Ticket To Ride

Almost a week without a post. Yes, I’m trying to get better at writing at least one post a week here. At least thats my goal.

As it turns out, I’m on a train heading back to Detroit from Chicago. Hubby and I drove back to Chicago in mid-March, but he had to get back to Detroit before I returned from my Boston work trip this past week. Anyway, this just means that I have a little window of opportunity to sit and write without being distracted.

Dr. Bro, LJC and me at Disneyworld

Being a “Road Warrior” for work has given me the opportunity to spend more time listening to music on my digital library. After all, many times I find myself in airports for just enough time to check my email, but not enough time respond to them. Or else I’m literally on the road driving to a location hours away from where I started. Either way, music is my constant companion at these times.

It’s refreshing for me, because music has always been part of my life. One that only recently re-entered at full force after years of focusing on a career. Or trying to get pregnant.

My parents always had music on in the house and in the car. In fact, many of those road trips we’d take as a family involved worn out cassette tapes or — gasp! — old 8-tracks.

One of my favorite memories is my first trip to Disneyworld at the age of 6. My parents packed my brother, my cousin (who would later be known as LJC) & me in our tan wood-paneled station wagon along with our two grandmothers and an uncle and drove down from Detroit to Orlando. During that trip, I believe my parents only took a handful of 8-tracks; ones that we would constantly repeat, only because we couldn’t get any radio reception when driving through the mountains.

Let’s just say that by the end of our trip, the three kids knew all the words to every Neil Sedaka song, as well as all the singing parts to the Grease soundtrack. And it’s apparently a memory that keeps on giving, because Hubby can attest that I was recently able to identify a Neil Sedaka tune!

Another 8-track that was in the wagon during that trip was one of many Beatles compilations that my Dad threw together. It was from that home-made “playlist” (created circa 1978) that I learned the words to most of the Beatles songs. And to this day, every time I hear “Ticket To Ride” I have this incredible urge to belt out the song.

The 1978 Road Warriors (minus Mom)

It’s one of those childhood memories I keep stored close to my heart. And one that usually surfaces whenever I hear any song that reminds me of road trips and spontaneous singing.

For instance: Today on the train, “Tiny Dancer” came  up in “shuffle-mode.” The first image that came to mind was my favorite scene in “Almost Famous.”

Or the other day I thought of “Harold & Kumar” when hearing Wilson Phillips “Hold On” on the radio.

Regardless of the song, each one brought me back to my own road trip memories and how much fun they were when music was thrown into the mix. And hearing each song certainly gave me the urge to break out into spontaneous singing. Loudly. And at the top of my lungs.

And, in the midst of the chaos that my life has become of late … It made me happy.

So even though I might not be an American Idol contestant, I think I might just sing aloud. At least in the privacy of my own home. Or car. Or shower.

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Your turn, oh Internets … What song makes you think of road trips? Or what song makes you break out your singing voice?

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Oh, how I miss our old station wagon ...

Careless Memories

My Favorite D2 album

In the past two months, Hubby & I have spent more weekends in Detroit than we had here in Chicago. That’s the most we’d been home since the beginning of the year.

Needless to say, we’ve been listening to a lot of good tunes in our digital library during five-plus hour drive home.

Lately I’ve been on a Duran Duran kick; thanks to Hubby downloading their entire digital library. And it’s been fun singing Rio and Hungry Like The Wolf at the top of my lungs somewhere between Battle Creek and Jackson. But I must admit, I’ve been playing their first studio album more than the others.

It’s that album, simply titled Duran Duran, that reminds me of being 12 years old again and camping in Kitchener Ontario with my cousins. Where we’d play that cassette tape over and over again, most likely driving our parents insane.

It’s fun listening to the songs that never made it to the radio; those B-sides or other non-single-worthy ones. (Night Boat, anyone?) It’s like going back to visit an old friend and reminiscing about old times. Remembering how things were back in those days.

Duran Duran’s first studio album was very … New Wave. Lots of synth and distorted guitar; awesome awesome bass lines and — as I listen to it more and more — some incredibly complicated drumming.

Not that I don’t like the rest of their albums … I just wonder what it would’ve been like if they stayed in that New Wave sound, rather than heading to a more Pop-oriented direction. Perhaps they wouldn’t be as mainstream. Perhaps they would have never hit it big. Who knows?

I had that thought in my head since our drive back to Chicago last week. And that thought lead to another one which had me contemplating a couple “What If’s” in my own life.

Now, I must clarify before I head down this path … I typically don’t do this; travel down the road of “Shoulda, Coulda , Woulda.” Especially since I’m usually pretty deliberate about the choices I make in life.  (Well, at least I am now … ) So what I’m about to write below, is more of a … dream sequence, if you will.

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A "New Romantic" Duran Duran

When Hubby & I got back from our honeymoon, we started house-hunting. After seeing quite a number of houses, we finally narrowed it down to two. One was closed to both our places of employment and perfect as a “starter home.” It was only built two years prior; and it had more of a modern feel to it with open ceilings and skylights. It was one we thought would be easy to resell if we needed to move to a bigger place once we had our kids. But for the time-being, it would have been a perfect two-story home for the two of us.

The second home was older and a bit further from our work places. It a ranch-style home with bigger bedrooms and a finished basement. It had a large kitchen and dining room where we could see having family gatherings. Oh, and the best part (at least for me)? In-ground pool in the back yard (it’s the Cancer in me that looooves water!!). This was a house that was was ready for a family; ready for a couple to start their family.

So, out of the two … which one do you think that Hubby & I chose? I’ll even give you a couple seconds to think about it.

.

.

.

.

We chose the first house. Well, rather *I* chose the first house; Hubby defaulted on me to make the decision.

To me, it made more logical sense. Close to work. Easy to sell (so we thought at the time). And perfect as a “starter” home. Oh, and not to mention quite a bit less in price than the second house.

And I truly did love our house. It was funky; it was cute. And it was close to two “downtown” locales where we could hang out on a nice sunny day.

Except now it’s been close to 14 years — not to mention a move to a different city — and the house remains ours. There had been no need to “upgrade” to a bigger house since the kids never came. Nor was there the finances to do so, after all the infertility treatments we had paid for. And when the opportunity to move to a different city amidst the economic downfall of 2009, our house remained (remains) in our name.

So this is where I start to wonder “What if.”

As in “What if I chose the second house? Would we still be living in Suburban Detroit? Would we have had no reason to move to another house … let alone another city? Would we have those children we always wanted? Would Hubby & I have stayed in the same jobs … or better yet, move up in our respective careers? Or, better yet … would I have finally been able to be that stay-at-home Mom that I always wanted to be?

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My Cousin got to meet JT back in the late '80's. Totally jealous!

At the end of August, our lease will be up on our 2nd floor walk-up in Chicago. With Hubby freelancing and diligently working at trying get financially vested in a “virtual” ad agency that he & two others have started … well, the income hasn’t been too steady and reliable.

And me … well, let’s just say I’m still unemployed. For now. Which means that I have no income coming in at the moment. (Cross your fingers that I’ll not be unemployed for much longer!)

In any case, this means that our stay here in Chicago may be time-limited. Although not completely set in stone (things change from day to day), it looks like we’ll be moving back to the house in Suburban Detroit. The same house that contains many of those memories that I hoped to put away once we moved to Chicago.

Realistically we know that it makes sense to move back and regroup, so to speak, until our house sells. But emotionally … I feel as  if I’ve failed in my goal to start anew.

I know it’s futile to think of what could have been; especially if things didn’t turn out the way they did here in Chicago (in regards to my employment). And I know that my life experiences and the decisions I’ve made in my life have made me the person I am today.

But sometimes … just sometimes … I wish that I could peer into my future so that I can make the right decisions now.

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(Just for you, Kara … )

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Sidelined

Hubby & I "backstage" at Movement 2007

Ugh. So much for making it down to Movement this year. Nope; instead I woke up Saturday morning feeling craptastic … which led to an entire holiday weekend of coughing and congestion. Boo.

Hubby & I did end up making it to the premiere of The Drive Home on Friday night, though. And it was absolutely wonderful.

And since I’m still not feeling a hundred percent better yet, methinks I’ll send you over to Hubby’s blog to read about it. All I have to say is that watching this movie reminded me of why I’m still proud to call myself a Detroiter.

If you’re interested in watching some interesting facts about Detroit Techno and the history leading up to the inaugural Detroit Electronic Music Festival in 2000, click here.

Oh, and Hubby’s review? Click here.

That’s it for now. *cough cough*

See you when I feel better. *blows nose*

*Mutters, “I do have snots for brains … *

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Motor City Kitty

Live in Chi-town, but love my Motown ...
Live in Chi-Town, but love my Motown

I didn’t realize how much I missed “home” until being back in metro-Detroit this past few days. Maybe I’m just contributing the feeling of “home-sickness” to how jaded I am with my former employer. Which is bad, since I really truly do love the city of Chicago.

Anyway, we’re back in Chicago for the next week or so. We have some business to take care of along with making sure that Yami & Rain haven’t taken over the entire apartment with their crazy antics. (We never know what kind of trouble a smart black cat and a senior-citizen deaf cat can get into!)

Oh and next week we get to go see this. I am such a Gleek!

But anybody that knows me, knows I have a penchant for music. Love to sing. Love to try out harmonies. Love to listen to any type of music with a great beat and an amazing hook.

So it’s probably no surprise to most of my HS and college friends that I’m heading back to Detroit to embrace my Goth/Industrial roots on Memorial Day Weekend. Yep … after missing last year, Hubby & I are going to head down to Hart Plaza to attend the Movement Festival; otherwise known as the Detroit Electronic Music Festival (DEMF).

Huh? Goth/Industrial music related to Electronic Music? Specifically Detroit Techno?

Yes, I say. My love for New Order naturally lead me to the darker Joy Division; then Bauhaus and all their reincarnations, which eventually led me to all other Goth/Industrial music out of the now-defunct Wax Trax label out of Chicago and the likes of Front 242, KMFDM, and even Kate‘s Meat Beat Manifesto. 🙂

Yes; the same Chicago that brought on the birth of hard-thumpin’ bass-pumpin’ House Music. Which, alongside Detroit Techno began the (r)evolution of Electronic Dance Music.

Anyway it’s no surprise that in my college and post-college years, I spent lots of time at a bar/nightclub called Industry, which played a lot of industrial music mixed in with Chicago House and Detroit Techno.

Okay … so that was a quick lesson on the history of how I got into Electronic Music.

What I really meant to talk about was that this year is the 10th Anniversary of the inaugural Music Festival. Those who attended that first year will agree that there was something quite … for lack of better words, spiritual about that weekend. It was as if all the stars aligned and remain aligned for the entire holiday weekend. Not that there weren’t any hiccups during the first year, but the fact that Detroit managed to put together something that garnered international attention … and not have it be about the Auto Industry or the crime rate of the city … was nothing short of incredible.

That inaugural year was actually captured on film by a few of Hubby’s friends who were putting together a documentary about how the DEMF finally brought Detroit Techno back to its home. But because of a multitude of issues, the film … was never released. Until now, that is.

Ten years later, The Drive Home will finally be shown on the Big Screen; it’s premiere being included in the pre-festival parties next Friday. I am sooo excited to be going!

For me, the best part will actually be seeing snippets of Hubby in some of the film footage. You see, Hubby & I were asked to “cover” the event for a HS friend of his, whose website was pretty well-versed in the NYC club scene. So as “Media” guests, both Hubby & I were able to get access to areas that the typical festival-goer did not have.

Now how do I know that Hubby might be on film? Well, it’s because we’ve already seen him on the trailer! Check it out …

Yep, that's Hubby on the rail to the right, snapping pictures!

Anyway, I find myself connecting with the overall theme of this documentary. The fact of the matter is that Detroit Techno, while its roots come from musicians who have lived in Detroit, was more influential internationally than it was on its own backyard. However, as the years and decades past … the importance of this style of music was eventually recognized in the city from which it was born. While these artists and musicians (because it’s not all about DJ’s and sampling … ) are considered legends in other countries (such as the Netherlands and Germany), they go mostly “unnoticed” and they feel most comfortable when they’re back in their home town.

And especially since this last visit back home, where we spent more than just a typical two-and-a-half day weekend in town, I’ve noticed I’m also more at ease when I’m on more familiar ground.

Again, this may all be as a result of my most recent stressors here in Chicago. But I can tell you this … I’m looking forward to our drive home next week.

Anyway, here’s the trailer for The Drive Home … hope you enjoy.

And while you’re at it … check out the part of the article we wrote for his HS friend’s website. I’m actually amazed it’s still out there on the web. Well, at least Part II is … not sure where Part I or III is! LOL!

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The List

Dr. Bro & Me in the Late 70's

I have this habit of making lists. Maybe it’s the John-Cusack-character-from-“High Fidelity” in me, but I just like trying to mentally put things in order.

Now, these types of lists aren’t your typical “grocery” or “To Do” lists … these are the type of lists where I can grab information from various sources and disseminate them into some sort of order.

For instance, I can take all the concerts I’ve been to in my life (too many to count) and come up with the top 5 concerts I’ve been to thus far. (INXS 1986, Depeche Mode 1988, Sisters of Mercy 1991, Underworld, and the Pixies 2004).

Or I can take a project I’m working on and come up with a fact-driven list of pros and cons to making a change to a particular work process. Either way, making these lists helps me organize my thoughts into some functioning and working order.

Yeah. I’m that much of an uber-geek.

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Dr. Bro & Me in the early 80's with Muffin

Last night, I received some incredible news. One that I’m – without a doubt – very excited about.

Last night I received the news that Dr. Bro and Dr. SIL are expecting.

I’ve honestly been anticipating this news for quite some time now; as Dr. SIL and I have had conversations about this same topic in the recent past. And, genuinely couldn’t be more than ecstatic for the two of them.

As I spoke with Dr. Bro on the phone last night, he oh-so-gently asked me if I was okay with this. Especially since he has been known to read my blog, and may have some idea of the subsequent reactions I’ve had with previous pregnancy announcements and birth.

Dr. Bro & Me on my Wedding Day, 1996

Without hesitation, I answered that I was perfectly okay with the news. But I also cautioned him that there may be days where I might be more snarky than usual. And if I was … then he should know that it is in no way directed at either him or Dr. SIL. I also told him that if I got too much, both of them had every right to smack me upside my head.

After hanging up with Dr. Bro, I sat quietly and let the news sink in … which, as any infertile should know, is never a good thing. As all these thoughts and emotions came at me fast and furiously, I found myself writing them down.

When I was done, I discovered that I unconsciously wrote down one of my “fact-based” lists. Except it wasn’t a “Top 5” list; nor was it a “Pro/Con” list. No … this list had me separating my negative emotions/thoughts about Dr. Bro’s recent announcement from the positive ones. And afterward, I put this list away hoping to revisit it again this morning with a clear head.

So this morning, I re-read my list. And what I found from my list was that I had more “positive” emotions than “negative.” I had more reasons to be “happy” and “excited” about this pregnancy than I had reasons to be sad.

Dr. Bro & Me on his Wedding Day, 2006

While this might not seem much to someone who has never experienced infertility … this was a major breakthrough for me. Because for once in my infertile life, I somehow know I’ll be able to survive this pregnancy (and hopefully with my dignity still intact afterward). Seeing my fact -based list will help me through this time.

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So … what did my list look like? What thoughts ran through my head after finding out about Dr. Bro and Dr. SIL pregnancy? Well, in case you were interested …

Negative:

  • Yet another pregnancy that I’ll never experience.
  • When my Dad goes to the Philippines, he’ll be “rightfully” bragging about it. Which will inevitably bring up the question about whether Hubby & I have any children.
  • There will be moments where I’ll unexpectedly feel blue. Or empty.
  • This will be a gift to my parents that I’ll never be able to give.
I've never seen my brother SO happy than on his Wedding Day

Positive:

  • I’m actually going to be related by blood to this child.
  • Although I’ve been “Auntie Em” to Hubby’s nephews and niece … I’m officially going to be “Auntie Em” to this child.
  • Part of my genetic makeup, even though it’s not my DNA, will be passed on to this child.
  • I’ll finally get to see some of that “Nature vs. Nurture” from my side of the family.
  • I’m in a much better frame of mind (not to mention acceptance ) in where I’m at in my Infertility Journey than I was back at the end of 2008.
  • Although I feel “close” to Dr. SIL, we’re not as close – nor do we have years and years of history – as Hubby’s sister and I do.
  • After all is said and done, the fact of the matter is that Hubby & I have our own future to look forward to.
  • My parents will finally get to be grandparents.

So, Dr. Bro and Dr. SIL – if you’re reading this – just know that I cannot wait to be this child’s “Favorite Aunt” … well, at least from Dr. Bro’s side of the family!