Category: Gratitude

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Blockbuster Night

Oh, don’t let the title of this post fool you. It’s not as if I have anything spectacular lined up for me tonight.

If you want to know the truth, I’m sitting her on our couch, watching one of five Blu-Ray discs we’ve rented from the local Blockbuster. And, if I can stay awake long enough, I’m looking forward to watching at least two of these discs tonight. If not … well, at least Hubby & I have Saturday and Sunday to watch them.

It’s been a mentally exhausting kind of day for me. Being “off the floor” and in that leadership class yesterday had me catching up on lots of emails and “issues” that occurred while I was gone. And, in particular, one rather large issue that has been ongoing had me dealing with gastric reflux since Tuesday evening. Unfortunately, that’s a story for another day. Because right now, all I want to do is finish this post and snuggle with Hubby while watching some blockbuster movies!

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Before I get to my Lenten duties … I just want to wish my nephew, Tyler, an incredible birthday. I still can’t believe he’s fourteen!!

Early 90's pic of (future) Hubby & I at the old Herschel's Deli and Bakery in Troy, MI. Sigh ... I miss Herschel's

Lenten Gratitude of the Day: I am so thankful for Friday nights. They’re full of possibilities for the weekend. In my young adolescent years, it may have been staying up late and watching Love Boat and Fantasy Island with my parents. In high school, it may have been a variety of evening outings to Denny’s or Herschel’s. In those college years, it may be heading out to City Club to soak up some late night goth/industrial music. Now? Well, obviously it’s spent doing more low key things; like going to the movies or renting them … unless, of course, we’re heading back to Detroit for the weekend. And quite frankly, I’m quite okay with it.

Lenten Nicety of the Day: Let’s see … I spent a lot of time today fixing “things” for my staff; stuff that should have been taken care of from a higher level of management. But again … this is something for another post. But rather than rehash it now … I’ll just let you know that this was my good deed. And you’ll have to trust me on that. <sigh>

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Pushing It

Don't forget DJ Spinderella!
Don't forget DJ Spinderella ...

Remember that song by Salt n Pepa? The one that goes, “Ahh … <inhale>, Push it”? The same one that I used to say “Bullsh*t” instead of the real lyrics? I just thought of that song today during a Leadership class I attended today.

I should start off by saying that our department is really decent about providing its supervisors and managers with continuing education classes. In fact, every month we typically have one of these all-day sessions, which is a great time for us to focus on “us” as leaders. And which is why most of us look forward to these days.

Today’s class happened to be about being assertive while not appearing pushy. (A-ha! Now you get my Salt n Pepa reference!) It’s one thing that I know I have issues with; not necessarily about the “being pushy” part, but the “being assertive” bit. You see, I know that I tend to be passive rather than assertive or aggressive. I know that I tend to be indecisive rather than authoritative. I know that I tend to lean towards keeping things harmonious rather than try to stir the pot.

Not that I mean to keep rehashing old issues … but a good example of this is how I dealt with my infertility. Especially up to the point where my SIL announced her pregnancy with my nephew, Liam. Rather than make others be subjected to how much of a failure I felt, I kept all those feelings in. I may have outwardly shown that I was okay, but in truth I was a big unhappy mess inside. Once I found out about the pregnancy, all those insecurities tore open wide … And there was nothing I could do to stop myself from openly feeling miserable.

In the same token, I know that once a particular “button” is pushed; whether it be a verbal or nonverbal action, I can go full-force into agressive mode. Which, again I don’t mean to rehash another old issue, happened to me with my SIL following the birth of my niece, Kairi. And even though I felt “better” about finally expressing everything I had ever felt about my infertility, I felt … guilty for doing it in such a manner.

Yet, for a while there … the time period between Liam and Kairi, there was a little bit of assertiveness. Perhaps I wasn’t directly assertive; because, truth be told, I never physically approached a person face-to-face about my infertility. But that assertiveness came in the form of my blog; where I was able to sort through all the emotions and insecurities I had about myself and my lack of ability to create a life. And where I was able to express these feelings in a written form.

During today’s class, I learned that most people who are not assertive feel that they are not in control of their situation. As a passive person, that lack of control comes forth in the sense of indecision. As an aggressive person, it comes forward as being forceful and emotional.

To become more “assertive” (and therefore less passive or less aggressive), one of the learning tools that we learned was to determine when the optimal time would be to have that conversation about behaviors or actions. In order to determine that optimal time, we must first determine what our worries are about having this conversation.

In order to do that, we were given instructions. First, we needed to write down all of these worries. Next we were told to eliminate any of those worries we had no control over. And finally, we were told to take those worries we had control over and ask ourselves, “How can I … ?”

That last step was key for me. It’s that one that I knew would be able to ease my discomfort in having an assertive conversation. First of all, it forces me to realize those worries I knew I couldn’t change. Secondly, it helped point out those concerns that I knew I could modify. And finally, by asking “How can I … ?”,  it allows  me to feel as if I was part of a solution to a problem or situation rather than appearing aggressive and dictatorial.

More important was that first step … at least to the blogger in me. That step … the one where I need to write all these worries down … helped confirm that what I had been doing has been helpful in allowing me to grow in assertiveness. Because blogging about my frustrations and anger and jealousy; it allows me to vent when I need to vent and cry when I need to cry, without having all those emotions build up … until I take out my aggressions in an unhealthy manner.

I hope that this little tidbit of information helps other bloggers also feel justified in wearing their heart on their sleeves, whenever writing about their emotions. And I also hope that those non–blogger readers of mine find that what I write in my blog … well, sometimes they are things that I can’t say in my real world. You know, the one where I’m still learning not to be so passive …

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It’s official. I’m pass the halfway mark for my 40 day Lenten promise of paying it forward. Today is Day 21! So let’s get it started …

Good Deed of the Day: Since our leadership class finished up early today, we were able to leave work about an hour earlier than usual. One of my co-workers needed to take a commuter train to her suburban Chicago home, but unfortunately she was between trains on the schedule. Rather than have her walk all the way to the train station on her own (as she tends to either take a bus or walk with other coworkers who were still up on the floor working), we both took advantage of a beautiful Chicago afternoon and walked it. This, however, is the same co-worker who has not been in her best health and became short-of-breath rather easily. So rather than have her keep up to my (already) slow pace, I took it even a pace slower … and tried to do most of the talking, so that she didn’t have to walk and talk at the same time. Even though this is something I would have naturally done for any patient I take care of, I find this one even more satisfying because I knew that I was killing two birds with one stone: I got her to exercise a bit so that she’d continue to gain strength. And I got her to the train station in a safe manner.

Gratitude of the Day: Even though I know that these leadership clases tend to take us away from our daily duties at work, I am so grateful that we get this “perk.” Because I tell ya … every time I go to one of these, I come back with great nuggets of information.

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Boy, Lost.

Today a Lost Boy died.

It’s sad to know that more people … more celebrities around my age are dying. First there was Brittany Murphy, who died from complications stemming from pneumonia and a history of a heart murmur. Then there was Andrew Koenig, “Boner” of “Growing Pains” fame, who died under mysterious circumstances. And now Corey Haim from an apparent drug overdose.

Corey Haim’s death hits a little close to home for a couple of reasons. One is that he is the same age as I am. Now, mind you, I don’t have any drug addictions and probably other medical conditions associated with chronic drug use, but the fact that a celebrity my age has died … well, that just makes me feel less and less invincible; which is very much unlike in my early 20’s, when River Phoenix died at the age of 23.

But the main reason I’m actually mourning the death of pretty much a washed-up ‘80’s teen star is that one of his movies happens to be an all-time favorite of mine. It was the teen vampire movie before any of those Twilight movies. Well, unless you count that one Jim Carrey movie back in 1985 …

Hearing about Corey Haim’s death had me wondering about the other actors in the Lost Boys. So I ended up doing a little IMDb research to see what the other Lost Boys were up to. Sadly, most of the other actors (with the exception of one… ) did not, in my opinion anyway, have much commercial success outside of the 80’s and 90’s.

So yeah … here’s what I found:

  • Jason Patric (Michael): Oh boy, do I ever remember my 15-year old heart crushing on Jason. But then he kinda fell off the face of the earth … until 1997, when he starred opposite of Sandra Bullock in Speed 2.
  • Jami Gertz (Star): Oh, how I wanted to be Star in the movie … I wanted to be the glamorous Boho chick that Michael fell in love with. Of course, the only other movie I can remember her in is 1996’s Twister.
  • Edward Hermann (Max, the head vampire): You know … I remember many silly movies that Edward Hermann starred in over the years … he’s definitely one of those character actors. But for me, Edward will always be the Richard Gilmore, father of Lorelai Gilmore in one of my favorite TV shows of all time, The Gilmore Girls.
  • Dianne Wiest (Lucy, mom to Michael and Sam): Is it sad that the only other movies I can remember Dianne starring in (besides a couple Woody Allen films) is as the mom of Winona Ryder’s character in Edward Scissorhands?
  • Barnard Hughes (Grandpa): Here’s definitely one fact I didn’t know … apparently Blossom (as in the TV show) and Michael & Sam shared the same grandfather!
  • Alex Winter (vampire Marko): Out of the two“lackey” vampires (David excluded), Alex is the only one that ever went on to anything remotely successful following the Lost Boys. Oh yes … he went on to star opposite of Keaunu Reeves in non other than Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Whoa!
  • Jamison Newlander (Alan Frog): He’s the lesser known of the Frogg brothers. As for films following the Lost Boys? Next to nil. BUT … he will be seen in the THIRD film in the Lost Boys series, Lost Boys: The Thirst. Apparently he was in the second film, but his scenes got cut. Ouch.
  • Kiefer Sutherland (David): Oh geez, hands down the most successful actor in the motley crew that is the Lost Boys. Let’s see … he’s done LOTS of films following this movie and has pretty much kept busy up to this decade. Most famously known as Jack Bauer from the TV show 24. BUT … do you remember his high profile engagement to Julia Roberts? And how the wedding was canceled three days beforehand? And how Julia ran off with his “best man” … who just happened to be … da da da dum … Jason Patric?! Yeah, I figured you might have!

And finally, last but certainly not least …

  • Corey Feldman (Edgar Frog): The other half of the “Two Coreys” and costar with Corey Haim (and Heather Graham as Mercedes) in License To Drive. But I also have fond memories of Corey Feldman and Kiefer Sutherland starring in Stand By Me, with none other than River Phoenix. (Funny how they all run in the same circles … ) The most recent film I saw him in was in Lost Boys: The Tribe. And yes, he’ll also be reprising his Edgar Frog role in Lost Boys: The Thirst. Let’s just hope it’s not as cheesy as The Tribe was …

Anyway, thanks for the stroll down memory lane. And seeing as I don’t have a copy of the original Lost Boys in my film collection, I might have to go out an buy it!

RIP, Corey Haim. Hopefully you’re no longer “lost”

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Every Day Lenten Activities …

Every Day Good Deed: Today was another one of those days where I simply just sat and listened to a coworker vent about her frustrations in her personal life; sometimes offering my perception of a particular situation when asked. Sometimes I wonder if that’s just my nature to be a listener and to be an empathetic set of ears … or if I really am doing a good deed. But I suppose if whatever I do offers the other person comfort … I’d like to count it as a good deed.

Every Day Gratitude: Today I’m thankful for the fact that my hard work over the past year has been recognized. In an economic situation where most people struggle to find a job (and keep one), I consider myself lucky to have gotten a merit increase in my salary this year. G*d must know how much we need that little boost!

Well that’s it for the night … I’m obviously not any type of vampire, because I just can’t seem to keep my eyes open.

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Such a Gleek

Although this post is not directly related to completely geeky pictures of me, I figured I might be able to get away with linking this to Aunt Becky’s latest game. After all, these are pretty lame high school pictures of me …

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It’s Tuesday night and I’m watching a rerun of one of my other new favorite TV show, “Glee.”

Yeah ... the caption underneath says it all!

I know what it must seem: that I have no life other than watching TV or movies, Facebooking, and blogging. Which, in addition to work, is pretty much accurate. But I’m okay with that. Really.

Anyway, I love “Glee” because it reminds me so much of being in high school and the search for belonging to something. Not that I belonged to one particular group or another back then. Even though I had my core group of friends, I managed to surprisingly float amongst all cliques.

But “Glee”? It brings me back to Varsity Choir and Drama Club. It reminds me of the days where a good friend, K and I used to hang out in the Sophomore hallway listening to some Dead Milkmen and Bauhaus on our Walkmans. It also reminds me of the days where a couple other friends and I used to harmonize quite a few early Depeche Mode and Erasure songs.

But mostly “Glee” reminds me of one of the other things I love to do, which is sing. I blame it on my parents need to record me singing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” (and hitting Dr. Bro on his head with the mic) at the age of four.** And the whole early-edition karaoke machine we had in the mid-80’s.

Yep, "Gleeky" Emily (front and center) in Varsity Choir

In any case, there’s been this ongoing fake pregnancy story line between the Glee Club faculty advisor, Will Schuster and his wife, Terri. This couple had been together since high school and have, for years, been trying to start their family. While one would think this infertility story would be one that I would’ve liked, it actually annoyedme more than anything. But thank G*d, the “fake pregnancy” story finally resolved with the “winter finale” this past December. Unfortunately, it ended with Will leaving his wife after all the lies she weaved.

Watching the repeat of this episode tonight, I was reminded of a line that Terri Schuster said as she made her case to “win” Will back. She said:

“It’s just … I wanted so many things that I know we’re never going to have. But that was okay; as long as I still had you.”

And the thing is, when I heard this crazy woman say those words … I completely understood her.

I understood what it meant to do anything that I could to have a family with my Hubby. And I understood how much it would mean to me to share these things … these experiences … with my Hubby. But the difference between Terri Schuster and me is that I would never lie to my Hubby at the risk of losing him.

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And now for my Lenten acts.

Senior Year ... Future SIL and I were SOOO cool! LOL!

Random Act of Kindness Du Jour: It’s been a strange couple weeks at work regarding staff member’s families. Last week, one of my new Case Manager’s father passed away. And this week, another one of my Case Manager’s sisters unexpectedly passed on. To show our sympathies, our department typically sends flowers. Which is nice … but that’s not the good deed for today.

My good deed surrounds speaking one on one with the staff member whose sister passed away. This same staff member, who received the news yesterday at work, still came in to work this morning. When I spoke with her, I asked her how she felt and how she was coping. And yes, I offered to let her go home at any time. However, this staff member told me that it was probably best that she work so as to keep her mind off of the situation surrounding her surviving family members. When I pressed just a little further, I managed to get her to open up more. Without going into details, basically what I did was provide her with the support she needed as she wasn’t really getting it from anywhere else. And, while it didn’t make her feel a 100% better, at least I know I provided her with some comfort.

Gratitude Du Jour: I can’t tell you how grateful I am that Hubby drives me to work in the mornings. First of all, it allows me to arrive at work feeling less sticky and out of breath. Second, it allows me to feel less rushed in trying to make the El train in the morning. But most of all … well, it just allows me to sleep in for just a few moments longer. And anybody that knows me, knows that I love my sleep!

And with that said … I’m officially off to bed. G’Night all!!

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** Seriously, there is tape-recorded evidence of this!

I was even a Drama Club chairperson (again, front and center)


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Mad as a Milliner

There’s a good portion of me that believes I’m mad. Not mad, as in angry … Rather mad, as in crazy.

And I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing either.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I recently saw “Alice in Wonderland” with Hubby and our friend, J. And as we usually do after seeing a movie, we went out to eat so we could discuss our review of the movie.

While all of us agreed that the movie had some stunning visuals a la-Tim Burton style, we varied in our overall assessment in the movie. But, as I know that Hubby and J will likely write their own review of “Alice in Wonderland” … I’ll stick to my own review.

Simply put, I love pretty much all Tim Burton films. Well, except for “The Corpse Bride” and that’s only because I haven’t seen it yet. All of the movies have a certain charm to them, with characters that you can’t help but like.

“Alice in Wonderland” also has this bit of charm; Helena Bonham-Carter is excellent as the Queen of Hearts … I love that she’s this wicked queen with insecurity issues and a need to be loved. And Alice? Well I just totally fell in love with her. She’s smart. She’s brave. And she’s a little “mad” herself.

However, the movie has a few shortcomings; things that kill me to admit… While I love Johnny Depp’s performance of the Mad Hatter, I just didn’t get a good sense of character development. The same goes for Anne Hathaway’s White Queen.** But who knows? Maybe the DVD/Blu-Ray release will reveal more scenes that were cut from the final version of the film.

And while the ending is predictable (which movies aren’t anymore?), it would have been nice to see … or rather feel … more trepidation or angst leading up to the finale. And as much as it pains me to say this … There’s this bit part at the end involving the Mad Hatter that just seems altogether strange; at least in the anticlimactic timing of it.

Yet despite these shortcomings, it’s the overall message that this film provides that has me loving this film. In particular, it’s the opening scene that stole my heart.

This scene begins with Alice’s father passionately discussing the expansion of his “business,” outlining a trade route that, to his investors, sounded like an impossible feat. As he does this, he notices a young Alice in the doorway of his office. It’s late at night and Alice apparently woke up from a nightmare. So Alice’s dad excuses himself and brings Alice back up to her room and tucks her back in, all while Alice tells him about her strange nightmare that involved a talking rabbit and a mischievously grinning cat. Afterwards, she asks her father whether or not she’s gone mad. In which, her father touches her forehead and says, “I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers.”

“But I’ll tell you a secret,” Alice’s father adds, while Alice looked at him completely stunned. “All the best people are.”

It’s this message that gets carried throughout this film; the perception that Alice should not have to settle in life. Nor that she should be afraid to believe in herself. Whether it’s about accepting a marriage proposal to someone she doesn’t love … or whether it’s about believing that she is smart and brave in every day life. It’s about believing that she can be a little “bonkers” but still be strong.

And that’s the part of the movie that I can best relate to. That sometimes the craziest moments in life can also be the most rewarding.

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Daily Lenten Good Deed: Nothing beats finding money on the floor. Of course, if you just happen to see who dropped it … and that person wasn’t aware of the missing moolah … who’d know that it was you that took it? My conscience would. Which is why I did what any good person would do, which was let the person know that his cash had dropped out of his pocket.

 

Hubby is *MY* Mad Hatter!

Daily Lenten Thanks: After spending a weekend away from my other furbabies*** … I always miss them something fierce by the time I return home to them. And their constant need to cuddle with me for the first couple of days afterwards tells me that they missed me too. Today I’m so thankful I’ve got these two  furballs that provide me with all the unconditional love their little kitty hearts can give.

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** Although I admit that I’ve never completely read Lewis Carroll’s series of books on Alice; nor have I watched any movie versions. So maybe this is why I feel the lack of character development in this movie.

*** Because the third furbaby, Kozzy, always gets to come along on the five-hour car rides to and from Detroit.