News from the Hospital Front

[Hi Bloggie Friends; who likely stopped visiting my little corner of the world, since I haven’t written *anything* over the past two years. Not that I haven’t been writing, I just have been venting on FB instead. I will try (once again) to be active in writing here, too.]

It’s absolutely nuts. Every day is something new & challenging. We’re definitely stressed (more than usual) and that can be felt throughout the entire hospital. Yet we’re trying to keep it as positive and as humorous as possible … if only just to keep us from breaking down.

It’s like nothing any of us have experienced. And the unit I’m on for Case Management is the designated COVID unit. It’s a step-down unit (not ICU but not a general floor either), that has been converted to the COVID-19 ICU annex. Many of these patients present with abnormally high temps, very low oxygen levels, and pneumonia. The ones on our unit require high flow oxygen to keep their levels in the mid- to low-90’s (most “normal” adults tend to be in higher 90’s)… and if that doesn’t help, then these patients “win” a tube down their throat in order to get placed on a ventilator.
To give you an idea, typically (pre-COVID-19) 1-2 patients get “intubated” in a 24-48 hour period on our unit. This past Friday, our unit intubated 18 patients in a 24 hour period. Today, there were 40+ patients on the vent by the time I left work.

Thank GOD that, as a Case Manager, I’m not providing direct patient care. However, I *am* doing a lot of talking to patients on the phone from our office (just down the hall, BTW) about what kind of healthcare needs (medical equipment, home care, physical rehab, etc) they might require on discharge. And then we’re counseling families from their homes (no visitors allowed) about the next steps when the patient is close to being discharged from the hospital (unless, of course, they’re “celestially” discharged 😢).
Which is the next big issue for me. We have NOWHERE to send these COVID+ patients that require rehab (no nursing facilities are accepting). And we’re also dealing with Assisted Living facilities or Group Homes that are refusing to take their residents back.

Yesterday, I had a Group Home manager tell me he couldn’t take his resident back because they hadn’t received their order of PPE that they *just* ordered LAST WEEK 😡 But the best part? He stated that he’d take him back if the hospital sent him home with TWO WEEKS of PPE for his home.

Today, we had a nursing facility “accept” a COVID-19 patient, but requested we send the patient with ten masks.

Seriously. All this … when direct care workers have to *literally* sign their lives away on a daily basis to get ONE N95 mask. The same ONE that they have to reuse for the entire day, placing it in paper bags throughout the shift when “not in use.”

And now, tonight … A national spotlight on The Rachel Maddow Show about how our 3K+-Hospital bed health system is reaching capacity and “transferring patients” amongst our hospitals. Which basically means they’re sending these patients to none other than the hospital that I work in … The Mother Ship. The First and Largest of the hospitals.

At the end of the day – like all my coworkers – I am exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. And yet, we healthcare workers get up the next morning and do it again.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and positive vibes. I totally appreciate them.

All us frontline workers do.
❤️❤️❤️

Being Happy …

I saw this quote on Facebook the other day and thought about how perfect it was in relationship to the last post I wrote.

I need to do that. Be happy with my life and where it’s at. 

For the most part, I think I am … I’m lucky to be married to my best friend and that makes all the difference in the world. I have someone I can implicitly trust all my hopes and fears. I have someone who has been with me to h*ll and back with all the curve balls life has thrown me. And he’s still standing next to me. 

So I guess you can say I succeeded in being with someone that makes me happy. Now, what should I do to be that someone that makes me happy? 

I guess it starts with figuring out what makes me unhappy and making a change from there. 

More Than a Woman?

Tired. That’s how I’ve felt this past weekend. I think the 10-hour days are catching up with me and I’m not looking forward to Monday when it will start all over again.

I think it’s time to take some time off. Maybe a scheduled mental health day to regroup myself. On a Monday. Or a Friday. So I can extend my weekend by an extra day.

Oh, who am I kidding? I’m still going to spend the day before returning to work worrying about what I need to do the day I actually return to work.

I worry too much. Not a surprise for people that know me very well. To others though, especially at work, I guess I put off this vibe that everything is going to be okay. But internally, I’m a nervous wreck.

Why is that?

Hubby seems to think I put too much pressure on myself, that I should learn to ease up on myself. That I should learn to break down projects into manageable tasks. And he’s right, the smart man that I married.

I do put a lot of pressure on myself to be as best that I can be. I guess it goes back to that thought that if I try hard enough, I’ll succeed in anything I do.

And we all know that Infertility taught me that that statement is not always relevant to everything.

So why am I still living my life like that? I guess I do it in the hopes of being a better person than would be if I had kids. That somehow, I need to make up for being more of a woman because I don’t have kids.

Does that sound ridiculous?

I know it does. There are lots of women living child-free by choice that can attest to this. Heck, there are women that have gone through infertility and are now living child-free that can say that they still feel like a whole woman.

Right now, I’m not one of those women.

Which is why I worry too much. And expect more out of myself. And I wish there was a way that I could just be happy with who I am.

Failure = Success?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the post I wrote last week and how failure has shaped my life over the past decade or so. Then my Hubby sent this article to me that talks about how failure can actually turn into success.

I’m not sure how I feel about the article. I mean, I get what the message is; that in order to succeed you have to allow failure into your life. That we can learn from our failures.

So what have I learned from my failures? Losing a job taught me that nothing in life is ever “stable.” Moving back to Detroit from Chicago after my Dad passed away taught me that guilt is a strong enough motivator. Infertility taught me that not everything that you give 100% into will result in success.

Not necessarily happy things, right? Truth is, failure has taught me to be more wary of people, of situations. The once confident woman that I was in my twenties, has morphed into a 40-year old woman with more self-esteem issues than a teenager.

What I need to do, as Hubby keeps telling me, is realize that I should let go of these failures and move on. And I need to realize that everything I do won’t necessarily fail; that even little things in life (and work) can be a success.

I need to believe in myself.