for Easter, but were actually dreading the drive home for once. I’m not sure if it’s age, but I just can’t seem to recover as quickly from busy weekends and long drives.

In any case, instead of visiting family for Easter … we’ll be entertaining instead. It appears that both my niece and nephew will be coming to visit us for the weekend and it should be fun. I’m especially hoping to spend some time with Tyler, as I’m sure that this will be one of the last Spring Breaks he’ll want to spend with us once he hits high school next year. And it should definitely be fun seeing Kairi … as I know she’s finally able to readily recognize us.

Kairi with Dad and Tyler, 2009

What will be interesting is to see how Kairi and Kozzy get along. Last year when the whole family came and visited, Kairi was only seven months old and Kozzy was still too new to the city. It was funny to watch the two of them try to interact, as both were rather scared of one another. The best part was that whenever Kozzy barked, Kairi would naturally cry … and if Kairi cried, Kozzy would have to put her two cents in and bark back. And if one would get louder, the other one had to raise it up a notch, too! So we’ll see how both are with each other when they meet again on Easter weekend!

Until then, I must continue on with the promise I made to post daily. And I do confess … I’m looking forward towards the end of my daily posts. Not that I don’t want to continue doing Random Acts of Goodness or write about things I’m grateful for … no, I’m just looking forward to going back to writing about more substantial things other than (what feels like) a journal entry of daily events.

Anyhoo … let’s get on with my Lenten activities.

Tyler & Hubby on Navy Pier, 2009

Una buona azione del giorno: Why do I feel like I should be having pasta and marinara right now instead of saying what good deed I did today? I think the nicest thing I did today was wake up early this morning just to take my Kozzy-girl out for her walk. Apparently Kozzy thought she was doing ME a favor by waking me up at the time I normally wake up for the weekend. <Hmmmph> But really, what she wanted to do was go out for her morning stroll. Too bad neither of us knew exactly how cold it was this morning … me without my winter boots and Kozzy without her doggie coat. Brrrr ….

Sentimenti di gratitudine per la Giornata: Today’s grateful thought is all about the availability of free WiFi. If it wasn’t for that and my laptop, I would be tied to the apartment … or worse , to my cubicle at work … doing all the other stuff for work that I can’t get done during the normal business week. So yes … free WiFi? I heart you. Dearly.

07 March 2010

Freshly Laundered

It’s … oh, 1 pm Detroit time. Hubby & I should already be in the car heading back to Chicago but alas, we’re still finishing up the last two loads laundry here.

431 — Cutie-Pie Kairi during this visit. Her bib says "Teething Bites!"

What can I say? If we had to keep our house here, we might as well get use out of our in-home washer and dryer while we can. Because laundromats are great for getting multiple loads done at one time … but there’s nothing that beats being in your own house while your clothes are being washed!

Yeah, we should have spent all of yesterday evening doing the laundry, but instead we did other things. Like … see “Alice In Wonderland” in 3D. With our friend, J. Who came with us afterward to grab some food. And well, next thing we know it’s close to midnight again. And we’ve got an early morning breakfast date with my parents.

Seriously, I love coming back to Detroit and spending time with family and friends. But by the time the weekend’s over, I’m exhausted .

SO … since I’ll be spending the evening driving home, I figure I’d post my daily Lenten “duties” for the day.

Good Deed of the Day: Not sure if this would be considered a “good deed,” but Hubby stayed up later than I did working on a creative job. His good deed was to “finish” doing the laundry while I slept, but somehow I knew that wasn’t going to happen.** But since he climbed into bed pretty late (just after he was done with this job … while “waiting for the dryer to go off,” as he said … ) and we had to be up and out the door by 7:30 am, I let him sleep up until the time we had to leave to meet my parents for breakfast. And now … after returning home, I’m letting him nap some more while I work on finishing up the rest of the laundry. Like I said, not sure if this is really a “good deed.” After all … he’s the one that’s going to be driving us home, and I’d rather him be alert while behind the wheel.

Gratitude of the Day: Well, since we’re still home … no sense in not turning on the TV. To watch the Detroit Red Wings. Take on the Chicago Blackhawks. After all, it’s soooo much better watching it on TV instead of trying to find a radio station to listen to the game on the drive home. GO WINGS!!

Woops … well, there goes the dryer. Time to do more folding …

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** Especially since both of us had been up late the night before and up early the next morning. And he was working on this creative job.

06 March 2010

Fourteen!

This afternoon, I got to spend some quality time with all of my in-laws … and particularly my nephew and niece.You see, the real reason we came to Detroit this weekend was to celebrate our nephew’s 14th birthday (which is actually next Friday, but he’ll be at his dad’s).

Fourteen! Where the h*ll has the time gone? It seems like just last year that I was still working as a staff nurse at the hospital where he was born. Where I was the lucky person who got to change his first stinky diaper. And it feels like only a year ago when we put this cute little baby in a stock pot and gave him a wooden spoon to bang on the pot.

428 — Tyler at 6 with Hubby holding him on carousel

I swear it was just last week when Hubby & I were in Florida with him, watching his fascination of Spiderman grow when we visited Universal Studios Islands of Adventure. And only a week since he finally “outgrew” his favorite “Froggy.”

Now he’s taller than me and has facial hair … And his voice has suddenly grown deeper!

All this … and he starts high school next year!!

It’s only a matter of time that his interest in hanging out with his Auntie Em and Uncle will wane; where he’ll want to spend more time with his friends than with his family. And only a few years until he starts Driver’s Training (yikes!).

But for now … well, I’ll enjoy seeing the excitement he has whenever we walk into the room; especially after not seeing each other for a period of time. And I’ll I’ll treasure every moment he wants to spend with us; every kiss and hug and cuddle he wants to give us … because I know it’ll only be a matter of time when it won’t be “cool” to do that anymore.

Happy (Early) Birthday, dear nephew of mine!

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431 — Tyler today. He'll be 14 this Friday!

Daily Gratitude: Today’s is obvious. I’m thankful for the love and affection that our nephew has for us.

Daily Good Deed: Strange, but I find it harder to do a Random Daily Good Deed when here in Metro Detroit. Maybe it’s because we’re pretty much isolated from being in our car driving from destination to destination rather than walking around outside in the city. I suppose the only good deed I can truly think that I’ve done was to pick up a random baby toy that I found on the floor of the local Barnes & Noble and return it to the father with the baby stroller that was a few aisle down from where I was.

Okay that’s it for today … erm, rather early in the morning on Sunday. But you guys don’t need to know that I’m backing up the date to late Saturday night, do you?!

Brother blows out cake, while baby sister watches — Tyler blows out his candles while baby sister watches