Category: Em on Em

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Identity Theft

Big "L" for Lame Blog Friend

Since I’ve been blogging a lot recently, I’ve been trying to make an effort to “socialize” more. I admit that I am decent at writing posts, but not so great about commenting on other reader’s posts or comments in regards to my posts.

If it makes anybody feel better … I’m pretty much consistent with responding on Facebook and Twitter!

Anyhoo … I’ve been trying to read and comment on those blogs of people who I’ve been following since the beginning and who have followed me through those difficult years. There are three gals that I wish we could all get together in the same room and just shoot the sh*t; two I’ve met IRL and one … well, she has always been such a bright spot in my day.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve met and have gotten pretty close to those other bloggers out there; it’s just that these three gals … well, I think there’s just something about them that seem to tie us all together (had to get one last February NaBloPoMo theme in … even though it’s March). And even though our shared bond was/is infertility, this friendship seems to have gone beyond it. So even though I had “disappeared” there for a bit (I blame no one but myself), I’m trying to make sure I keep these friendships up.

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I’m also branching out and trying to “socialize” with new bloggers. In the midst of writing daily, I’ve noticed that I had more “followers” and “lurkers” than I thought I did. (Thank you WordPress Blog Stats!) So yes, I’ve been trying to follow these bloggers and comment on their posts as well.

One of those new bloggie friends wrote a post about stigma and “spoiled identity” as it relates to her life and her struggles with infertility. And as I read her post, I realized that I had never quite described that feeling of social isolation and exclusion as being stigmatized. Or that feeling of not being able to contribute to conversations about child-rearing or pregnancy as being “socially discredited.” But that’s exactly what had happened in my IF journey.

It’s funny how I can learn new things, new perspectives from others going through what I had already gone through. Which, when going through my journey, I would have probably found any new point of view either comforting … or annoying.

Comforting, only if the person shared my same point of view or emotions. And annoying, if the person brought up something that hit a little too close to my soul … and sometimes (quite honestly) below the belt.

But reading these new perspectives now, after coming to terms with my own journey, they’re … well, refreshing. And, given what I learned today about my identity during that journey, I’d like to think I’m still learning about my IF journey, even if I’m no longer on that path.

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These three “original” IF friends … we’re all on different journeys now than when we first “met” via our own separate blogs. One of us is currently pregnant and two of us are currently off that crazy train called infertility. And one … well, one is at a point in her IF journey where I was at for so long. But despite the fact that we’re no longer on that shared path of IF, we’re still in a shared journey together. We’re still trying to provide support to one another.

All of us have been stigmatized by infertility. All of us have been robbed of the “identity” that we thought we’d have by now. All of us have experienced the feeling of being excluded (whether purposefully or not) from certain baby-related conversations or events. Yet all of us have managed to find comfort from one another. All of us have managed to forge a NEW identity amongst ourselves … outside of our infertility.

Because even though we may have had / still have a “spoiled identity” amongst other people in our own real lives, we’ve found that amongst us … our opinions matter. And our voices are allowed to be heard.

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My version of "The Grudge"

Daily Random Act of Kindness:  Let’s see; today my “good deed” for today was more of an exercise of patience. Let me set up the scene:

When I left work on Friday, it just happened that one of my team members was not very happy with the outcome of a conversation I had with her and the rest of my team earlier in the afternoon. Now, historically … this particular team member is known to hold grudges; and before I could approach her about the issue again last Friday, she had left for the day.

Needless to say, I dreaded going in to work today; knowing full well that I’d feel the wrath of The Grudge. And sure enough, when I made my “morning rounds” to say good morning to my team, all I got from this team member was a grunt.

It took a few tries, but I finally got her to say more than five words to me by mid-morning. And by the afternoon, she was finally back to her normal self.

A "Robert Smith" version of me in HS

While I know I needed to resolve the issue with this team member (seeing as I had to continue working with her and, well … supervising her), I think — or rather, I feel that I went above and beyond (and definitely out of my way) to get her to come around.

So yeah. I consider the patience I had with this team member my good deed of the day.

Daily Gratitude: Today I am grateful for bloggie friends; both old and new. If it wasn’t for you … I think I would have totally lost my identity. But you guys … well, you guys have kept me grounded.

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On a completely (un)related note, today marks the first day of NaBloPoMo March. For those of you that aren’t familiar with what NaBloPoMo is, click here to read more.

The theme for March is Strange(r). So my posts can be about strange (or stranger) tidbits of information or situations or stories. Or it can be about strangers; as in, “Strangers in the night.” Yet again, it’s a vague theme which I’m not necessarily held to writing about. However, seeing that today’s post talked about complete strangers that have become close bloggie friends, and about new strangers that I’ve just met … it looks as if it fits into this month’s theme.

Much more to come in the following month …

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Keeping the Momentum

There’s a part of me that realizes I’ve changed since coming to a resolution with my infertility; since moving to Chicago. It’s been a gradual change; mostly based on the increasing confidence and strength I’ve garnered over the past year.

And this past month, with all the writing I’ve been doing … I realize that my posts have definitely taken a different tone.  Specifically, I’ve noticed that I’ve taken a break from the sad, depressing — and even angry — parts of my life.

I have always loved making observations about myself and of the world. My mom always told me that I was both very perceptive and inquisitive, so I guess it comes naturally to me. The only problem I’ve encountered (especially more recently) is that I often forget what an impact some of these observations have on me. And if I don’t write them down … well, then my “lightbulb moment” gets lost in the dim recess of my mind.

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Speaking of observations … yesterday was the “observed” Catholic Holy Day of Ash Wednesday. Ask me if I went to mass … and I’m sure you’d already know the answer. But we’ve already had many a conversation about my actual “practice” of my Catholic faith.

Regardless, there are certain things … traditions, really … that I like to follow. (Coincidentally, a bloggie friend recently talked about how traditions in religion is something she enjoys … read about it here.) One of them is the practice of “giving up” something during Lent.

I debated for a few days as to what I would give up this year. In the past, I’ve typically given up things that I really, really enjoy … knowing that I’d really only be practicing the art of self-restraint.  One year it was chocolate-covered pretzels, and another year was caramel apple suckers. Come Easter after both years, I was so good at exercising self-restraint that I no longer had those “cravings” to consume them as I had done before Ash Wednesday.

This year I thought about giving up Coca-Cola (I’m addicted) or even any form of chocolate (detrimental to *anyone’s* sanity). And as I told my co-worker this, she told me what she decided to do different for Lent this year.

Since she was already pretty adept at giving up things for Lent, my co-worker chose to “pay it forward” this Lenten season. Meaning that she would decide to do one random act of kindness every day for the 40 days before Easter.

The more she talked about her plans, the more she had me sold on doing the same thing. Even though I understand the concept of “giving up” something for Lent as being able to exercise abstinence and to “purify the soul” before the day of Resurrection … the “rebel” Catholic in me thinks that this concept in this century is self-defeating, rather than self-appreciating.

If this sounds muddled, let me explain it with this train of thought: If I decide to give up chocolate for Lent this year and I’m not successful, I know I’d feel guilty. Even worse is that the mere thought of having chocolate before Easter would already elicit those feelings of guilt … even if I didn’t have any .

Yeah, self-defeating.

But … let’s say that instead of “giving up” something, I decide to “give” something to someone else … like an extra sandwich from my catered lunch meeting today to the homeless person outside of the Starbucks by work … well, it would make me feel as if I’ve helped someone else and it would make me feel good about myself. And in the end, it would boost my confidence.

Kinda like how once I started to allow myself to feel “happy” again (after 12+ years of infertility), I’ve managed to garner some momentum in gaining confidence and strength. And more importantly, contentment in my overall life. (See how it all ties together?)

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My goal this February was to write an entry a day; and seeing that I have only 11 days to go, I’m pretty sure I will meet this goal and gather more of that strength and confidence.

LOOVE this "work flow" chart!

SO … in order to continue that forward momentum, I’ve decided to borrow my co-worker’s Lenten promise. Starting today (and ending on Easter Monday … since I’m already a day behind), I am going to vow to perform one random act of kindness a day and document that daily deed on my blog.

But not only that … I’m also going write about one thing that I’m thankful for every day. Because the exercise here is to remember that others may not have the same luxuries (whether material or other luxuries) in life that I do.

And I hope this gets me closer towards feeling more fulfilled in this life.

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And the Emmy goes to …

Wow! I am totally feeling the bloggie love lately. First, I get a special secret “lollipop” from an anonymous reader. And then I actually get quoted about how much I enjoyed receiving such a lovely suprise.

And now? Well now I just received another wonderful suprise … a bloggie award from Mugsy at Drive Fast. Take Chances. How lucky can I be?!

Seriously though, Mugsy has always been such a wonderful commenter on my blog that I feel so special that she thinks I deserve the “Beautiful Blogger Award.” So thank you sooo much, Mugsy!

But like all wonderful awards, the best part about being recognized is to also recognize those other bloggers that inspire us. So with that, there are instructions that go along with receiving this award:

  • Thank the person who nominated you for this award. (Check.)
  • Copy the award and place it in your blog. (Double check.)
  • Link the person who nominated you for this award. (Triple check.)
  • Tell us 7 interesting things about you.
  • Nominate 7 bloggers
  • Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

Okay, so seven interesting things about me. Eesh … let’s see:

  1. I have this almost unhealthy obsession with Johnny Depp. It started back in grade school when 21 Jump Street first came out and as followed me through my adult life. What can I say? I have a thing about intellectual bad boys. And thank G*d, my Hubby doesn’t mind!
  2. When I was young, my parents owned one of the earlier versions of a karaoke machine where you could actually record yourself (on a cassette tape, of course) singing to various songs. We had a whole library of songs you could sing to, including Wham!, Duran Duran, and Spandau Ballet. Somewhere in my parents’ basement is a whole 90 minute cassette tape of me singing all those early 80’s Madonna songs.
  3. Other than pets and (questionably) my Hubby & me, I can’t keep other living things alive. Plants, that is. Seriously, the longest plant I ever kept alive was a cactus … and even that’s saying something.
  4. I am not only a “Water Rat” (as the year of my birth dictates in the Chinese Zodiac), but I am a pack rat. I’d like to think it’s a reflection of how sentimental a person I am, and how much I like to hold on to keepsakes. Yeah … I’ll keep telling myself that.
  5. As much as I like to “collect” things (whether it’s shoes or bags or books), I’m a pretty simple gal when it comes to “material things.” I mostly like things for their “utilitarian” purpose rather than their “brand.” Not sure when that started happening though, because I know in my college and post-colleg years I was all about style and name. Maybe the cost of IF was one factor in changing that mindset …
  6. I’ve been an avid reader my entire life; thanks to my Mom, who starting taking Dr. Bro and I to the library as early as 6 and 4 years of age, respectively. I spent every summer up until about 8th grade participating in my hometown library’s Summer Reading Program.
  7. Between my Hubby & I, we own more than enough CDs and to start our own library. And although most of those CDs were bought in those college & post-college years, we still haven’t even uploaded even a fourth of those CDs onto our “digital” library.

So yeah. There’s my seven (not so) interesting things about me. Well, at least *I* don’t think there as interesting as … I don’t know … saying that I’m double-jointed, or something along that line.

And now … this is where I admit that I’ve been a bad bad BAD bloggie friend for … ahem … quite awhile now, actually. I can come up with some lousy excuse, but the truth is that I haven’t had much time to write a blog entry, let alone read and comment on other bloggie friend’s blogs. But seeing that I’m now *consciously* making an effort to write more … this should mean that I should also consciously make the effort to read and comment more, as well.

So this list? These are my tried and true blogs that I’ve loved to read throughout the life of my bloggie existence. A few are bloggers who started out in the same Infertility boat as I was … and in the three years I’ve been blogging, we’ve all diverged in different directions. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t stop enjoying their updates. Anyway … here goes.

  1. Pamela at Blood Signs.  She’s a fellow midwesterner, who shares my love of books and music. Add to the fact that she’s a beautiful writer, well … it can’t get any better than that.
  2. Christina at Apron Strings. Oh yes … anyone that shares the same love of Everything But The Girl with me is gold in my eyes. And given the fact that we also share the same Wedding Anniversary date … well, that just is the icing on the cake!
  3. Kate at The Only Bee In Your Bonnet. I’ve loved following along with Kate’s journey. She’s got a way of writing that has you wanting to know more about her life and her thoughts. And because she’s just as wordy as I am, I can appreciate it all.
  4. Aunt Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka. Yep, Aunt Becky made the list … for no other reason than her writing completely Cracks. Me. Up. There have been many days where I’ve found myself in the dumps and all I needed to do is click over to Aunt Becky and I would find myself smiling. Add to the fact that she has always been there for me, commenting on my blog … well, I couldn’t ask for a better bloggie friend.
  5. Kelly over at Soapchick. I first met stalked Kelly IRL at a Resolve event back in MI and I couldn’t be more grateful for the incredible support and strength she’s provided me in my life these past few years.
  6. Loribeth at The Road Less Travelled. As I fumbled through deciding where my IF journey would eventually take me, Loribeth has been an inspiration for me. With her writing, she’s allowed me to realize that life DOES go on, despite the curve balls that get thrown our way.
  7. Mrs. Spit at Mrs. Spit … Still Spouting Off. There is something … for lack of better words … ethereal about Mrs. Spit’s writings. Just like Aunt Becky has a way of making me laugh, Mrs. Spit has this way of soothing my soul. And in weathering the storms I’ve faced these past few years, she has been that sense of calm I’ve needed .

So there you have it. I’ve now officially passed on my award to others. But not before, once again, thanking Mugsy for such an honor …