Such a Gleek

Although this post is not directly related to completely geeky pictures of me, I figured I might be able to get away with linking this to Aunt Becky’s latest game. After all, these are pretty lame high school pictures of me …


It’s Tuesday night and I’m watching a rerun of one of my other new favorite TV show, “Glee.”

Yeah ... the caption underneath says it all!

I know what it must seem: that I have no life other than watching TV or movies, Facebooking, and blogging. Which, in addition to work, is pretty much accurate. But I’m okay with that. Really.

Anyway, I love “Glee” because it reminds me so much of being in high school and the search for belonging to something. Not that I belonged to one particular group or another back then. Even though I had my core group of friends, I managed to surprisingly float amongst all cliques.

But “Glee”? It brings me back to Varsity Choir and Drama Club. It reminds me of the days where a good friend, K and I used to hang out in the Sophomore hallway listening to some Dead Milkmen and Bauhaus on our Walkmans. It also reminds me of the days where a couple other friends and I used to harmonize quite a few early Depeche Mode and Erasure songs.

But mostly “Glee” reminds me of one of the other things I love to do, which is sing. I blame it on my parents need to record me singing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” (and hitting Dr. Bro on his head with the mic) at the age of four.** And the whole early-edition karaoke machine we had in the mid-80’s.

Yep, "Gleeky" Emily (front and center) in Varsity Choir

In any case, there’s been this ongoing fake pregnancy story line between the Glee Club faculty advisor, Will Schuster and his wife, Terri. This couple had been together since high school and have, for years, been trying to start their family. While one would think this infertility story would be one that I would’ve liked, it actually annoyedme more than anything. But thank G*d, the “fake pregnancy” story finally resolved with the “winter finale” this past December. Unfortunately, it ended with Will leaving his wife after all the lies she weaved.

Watching the repeat of this episode tonight, I was reminded of a line that Terri Schuster said as she made her case to “win” Will back. She said:

“It’s just … I wanted so many things that I know we’re never going to have. But that was okay; as long as I still had you.”

And the thing is, when I heard this crazy woman say those words … I completely understood her.

I understood what it meant to do anything that I could to have a family with my Hubby. And I understood how much it would mean to me to share these things … these experiences … with my Hubby. But the difference between Terri Schuster and me is that I would never lie to my Hubby at the risk of losing him.


And now for my Lenten acts.

Senior Year ... Future SIL and I were SOOO cool! LOL!

Random Act of Kindness Du Jour: It’s been a strange couple weeks at work regarding staff member’s families. Last week, one of my new Case Manager’s father passed away. And this week, another one of my Case Manager’s sisters unexpectedly passed on. To show our sympathies, our department typically sends flowers. Which is nice … but that’s not the good deed for today.

My good deed surrounds speaking one on one with the staff member whose sister passed away. This same staff member, who received the news yesterday at work, still came in to work this morning. When I spoke with her, I asked her how she felt and how she was coping. And yes, I offered to let her go home at any time. However, this staff member told me that it was probably best that she work so as to keep her mind off of the situation surrounding her surviving family members. When I pressed just a little further, I managed to get her to open up more. Without going into details, basically what I did was provide her with the support she needed as she wasn’t really getting it from anywhere else. And, while it didn’t make her feel a 100% better, at least I know I provided her with some comfort.

Gratitude Du Jour: I can’t tell you how grateful I am that Hubby drives me to work in the mornings. First of all, it allows me to arrive at work feeling less sticky and out of breath. Second, it allows me to feel less rushed in trying to make the El train in the morning. But most of all … well, it just allows me to sleep in for just a few moments longer. And anybody that knows me, knows that I love my sleep!

And with that said … I’m officially off to bed. G’Night all!!


** Seriously, there is tape-recorded evidence of this!

I was even a Drama Club chairperson (again, front and center)

The Not-So-Good Wife

Grams from “Dawson’s Creek” has come along way. So has Carol Hathaway from Cook County’s “ER”. Come to think of it, so has Mr. Big … well, actually he’s just a recurring special guest star.

Yeah, amongst the other TV shows I’ve picked up this year is NBC’s “The Good Wife.” Now, I admit that I started watching it because I’ve always loved Juliana Marguiles since her days on ER. And I must admit that I like seeing the Chicago skyline on the small screen. What I didn’t realize until I watched the season premiere was that this was a lawyer show. And me love me some lawyer shows.

It must be some inherent need for me to live vicariously through these shows. Or maybe it’s just that Hollywood makes it look so glamorous. But regardless, I love listening to lawyers debate. Well, at least in court; where there’s a formality to their arguments.

You see, I’m not good at arguing. In fact, I’m pretty bad at it.

Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Oh, I can hold a conversation and find logic in arguing a point. I can even concede if the opposition has a strong rationale for their position. But throw emotion into it? Well yeah, then I’m a mess. And let’s face it, unless there’s that formal structure for debate … when isn’t there a situation where emotions eventually come to play?

So yeah. I suck at arguing.

I have no other reason for bringing this point up other than the fact that I love Juliana Marguiles’ character on “The Good Wife.” Somehow her character, despite her own personal mess, always manages to find a way to keep her emotions in check. And I really wish I had the talent to do that.

Guess that means I better cross “lawyer” off the list of possible new careers …


And now … back to the task at hand.

Random Act of Kindness: I can’t believe I actually did this; especially since some days I still feel like I’m still a “tourist” in the city of Chicago. But yes, I *actually* managed to give restaurant recommendations to some visitors attending a conference in the nearby Hyatt Regency. I stumbled on the poor souls on my way out of the building this evening and they just looked so pitifully lost. So I took it upon myself to ask them if they needed any assistance … and, yeah … little ol’ me managed to help them. Yee-haw!!

Because only a "Good Wife" would put such a *great* picture of her Hubby ...

Thanks & Gratitude: Can I tell you how much I love my Hubby? Not only does he drive me to work everyday (so I don’t have to feel all rushed and exhausted just getting to work), but he also manages to meet me every day at the El Station with our Kozzy-girl just so he can walk me home. AND … the poor guy is so awesome that he not only cooked dinner tonite (and most nights) but he also cleaned the cats’ litter. And if there’s any chore I hate to do the most … it would be cleaning that litter. So thank you VERY MUCH, oh dear Hubby of mine. Much much love from your Not-So-Good Wife.

Tears Like Diamonds

One of my favorite characters is back for the season finale of Heroes tonight. As I sit here watching the show, I can’t help but think of how much Hiro reminds me of my Hubby.

On the drive to work during a warm September morning last year, Hubby & I heard that song “Her Diamonds”  on the radio. I had heard the song off of Rob Thomas’ latest album many times last summer and was looking forward to seeing him in concert later in October.

However there was something about hearing that song on that morning with the sun rising off Lake Michigan that had me truly listening to the lyrics.

“Her Diamonds” talks about a woman  who has reached her limits; who has gotten to the point where she doesn’t know what else to do but cry. And because the song is written from a man’s perspective, we get to hear how he deals with the emotions this woman is going through.

It’s amazing how certain songs can elicit the most visceral reactions. “Hero” by Enrique Iglesias is definitely one of those songs that will always be tied to the incredibly enduring love I have for my Hubby. And now, after finally understanding the lyrics behind his song, Rob Thomas’ “Her Diamonds” will, too.

That morning with Hubby sitting in the driver’s seat, I couldn’t help but squeeze the hand that held mine just a little tighter. Because those lyrics that Rob Thomas sings … well, they’re everything I’ve ever imagined my husband’s thoughts and emotions were during the most difficult parts of our Infertility journey.

And Honey? Just so you know, having you in my life holding my hand and heart … that’s all I can ever ask of you when my “diamonds” start falling down.


Free Will & Fate

I admit it. I’m a TV junkie. Maybe it’s because I spend most of the winter evenings indoors; especially since I’m still not used to it being so dark by 5 pm here in Chicago. Or it could also be that I find myself having little energy after a non-stop busy day at work. Either way, I tend to find myself in front of the proverbial “Boob Tube” by 7 pm each evening.*

It’s also a horrible thing … this new fan-dangled device called a DVR. Because now, not only can I watch one TV series I keep up with, but I can record a second TV series that I also follow … even though they air at the same time. I seriously think I need to stop picking up new TV series and focus only on the ones I watch right now … at least until something else catches my eye.

Tonight’s line up involved recording “Fringe” on FOX while watching “Supernatural” on The CW. (Oh, did I forget to tell you I *love* watching “paranormal”-type of shows? I blame Mulder and Scully back in the early-to-late 90’s.)

For those that aren’t familiar with “Supernatural,” it’s not a show about Carlos Santana’s Grammy Award-winning album. It’s a show about two brothers who basically “hunt” demons and other paranormal figures. The ongoing story arc is that these two brothers, as dedicated as they are to each other, are supposedly destined to destroy one another. Because, and follow along with me here, the younger brother’s soul was “sold” to Lucifer (aka the Devil) before he (Sam) was even born. While the older brother (Dean), who has basically been raised to kill demons his entire life, is supposed to stop Lucifer from taking over Sam’s body in order to take over the world. What gets even more tricky is that Dean has been told that he is supposed to allow the Archangel, Michael, to take over his body in order to stop Lucifer from destroying earth (aka the Apocolypse).

Following me thus far? Okay, so moving on …

For those of you that are familiar with the Heaven and Hell, Angels and Demons lore (and no, I’m not talking about Dan Brown’s novel here) … you’d know that Lucifer is actually a “fallen” angel, and is actually the younger brother to Michael. So the whole “brother pitted against brother” aspect of this TV show’s storyline is pretty darn cool (in my humble opinion, anyway).

So in tonight’s episode there is this whole bit about free will and destiny. While both Dean and Sam have been told it’s in their “destiny” to start the Apocolypse, both brother’s have promised that they would do everything in their power to allow that from happening.  Sam would consciously avoid being lead into Lucifer’s “temptations,” while Dean would vehemently oppose Michael from taking a human form in his body.**

But as Dean tells the Archangel Michael this, Michael tells him that there is no such thing as “Free Will” in life; that every little inconsequential decision and path in life will eventually lead him and his brother down the ultimate road that they’ve been fated to. I think the actual phrase Michael used was, “Free will is an illusion.”

Huh ... I kinda like this quote!

Yet in spite of what Dean has been told, he still refuses to allow what “fate” has supposedly lined up for him; he still chooses to live his life on his own free will. Which … of course, makes him a hero in my eyes. Well, at least in the TV show.

Afterwards (as in right now, as I type) I reflected on the whole Free Will vs. Fate and how it pertains to my Infertility journey; how it pertains to my life. (And, yep! This is how this post relates to the whole “Ties” theme for NaBloPoMo.)

The idea of Free Will vs. Fate specifically makes me question if my journey down the road of infertility been destined all along. And if that’s the case, does this mean my decision (or “free will”) to live child-free after IF is just an illusion? A farce?

Not that I’m questioning the decision that Hubby & I have made … I know that living child-free after IF is what’s in our best interest at this very moment. No … it’s more the question of: “If that’s the case, why did we put ourselves through H*ll and back just to end up where we were ‘supposed’ to end up?”

I suppose I could always put forth the standard answer that our IF experience isn’t about the “outcome” but rather what Hubby & I have learned about each other and ourselves along the way. And, to a point, I can be satisfied with that response.

But then there’s that part of me that wholly believes that life (and particularly an American life) is all about the choices we make in life; the decision and subsequent consequences that follow. It’s that same part of me that believes that every aspect in life is about consciously making the “choices” that we believe are the best ones for us at that given moment … That, despite the times in which we all feel backed into a corner, we all have the ability as human beings to make choices.

So maybe there isn’t a black and white for Free Will & Fate. Maybe life is more of a hybrid of both. Perhaps life really is about the choices we make … which, in turn, determines the ultimate outcome of our destiny.

Either way, after watching this episode of “Supernatural,” I suddenly have this incredible urge to pick up a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book …

What about you, Blogland? What are your thoughts about Free Will and Fate?


* See? That’s another thing I’m still not used to here in CST: Prime Time TV starting at 7 pm.

** Apparently angels must have your full consent in order to enter your body. Who knew?

Today's Gonna Be A Good Day

Just wanted to quickly share the video from Oprah’s season opening performance by the Black Eyed Peas. This was Frickin. Amazing. Just to see how they got close to 21,000 people to do this dance was amazing!

And now I’ve got this song playing over and over in my mind. BUT … I suppose if I had to have a song stuck in my head, this is a good one to have!

(To see the “official version” for better picture quality, click here!)