Author: Emily

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Show and Tell: Yami's Holiday

So I decided that in order for me to post regularly, I should probably join an activity amongst our IF / Loss community. I made the attempt earlier this year to join the predecessor for IComLeavWe, but failed at it miserably. Trust me, it’s not from lack of trying, it was more because working 10-hour days with nary-a-break (other than to nibble on lunch) leaves me incredibly exhausted with little brain-power to do much else.

Which brings me to this post. I have decided to join the Show and Tell weekly thread, a week-to-week commitment where each participant brings something fun to share. Yes, it sound like fun and it does sound just like kindergarten!

Anyway, for my first week I decided to share pictures of my cat, Yami. Now, I bet you’re wondering why the title of this post says “Yami’s Holiday.” Well, it’s because our kitty is a black cat and this coming Friday is Halloween … the day for black cats to rule! 🙂

Seriously. Check out how MEAN she looks?!

Actually, Yami (pronounced “Yah-mee”) is the most adorably precocious cat we’ve ever had. And, no … she’s not intentionally bearing her teeth at us. I just happened to snap a picture of her at the end of a yawn. This is how she normally looks like.

Ain’t she adorable?! Well, that ain’t the most adorable picture I’ve taken of her. That one happens to be this one.

Yup, I managed to catch the normally hyperactive kitty , who hates to be held, snuggling next to one of my stuffed animals. Busted!

And actually, she does love to snuggle … it just has to be on her terms (of course).

We acquired Yami from our SIL about four years ago, when she moved into a new apartment and wasn’t allowed to take more than one cat. Her name means “The Chosen One” in some variation of Japanese lore. Quite appropriate, as she seems to think she rules the household.

Did I mention that she was smart?! Yes, this girl has managed to open doors and get herself locked into bedrooms she’s not allowed to be in. And some days, I wonder what kind of trouble she gets into when we’re not home. Seriously, do you think she might be posting stuff on my blog?

Oh, but Hubby & I love her so much. Our lives would be so much boring without her in it. So Yami, if you happen to be “googling” yourself … I hope you know that you are my most favorite indoor indoor black kitty ever! Not to be confused with my most favorite indoor kitty … that title is reserved for your sister, Rain!

BUSTED again!!

To read others’ Show and Tell items for the week, click here!

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Uh-Oh …

I had a feeling this day would come. And I’m surprised it’s only happened now …

This is what I get for dressing in the dark!

As Hubby pointed out earlier, I suppose I could bring back the whole Kris Kross look.

‘Cause “it’s wiggidy wiggidy wiggidy wack!”

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Music Snob

Okay, totally stole this from Mrs. X. That, and spending time with my cousins this past weekend had me reminiscing about the styles and fashions and music of our day.

So this is the deal.

A) Go to this site
B) Enter the year you graduated from high school in the search function
C) Copy and paste the list of 100 most popular songs of that year
D) Bold the songs you like
E) Strike through the ones you really hate

I must preface this by telling you guys that, back in the late 80’s-early 90’s, I was a big music snob. I thought I was supremely cool for working at a “Rekka Sto” (as in Prince’s “Under The Cherry Moon”), and thought that I knew anything and everything about alternative music. G*d forbid I listen to anything “Top 40!” And that’s probably why there isn’t much I know or really like on this list.

However … today, I’m pretty much open to anything that has great bass, good beats and/or hook.

Today, when I listen really closely to some of the songs that I hated back in “the day,” I suddenly find myself appreciating some of them more than I did back then.

The best example I can give you is this: I utterly despised GnR’s “Sweet Child O’Mine” when it first hit the airwaves. Yuck, I remember thinking, here’s yet another “big hair” 80’s metal band. But today, when listening to the song “closely” on my iPod using my excellent d-JAYS earphones … I am completely enthralled by how the song was written both lyrically and melodically.

So, with that said … I’m adding another rule to the above, which is to:

F) Bold/Highlight the songs that you hated in high school but appreciate today …

  1. Hold On, Wilson Phillips (uh-huh … the harmonies ROCKED!)
  2. It Must Have Been Love, Roxette
  3. Nothing Compares 2 U, Sinead O’Connor
  4. Poison, Bell Biv DiVoe
  5. Vogue, Madonna
  6. Vision Of Love, Mariah Carey
  7. Another Day In Paradise, Phil Collins
  8. Hold On, En Vogue
  9. Cradle Of Love, Billy Idol
  10. Blaze Of Glory, Jon Bon Jovi
  11. Do Me!, Bell Biv Devoe
  12. How Am I Supposed To Live Without You, Michael Bolton
  13. Pump Up The Jam, Technotronic
  14. Opposites Attract, Paula Abdul
  15. Escapade, Janet Jackson
  16. All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You, Heart
  17. Close To You, Maxi Priest
  18. Black Velvet, Alannah Myles
  19. Release Me, Wilson Phillips
  20. Don’t Know Much, Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville
  21. All Around The World, Lisa Stansfield
  22. l Wanna Be Rich, Calloway
  23. I Remember You, Skid Row
  24. Rub You The Right Way, Johnny Gill
  25. She Ain’t Worth It, Glenn Medeiros Featuring Bobby Brown
  26. If Wishes Came True, Sweet Sensation
  27. The Power, Snap
  28. (Can’t Live Without Your) Love and Affection, Nelson
  29. Love Will Lead You Back, Taylor Dayne
  30. Don’t Wanna Fall In Love, Jane Child
  31. Two To Make It Right, Seduction
  32. Sending All My Love, Linear
  33. Unskinny Bop, Poison
  34. Step By Step, New Kids On The Block
  35. Dangerous, Roxette
  36. We Didn’t Start The Fire, Billy Joel
  37. I Don’t Have The Heart, James Ingram
  38. Downtown Train, Rod Stewart
  39. Rhythm Nation, Janet Jackson
  40. I’ll Be Your Everything, Tommy Page
  41. Roam, B-52’s
  42. Everything, Jody Watley
  43. Back To Life, Soul II Soul
  44. Here and Now, Luther Vandross
  45. Alright, Janet Jackson
  46. Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice (admit it, it has a catchy beat!)
  47. Blame It On The Rain, Milli Vanilli (so the lip-syncing sucked, but the song was still cool!)
  48. Have You Seen Her, M.C. Hammer
  49. With Every Beat Of My Heart, Taylor Dayne
  50. Come Back To Me, Janet Jackson
  51. No More Lies, Michel’le
  52. Praying For Time, George Michael
  53. How Can We Be Lovers, Michael Bolton
  54. Do You Remember, Phil Collins
  55. Ready Or Not, After 7
  56. U Can’t Touch This, M.C. Hammer
  57. I Wish It Would Rain Down, Phil Collins
  58. Just Between You and Me, Lou Gramm
  59. Something Happened On The Way To Heaven, Phil Collins
  60. Black Cat, Janet Jackson
  61. Can’t Stop, After 7
  62. Janie’s Got A Gun, Aerosmith
  63. The Humpty Dance, Digital Underground
  64. I’ll Be Your Shelter, Taylor Dayne
  65. Free Fallin’, Tom Petty
  66. Giving You The Benefit, Pebbles
  67. Enjoy The Silence, Depeche Mode
  68. Love Song, Tesla
  69. Price Of Love, Bad English
  70. Girls Nite Out, Tyler Collins
  71. King Of Wishful Thinking, Go West
  72. What Kind Of Man Would I Be?, Chicago
  73. Get Up! (Before The Night Is Over), Technotroic
  74. Here We Are, Gloria Estefan
  75. Epic, Faith No More
  76. Love Takes Time, Mariah Carey
  77. Just Like Jesse James, Cher
  78. Love Shack, B-52’s
  79. All Or Nothing, Milli Vanilli
  80. Romeo, Dino
  81. Everybody Everybody, Black Box
  82. I Go To Extremes, Billy Joel
  83. Whip Appeal, Babyface
  84. Oh Girl, Paul Young
  85. C’mon and Get My Love, D-Mob With Cathy Dennis
  86. (It’s Just) The Way That You Love Me, Paula Abdul
  87. We Can’t Go Wrong, Cover Girls
  88. When I’m Back On My Feet Again, Michael Bolton
  89. Make You Sweat, Keith Sweat
  90. This One’s For The Children, New Kids On The Block
  91. What It Takes, Aerosmith
  92. Forever, Kiss
  93. Jerk Out, Time
  94. Just A Friend, Biz Markie
  95. Whole Wide World, A’me Lorain
  96. Without You, Motley Crue
  97. Swing The Mood, Jive Bunny and The Mastermixers
  98. Thieves In The Temple, Prince
  99. Mentirosa, Mellow Man Ace
  100. Tic-Tac-Toe, Kyper

And with that said … Here’s how my list for 1990 turned out:

* Huh … Just noticed how a lot of the songs on this list are more “Dance Tracks” (remember 12-inch maxi-single remixes?!) Again, goes to show how I fancied more the stuff played elsewhere (-ie- clubs, house parties, etc) rather than on the airwaves.

** Double Huh … Also noticed that I seriously did not fancy any R&B artists back in the day.

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And Finally …

Special project can, once and for all, be revealed. (Woo-hoo! I can hear y’all *excitedly* cheering … NOT!)

Yeah, I just have to show this off because I honestly spent a lot of man-hours on it. And well … the end result was more than I ever imagined. SO … without further ado, here is the special wedding gift I presented to my cousin this past weekend.

My Special Wedding Gift
My Special Wedding Gift

If you might recall in a previous post, my cousin and I were very close growing up. We wrote detailed letters of our daily life, including many of our hopes and dreams, our troubles and concerns. And in return, we would receive lots of encouragement and support. I guess you could say that we were “bloggers” about 20 years ahead of our time, as the first of our back-to-back correspondences started around 1985.

All of My Cousin's Letters to Me
All of My Cousin's Letters to Me

I can’t even imagine how many letters I sent to my cousin over the years. I suppose I could go back to my own special wedding gift from her, but quite frankly I’m too lazy to count. In total we must have exchanged well over two hundred letters amongst ourselves; some of them as long as 40 back-to-back, handwritten pages. And the only reason I’m guesstimating is because I must have scanned in more than 100 of her letters to me over the period of 6 weeks. That, and pictures of us growing up.

Hubby, the graphic designer, helped design the covers to the three books. Each book with a title taken from lyrics to an ’80’s song. And after doing some research, we were able to self-publish this book by uploading the pdf files to this site. I think they turned out awesome … don’t you?

Okay, so what happened when my cousin opened her gift?

Uh-huh … it was quite emotional for the two of us. But just to see the look on her face, and how happy she was? And to know that I finally fulfilled a promise we made to each other back in our youth? It was worth all the sweat and tears.

Now … bonus points for anyone that can name the title of the song and the artist for each of the three books!

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Crouching Dragon Lady

Well … For those of you that have read my last PWP post and commented or emailed me personally, I very much appreciate all that you’ve said. There were definitely points that were brought forward that I haven’t thought about in my angry haze, and for that I am grateful. All of your words definitely made me stop long enough to breathe in some fresh air rather than breathe out flames of anger.

I’m still trying to decide what I want to do with this blog. Don’t know if I want to continue to post on this blog, or if I want to move elsewhere. I’ve already got another blog site all set if I decide to move, but for now I think I will continue to just PWP those posts that I assume would “hurt” other people.

Which (okay … one last b*tchy statement and I swear I’m done for now … ) just still gets my goat (goad?) Because seriously, while I understand sometimes words do hurt … by having to “censor” myself … well, it just makes me feel like I shouldn’t be “allowed” to express how I truly feel. Like I have to “butter up” my words (or rather kiss a$$) just to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings. But G*d forbid that I’m not allowed to have my own feelings hurt!

Woops. I believe I just got side-tracked from what I was originally going to blog about. Now what was I saying?! (Ugh. Mind is in a haze …) Oh yeah. In one of the comments I received, there was a statement that I feel I need to clarify. Actually, there were two:

There was a comment indicating that I’ve made this particular relationship into a competition. That I “think” that my loss is “bigger” than this other person’s loss. Or that this person’s life is much “better” than my life. I’m “saying” this loud and clear … it has NOT BEEN ME that has focused on this part of our relationship. To me, I have never thought that one person has it worse or better than the other. To me A LOSS IS A LOSS … it doesn’t matter how small or large the loss is, it still hurts like h*ll. As I’ve (obviously not-so clearly) mentioned in this post, I never wanted this relationship to be a competition. All I wanted was the support.

Which leads me to the second point of clarification …

I want to clear up the statement I made about not considering Hubby & myself a “family unit.” It wasn’t that I didn’t think Hubby & I were a family. No, I was more irritated at the way the envelope addressed. Because that action was just a very passive-aggressive way to include me … and yet to not mention me by name. It was a subtle dig (whether consciously or unconsciously) to let me know that I was still on a certain person’s sh*tlist.

Yes, I know Hubby & I are a family … we’re a family of two; which is how it has always been. Especially as we have been going through this infertility journey alone. And that’s in sharp contrast to what our Filipino culture is supposed to be. As a “family” (which ultimately includes all immediate family members, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc), we’re supposed to be supporting each other, fighting for each other, holding each other up when another person in the family needs it most. And while I feel as if I’ve done my fair share (and sometimes above and beyond) of support, I just don’t think it’s ever been reciprocated, leastwise from this particular person. At least in the way that I wish it would. The way that I’ve done for others.

Truth be told, I want someone to speak up for me when I’m tired of giving explanations. I want someone to fight for me when someone says something inappropriate. Or at least diffuse a potentially uncomfortable situation. And I want someone to hold me up when I’m weak from having to do all those things mentioned above.

Tell me the truth people … if YOU held someone up at one (actually two) of their most difficult times in their lives; if YOU fought battles for people when you felt they couldn’t fight any more; if YOU put aside your own uncomfortable feelings in order to support someone that you knew needed it … wouldn’t you hope that when YOU needed the support, these same actions would be returned?

I suppose I’ll get the responses like … “Well, you can only expect to get what a person is willing to give.” Or “some people aren’t built like that.” And I can honestly say that it’s taken me over twenty years … but I’ve finally accepted those answers. I might not like it and may still b*tch about it from time to time (in a PWP post, of course) … but I accept that I shouldn’t expect anything more from this particular relationship.

With that said … I want to share an article with you that a co-worker thought I could learn from. I enjoyed reading it and … who knows? Maybe it’s lessons will come in handy in the (very near) future!