Category: My Tribe

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Thrown off the Rhythm

Okay, I tried to be optimistic about this whole Daylight Savings Time / Spring Forward thing, but losing an hour of sleep is definitely for the birds.

And I do mean that literally … as in those d*mn birds woke me up extra “early” this morning with all their chirping.

Our Medicare-Eligible (not really) Rain

It certainly didn’t help that I was up late the night before finishing up the previous long-winded post. Nor that I absolutely hated waking up in the dark (again) this morning.

Yes, this time change completely disrupted my usual morning routine. It’s a routine that involves getting ready for work while simultaneously spending time with my furchildren.

First up is Rain, our Senior Citizen cat. She usually follows me into the shower and stays with me until I’m squeaky clean and robed. Then she meows incessantly until I pick her up and take her to our couch where I smother her by scratching her behind her ears and under her chin. That is until she gets sick of me smothering and jumps off of my lap.

Next up is Kozzy. After I’m all dressed for work, I wake Hubby to let him know I’m taking our 14-year old “puppy” for her morning walk. The time it takes me to walk Kozzy down the street and around the block apparently is enough time for Hubby to get ready to take me to work.

Kozzy-girl trying to steal the spotlight from Yami

Anyway … when Kozzy and I go on our morning walk, it’s usually about her having to do her “business.” After she’s done, I take her to an area where she can sniff away to her little heart’s content. And then it’s back to the apartment.

Finally, there’s Yami. She is definitely a silly one. She’s the kitty who wants to be cuddled but doesn’t want to be cuddled; if you get my drift. In other words, she’ll come up to me and weave between my legs as if to say, “Pick me up! Pick me up!” But then she runs away the minute I bend down to pick her up. So every morning, I have to sit down in the chair next to her favorite “box” so that I can pet her while she props her front paws up on my knee.

After finishing that morning routine, Hubby & I head out the door; but not before reassuring our anxiety-prone Kozzy that we will return … well at least Hubby will sooner than me.

This morning, my poor pets felt the effects of losing an hour as well. Rain was so surprised that I was up “so early” that she wouldn’t even follow me into the bathroom. And Yami just wouldn’t hop into her box so that I could pet her. But the pet most affected by the time change was our poor Kozzy.

Yami in her specially "designed" box

Typically Kozzy is patiently waiting for me to put her collar on so we could go for her walk. But this morning? Well, I walked into her “room” to find her curled up asleep on her rug. She was obviously in a deep sleep, because she didn’t even move a muscle as I approached her. In fact, I had to pet her a few times on her head and behind her ears before she would even lift up her head. And once she did, she looked at me as if to say, “Seriously? It’s way too early. Let’s go back to sleep!” But after a little more coaxing, she finally stood up and stretched.

It’s just funny to know that my furbabies are also affected by the time change. While I know this discombobulated feeling is only temporary … and that the reason for “springing forward” is to make the days longer, I just want to get back to a regular rhythm; return back to my previously scheduled programming.

And quite honestly, I’m just waiting for the sun to actually come out here in Chicago. Because maybe then it’ll feel like we’re actually “saving” daylight!

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Let’s see … what language should we use today for my Daily Lenten Duties? How about Dutch?

Goede daad van de Dag: Today’s Good Deed happened to be little things again. Informing a stranger that the parking ticket machine wasn’t working. Holding the door open for someone who happened to be pushing an elderly person in a wheelchair. But probably the best “Good Deed” was to actually return to work today, given my difficult week last week … <sigh>

Dankbaarheid van de Dag: I am truly grateful for the other supervisors that I work with on a daily basis. It’s just nice to know that, unlike other departments where there is no cohesion with their peers, we can all support each other without hesitation.

Anyway, that’s it for the night. I’m definitely going to turn in so I can catch a little more ZZZ’s than last night!

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Saving Daylight

I usually hate this weekend; the weekend where we turn our clocks forward one hour. I find that losing that one hour totally screws with my circadium rhythm. And the older I get, the more it takes my body to readjust.

Earlier this week, I told a coworker of mine about my hatred of these “Spring Forward” weekends. This coworker, always the optimist, had told me he was the opposite; that he always looked forward to Daylight Savings Time in spring.

“What’s not to love?,” he asked me. “We might lose an hour, but we gain an hour of sunlight.” And all I could think was how right he was.

So I think I’m going to take a page out of my coworker’s book and look forward to longer and warmer days.

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Buena Acción del Día: Today was a day of pequeño good deeds. One was patiently waiting for a couple of older women walk up a set of stairs at a restaurant so that we can follow our hostess. Another little good deed was allowing others to use our surge protector to plug their laptops. In any case, any little good thing we could do, Hubby and I tried to do.

La Gratitud del Día: I love date night. Tonight Hubby & I ended up at a movie theater to watch Shutter Island. There’s something about movies that make it such a great activity for us old married folk to do on a laid back date night.

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Pushing It

Don't forget DJ Spinderella!
Don't forget DJ Spinderella ...

Remember that song by Salt n Pepa? The one that goes, “Ahh … <inhale>, Push it”? The same one that I used to say “Bullsh*t” instead of the real lyrics? I just thought of that song today during a Leadership class I attended today.

I should start off by saying that our department is really decent about providing its supervisors and managers with continuing education classes. In fact, every month we typically have one of these all-day sessions, which is a great time for us to focus on “us” as leaders. And which is why most of us look forward to these days.

Today’s class happened to be about being assertive while not appearing pushy. (A-ha! Now you get my Salt n Pepa reference!) It’s one thing that I know I have issues with; not necessarily about the “being pushy” part, but the “being assertive” bit. You see, I know that I tend to be passive rather than assertive or aggressive. I know that I tend to be indecisive rather than authoritative. I know that I tend to lean towards keeping things harmonious rather than try to stir the pot.

Not that I mean to keep rehashing old issues … but a good example of this is how I dealt with my infertility. Especially up to the point where my SIL announced her pregnancy with my nephew, Liam. Rather than make others be subjected to how much of a failure I felt, I kept all those feelings in. I may have outwardly shown that I was okay, but in truth I was a big unhappy mess inside. Once I found out about the pregnancy, all those insecurities tore open wide … And there was nothing I could do to stop myself from openly feeling miserable.

In the same token, I know that once a particular “button” is pushed; whether it be a verbal or nonverbal action, I can go full-force into agressive mode. Which, again I don’t mean to rehash another old issue, happened to me with my SIL following the birth of my niece, Kairi. And even though I felt “better” about finally expressing everything I had ever felt about my infertility, I felt … guilty for doing it in such a manner.

Yet, for a while there … the time period between Liam and Kairi, there was a little bit of assertiveness. Perhaps I wasn’t directly assertive; because, truth be told, I never physically approached a person face-to-face about my infertility. But that assertiveness came in the form of my blog; where I was able to sort through all the emotions and insecurities I had about myself and my lack of ability to create a life. And where I was able to express these feelings in a written form.

During today’s class, I learned that most people who are not assertive feel that they are not in control of their situation. As a passive person, that lack of control comes forth in the sense of indecision. As an aggressive person, it comes forward as being forceful and emotional.

To become more “assertive” (and therefore less passive or less aggressive), one of the learning tools that we learned was to determine when the optimal time would be to have that conversation about behaviors or actions. In order to determine that optimal time, we must first determine what our worries are about having this conversation.

In order to do that, we were given instructions. First, we needed to write down all of these worries. Next we were told to eliminate any of those worries we had no control over. And finally, we were told to take those worries we had control over and ask ourselves, “How can I … ?”

That last step was key for me. It’s that one that I knew would be able to ease my discomfort in having an assertive conversation. First of all, it forces me to realize those worries I knew I couldn’t change. Secondly, it helped point out those concerns that I knew I could modify. And finally, by asking “How can I … ?”,  it allows  me to feel as if I was part of a solution to a problem or situation rather than appearing aggressive and dictatorial.

More important was that first step … at least to the blogger in me. That step … the one where I need to write all these worries down … helped confirm that what I had been doing has been helpful in allowing me to grow in assertiveness. Because blogging about my frustrations and anger and jealousy; it allows me to vent when I need to vent and cry when I need to cry, without having all those emotions build up … until I take out my aggressions in an unhealthy manner.

I hope that this little tidbit of information helps other bloggers also feel justified in wearing their heart on their sleeves, whenever writing about their emotions. And I also hope that those non–blogger readers of mine find that what I write in my blog … well, sometimes they are things that I can’t say in my real world. You know, the one where I’m still learning not to be so passive …

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It’s official. I’m pass the halfway mark for my 40 day Lenten promise of paying it forward. Today is Day 21! So let’s get it started …

Good Deed of the Day: Since our leadership class finished up early today, we were able to leave work about an hour earlier than usual. One of my co-workers needed to take a commuter train to her suburban Chicago home, but unfortunately she was between trains on the schedule. Rather than have her walk all the way to the train station on her own (as she tends to either take a bus or walk with other coworkers who were still up on the floor working), we both took advantage of a beautiful Chicago afternoon and walked it. This, however, is the same co-worker who has not been in her best health and became short-of-breath rather easily. So rather than have her keep up to my (already) slow pace, I took it even a pace slower … and tried to do most of the talking, so that she didn’t have to walk and talk at the same time. Even though this is something I would have naturally done for any patient I take care of, I find this one even more satisfying because I knew that I was killing two birds with one stone: I got her to exercise a bit so that she’d continue to gain strength. And I got her to the train station in a safe manner.

Gratitude of the Day: Even though I know that these leadership clases tend to take us away from our daily duties at work, I am so grateful that we get this “perk.” Because I tell ya … every time I go to one of these, I come back with great nuggets of information.

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Such a Gleek

Although this post is not directly related to completely geeky pictures of me, I figured I might be able to get away with linking this to Aunt Becky’s latest game. After all, these are pretty lame high school pictures of me …

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It’s Tuesday night and I’m watching a rerun of one of my other new favorite TV show, “Glee.”

Yeah ... the caption underneath says it all!

I know what it must seem: that I have no life other than watching TV or movies, Facebooking, and blogging. Which, in addition to work, is pretty much accurate. But I’m okay with that. Really.

Anyway, I love “Glee” because it reminds me so much of being in high school and the search for belonging to something. Not that I belonged to one particular group or another back then. Even though I had my core group of friends, I managed to surprisingly float amongst all cliques.

But “Glee”? It brings me back to Varsity Choir and Drama Club. It reminds me of the days where a good friend, K and I used to hang out in the Sophomore hallway listening to some Dead Milkmen and Bauhaus on our Walkmans. It also reminds me of the days where a couple other friends and I used to harmonize quite a few early Depeche Mode and Erasure songs.

But mostly “Glee” reminds me of one of the other things I love to do, which is sing. I blame it on my parents need to record me singing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” (and hitting Dr. Bro on his head with the mic) at the age of four.** And the whole early-edition karaoke machine we had in the mid-80’s.

Yep, "Gleeky" Emily (front and center) in Varsity Choir

In any case, there’s been this ongoing fake pregnancy story line between the Glee Club faculty advisor, Will Schuster and his wife, Terri. This couple had been together since high school and have, for years, been trying to start their family. While one would think this infertility story would be one that I would’ve liked, it actually annoyedme more than anything. But thank G*d, the “fake pregnancy” story finally resolved with the “winter finale” this past December. Unfortunately, it ended with Will leaving his wife after all the lies she weaved.

Watching the repeat of this episode tonight, I was reminded of a line that Terri Schuster said as she made her case to “win” Will back. She said:

“It’s just … I wanted so many things that I know we’re never going to have. But that was okay; as long as I still had you.”

And the thing is, when I heard this crazy woman say those words … I completely understood her.

I understood what it meant to do anything that I could to have a family with my Hubby. And I understood how much it would mean to me to share these things … these experiences … with my Hubby. But the difference between Terri Schuster and me is that I would never lie to my Hubby at the risk of losing him.

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And now for my Lenten acts.

Senior Year ... Future SIL and I were SOOO cool! LOL!

Random Act of Kindness Du Jour: It’s been a strange couple weeks at work regarding staff member’s families. Last week, one of my new Case Manager’s father passed away. And this week, another one of my Case Manager’s sisters unexpectedly passed on. To show our sympathies, our department typically sends flowers. Which is nice … but that’s not the good deed for today.

My good deed surrounds speaking one on one with the staff member whose sister passed away. This same staff member, who received the news yesterday at work, still came in to work this morning. When I spoke with her, I asked her how she felt and how she was coping. And yes, I offered to let her go home at any time. However, this staff member told me that it was probably best that she work so as to keep her mind off of the situation surrounding her surviving family members. When I pressed just a little further, I managed to get her to open up more. Without going into details, basically what I did was provide her with the support she needed as she wasn’t really getting it from anywhere else. And, while it didn’t make her feel a 100% better, at least I know I provided her with some comfort.

Gratitude Du Jour: I can’t tell you how grateful I am that Hubby drives me to work in the mornings. First of all, it allows me to arrive at work feeling less sticky and out of breath. Second, it allows me to feel less rushed in trying to make the El train in the morning. But most of all … well, it just allows me to sleep in for just a few moments longer. And anybody that knows me, knows that I love my sleep!

And with that said … I’m officially off to bed. G’Night all!!

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** Seriously, there is tape-recorded evidence of this!

I was even a Drama Club chairperson (again, front and center)


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Mad as a Milliner

There’s a good portion of me that believes I’m mad. Not mad, as in angry … Rather mad, as in crazy.

And I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing either.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I recently saw “Alice in Wonderland” with Hubby and our friend, J. And as we usually do after seeing a movie, we went out to eat so we could discuss our review of the movie.

While all of us agreed that the movie had some stunning visuals a la-Tim Burton style, we varied in our overall assessment in the movie. But, as I know that Hubby and J will likely write their own review of “Alice in Wonderland” … I’ll stick to my own review.

Simply put, I love pretty much all Tim Burton films. Well, except for “The Corpse Bride” and that’s only because I haven’t seen it yet. All of the movies have a certain charm to them, with characters that you can’t help but like.

“Alice in Wonderland” also has this bit of charm; Helena Bonham-Carter is excellent as the Queen of Hearts … I love that she’s this wicked queen with insecurity issues and a need to be loved. And Alice? Well I just totally fell in love with her. She’s smart. She’s brave. And she’s a little “mad” herself.

However, the movie has a few shortcomings; things that kill me to admit… While I love Johnny Depp’s performance of the Mad Hatter, I just didn’t get a good sense of character development. The same goes for Anne Hathaway’s White Queen.** But who knows? Maybe the DVD/Blu-Ray release will reveal more scenes that were cut from the final version of the film.

And while the ending is predictable (which movies aren’t anymore?), it would have been nice to see … or rather feel … more trepidation or angst leading up to the finale. And as much as it pains me to say this … There’s this bit part at the end involving the Mad Hatter that just seems altogether strange; at least in the anticlimactic timing of it.

Yet despite these shortcomings, it’s the overall message that this film provides that has me loving this film. In particular, it’s the opening scene that stole my heart.

This scene begins with Alice’s father passionately discussing the expansion of his “business,” outlining a trade route that, to his investors, sounded like an impossible feat. As he does this, he notices a young Alice in the doorway of his office. It’s late at night and Alice apparently woke up from a nightmare. So Alice’s dad excuses himself and brings Alice back up to her room and tucks her back in, all while Alice tells him about her strange nightmare that involved a talking rabbit and a mischievously grinning cat. Afterwards, she asks her father whether or not she’s gone mad. In which, her father touches her forehead and says, “I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers.”

“But I’ll tell you a secret,” Alice’s father adds, while Alice looked at him completely stunned. “All the best people are.”

It’s this message that gets carried throughout this film; the perception that Alice should not have to settle in life. Nor that she should be afraid to believe in herself. Whether it’s about accepting a marriage proposal to someone she doesn’t love … or whether it’s about believing that she is smart and brave in every day life. It’s about believing that she can be a little “bonkers” but still be strong.

And that’s the part of the movie that I can best relate to. That sometimes the craziest moments in life can also be the most rewarding.

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Daily Lenten Good Deed: Nothing beats finding money on the floor. Of course, if you just happen to see who dropped it … and that person wasn’t aware of the missing moolah … who’d know that it was you that took it? My conscience would. Which is why I did what any good person would do, which was let the person know that his cash had dropped out of his pocket.

 

Hubby is *MY* Mad Hatter!

Daily Lenten Thanks: After spending a weekend away from my other furbabies*** … I always miss them something fierce by the time I return home to them. And their constant need to cuddle with me for the first couple of days afterwards tells me that they missed me too. Today I’m so thankful I’ve got these two  furballs that provide me with all the unconditional love their little kitty hearts can give.

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** Although I admit that I’ve never completely read Lewis Carroll’s series of books on Alice; nor have I watched any movie versions. So maybe this is why I feel the lack of character development in this movie.

*** Because the third furbaby, Kozzy, always gets to come along on the five-hour car rides to and from Detroit.