Author: Emily

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Perspective on Racism

Long rant below. Scroll past this post if you don’t want to be annoyed by my opinions
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Turn away now
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Last chance
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If you are at all interested in Civil War American history, take a looky-see at this awesome half-hour documentary about statues honoring the Confederate States and the context of how these statues are memorialized.

Two things about it:

  1. Listen closely to how Mr. Cotton describes his name, and
  2. I will *never* forget being in Charleston for work-related training.

Let me just tell you the story of my Clinical Instructor. She grew up close to Charleston and was part of the United Daughters of the Confederacy. During that week of training, we somehow got on the topic of the Civil War. That instructor pointedly stated, “It wasn’t a war about slavery” and “We don’t call it the Civil War. We call it The War of Northern Aggression.” Now imagine this person saying it in a southern drawl.” I was left speechless.

I get honoring your ancestors to remember your past, but you should also see it in the eyes of someone whose family were destroyed because of it. So yes, burn them down! But … I believe that art is art and these statues should be appreciated for what they are: An important part of our country’s history. But provide context as to why it was built and the part of *American* History it honors, for Pete’s sake!

With that said, please ALSO watch the this other video before reading the rest of this rant. It’s a great lecture about “heritage.” I’ve learned something new in the wee hours of the morning (Thanks A LOT, Kurt! 😏)

And now the rest of my rant.

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What a GREAT video that outlines what use those statues / monuments served during that time in history. It recognizes that – when they were built, they serviced that town or city’s need to feel “superior” to others. It celebrates their “Heritage,” so to speak, at a time when these cities and towns felt threatened by someone else that didn’t look like them or sound like them.

THAT’S the narrative and context I was talking about up above. This is why I believe that, rather than defacing a monument / statue, they should be “displayed” somewhere else where it can be observed and discussed of American History.

That said, I truly believe that statues of “Southern Pride” (including that d*mn Confederate flag) do NOT belong in ANY public space. Because yes, they are a symbol of White Supremacy. Rather than destroy or deface these statues or monuments, some of them (not all) should be displayed in a place where people WANT to learn about why many of the other statues / monuments were torn down during our period in time.

Clearly I am a #BlackLivesMatter person. I’m just saying that those “symbols” are part of our history, whether we like it or not. Seeing them on display (at a history or art museum) could serve as a talking point to discuss racism both now and then. It could serve as an explanation of how we got to where we are right now; the Tipping point, as is mentioned in that second video.

This person is spot on in saying that at this moment in time, there has been more support and understanding of racism. And more of an understanding of what it’s like to be judged by the color of your skin, or what you look like from the outside.

Take me, for example. I can name *several* instances growing up in a relatively blue collar neighborhood of experiencing little micro-aggression because I was Asian:

How the manager of my first job called me Connie Chung, implying that because I’m Asian, I was smart like “All Asians” are. (Psst …Not true. I came very close to failing chemistry and microbiology at Oakland University.)

Or how I’ve been called an “Oriental Doll” or, better yet – a “Shogun Princess. ” By a classmate’s dad, nonetheless.

I’m ashamed of myself for not being brave enough to correct them, but I was only a kid. How do you tell a grown adult that you are NOT Chinese OR Japanese when you’re 9 or 10?

Then there was the time when I was 16, I was referred to (by a teacher, nonetheless, as “Oriental.” It’s as if I were just an object on display or a particular design style (Oriental rug, vase, painting, etc). To me, that term is one of the most, if not the number one thing that gets to this 1st generation Filipino-American.

I now tell people that I hate the term “Oriental” because it sounds like I’m being lumped into ALL Asian ethnicities, as if we were all one in the same.

Now that I’m assertive enough to say something, it’s surprising how people react: angry for being called out, remorse for not realizing how “Oriental” is considered offensive by most Asian-Americans.

I use my experiences as a talking point for those who might not realize that there’s more to being Asian than the “Model Minority” we’ve been labeled as.

  • No, we’re NOT automatically smart.
  • No, not all of us become doctors, nurses, engineers, or accountants.
  • No, we’re NOT automatically smart. No, not all of us become doctors, nurses, or accountants.
  • Yes, I can speak perfectly clear English, so stop telling me you don’t understand what I’m saying because of my “accent.”

My point is that we shouldn’t forget how we got here. And having CLEAR examples of racism can help more people to understand why it’s horrible and sickening.

Okay. Off soapbox for now.

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Literally. Anyone. Else.

I received this pin from a wonderful coworker of mine. I was tempted to pin it to my mask at work … then thought better, as that would be disrespectful to our patients and coworkers.

You see, I’m more a ”walk a mile in my shoes” person. And as a frontline worker, my modus operandi has always been “first do no harm.”

Whereas 45’s tends to be based on reaction, rather than providing a well-thought out, research & fact-driven response.

Is that who you want to run our country?

Image may contain: text that says 'DON'T LET THE INVECION 20 2020 STD STOP THE DONALD'
#LiterallyAnyoneElse2020 🗳
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Getting Things Straight

If you don’t want to read a political rant, just scroll past my post

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Another chance to change your mind

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Okay, don’t say that I didn’t warn you!

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So … let me get this straight.

  • He had our own military tear-gas static, non-violent protesters which included the media
  • He wants to invoke the Insurrection Act so he can have the power to do the same amongst the rest of the States (without permission from the governors)
  • He states he wants to DOMINATE these THUGS
  • He incites those 2nd Amendment hardbodies (and let’s face it, the NRA) to take up arms to defend themselves

So … NO to peaceful protest, but YES to violence against them so we can dominate those that may or may NOT be part of the rioters & looters?

And NO to the Federal Government interfering in State matters (-ie management of the current COVID pandemic, meaning absolutely NO leadership in working with the appropriate persons), but YES to having the ability to deploy our own military “manage” the crowds in ALL States?

Does anyone else see similarities from history on how dictatorships begin?

  1. Fear-mongering
  2. Demonizing the opposition
  3. Systematic efforts to intimidate the media and anyone that doesn’t agree with them
  4. Politicizing the civil service, military, National Guard, or the domestic security agencies

For my Filipino and Filipino-American friends & family: Doesn’t it sound similar to how Marcos implemented martial law? And then subsequently revamped the constitution, silenced the media, and used violence and oppression against the political opposition and ordinary citizens?

Do you want this to happen to the US? Because it’s already happening.

You may like him and/or agree with him on one or all of what he has done, or what he purports to be his stance about certain issues. You may like what he has “done for the economy.”

You may NOT like who he ultimately runs against for re-election.

But I implore you to think long and hard on who you want to lead our country.

And I implore you to VOTE.

Off soapbox … for now.

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News from the Hospital Front: When You Wish Upon A Star, Part Deux

So no biggie … I’ve received a few comments about my previous post, questioning why we still need to #ShelterInPlace (or #StayHomeStaySafe or any variety of similar hashtags) if the number of reported COVID-19 cases are decreasing in some areas.

First of all … just because the virus IS showing signs of slowing down in some areas, it doesn’t mean that it’s not ramping up in other areas.

Think of it this way … if you’re unaware that you have COVID-19 and are asymptomatic, then once your community “opens” you would be free to go about town without restrictions (common sense, people!). This means you can travel to other cities or communities and spread the virus into an area that otherwise did not have any (or had very few) reported COVID-19 cases. You have now put that community at risk.

Second, despite what has been told by your local, state or federal government, #ShelterInPlace was NOT meant for the sole purpose of keeping hospitals from overflowing and overwhelmed. Yes, that is ONE aspect of it, but so is trying to keep your cooties to yourself or your household. #ShelterInPlace was to help STOP the spread of COVID-19 and to keep the communities SAFE from this highly contagious virus.

Yes, the hospitals are NOT at capacity; however, that is because the otherwise money-making elective surgeries would have pushed the hospitals over capacity and therefore limiting the number of resources available to that hospital (-ie- staffing, PPE, ventilators, oxygen delivery equipment, etc).

And honestly, unless it’s an emergent situation … would you want to have surgery at a hospital at this time? Where you know COVID-19-stricken patients are also being treated? #ShelterInPlace was to PROTECT the PUBLIC from COVID-19. This virus is extremely contagious to the point where health care professionals and researchers are still unable to determine why the virus affects each person uniquely.

Yes, there are those common symptoms (extremely high fevers, chills & unrelenting head- and muscle aches) and manifestations of contracting the virus, but the short-term effects vary from person to person. Some may never have any symptoms, while others go into acute respiratory distress, kidney and/or heart failure. They can develop bleeding disorders in which blood clots develop and spread into your legs, lungs, heart, brain. Can you imagine having a stroke and/or a heart attack from these blood clots?

Yes these are horrible things that occur to those who develop these issues from COVID-19. It doesn’t happen to everyone … but It. CAN. And just because you don’t feel like you’ve contracted the virus, doesn’t mean you don’t have it and are capable of spreading it to at least 5 to 6 other people, who can each spread it to another 5 to 6 people. Any number of those people will likely develop these complications. How would YOU feel if you gave it to someone you love? I can tell you from experience that IT. SUCKS.

Anyway, those are just the some of the immediate (acute) complications that can develop. We haven’t even been to break the surface on any long-term complications.

There are multiple medical journals out there reporting how COVID-19 “survivors” requiring oxygen (or worse, a ventilator) during the acute phase of the virus are still having difficulty maintaining their lung function, even after being successfully weaned off of oxygen treatments. My Dear Husband (DH), for example … He has been home now for three weeks and yet his oxygen saturation (O2 sat) levels range only from 88-94%. A “normal” saturation for otherwise healthy people should typically be anywhere from 97-100%. “Bad” is anything less than 89%.

My cousin, also a Registered Nurse working on a COVID-19 ICU unit, has also had COVID-19. More than a month later, she is still having difficulty breathing (despite having normal O2 sat levels) and has had ongoing intermittent chest pain / pressure. There have been reports of COVID-19 “survivors” developing cardiomyopathy (weakening of the heart muscles) and heart failure; however, her PCP and her specialty physicians (a pulmonologist and a neurologist) haven’t even considered doing any cardiac working her up because all her cardiac blood tests and her EKGs have been normal.

Did I mention she’s under 30 years old and that the multiple times she’s been to the ER, she’s been told that all her symptoms are likely “just anxiety” since her immediate diagnostic tests were negative. So instead, she’s “living with it” and still going to work.

As for me, there are other journal articles out there that talk about short term memory loss for those affected by COVID-19. Besides the unrelenting dizziness I have whenever I change positions from standing-sitting-lying (NOT caused by blood pressure changes, BTW), I do believe that COVID-19 has affected my memory. I don’t know, maybe it’s because it’s overwhelming at work with the frequent changes in policy, procedure, etc; but I find myself (more so post-COVID, than prior) losing track of my keys, phone, wallet. I also have had issues forgetting about certain tasks or items that routinely (and already on one) to be added to lists. And from talking to other COVID-19 “survivors,” I’ve found that I’m not the only one that this has happened to. We have officially named this condition as “COVID Brain.”

Just so you know, I am able see it from the side of those individuals and families that aren’t healthcare professionals. For the most part, my DH and his parents are not as versed in the Health Care World as both I and DH’s sister am. It’s a LOT of information to take in and there is NO simple way of explaining how much of a toll this has taken on every single person in the world, let alone how much COVID-19 has and will continue to affect how we live our lives on a daily basis.

We might as well face it now that there will be no returning back to normal. And that we will all have to adjust to a new normal.

I also get that the longer that our nation remains “closed,” more people will be unable to maintain employment (myself, as a Registered Nurse included). I understand how this can lead to financial ruin (DH has the hospital bills to prove it) and therefore, the inability to provide for yourself and/or your family. But please let me implore you to consider that this will ONLY CONTINUE until there is a way to stop the spread of COVID-19.

And since a vaccine for COVID-19 is a long way off (despite what you hear in the news) AND we currently don’t even have a consistent and adequate treatment guideline in place for treatment of COVID-19, the ONLY way to #SlowTheSpread is to continue practicing social distancing and wearing a face mask when outside your home.

And, in my own humble opinion, the only way to gain the “upper hand” (so to speak) on COVID-19 is to #ShelterInPlace.

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News from the Hospital Front: When You Wish Upon A Star

I hear you, people. I understand how hard it is to work from home or to provide some sort of semblance of school to your children. I also know how difficult it is to be unemployed (believe me, I found myself unexpectedly unemployed during the summer of 2010) and yet still have bills to pay.

I am also bored as h*ll staying at home (although, my cooking may have improved a bit) and am chomping at the bit to go out. As it is, DH, Kirby Krackel, and I were scheduled to be on vacation this past week and the upcoming week. Two whole weeks off to make a road trip out to the Utah National Parks. Sadly, it wasn’t meant to be. Due to this stupid COVID-19 crisis.

But what I don’t understand is why other states are loosening up the restrictions on staying at home and are beginning to open non-essential businesses in the wake of this crisis … which is FAR from over, despite what you may be reading and/or hearing in the news. For those that disagree with me, I invite you to tour the ER and spend a 12-hour shift in the ICU.

I don’t wish it upon you or any of your loved ones, but I wish you could understand what it’s like to have experienced having COVID-19; the feeling of isolation and helplessness that comes from keeping your distance from loved ones so that you don’t give COVID-19 to them.

I don’t wish it upon anyone to experience the extreme chills despite high temps, the worse muscle aches in the world. And yet, as a Registered Nurse, knowing that you NEED your body to react this way because it’s your body’s way of trying to fight off the virus on its own. And in the same vein, fearing that your body may overreact and cause severe respiratory distress that you need to be admitted to the hospital.

I don’t wish it upon you, but I wish you could feel what it’s like to watch via FaceTime the panic in your spouse’s face as you see him struggling to breathe with a mask blowing 100% pure oxygen directly through his mouth & nose … while he barely is able to tell me that he still feels like he can’t take a breath. Or the panic you feel that, as a wife and as a Registered Nurse:

  1. You can’t be there to physically hold his hand to help calm him down
  2. You know his assigned RN is busy with her other patient that is being intubated, and
  3. You fear that he’ll be the next one they’ll place on a vent.

I don’t wish it upon you, but I wish you could experience the red taped bureaucracy involved in trying to seek appropriate treatment, while also trying to follow the guidelines put in place … Only to have those guidelines change from day to day, hour to hour.

Or the fact that, as an essential worker, how difficult it has been to even get tested for COVID-19, knowing that your positive test result can be added to the data being collected during this pandemic.

I don’t wish it upon you, but I wish you knew what it’s like to love your career and be good at it, yet are hesitant to go into work each day for fear of what might happen on your shift.

Or what it’s like to force yourself to take a few deep, calming breaths before pushing back your unit’s door, labeled with a temporary sign that reads “Isolation Unit. Keep Doors Closed.”

Or how every day you greet your co-workers with, “Wonder what fresh hell we’ll get ourselves into today.”

Or how much of a struggle it is to remember what the latest protocol is for each specific task you have on your daily assignment. And what it’s like to worry that if you don’t follow these ever-changing guidelines, then you’d miss something life-threateningly important.

Most importantly, I don’t wish it upon you, but I wish you could recognize that what is happening at the patient’s bedside and on these units are occurring at a lightning fast pace. So fast in fact, that the *actual* news reported on a daily basis is often times a week or two behind.

  • Lack of testing? Called it.
  • Lack of PPE not just for the hospital, but other care facilities including nursing homes? Called that, too. Hydroxychloroquine ousted as “The Miracle Drug”? Uh huh … and I’m waiting for the news to report on how Remdesivir is only effective within 1-4 days of when the patient actually developed symptoms.

I don’t expect you to *understand* what my experiences have been like with COVID-19. However, I am simply asking you to see the reasons why Michigan’s government placed these “Stay At Home” restrictions in place.

While COVID-19 may not have affected you or your loved ones directly, it HAS affected the 50K Michiganders who tested positive for COVID-19 (which is significantly less that the actual, as many people were denied testing … myself included).

Or the families of the 5K Michiganders who DIED from COVID-19 related complications.

What I DO wish upon you is this: I implore you to consider the reasons why I believe it’s too early to “reopen” the country.

How can we reopen when we don’t have adequate testing to confirm exactly how many people have COVID-19?

How can we #SlowTheSpread when we aren’t even sure who has the virus or not … especially when there are countless of people that are NOT showing any symptoms? Those countless people would then unknowingly spread COVID-19 to at least 5 to 6 other individuals that can also remain asymptomatic.

How can we allow businesses, restaurants, retail shops to open when we don’t even have the appropriate leadership in place to set realistic guidelines on how to control the spread of this highly contagious virus?

How can we “reopen” when we don’t have a secure plan in place to keep the curve flattened?

How do we not learn from other countries that have reopened “too soon” and now have shown a resurgence in COVID-19 cases? Like South Korea, who loosen some social distancing restrictions early this month; or the Wuhan Province of China, where new cases popped up after at least 35 days without any new ones.

How can we believe that with “common sense” we can “go back to life as it was” … when “as it was” WAS. NOT. ENOUGH. to control this COVID-19 Pandemic? And that the thought of “we could catch the virus or any other virus” is merely considered a risk?

Sure we take risks every day, but that’s a CHOICE that each individual makes … of which that risk, if you use “common sense,” should then be limited to your own outcomes. “Common sense” would dictate that any risk taken should avoid endangering others. Unfortunately, if you CHOOSE to take the risk of going out into public without applying social-distancing and without wearing a protective face mask … you certainly are NOT using “common sense.” In fact you would be putting an entire community at risk.

It’s unhealthy to think that by staying “closed,” our economy will crumble. It’s also egotistical to think that if the US Economy collapses, then every other economy will collapse worldwide. How can we think that the economy … the “almighty dollar” (or in this case “liquid assets”) is worth more than a life?

Let me clarify by saying that I DO want the country to reopen. I DO want our economy to be stable. I DO want those unemployed by this crisis to be be able to go back to work. I would certainly love to go out to restaurants again. And take that Road Trip we had planned for the beginning of this month.

What I DON’T want is to see an increase in hospitalizations for COVID-19 related issues. Because the more COVID-19 cases seen in the hospital means that the more resources will be reallocated to treating these patients.

This means that elective surgeries (the money maker for any hospital system) will be placed on hold (again), resulting in less revenue. Then the (non-frontline) Hospital Executives will continue to believe that they have “too many employee salaries to pay”, which would then lead to more furloughs and job eliminations.

This ultimately means less staff to take care of these COVID-19 patients (or any sick patients requiring hospitalization, for that matter). And since there will ultimately be those individual who DO NOT use their common sense when the economy reopens, this mean that we may ultimately never gain control over COVID-19. That’s why *I* believe that we need to maintain these #StayHomeStaySafe and #ShelterAtHome restrictions for now; at least until we are able to control the spread of COVID-19 … If not to save more lives (we just surpassed 90K deaths today), but to protect the lives of those still walking this earth.

After all, what good is an economy if we don’t have people to spend it on?

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PS. Thanks to the research study I participated in, I can officially say that I did have COVID-19. And I have the antibodies to prove it!