Category: My Tribe

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Nieces and Nephews

Hubby & I are back from Chicago and from visiting with my brother and SIL. Dr. Brother is finishing his last year of residency at one of the major hospitals in the Chi-town area while Dr. SIL works in the ER at another area hospital. But despite their hectic schedules, they took the time out to spend Saturday afternoon and most of Sunday entertaining us.

 
And it’s Slytherin Green to boot!

Not that they honestly had to do too much to entertain Hubby & me. Really, all we wanted to do was spend time and hang out with them. We spent some of our time walking around the Bucktown / Wicker Park area, thinking that perhaps we could afford things from some of their upscale resale shops … uh, yeah. Guess I’m a little to used to finding great deals at the local Sal.vatio.n A.rmy. But I did manage to find this really cool shirt. Okay, so I didn’t so much “find” it … rather I copy off my SIL’s idea, as I just loved the whole “snarkiness” of it all.

The other part of our time was spent doing our favorite pastime when we’re together … and that’s eat. If there’s one thing that I wish we had around where Hubby & I live is rows and rows of restaurants and bars with varying tastes. There’s only so many times you can eat at a chain restaurant. Don’t get me wrong, I love my A.bee’s Triple Choco Meltdown, but perhaps I’d like to try something … I don’t know … a little less manufactured? So yes. We ate … and we stuffed ourselves with some great food. Tummy was definitely satisfied!

But the real reason for our visit? Yes … it was to see my “nieces” and “nephews.” The four-legged variety, that is. Oh boy, did we ever have fun with the boys. They are way too loveable! But rather than tell you about them … here’s some pics of them along with their “sisters,” Mocha & Sophia, who have ruled (and continue to rule) the household.

The sad thing? Come this summer, my brother and SIL are moving to the Pacific Northwest. Dr. Brother managed to secure a one-year fellowship out there and Dr. SIL has also managed to obtain a few job offers. This means that in order to visit them and the “nieces” and “nephews,” we’d either have fly out to the coast OR take an extremely loooong road trip.

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On the Road

This is what you get for
making faces at the camera!

Hubby & I have been getting a little antsy lately. We’ve both been crazy busy at work lately and were looking for a little adventure. So we decided to take a little road trip this weekend.

The catalyst for our trip was to head back to the west side of the state to attend a surprise birthday celebration for one of our friends. The look on his face when he saw that we drove such a distance today just to celebrate with him was priceless.

Then we figured since we were already out that far, we’d keep heading west and visit my brother and his wife in Chi-town. Well really … I wanted to visit my two “nieces” (the kitties Mocha and Sophia) and “nephew” (the adorable Wrigley). That and meet the newest member of their family “Ryan,” who is another rescue greyhound and actual litter mate of Wrigley. This should be fun … let’s see how four adults, two cats and two big dogs can all comfortably move around in a not-so-big condo.

We have no idea what else we’re going to do during our trip to the Windy City. We’ve been there so many times that we’ve pretty much exhausted all the “tourist-y” attractions. Except maybe go up the top of the Sear.s tower, which I’ve never had any inclination to do anyway. I think we just wanted to take some time to get away from the every day grind. We all need those mini-vaca’s every once in awhile …

In the mean time, here’s a photo that my SIL sent to me of Ryan. Apparently he has quite the same demeanor as his brother Wrigley … so I’m sure that I’ll be falling in love with him as well. Too bad they couldn’t keep the whole baseball field theme with the names and call him “Bennett” (as in one of the original names for Tiger’s Stadium) or “Trumbull” (as in “The Corner” of Michigan Ave and Trumbull, where the old stadium used to be). But the names Wrigley and Ryan do sound pretty darn cool together … so I’ll let them keep it. 😛

I’m sure I’ll have more pics of the “nieces and nephews” when we get back … so be prepared for an onslaught of pet pics in a later post. But for now … we’re off to Chicago!

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Little Black Spot on the Sun

I admit that I wrote yesterday’s post probably about two weeks ago but have been putting off posting it until now. Mostly it’s because rather than feeling relatively upbeat, like that post was supposed to be … I’ve been rather morose, which has obviously been reflected in the previous two entries I’ve published before then.

Today, I decided to expand a little more on my last post’s musings. And it’s really because of Mel’s latest and greatest post that she published yesterday on the parallels of Infertility and Dating. Mel writes that there’s a similarity between the two in that both situations possess a need that is unfulfilled. And there is certainly a resemblance in trying to find the love of your life and longing for a child love and raise.

As I’ve said before, I’ve been extremely lucky to have found my soul mate earlier in life. I have seen what it was like for my SIL who had struggled to find her true love. She endured so much heartache at a relatively early age, raising her son who was only two at the time of her divorce.

Yes, I saw how hard it was on her and how debilitating it was for her self esteem. And how much she doubted herself. I saw how very lonely and hurt she was, especially as her brother (my Hubby) and I thrived in our relationship as a married couple. But then she slowly started to date again, venturing out to test the waters. Finally, when she was least expecting it, she found her soul mate. After a rough first couple of years of marriage, which included the loss of their son at 4 months of age, they are now expecting their second child in August. And honestly, I couldn’t be happier for them.

Then there’s the infertility end of the spectrum. Finding love early and then not being able to create a life out of that love that Hubby & I have for one another. What kind of cruel joke is that? How painful it is … to know that you have all this love to give each other, but you can’t physically share that love with your own flesh and blood? Every day I struggle with this; knowing that I can provide all this love to a child … any child, in fact. And yet in the same breath, I doubt that I will ever be a good parent. Because if I can’t even create life, how am I supposed to appropriately support and encourage life in a child?

Infertility wreaks habit on anybody’s self-esteem. Much like not being able to find the love of your life. Infertility, for me, is an utterly debilitating pain … and one, on certain days, that I can’t seem to stop. But then I look at Hubby. And I remember the struggles my SIL has gone through. And I realize that I am, once again, fortunate that I have found love.

Do I admit to being jealous that my SIL is now pregnant for the third time? Well … yes. And trust me, I hate that I feel this way. Because I know of all the pain and self-esteem issues she’s suffered to get where she’s at today.

So to go back to Mel’s post about the analogy of infertility and dating … I do think that there are many similarities. Hurt. Doubt. Pain. None of which, when comparing dating with infertility is any more or less than the other.

Because pain is still pain, no matter how big or small the punch in the gut is.

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Love & Coffee (sans Cigarettes)

The other day, Hubby & I hung out at one of the local coffee houses that we frequent. We’re there so much that the baristas definitely know us by now. In fact, the minute we walked into this particular cafe, the barista asked to see the scarf I had been crocheting (well over two months ago, by the way … before Dad was in the hospital) for Hubby. Wow. I guess we’re that recognizable.

While placing our drink orders, this particular barista asked me how long Hubby & I had been married. She chuckled as I turned to Hubby and said, “How long has it been?” (Yeah … I actually had to stop and think about it.) She was suprised to find out that it would be twelve years this coming August, especially because we looked so “young!” (Ah … the “curse” of being Asian American … hated it in college, but loving it now!)

She then went on to share with me that she had been married for 12 years and just recently got divorced just over a year ago. While some days she gets sad that she spent so much time of her life with him, she knows that it was for the best. But the thing that gets her down is that she seems to think that maybe marriage wasn’t in the cards for her.

Of course I disagreed. Because if there’s one thing that I am, I’m a hopeless romantic. I believe that there is definitely someone out there for everyone … it’s just a matter of when it happens. And sometimes it happens later rather than sooner.

I shared with her that Hubby was my first date ever! Of course, it was strictly “as friends” that we went to Homecoming together during my Junior year in high school. And it wasn’t until after high school that we finally started dating officially. What I told this barista, though, was that I knew even back then during Homecoming, that I was supposed to be with Hubby. I was just too freaked out at sixteen to think that this was supposed to be the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with. And I fought tooth and nail to keep us as “just friends.” But thank goodness I came to my senses and, well … we know what happened in the end.

I feel so lucky and blessed that I was able to find the love of my life at such an early age. I know that if anything (God forbid) should happen where I would find myself single again, I would be absolutely devastated. That, and since I never knew how to work the “singles scene,” I’m sure I’d find myself very very lonely. So for those out there that have struggled or are even still struggling to find the love of their lives, I can honestly empathize with you. And I sincerely mean that.

Because to want something SO badly and not have it within your reach … well I can certainly understand that.

This is the reason why some days I feel like infertility is the “cross” I’ve been given to bear. Here I’ve been fortunate to be given my soul mate at such an early age; someone to spend the rest of my life with. In exchange, the struggle I’ve been given is the difficulty to produce my own biological child.

It’s not much, but that reasoning is something that I use to help me get through each day … each cycle … each year that Hubby & I remain childless

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A Taxing Kind of Day

Well, I have to admit, this year Hubby & I once again cut it close to the tax deadline. At least this year, we got done a whole day beforehand. Last year, we e-filed for the first time and were literally hitting the “send” button within half an hour before midnight. And while we kept getting “server error” on the other end, Hubby & I were literally freaking out that our taxes would be filed too late. But alas … things worked out. So this year … we aimed to complete our taxes a whole day before it was due. Oh yeaaah … we’re total overachievers! 😛

I do have to admit though, I hate doing our taxes. No. Really. I do. It’s not so much that it’s a pain in the rear to do (because it is). It’s more because it’s like a refresher of all the activities that had happened in the past year. We itemize every year, so we’re constantly referring back to everything we’ve done, purchased, sold etc over the year. “Ah … we flew to Portland for a wedding that month … that’s why there were so many purchases!” OR “Oohhh … that’s the month I received a bonus check from work!” It’s like re-living each purchase that you bought over the year. Or realizing how much was spent on gas and car repairs over the year. (Hubby commutes and hour and a half each way every day. Can you imagine that expense?!) And once again, Hubby & I realize that we spend A LOT of money at the local Border’s Bookstore. I’d say that we should try to break that habit … but it’s actually a habit that I quite enjoy.

Really, the major reason I hate doing taxes is because of the whole “no kids” thing. No person to claim as dependents. No children to get that little extra “tax break.” And because we’re “relatively” successful in our line of work but still are not that successful that we can buy another house or invest any “extra money” elsewhere, we always end up having to owe money rather than get a federal refund. Geesh … nothing like hitting us below the belt TWICE. Once for reminding us that we’re childless. And the other for making us PAY more taxes because we’re childless.

Yep. No tax breaks for us “DINKs.” (That’s yuppie-speak for “Dual Income, No Kids.”)

Remember Shrinky Dinks?

Oh sure there are tax breaks for adoption. But then this goes back to the whole being successful, but not that successful at our jobs. In other words we’re not CEO’s at our jobs. Nor are we any type of “upper management” type persons at our place of employment. And no … we don’t have any “spare cash” lying around to finance an adoption. Yeah … that aspect and the one where I’m still not emotionally strong enough to go through the adoption process is THE BIG reasons why we haven’t been rushing head-first into adoption.

And yes, I am very well aware about the tax break one gets for medical expenses if I should choose to back down the ART (Assistive Reproductive Technology; in vitro fertilization, for example) route. We did, in fact, utilize this tax break when filing for the year that we did our one IVF round. However, this goes back to the whole “reliving the last year of your life” thing.

Let me explain. Hubby & I did our IVF cycle in Feb/March of 2004. When that cycle failed, I was naturally devastated and extremely sad. As we worked on our taxes for 2003 later that March, we knew that we were going to owe federal taxes once again. So after spending all this money on a failed IVF endeavor AND still having to pay taxes … well it was a killer. I can clearly remember that day, because as we worked on our taxes … what should come in the mail? Yep, one of the last major bills we still had to pay for that IVF cycle. It was also the same day and at the same exact time that I finally broke down in hysterical sobs over the phone with my Mom. Because before then, the only person that bothered to know exactly how miserable I felt about the failed IVF cycle was Hubby.

So flash forward a year later in 2005, when once again we’re preparing our taxes. That year we knew we’re going to get a refund based on all the medical expenses for the IVF cycle we had in 2004. But each bill we found and each receipt for prescriptions we tallied, the more and more I started to feel sad. Not because of the amount we paid for everything … it’s more because each item brought back a specific memory of that one cycle. And ultimately when all was tallied … to know that we spent THAT much for a failed cycle, well … it just plainly SUCKED.

So there you go. The reason I hate taxes. Makes me want to throw some dough (no, not the money variety) on the wall and scream (a-la-Maggie Gyll.enhall in “Stranger Than Fiction”), “GET BENT, TAXMAN!”

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Okay, so I just reread my post, and I feel compelled to add one more thing (and then I’m done ranting … I swear!!): Although the outcome of the IVF wasn’t what we wanted … I still have no regrets for at least trying this medical route. I know I needed to try this step in making our family before I went on to the next. Ironically, I’ve since then become stuck between this step and the next.