Author: Emily

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Overtime Ties

Keeping my TIES with Detroit ...

Whew. What a day. What a work week! And the sad thing is that my work week ain’t even over.

Yes. That’s right. I gots myself more work to do. And not just the normal “sign into our system from my laptop at home” -type of work. Nope … Tomorrow I get to schlep my butt back downtown and work at my wonderful cubicle. And that’s because the rest of my team is coming in for a little overtime work as well.

Sigh … Why does it always seem like the beginning of a business year is less about “new beginnings” and “fresh starts” and more like “leftovers” and “pilot projects”? Not like I already have a pretty full plate …

And it’s only February! Can’t *wait* to see what’s in store for the rest of the year.

So yes, work has been insanely busy. What I had thought would be a break from insanity after the big audit in November has only brought more insanity. Which has been slowly building since … well, November.

Okay, so maybe I’m just going into panic / anxiety mode right now. Maybe I need to go back to my happy place (which always seems to involve sand, beach, water and palm trees) and just relax. Yeah … that’s what I should do.

Alrighty … enough complaining. Let’s talk about other things. Fun things. Like … the conversation I had with a fellow supervisor today about sports. Yes, sports … one of many things I love, like music and movies and books.

It’s been fun talking to this co-worker about sports; especially because of our love of our home teams; mine being Detroit and hers, Chicago. Her Bears and my hapless Lions. My “Bad Boys” Pistons to her “Michael Jordan” Bulls. My “Justin Verlander” Tigers and her “Mark Buehrle” White Sox.

But today’s discussion happened to be one of our all-time favorite sports: Hockey.  And specifically Red Wings and Blackhawks Hockey. We had talked about how both our teams were doing (hers *really* good, ours … not so good) and the connection that our hockey teams shared.

Yep, that's the slap shot that Chelios taught me!

One of them is obviously Chris Chelios; who had grown up in Chicago and played for the Blackhawks for many MANY years. Except … as I chided with my co-worker … Chelios never won a Stanley Cup Championship until he played for the Red Wings.

This, of course, led to me sharing a dream I had of Chris Chelios a few years ago. One where I supposedly won a contest to participate in a Red Wings pre-game practice. And in that dream, I vividly recall having Chelios teach me how to set up a slap shot. Yeah … only *I* would have these types of dreams; but at least my co-worker appreciated it!

Anyway, the other connection that both the Red Wings and the Blackhawks shared were that they were part of “The Original Six” hockey teams of the NHL.

From there, the conversation went on to the whole “expansion” of the NHL over the years, and how some of these “new” teams were difficult to remember. (Woulda thunk Columbus, OH or Nashville TN would ever have an NHL team?!) Or what we’d do if we ever moved out of a non-Hockey city.

Specifically, we had talked about what Hubby & I would do if (when?) we move out west. Portland doesn’t have a hockey team; and neither does Seattle. Would we go for the Ducks? Or would it be the Cannucks (out of Vancouver)?

As it turns out, we both decided that we could never “give up” our home team; her Blackhawks and my Red Wings. That despite a move to a different city, we would always root for our home teams … we’d still hold on to our TIES to our hometown sports.

And I obviously do … as it’s been over a year since moving to Chicago and I still cheer … not only my Red Wings … but for all the other Detroit home teams as well.

I always loved that Cameron Frye wore a Red Wings Jersey on "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
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Free Will & Fate

I admit it. I’m a TV junkie. Maybe it’s because I spend most of the winter evenings indoors; especially since I’m still not used to it being so dark by 5 pm here in Chicago. Or it could also be that I find myself having little energy after a non-stop busy day at work. Either way, I tend to find myself in front of the proverbial “Boob Tube” by 7 pm each evening.*

It’s also a horrible thing … this new fan-dangled device called a DVR. Because now, not only can I watch one TV series I keep up with, but I can record a second TV series that I also follow … even though they air at the same time. I seriously think I need to stop picking up new TV series and focus only on the ones I watch right now … at least until something else catches my eye.

Tonight’s line up involved recording “Fringe” on FOX while watching “Supernatural” on The CW. (Oh, did I forget to tell you I *love* watching “paranormal”-type of shows? I blame Mulder and Scully back in the early-to-late 90’s.)

For those that aren’t familiar with “Supernatural,” it’s not a show about Carlos Santana’s Grammy Award-winning album. It’s a show about two brothers who basically “hunt” demons and other paranormal figures. The ongoing story arc is that these two brothers, as dedicated as they are to each other, are supposedly destined to destroy one another. Because, and follow along with me here, the younger brother’s soul was “sold” to Lucifer (aka the Devil) before he (Sam) was even born. While the older brother (Dean), who has basically been raised to kill demons his entire life, is supposed to stop Lucifer from taking over Sam’s body in order to take over the world. What gets even more tricky is that Dean has been told that he is supposed to allow the Archangel, Michael, to take over his body in order to stop Lucifer from destroying earth (aka the Apocolypse).

Following me thus far? Okay, so moving on …

For those of you that are familiar with the Heaven and Hell, Angels and Demons lore (and no, I’m not talking about Dan Brown’s novel here) … you’d know that Lucifer is actually a “fallen” angel, and is actually the younger brother to Michael. So the whole “brother pitted against brother” aspect of this TV show’s storyline is pretty darn cool (in my humble opinion, anyway).

So in tonight’s episode there is this whole bit about free will and destiny. While both Dean and Sam have been told it’s in their “destiny” to start the Apocolypse, both brother’s have promised that they would do everything in their power to allow that from happening.  Sam would consciously avoid being lead into Lucifer’s “temptations,” while Dean would vehemently oppose Michael from taking a human form in his body.**

But as Dean tells the Archangel Michael this, Michael tells him that there is no such thing as “Free Will” in life; that every little inconsequential decision and path in life will eventually lead him and his brother down the ultimate road that they’ve been fated to. I think the actual phrase Michael used was, “Free will is an illusion.”

Huh ... I kinda like this quote!

Yet in spite of what Dean has been told, he still refuses to allow what “fate” has supposedly lined up for him; he still chooses to live his life on his own free will. Which … of course, makes him a hero in my eyes. Well, at least in the TV show.

Afterwards (as in right now, as I type) I reflected on the whole Free Will vs. Fate and how it pertains to my Infertility journey; how it pertains to my life. (And, yep! This is how this post relates to the whole “Ties” theme for NaBloPoMo.)

The idea of Free Will vs. Fate specifically makes me question if my journey down the road of infertility been destined all along. And if that’s the case, does this mean my decision (or “free will”) to live child-free after IF is just an illusion? A farce?

Not that I’m questioning the decision that Hubby & I have made … I know that living child-free after IF is what’s in our best interest at this very moment. No … it’s more the question of: “If that’s the case, why did we put ourselves through H*ll and back just to end up where we were ‘supposed’ to end up?”

I suppose I could always put forth the standard answer that our IF experience isn’t about the “outcome” but rather what Hubby & I have learned about each other and ourselves along the way. And, to a point, I can be satisfied with that response.

But then there’s that part of me that wholly believes that life (and particularly an American life) is all about the choices we make in life; the decision and subsequent consequences that follow. It’s that same part of me that believes that every aspect in life is about consciously making the “choices” that we believe are the best ones for us at that given moment … That, despite the times in which we all feel backed into a corner, we all have the ability as human beings to make choices.

So maybe there isn’t a black and white for Free Will & Fate. Maybe life is more of a hybrid of both. Perhaps life really is about the choices we make … which, in turn, determines the ultimate outcome of our destiny.

Either way, after watching this episode of “Supernatural,” I suddenly have this incredible urge to pick up a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book …

What about you, Blogland? What are your thoughts about Free Will and Fate?

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~

* See? That’s another thing I’m still not used to here in CST: Prime Time TV starting at 7 pm.

** Apparently angels must have your full consent in order to enter your body. Who knew?

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Common Threads

Not quite the "suprised" look I was looking for in my batch of pics ...

Wow. Oh, wow! I woke up to a great suprise this morning.

Well, okay … technically I was at work where I should have been updating all my staff’s databases for 2010* … but yeah. Instead I was tweaking some stuff on my blog.

Which, by the way. Like the new look? I figured it was time to shake it up a little, as it’s been about two years since I’ve changed my look. (Really, I’d love to do my own little design … but yeah, that would mean the cheapskate in me would have to shell out moolah.)

ANYHOO ... As I was saying, I was on my blog do some admin stuff when I noticed a particular person’s <clears throat> Mel <cough> website URL kept popping up on my “Referrers” section. So imagine my suprise when I found out some WONDERFUL person wrote a little ditty about how much my blog inspires them.

Wow. That just totally blew me away. I feel like I should be standing up behind the magic mike stand (you know, the one that disappears once the person is done speaking?) to thank the entire blogoverse for allowing me to write as freely as I do. And specifically to thank everyone for actually reading my words.

Oh, and did I mention this was all done anonymously ?! So … seriously, *THANK YOU* to whomever wrote such beautiful words about me. You honestly don’t know how much it means to me …

The "Stirrups Queen" herself (with the Tiara) along with me, Io and Aunt Becky (left to right) at BlogHer 2009

Anyway, for those of you that aren’t familiar with Mel from Stirrup Queens … she is one of the ALI (Adoption, Loss and Infertility) community’s biggest chieftans. She is *the* person who has managed to organize the lot of us ALI bloggers under one roof … and she’s typically the one who puts the “shout out” to all of us when one of us in need of good support. That’s why it’s perfect that she used to blog under the name “The Town Criers.”

Okay … so yeah, getting sidetracked here again. But I thought it’s very important for those that may stumble onto my site for a variety of reasons to know where to find a comprehensive list of resources for Adoption, Loss and Infertility.

HOWEVER … I *am* finally getting to the point of this post and how it ties (ba-dum-dum) into February’s NaBloPoMo theme. And it’s this …

One of the reasons I started blogging about my Infertility journey was because I felt extremely alone. I felt that there was no one in my immediate surroundings that would even begin to understand what I was going through. Throw in the fact that I’m Filipino-American, where being a mother is seen as a woman’s main purpose in life and where infertility or loss isn’t ever talked about amongst even the closest of close family members … well, yeah. Let’s just say that, other than my Hubby, I didn’t feel as if I had any support AT ALL.

Visiting Kara in La Jolla, Aug 2008

But as I began to peruse through other IF-er’s blogs, I began to feel less alone … less isolated. And stumbling onto Mel’s blogroll? Well yeah, I totally hit the jackpot.

From there I managed to find a bunch of other bloggers that have since become closer to me in the blogoverse than some of my IRL friends. I’m sure that part of the reason is the vast internet space that separates us; which, in turn, allows us to be more open and honest to each other than those who might even live under the same roof.

So how does this relate back to the whole “Ties” theme for NaBloPoMo? It’s simple.

Sometimes there is one common thread that ties one complete stranger to another one. In my world … specifically my Blog World … it’s my infertility. And now, as I travel down a new path … it’s my decision to live with my husband child-free after infertility.

Again … thank you Miss (or Mister?) Anonymous for such lovely words. Sometimes it’s those little suprises in life that keep propelling me forward … especially in my quest to find the next grand adventure in my life.

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~

*What can I say? I’m a month behind? And isn’t that the story of my life?!

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My Favorite "Tie"

Day two of NaBloPoMo; and the theme for the month is “Ties.”

So what will I talk about today? Hmmm … How about my favorite “Tie”? And yes, that would be Hubby.

For those of you that know me IRL, the fact that Hubby is my #1 “Tie” is a double-entendre. Not only is he my favorite thing to keep “tied” to, but well … y’all IRL-ers know *exactly* what I mean. Tee-hee!

I mean, seriously, Hubby is the Tie that I refer to when I think about wanting to be tied to something … er, rather some *one*.

It’s one thing to “Tie the knot” with the love of my life … it’s a completely different thing to want to spend most of my waking hours with him.

Simply put, Hubby is my best friend. And I wouldn’t want to be tied up … er, tied down by anyone else.

Wouldn't want Hubby to "Lego" of me ...
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February Ties

Yep. I’m going to try this NaBloPoMo thingy again. After all, I was pretty successful in November of 2008; and seeing that I have been … ahem … lacking in writing posts lately, I figured this would be a good way to jump start my creative juices again.

And why not? February is a short month. Good month to try to post an entry a day for the entire month.

For those of you that aren’t aware, NaBloPoMo is essentially a group of people who have committed to updating their blogs once a day for an entire month. November tends to be the “big month” to attempt this feat, but anyone can try to post every day for an entire month at the beginning of each month.

Oh, and each month tends to focus around a central theme. This month’s theme is “Ties.” Yeah … pretty vague. But I suppose that’s a good thing; seeing that I can find a variety of different meanings for “Ties.”

So stick around to see what creative things I can write about “Ties.”

Post #1 done. Twenty-seven more to go …