Cities – Page 13 – Apron Strings for Emily

14 November 2008

"Fortune"-ate

(Update 03.19.2009: Now that the cat’s out of the bag, I can finally un-PWP this post!)

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Focus on your long-term term goal.
Good things will soon happen.

– Fortune Cookie from Chinese Take-out
(Last night’s dinner, by the way … )

Wow. I mean seriously. Wow. I’m still in a bit of shock over the news I received yesterday, and I’m still completely giddy with excitement.

Wednesday afternoon I received a call. From the HR person I’ve been dealing with. Unfortunately, I missed the call and by the time I realized it, it was way past the time for me to call back. So I had to wait until the morning to call.

In the mean time, I was trying to send out my follow-up letters to both the HR person I finally met face to face this past Monday and the manager of the department I was interviewing in. So Wednesday night, I finished writing the letters and thought briefly about snail-mailing them out. But seeing as if I already received one call, I figured that I could send the letter by email instead … at least for the time being.

So about 11:30 pm that night, I shipped out both emails and thought nothing about it; hoping that the HR person would read it in the morning before I called him back.

Five minutes later … I receive a reply. From the manager that I interviewed with. At 11:30 pm EST. Which means it was still late evening where she was. Yikes … I was totally not expecting that! But basically she said that it was nice meeting me too, and that I should contact the HR rep for “the next steps.”

So I’m thinking that perhaps the call is to set up an interview with the Director of the department for the supervisor position I also interviewed for. Or maybe I was going to be offered the Case Manager position instead; which would have been fine, but then I’d have been concerned about the salary and still having to make the move out of our state. Either way, I was prepared for the call.

So yesterday morning, I call shortly after what I assume is the HR person’s starting time and leave a message. And wait for about an hour. When HR guy finally calls, I’m taken completely by surprise. Because rather than calling to set up another interview, he’s calling to offer me a position. The supervisor position.

That’s right … the supervisor position!

HOLY CRAP!! I GOT OFFERED THE JOB!!!

Okay, so before I get too excited … I still have to officially accept the position and the salary that’s currently being negotiated (which are going good, by the way …). And well, I still have to take the requisite drug screen (no poppy seeds for me). But …

HOLY CRAP!! I GOT OFFERED THE JOB!!!

Okay, so now that I got that out of the way … I can’t believe how, thus far, things have been falling neatly into place. How finding out about my (now ex-) Director’s move to a new company out of state coincided with a very emotionally difficult time in my life (read: niece’s birth). How the opportunity to review my resume and forward it on spurred me to even contemplating such a move. How we got such an awesome deal on lodging that I didn’t realize was right next to the building I’d be interviewing in. How, even though Hubby was sick over the weekend, that gave me the chance to rest up and relax before the big interview. How the manager I interviewed with happened to be Filipino. How her supervisor happened to be someone that shared my views about teamwork and leadership. And how my ex-Director picked the most opportune moment to peak in the meeting room just to say hi to me.

Now, y’all know my stance with my Catholicism. I’m spiritual to a point, but then my scientific and logical reasoning takes over. But let me tell you … right now, I believe that The Big Man Upstairs has been seriously watching over me. That He’s felt my pain and frustration with everything I’ve been dealing with, that He’s noticed all the anxiety and tears I’ve let loose. And that at this moment, when I just needed something to go my way for once, He’s opened a few doors. And I am so grateful for this.

By no means am I completely clear of any obstacles, though. There’s still all the other logistics that need to be addressed. Selling our house in a depressed economy (this is metro-Detroit, after all … the Motor City ain’t doing so good right now). Finding a place to live in the mean time. Paying for both places until our house sells. All those logistics.

Yes, I know I’m putting the cart in front of the horse right now. But haven’t you noticed? It’s in my nature to worry about these things. But I pray that these things go as smoothly as (knock on wood) things have been going thus far.

So again, if anybody has The Big Man Upstairs on their speed dial, would you mind continuing to put a good word in for me?

And now, if you’ll excuse me … I’m going to do the “Dance of Joy.”

(Update 03.19.2009: Now that the cat’s out of the bag, I can finally un-PWP this post!)

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29 October 200813 June 2011

Protected: Cool Breaths …

29 October 200813 June 2011

… Of Fresh Air

(Update 11.17.2008: I’ve decided to split up this post into two parts in order to allow for parts of this previously PWP post to be finally visible.

To see the first part of this post, click here.)

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So let’s see. What else can I tell you? Uhm … things are looking good on the job front. After several phone conversations back and forth with the Nurse Recruiter at our sister company in another state, I have a formal interview scheduled at their company on Nov. 10th. And the thing is, they were really asking me to come out and interview sooner, but because of scheduling conflicts (big exec presentation this week and Election Day / cousin’s cotillion next week) we couldn’t do it until that date.

And the other thing is, they’ve already sent a benefit package for me to review. And they’ve asked me to fill out some paperwork to start the background check. Uhm … maybe I’m being waaay to optimistic, but something tells me that they reaallly want me to start ASAP if I should get hired! Which means that they’re thinking that I’ll do swimmingly well on this interview.

Which means I may actually be moving out of state … !!

I can’t tell you how even just the thought of moving out of state excites me. As weird as it sounds (okay maybe not that weird), I’m looking forward to the possibility of a new beginning. I’m looking forward to purging out all the old bad “stuff” and starting over. And when I mean “stuff” I do mean all the junk we’ve collected in our house and in our (or rather MY ) heart and mind.

I’m looking forward to finally getting my second chance.

Oh, but I hope I’m not setting myself up for a big disappointment … So if anybody’s got clout with the Big Man upstairs, can I ask you to put a good word in for me?

04 October 200813 June 2011

Weight Weight … Don't Tell Me, Pt 2

(Update 11.17.2008: I’ve decided to split up this post into two parts in order to allow for parts of this previously PWP post to be finally visible.

To view the first part of this long post, click here.)

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Which brings me to the next item of things I’m keeping under wraps for now. This one concerns my career; which has been absolutely blooming as of late. An interesting turn of events, given what happened in my last work-related post.

For starters, the Continuous Improvement Workgroup (CIW) has officially closed out its first phase. With the exception of having to participate in a couple of presentations (one of which is to the major Senior Executives and Board members … yikes!), I am all but done with my commitment to this group. Except … well, of course there’s always the next phase. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a “Continuous” process.

One of the "gifts" we got for participating in the CIW group ... oh, the irony! — One of the "gifts" we got after completing the first phase of the CIW ... Oh, the irony! (click to enlarge)

Those of us that participated this time around were invited back to continue the work that we had started. After all the h*ll I went through these past 10 months, I took a couple weeks to decide if I wanted to throw myself into the fire again. And I did decide not to participate this time around. The reason I gave in my email to the CIW project manager and our Vice President for our department was that participating in this group had consumed much much much more time than any of us expected. And this was blindingly obvious by the decrease in our “numbers” in comparison to the other staff. But then I get the email from my VP specifically asking me to reconsider, as I apparently brought a lot of insight and ideas to the CIW. And if that wasn’t a request for me to participate, then the fact that our VP specifically sought me out in a department meeting to ask me again in person … well, that certainly did. So really … how can one say no to something like that when your big big boss singles you out? Uh-huh …

So yay! Big pat on the back for a job well done. And ugh! How much more “good work” can I take on?

But that’s not what I’ve been all hush-hush about. Shortly after finishing up on the first phase of the CIW project, our whole department found out that our Director (who reports directly to the VP I mentioned above) accepted a VP position for one of our sister companies in another state. One particular state that Hubby & I had seriously considered moving to at one point in our lives. And because my Director and I had talked casually about this particular city in the past, I jokingly said to him that if a position should ever come available, he should think of me. His response? “Well if you find yourself moving into the area, you should definitely contact me. I know we have positions and if not, I’ll find something for you.”

Wow. That was all I needed to hear. And after Hubby & I discussed it at length, we decided that now would be the perfect time to take advantage of this type of opportunity. So as I type, hopefully the email I sent with my resume attached finds its way to his desk. At work. As the new VP for our sister company. And hopefully I’ll hear some good news soon.

The reason I haven’t said anything to other friends and families is because it’s too early in the game to spill the beans. Plus I’d hate to get my hopes up in the event that it all falls through. And if anyone else IRL (and in close proximity of me) knew that this is what we’re planning on as our “next big step,” I guess I’d feel as if I was jinxing myself. Make any sense?

So just keep Hubby & I in your thoughts and prayers so that I might get this opportunity, because I find myself really really wanting to make this change.

Part of the desire, of course, is to put all the hurt and pain of infertility behind me. Don’t get me wrong. I love my city. I have great pride in saying that I’m from Detroit. It’s just that the longer I’m here, the more the sad moments start to overshadow the happier moments. The more I feel left behind while others keep moving forward. The more I feel stuck, tied down … weighed down.

And the longer I stay here, the harder it gets for me to try to change the course of my life. Because I do want to move forward past my infertility. I do want infertility to stop being who I am. I want to take that step away from “Emily the Infertile” and become just “Emily.” Smart & witty Emily. Silly & fun Emily. Happy Emily.

So do I think moving away will solve my problems? No. I’m not as naive to think that running away will make things better. I know it will take a large part of strength to start a life in another city. I know I’ll have to work hard at making new friends (or perhaps reconnecting with old ones). I know that I won’t have the security of having family close by. I know that it will be just Hubby & me.

But I’m okay with that. And I’m pretty sure Hubby is okay with that as well. Because quite frankly, this “trying to start a family” thingy has taken a toll on the two of us. (Oh, who am I kidding? I’m sure I’m the one that stressed over the whole IF thing and therefore stressed Hubby out because I was majorly freaking out.) And perhaps rather than focusing on what’s happening with every one else around us and what’s not happening with us … we can start focusing on just us again.

Because even though it’s just been “Us” for the past 12 years (read: no kids), infertility has definitely changed the two of us as a married couple. We’re no longer that young, fresh-faced optimistic married couple that feels impenetrable. We’re no longer that couple that thinks that the harder you work towards something, the more we’re ensured to get what we want. We’re … or rather I’m … more jaded and disappointed; hesitant to trust that everything will work out in the end. That what goes around might take a little longer to come back around. Yet despite those challenges we’ve faced, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t I thank God that we are still madly in love with each other.

So if this opportunity to move out of state happens, I will definitely be comfortable with life just revolving around the two of us. And I think that placing some distance between those things (and people) that remind us on a daily basis of our hurt and disappointment will be a good thing.

Which brings me to the final reason I’ve kept this post PWP for now. And trust me … this is definitely the one thing I want to keep under wraps for now. So again … if I know you IRL and you run into people whom we both know, please please please do not spill the beans. So here goes …

Hubby & I both realize that with everything that has happened over the past year (both good and bad), we have reached a crossroad in our lives. We’ve come to the point where we need to know what to do next. And so … with the possibility of moving out of state and with the most recent emotional pain I’ve been through … Hubby & I have made the decision to take a stab at living child-free.

Yep. You read that right. Child-free.

And believe me, once I said it out loud (during a major cry session with Hubby, btw) it was as if a HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders. And suddenly I felt like I could breathe again. And I finally felt as if I could confidently take a step away from “Emily the Infertile” and a step towards the other Emily, as in “Hubby & Emily” and their “infinite playlist.” (Lame reference to “Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist.” Which, if you’re a fan of making great mixed tapes or … ahem, I’m dating myself … mixed CD’s, you must see this movie!) And another step towards the “other” Emily; the smart and sassy one who does the best that she can possibly do to be successful in her career (whatever that may be).

This, of course, is not to say that we’ve closed off any notion towards starting our family at a later date. I mean, who knows? Maybe having the opportunity to choose to live child-free will give us the ability to not always think about the whole “we have no kids” issue, which could (hypothetically) lead to the whole “It finally happened when I *cringe* ‘just relaxed’!” Or it could afford us the strength and the finances we’d need to go through the adoption process.

Either way, this removes the focus of our relationship from “must have kids to care for” to “must care for ourselves and each other.” And hey … since we’ve really enjoyed traveling this year, perhaps this choice to live child-free will allow us to continue to travel with each other and explore different countries and “re-explore” ourselves together.

So those are the big things that have been weighing on my mind and in my heart lately.

I know, I know … monstrously BIG decisions. But I hope that they’re ones that will eventually lead my down the road to being happy and content with who I am as a person and who Hubby & I are together as a happily married couple.

And where do I go now with this blog? Yes, I’ll still be keeping it. And yes, it will most likely still be about longing for something. But perhaps maybe these “Apron Strings” are no longer symbolic for just the longing to have kids … it’ll be symbolic to the want … need … desire to find happiness and balance in both my personal and professional life. Both of which I’m sorely lacking any sense of of balance lately …

Wish Hubby & I luck and please send any prayers up to the “Big Guy” up there to help guide us in the right direction.

And as always … thanks for being the best listeners / readers in the whole wide world.

31 July 200813 June 2011

Emily Goes Green

First things first. Go over to Kara‘s blog and give her a virtual hug. She needs it right now.

Alrighty then … now that we got that bit out of the way …

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So the title of my latest rambling is “Emily Goes Green.” (Duh, sayeth the reader. The title is right there!)

And no, I don’t mean that I’m going “green with envy” … although the fact that my SIL is due to deliver by c-section in a mere 4 weeks might have me feeling more blue-ish/green (turquoise, if you will) for a spell. I just hope it’s not one of those spells that have me riding up and down and upside-down, much like a roller coaster.

Check out the "green" toilet in the Portland, OR airport!

Nah, I’m talking about the “social awareness” type of green. You know, save the environment, Mother Earth needs to be nurtured, etc. You see, I’ve always been “green” in some sort of way since my later years in high school. Did a lot of recycling of paper, plastic and aluminum for most of my life. Collected newspapers for school recycling projects. (Heck, I’ve also been known to use the Sunday Comics as wrapping paper!)

In fact, at work I’ve been called the paper recycle queen. I’ve collected the stupid d*mn banner sheets off of our printer / copy machines and have forced people to reuse the back of the banner sheets in our fax machines. I’ve encouraged people not to print up things that they can readily access off of their computer. I’ve helped to establish desktop faxing so there is less waste of paper. I’ve stopped buying bottled water and instead have been filling up my reusable water bottle from the filtered tap water in our cafeteria.

Here's a closer look at the "Green" toilet instructions!

And I do all this because I know (even before watching “An Incon.venient Tr.uth” ) that mass consumption is going to be the death of our earth. (Go see “W.all-E“, by the way …)

So imagine my surprise when we went to pick up our rental car during our recent trip to San Diego (which, by the way … pictures are forthcoming!) and found out that the rental company assigned a hybrid vehicle to us. Yeah, I was ecstatic … because for the past couple years, Hubby & I have been thinking of getting a hybrid vehicle.

Let me preface this by saying a couple of things:

We live in the Motor City, so everyone (and I do mean everyone) owns a vehicle because … G*d forbid, we have any reliable source of mass transportation (and no, the Pe.ople Mo.ver does NOT count) …
Hubby works approximately an hour and a half away from where we live and has single-handedly put on over 200,000 miles on both of our cars over the past five years or less … AND
Gas prices just SUCK

So yeah … having rented this vehicle just happened to provide us with a great opportunity for us to test-drive a hybrid. If only the first half hour wasn’t so damn funny … and I do mean funny as in “strange” and funny as in “ha ha!”

Now, Kara … I have to warn you, you’ve already heard this story … so, turn away if you must!

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Okay, picture this. It’s 11:45 pm California time (PST). Our friend J and I are waiting for Hubby outside in the rental car lot while he signs the paperwork. Hubby come out and excitedly tells me that they rented out a hybrid vehicle to us. And because we have about 5 bags (including our carry-ons) among us, Hubby said that he’d walk to the rental and then drive back to pick us up.

About ten minutes later, no car. Suddenly my mobile phone goes off and I immediately know that it’s Hubby. “I need your help,” he says. “Can you walk over to the car and take a look at something for me?” So I walk a couple hundred feet to the white To.yota Pr.ius, where Hubby has the car door open and is handing me a keychain containing two keyless entry remotes. “I can’t figure out how to get to the key out to start the car.”

I look at the little black rectangular keyless entry remotes and think that perhaps there’s some sort of button on it to “release” the key; much like some other cars do. After about 5 minutes of pushing and pulling and sliding different thingies on the remote, Hubby decides to walk back to our friend J so that the two of them can bring all our baggage over.

In the mean time, I slide into the driver’s seat to get to the compartment where the owner’s manual should be. And then I see this green, glow-in-the-dark rectangle by the steering wheel. No way … I remember thinking. It can’t be that easy.

But sure enough, I take the keyless remote and slide it right into the green rectangle. And suddenly there’s lights and a beeping noise as if I left the car door open (which I did) with the keys still in the ignition (which apparently the remote was the the key).

And yet … no sound of the car running. “Oh,” I say out loud, as I notice this big round button that says “Power” on it. Perhaps if I push the button …. but still nothing. By this time, Hubby & J are by my side, amazed that I even figured out how to get the keys in the car. And yet, every time any of us go to press the “Power” button, we would get no indication that the car was actually running.

So now it’s about 12:15 am PST, which … for those who just flew in from Michigan … is about 3:15 am EST, the three of us had poured over the d*mn owner’s manual with absolutely no idea on how to start the car. And all we wanna do is get to our hotel room so we can crash for the night. “This is ridiculous,” says Hubby. “I’m gonna ask the girl inside.” And so off he stalks.

Within 3 minutes he’s back at the car. “She says to press the brake while pushing the power button.” (Because that little bit of info is nowhere in the owner’s manual!) And so he complies. Bingo … the digital odometer finally appears as well as a slew of other important car features (climate control being my priority, of course!). “There we go,” says Hubby, as he starts to shift the car into drive.

The Funky Gear Shift (and the Park button, too!)

“Wait,” I say to Hubby. “Are you sure it’s even running? I don’t hear a thing!”

“It is,” Hubby assures me. “The girl said the engine is extremely quiet, so it always tends to fool first-time hybrid users.” After that, he presses the brakes and places the car into “Drive.” And once he lets go of the gear shift, it promptly returns back into neutral. “Weird,” Hubby says and tries it again. And once again, the gear shift returns to the neutral position.

J and I look at each other and I know we’re both thinking the same thing: “How the h*ll do we get this car to move forward. Or backward. Or at all?!”

“Oh, I get it,” says the driver. “I think the gear shift is a simple lever.” Sounds strange, but I knew that Hubby meant that really … the car could move either forward or reverse at the touch of a button. But because we’ve all gotten so used to the concept of a gear shift, the carmaker developed a contraption that works very similar to what we were familiar with. And once we all understood that, Hubby “pseudo-shifted” the car into Drive,” and finally got the car to move forward.

In the midst of our short drive to the hotel, we discovered other crazy things about the car. For instance, the digital display monitor is multi-functional and controls not only the interior climate but the radio tuner as well. And when the car is placed in reverse, the digital display monitor functions as the screen for the “backup camera” feature, which allows for a view of the car’s rear area. “How frickin’ cool,” we all think when we see it for the first time.

By the time we pull up to our hotel, it’s about 1:00 am PST (4:00 am EST, if you’re keeping track of how long our day has been). “Uh …,” says Hubby. “Now how do I put this sucker in park?” I glance over at the display and confirm that there is no “Park” option in the gear shift. I shrug my shoulders as Hubby and I both happen to catch this little sticker label right by the gear shift. “Push the ‘P’ button to place in Park,” Hubby reads out loud.

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So yeah … that was our first ever experience with a hybrid vehicle. I have no idea if this is what other hybrid vehicles are like, but this one certainly had the three of us simultaneously banging our heads up against the car window and laughing our a$$es off.

Now ask me if I’d ever drive another To.yota Pr.ius again, and the answer is a resounding yes. After figuring out how to work everything in the car, the little bugger was so d*mn cool. But the best part was … after about six days of driving the car essentially all over San Diego and as far up as Del Mar, we only used a half a tank of gas. That’s almost 250 miles of driving at a mere 4-5 gallons of gas.

Makes me wanna paint the whole world green …