Time To Hug A Filipino
For those of you that didn’t know … today was a FaceBook “Hug A Filipino” Day. Except since I’m too new to this area, I’ve not gotten any hugs today. Which has been made worse since I haven’t even been able to give my favorite Pinoy … Hubby, of course … a great big bear hug. (Alright everyone … I wanna here a collective “Awwwwrrr ….” 😛 )
But before you go about sending hugs my way, I want to ask you to click over to this blog and give this wonderfully awesome incredible and brilliant woman a hug. She. Deserves. It. Definitely more than I do today. And it breaks my heart that she has to go through this. So pop on over and show her some bloggie love. And maybe if we give her enough love, she’ll continue to write … and stay in our little corner of the blogiverse (hint hint …)
Okay, back to my regularly scheduled nonsense.
I’ve been on this Facebook kick lately (as evidenced by my last post). And while I’ve been on there for the past couple years, it only seems like over the past few months I’ve been finding more and more “old” friends from grade school all the way up to my first post-college job. It’s been fun catching up with them and seeing what they’ve been up to since the last time we talked to each other.
I’ve totally enjoyed perusing through all their pictures; many of them old photos of when they were young. There were even some pictures of me at that age. And trust me … seeing those early to mid 80’s photos just had me rolling on the floor!
Of course, many of them are now married. No … not all of them have children, but I’d say the majority of them do. Not only do many of them have one child but two … or more. And seeing those pictures of their family? It amazes me how some of their kids look *so much* like them; some of them mirror images of how I remembered them in our youth.
I didn’t bring this up to grumble about my childless situation. Or how Hubby and I haven’t been able to produce a biological child of our own. That is simply our reality. Unfortunately. No … the difficult part of reconnecting with these friends and seeing these pictures is seeing how much their lives have changed. And seeing how much having children have enriched their lives. Or how much their daily occurrences revolve around their family. How even reading their “status updates” tend to reflect what’s going on in their household; whether their child is sick or what fun (or even not-so-fun) activities they’ve done that day.
My wish is that my life could have some of that flurry of activity … some of that day-to-day action. And although I am an admitted procrastinator, I tend to work much better under pressure … and thrive on it. While I know that having a child will definitely add extra “stress” to anyone’s life, what I long for is that consistent inconsistency of every day life. Those twists and turns that make the days just a little different than one another. That don’t make the days go by as if it’s once again “Time to make the doughnuts,” a-la-Dunkin’ Donuts.
That last statement does not mean that my daily life with Hubby is routine. If anything these past few months with the new job, subsequent move and current living-in-different-cities has definitely been far from “the norm.” And our immediate future, once we’re together under the same roof, will definitely be a series of new adventures.
But once things settle down … then what? Will my new job suddenly become just “a job” again? What new things can we experience once we’ve explored our new city? Will Hubby & I once again fall back into the “Fred the Baker” routine?
I guess that’s what I’m terrified of. That I’ll revert back to a daily “nothing ever changes” routine. That I’ll once again feel “stuck” with where I’m at in life. That Hubby and I will be standing along the sidelines observing everyone else … all those old friends and family members … move forward to new milestones, new achievements in their lives. When, quite frankly, we’d rather be active participants ourselves.
But enough of this bellyaching for now. Instead, I’m going to head back out into my FaceBook world and virtually hug every Filipino I know. Because who knows when the next “Hug A Filipino Day” will come around!
25 Random Things
Okay, so I’m being completely lazy here. But since I posted this on my Facebook page, I might as well do this here too.
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I’m not too big on these things, but I would like to know more about my friends so if you have time, fill this out and at least tag me so I can learn more about you. 🙂
25 Random Things to Share
Rules:
Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people (yeah, right!!) to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.
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Alrighty then … here goes:
- I’m a big procrastinator. As I recently commented on a friend’s Facebook status, I put the “crass” in procrastinate.
. - I could sleep ten hours a day if given the opportunity. It’s not for wanting to, or for being lazy … I just constantly feel like I never get that “good night’s sleep.”
. - I never thought I’d marry a person from the same culture that I grew up in. But yet I did … and I hold that over my Mom whenever she brings up what a “horrible kid I was.” My response always is … “well, at least I married a Filipino!”
. - Speaking of Hubby … he was my first date ever. We went to the Homecoming Dance at each other’s high school when I was sixteen. But we didn’t start dating until after I graduated from high school.
. - Hubby is my absolute best friend in the entire world. People may think it’s strange that I want to spend every moment of my life with him, but it’s the honest to God’s truth.
. - I always thought I wouldn’t marry until I was in my late 20’s and have my first child before I was 30. Instead, I got married at 24 and, to this date, still don’t have any children. But trust me … it’s not for lack of trying.
. - I used to think that if you set your mind to a specific goal and worked hard at it, you’d always achieve that goal. But now I’m smart enough to know that’s not always true. Going through infertility treatments has taught me that.
. - And because of #7, infertility has knocked down my self-confidence and self-esteem. While they’re not completely gone from my life, they’re certainly not as prominent as they were in college or those first two post-college years. Okay, enough sad things …
. - In high school, I was voted “Class New Waver.” Yes, I grew up in the 80’s. And listened to a lot of Depeche Mode. And New Order. And Smiths. And the list can go on and on. But I still think New Wave and Goth music can put some of these Emo bands to shame …
. - Being who I was “labeled” in high school … it’s actually quite funny that I’ve always had this secret wish to be either a cheerleader or on the dance team. (Yes, I can hear y’all groaning now.) But I think it’s more because I wanted to break out of the Asian “nose-always-in-books” mold and be more “American.”
. - Speaking of my “Asian”-ness … I’ve pretty much gotten mistaken for every Asian nationality out there … including Indian, Pakistani, and Sri Lankan. I’ve also gotten mistaken for American Indian and Guatemalen. Oh, and once someone mistook me for an Eskimo.
. - I’ve always wanted to be a writer or a journalist. Except the Filipino side of me keeps telling me that I could never make a living out of it. (Grrr … I wish my parents’ voice would stop infiltrating my brain!)
. - Which is why I like to keep a blog: http://apronstringsemily.com/
. - And why I like to keep advertising it. (Tee hee … there’s two things “wasted!)
. - In my immediate family, I’m the one that’s the sports nut. You’d think it would be my older brother … but I’m the one who watches the most hockey and basketball and football.
. - I’d blame my husband for my love of sports, but it truly started in grade school after catching my first Red Wings game at a school outing.
. - I met my oldest friend (although we hardly keep in contact anymore) in kindergarten. I still have a picture of us dressed up with paper bunny ears and a painted bunny nose for Easter.
. - My closest friends are those that I don’t even see that often … Thank God for Facebook and the internet.
. - And speaking of Facebook … I’ve managed to keep in touch with lots of my cousins this way. And I’ve managed to get in contact with quite a few high school and even grade school friends!
. - So … my hope is to continue to keep these friendships going. After all … it seems like the older I get, the harder it is to make new friends.
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(Seriously? I’ve gotta come up with five more?! Okay … I’ll scrounge.)
. - I was a Brownie and a Girl Scout up until 6th grade. And I can’t believe that GS cookes now cost four bucks a box. Sheesh … they sold for under a dollar when I sold them.
. - When I was little, I wished that I could have a more “common” name like “Jenny” or “Elizabeth” because all my friends were named that. Now I wish my name wasn’t the most popular name out there.
. - I’m predominantly right-handed … but there are certain things I do with my left hand. Like brush my teeth. And knit.
. - Yes, that’s right. I knit. I’ve only done bags, scarves and hats and baby stuff. Maybe even a sweater or two. But it’s something that I find rather comforting.
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(And finally … )
. - I suck at multi-tasking. Which is probably why I’m really good at procrastinating.
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Whew … that’s the list. If you’ve stuck around to read all of this, I applaud you.
And no … I’m not tagging anyone. I just thought this would be a fun thing to share with everyone …
Hubby & Emily Plus … ??
I don’t know what it is, but just like Wordgirl, I am drawn to yet repelled by Jo.n & Ka.te Pl.us 8. Actually, I’m more drawn to it rather than repelled.
I’m sure part of it is the whole Asian bit; as Jo.n is half-Korean. And I’m sure it’s the whole twin fascination thing I’ve always had. Except it’s not really the twin “look-alike” thingy … it’s more the science aspect of it. The whole nature vs. nurture thing. It’s just frickin’ amazing to see how all eight children who share such strong genetic traits have such distinct and unique personalities.
And I’m sure the whole “repelling” part of it is simply the fact that Hubby & I can’t experience even one-eigth of what they have. While I’d love to have a household full of kids, I’d be happy with even just one. As in one of the eight Go.sselin children. (I’d love to take Cara or maybe Aa.den or Hannah …)
I can’t quite be angry at Jo.n and Ka.te. After all, they also had issues trying to conceive. Like myself, Kate was diagnosed with PCOS. However, unlike Hubby & me … she and Jon were successful. Obviously.
So yesterday after Hubby left to go back home, I was left to my own devices. And seeing that I finally got cable in the bedroom, I promptly plopped myself in front of the TV and started to flip channels. I finally settled onto TLC and watched a marathon of Jo.n & Ka.te episodes.
Like a moth to a flame … (Or more appropriately, like a fly to a bug zapper … )
As I watched the episodes, there happened to be one particular commercial that would run in between TV breaks. And it got to me … Every. Single. Time.
Perhaps it was because I was missing my husband. Perhaps it was because I was watching a show that involved raising children. Perhaps it’s because it was because this commercial reminded me about something I will never be able to experience.
Or perhaps it’s because as much as I wish I could give my husband that gift … that moment in life … I will never be able to.
And that breaks my heart …
Calling 911 …
… is the easiest way to meet Firefighters and EMTs at CVS. Oh, and it’s a great way to get recommendations for a new primary doctor, too.
So yesterday my day started off riding the train to work. No different than any other day these past weeks, but that morning I happened to have certain personal health issues on my mind. Like the fact I had been feeling like crap over the past few days; nauseated, hungry but no will to eat, vertigo.
I had left work early on Tuesday because of those same symptoms, all while people around me asked if perhaps I was “with child.” A matter I scoffed at, and then had to remind myself that I was around a new group of people. People of who didn’t know my struggles with IF over the past decade or so. And just to clear it up right away, for those that might be wondering … No, I’m not pregnant.
Anyhoo … When I got back to my place on Tuesday morning, I promptly plopped myself in front of the TV just long enough to watch history being made and then headed off to bed. Where I slept for five hours straight. Then I woke up, munched on something that might be considered dinner and promptly climbed back into bed for the rest of the night. My goal was to get up the next morning and make it to work, even if it killed me.
Which brings us back to yesterday morning on the train. As I struggled to keep my thoughts together (and my surroundings from feeling as if it was swirling around me … vertigo sucks!), I happened to look up at the ads directly across the aisle from where I sat. And there was a sign up above that advertised a local hospital system in the area. Yes, I remember thinking to myself, I really do need to start looking for a primary doctor. After all, I do have quite a medical history. Plus, this feeling sick is for the birds. And hmm … I wonder if this hospital system has some good docs in the area?
Despite the haziness in my brain, I made it to work safely and through half of the day. Until the nausea associated with the spinning room became too unbearable. An inner ear infection, I thought It was then that I decided I should probably go to an urgent care center of some sorts. But where? I’m too new to the area … oh, and by the way I have no car, so if I did go to one, it’d have to be close to one of the train lines. Then a co-worker suggested MinuteClinic over at CVS. You know, the Nurse Practitioner (NP)-run clinic that can diagnose and treat simple health-related issues like minor scrapes and bruises, upper-respiratory infections and … oh, I don’t know … ear infections! So I located the one closest to my place and close to one of the train lines, Google-Mapped directions* and headed out the door. All after emailing my staff and cc’ing leadership that I should be back the next day. Famous last words.
So I stumbled over to the CVS, signed in and was promptly seen by the NP. I told her my simple story (which, remember this … because I tell it over and over again); that I’ve been having dizziness and nausea for the past 3 days. I thought it was a simple flu bug, but since it was still lingering I thought it might have been an ear infection. After all, I’m prone to developing ear infections. And since I was new to the area and didn’t have a primary doctor yet, I thought I’d just get checked out at the MinuteClinic.
Then the NP looked at me with one of those sideways glances; asking me how many ear infections I’ve had over the past year. This would be #4 since the previous January. Then she tsk-tsk’d me. “I don’t think I can treat you here,” she said, clearly referring to her handy MinuteClinic manual. “I think we should send you to an urgent care center.”
Again, I calmly explained that I’m new here, I didn’t know where to go, I had no car. Oh, and 4 ear infections is a small number from the previous amounts I’ve had over the past few years. And in the mean time, I started to feel anxious. I thought to myself, “WTF? This has now been well over a d*mn minute, and all I want are my antibiotics!”
“Please don’t send me to the ER or Urgent Care,” I told her as I began to feel more and more anxious. “I don’t have anyone here to take me. My husband is more than four hours away and I’m new to the area.” (Cue tears now.) It seriously didn’t help that I felt like crap and I’ve been known to get over-emotional when I can’t think straight.
Without going into further detail, let’s just say that shortly after the waterworks began the NP decided at that moment to slap a blood pressure (BP) cuff on me. And because by then I’d been at the verge of hyperventilating from all the anxiety … let’s just say I broke the 2o0 mark with my Systolic and the 120 mark on the diastolic. Then the NP really freaked out, which in turn freaked me out even more. And when my BP didn’t go down after 1o minutes? Yep, that’s when she made the call to 911.
Okay, so the nurse in me knew that this was the only course of action to take. Especially for someone why was experiencing hypertensive urgency symptoms. But that didn’t stop me from just about begging the NP to let me find my own way to an urgent care center or an ER. “If I can just get back home,” I told her, “I’ll call my nearest family member (an aunt and cousins from my side, a cousin from Hubby’s side) to come pick me up.” But alas, the NP was smart enough not to listen to me … I mean seriously, what if I passed out on the train on the way back to my place? Or worse, what if I passed out alone at home without anyone knowing? So yes … the nurse in me knew, despite the supreme embarrassment of having the NP and the subsequent EMTs (from this fine city’s fire department) know that I’m an RN that can’t even take care of herself. That I had to be escorted to an ER to get checked out.
But … at least I managed to get cute firemen and EMTs to come to the CVS and literally pick me up. And even though I rolled out of the store, wrapped up in a silly blanket … they all had me cracking up as they insisted I do the “queen wave.”
I was subsequently taken to the nearest ER … with all the bells and whistles of the ambulance, to boot … where I spent the next few hours being looked over and treated by some wonderful doctors** and nurses. My lab studies were okay, which meant I didn’t develop any kidney (or other organ) damage from such high BP readings. And eventually my systolic BP came down to under 200 after having received some anti-hypertensive drugs through my IV.
It turns out that I was experiencing side effects from abruptly stopping a particular medication. A drug that I had stopped taking three days ago because I couldn’t afford to refill the prescription. Because the stupid frickin’ frackin’ Employee Services Department at my former employer (who happened to be a Health Insurance Company) decided to terminate my medical benefits … which, for an RN who has been working for them and helping their customers weed through the system to understand what can and can’t be covered … really pissed me off. And the thing is, I knew I had health insurance to the end of this month because I researched this before I left. And I knew that this was one of my employee benefits from working at this particular Health Insurance Comany. (Hello … not dumb here!***)
But more on that, perhaps in another post. Anyway …
Because of the panic that ensued during my trip to the (more-than-I-bargained-for) MinuteClinic … Hubby managed to book a flight out and arranged for his cousin (who lives in the suburbs) to come stay with me in the ER. He also managed to contact my parents who, in turn arranged for my cousin to sit with me until Hubby could get into town. And for that … I couldn’t be more grateful.
And seriously? It’s amazing how one moment I went from feeling all alone and terrified to feeling incredibly loved and supported. Just by being there to talk to me and keep me company, the two of them helped calm my nerves and soothe my anxiety. It certainly helped that Hubby’s cousin is also an RN who I could clearly trade medical jokes with … and that my cousin was all game for checking out the cute ER doctors and residents with me. (Hey, I was sick … not blind!) In any case, I can’t even begin to express all the gratitude I have for them in just a few sentences. Because seriously? These people proved to me that I don’t have to feel so alone out here … that they are available to help out while Hubby still wraps things up back home. I am truly lucky …
Hubby did end up coming in to town, except it wasn’t until after I was discharged from the ER. My cousin drove me back to our place where my Aunt and other cousin (her mom and sister) came to bring us dinner. The four of us sat around (in my furniture-less place) watching Am.erican Id.ol on the TV (and then Ir.on Man on blue-ray …. ooooh!) until Hubby drove in from the airport. And once I was in his arms … well, the world melted away. While I felt incredibly bad that he had to drop what he was doing to come be by my side, I was just incredibly happy and relieved that he was next to me.
Oh and remember that advertisement for a local hospital system I saw on the train? Well … of all places, the EMTs took me to that hospital. I guess seeing that ad yesterday morning was literally a sign of things to come. But hey, at least now I know a few good docs in the area!
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* Google Maps is one of the greatest inventions for those that aren’t familiar with public transportation in a big city. This is has been a life-saver for me during these car-less times!
** Ironically, one of my docs name was “Trigger.” As in “Let’s come up with a trigger diagnosis. Or “That doctor is known for his Trigger finger when ordering labs and studies.” Or better yet, “The guy is trigger-happy when giving those IV meds” Seriously, the list could go on and on …
*** Okay, well maybe just a little … After all, who’s the idiot that ended up in the emergency room?