Pacey McPacer *

Dear Mother Nature,

I know you’ve been quite busy lately with natural disasters throughout the world. And I also know you’ve been filming some pretty funny tampon commercials and all. (BTW, you’ve never looked better!)  But I was wondering if I could ask you one small favor.

You see, I love lightning and thunderstorms as much as any other person … but the thing is, my poor overly-anxious dog does not. In fact, she despises it.

I don’t so much mind it if the light show and marching band performance happens during the day or even late in the evening. After all, I always love a spectacular and entertaining production, but when it happens in the middle of the night, it’s a whole other display.

Last night / Early this morning was an example of such a presentation. It started out with our poor Kozzy-girl pacing around the apartment about a half hour before the light show even began. And once we heard the click-click of her paws on the hardwood floor quicken, we knew the first wave of thunderstorms wasn’t far away.

A Hubby sketch of Kozzy

When the whining started shortly after the first display of fireworks, Hubby & I knew we were in for a treat. And as each crack-boom began to come closer and closer together; our 14-year old “puppy” would pant as she circled around the apartment faster and faster.

And dear Mother Nature, that’s not such a great thing to hear shortly before 4 o’clock in the morning.

But see, dear Mother Nature … that’s not the worse part of it all. Because Kozzy did eventually calm down; only after I spent an entire hour in our bathroom … the smallest room in the apartment with the brightest light and tiles that don’t click-click as loud as hardwood floors. No, the worse part was that as soon as I got her into her “room” and onto her favorite rug … you decided to have — not one or two — but three encore performances. All of which happened over the next hour … until finally, an exhausted Kozzy fell asleep.

And believe me … had their been more than just the office chair in Kozzy’s room, I probably would have done the same.

Kozzy asleep on her favorite rug

Alas, it was shortly before 6 o’clock before Kozzy finally let me leave her room — Hubby’s home office — so I can catch some Zzzz’s. And by that time, the sun had already broken through the clouds.

So Mother Nature … I do love you dearly; and I promise that I will continue to take care of you as best as I can. But could you please please please lay off the thunderstorms in the dead of the night?!

Kozzy, Hubby & I would love you dearly for that. And so would her cat-siblings, Rain & Yami …


* Pacey McPacer is the name we gave our poor Kozzy when she begins to pace around anxiously.

And just so you know that we’re equal opportunity fur-parents, our other pets have similar names, too. There’s Dusty McDuster, the black cat that does not like to be brushed. And there’s Daffy McDeafster, the senior citizen cat that can’t hear … or at least pretends that she can’t!

Our Pacey McPacer ... How can you resist those EARS!

How I Spent Mother’s Day

In years past, Mother’s Day would have been a difficult day. Yesterday was less difficult than the previous years; less traumatic.

I contribute it to the fact that Hubby & I weren’t physically “in town” to celebrate Mother’s Day with our respective Moms and his sister. Not that I didn’t like going out, typically for brunch, every second Sunday in May … it’s just that the day has always been a painful reminder of what I’ve never achieved in life.

I mean seriously; even at Mass. Any Catholic Church I had ever gone to on Mother’s Day always always always have all the mothers and pregnant woman stand up before the closing prayer to pray over them. And every year, I would glance around the church to see which women remained seated like me.

Don’t get me wrong … such a prayer is much deserved for all the under-appreciated hard work and unconditional love that a Mom provides to their children. But for every year that I was not “included” in these prayers, the less I felt “connected” to those women who would stand proudly as they received these blessing. The less I felt as if I were a part of that “sisterhood.”

Hubby, the "Cat Burglar"

The less I felt blessed amongst other women.

This year, Hubby & I spent Mother’s Day in Chicago; opting to call both sets of Moms and wish them the Happiest of Mother’s Days. And afterward, settled down on our couch to watch a marathon of movies on TV, starting with “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”** and ending with “Sweet Home Alabama.”

And this year, instead of getting all weepy over the twenty zillion Mother’s Day commercials that ran during the TV breaks, Hubby & I would have fun poking at the sometimes fake sentiment that these ads would portray.

This year, as Hubby & I sat on our couch, feeling completely unmotivated to do much but cook meals and take our puppy-girl on an extended walk to the beach, I felt completely blessed .

Because although I remain separated from the ever-elusive “Mommy” Sisterhood … I know I’m blessed with an incredible Husband and parents/siblings, as well as 3 four-legged creatures that look to me as their Mom.

So yeah … that’s my small victory for the day. I turned my Mother’s Day Frown upside down. (Pretty positive for a currently unemployed person, eh?)

Me, surrounded with two of my three furbabies

** LOVE that film. And check out what star, Nia Vardalos, says about her experiences as an infertile on Mother’s Day.

Hubby with Rain (Yami's on the window sill and Kozzy's on her rug next to Hubby)

Spring Has Sprung

What another beautiful day in Chicago … and apparently we hit a record high 83 degrees in the city today.

Let me tell you, it was verrry difficult to want to stay focused at work today. Not only because I had been working on these reports; which were strictly data driven (and boring as h*ll) … but because I would have rather been outside enjoying that incredible weather.

Rest assured, I got outta Dodge as soon as possible and met Hubby down on Michigan Avenue. And apparently, the rest of those lucky students and families that get an Easter Break were on the Magnificent Mile as well. After an entire winter of stragler tourists, I forgot how nuts it could be once the weather turned nice.

Anyway, Hubby & I took advantage of the nice day and did a little exploring. We ended up in the Old Town neighborhood of Chicago and had a nice dinner at a small French Bistro. Then we walked next door to the pet store and oogled over cute puppies. Which of course had us missing our own menagerie of furbabies.

So we headed back home and decided to go for an extra long walk with our Kozzy-girl. All of us, dog included, need to lose that Midwestern Winter weight that we all put on these past few months.**

Our poor Kozzy … She was so excited to go for a walk. And even moreso when she realized we were walking much further than we normally do. Except … well, except then she realized that she had to walk that same amount back home. That’s when her pace slowed down considerably, her tail slunk down a little lower, and her tongue started hanging out of her mouth. And when we finally got back home, she lapped up all the water in a bowl in a manner of seconds.

Now … well, now she’s crashed on the rug right next to our couch, snoring. Loudly.

So. Adorable!!

The thing is, that I know today is just an April Fool’s joke. Because even though tomorrow is also supposed to be nice (three days in a row … woo-hoo!!) … the rest of the weekend is going to drop back down to the 50’s and be a bit rainy.

Well … must enjoy it while we can!


I’m coming up on the last days of Lent. Can’t believe it’s almost the end …

Good Deed of the Day: I spent some time today with a co-worker who was disappointed in the outcome of a possible opportunity. Previously, we had talked about how things happen for a reason. And this discussion today; well, it was just a recap of that prior conversation. I hope it gave her some comfort.

Grateful Thought of the Day: I love warm weather … it puts a little spring to my step. I’m so thankful for days like today. It always makes me look forward to more days like today.


** Seriously! I put on a skirt that I hadn’t worn since late October and … well, let’s just say it was a little snug. Grr …

First Day of Spring

Tyler in Chicago for Spring Break 2009

Today marked the first day of spring here in Chicago. So what was the first this I saw this morning? Snow. What’s worse is that yesterday was absolutely beautiful; just like the previous three days before then.

Welcome to the Midwest; where we’re all proud to boast the fact that we get to experience all four seasons. We just may not experience them in the order that Nature is supposed to hand them to us.

On another note, it looks like we won’t be heading back to Detroit until late April. We were thinking of going home for Easter, but were actually dreading the drive home for once. I’m not sure if it’s age, but I just can’t seem to recover as quickly from busy weekends and long drives.

In any case, instead of visiting family for Easter … we’ll be entertaining instead. It appears that both my niece and nephew will be coming to visit us for the weekend and it should be fun. I’m especially hoping to spend some time with Tyler, as I’m sure that this will be one of the last Spring Breaks he’ll want to spend with us once he hits high school next year. And it should definitely be fun seeing Kairi … as I know she’s finally able to readily recognize us.

Kairi with Dad and Tyler, 2009

What will be interesting is to see how Kairi and Kozzy get along. Last year when the whole family came and visited, Kairi was only seven months old and Kozzy was still too new to the city. It was funny to watch the two of them try to interact, as both were rather scared of one another. The best part was that whenever Kozzy barked, Kairi would naturally cry … and if Kairi cried, Kozzy would have to put her two cents in and bark back. And if one would get louder, the other one had to raise it up a notch, too! So we’ll see how both are with each other when they meet again on Easter weekend!

Until then, I must continue on with the promise I made to post daily. And I do confess … I’m looking forward towards the end of my daily posts. Not that I don’t want to continue doing Random Acts of Goodness or write about things I’m grateful for … no, I’m just looking forward to going back to writing about more substantial things other than (what feels like) a journal entry of daily events.

Anyhoo … let’s get on with my Lenten activities.

Tyler & Hubby on Navy Pier, 2009

Una buona azione del giorno: Why do I feel like I should be having pasta and marinara right now instead of saying what good deed I did today? I think the nicest thing I did today was wake up early this morning just to take my Kozzy-girl out for her walk. Apparently Kozzy thought she was doing ME a favor by waking me up at the time I normally wake up for the weekend. <Hmmmph> But really, what she wanted to do was go out for her morning stroll. Too bad neither of us knew exactly how cold it was this morning … me without my winter boots and Kozzy without her doggie coat. Brrrr ….

Sentimenti di gratitudine per la Giornata: Today’s grateful thought is all about the availability of free WiFi. If it wasn’t for that and my laptop, I would be tied to the apartment … or worse , to my cubicle at work … doing all the other stuff for work that I can’t get done during the normal business week. So yes … free WiFi? I heart you. Dearly.

Thrown off the Rhythm

Okay, I tried to be optimistic about this whole Daylight Savings Time / Spring Forward thing, but losing an hour of sleep is definitely for the birds.

And I do mean that literally … as in those d*mn birds woke me up extra “early” this morning with all their chirping.

Our Medicare-Eligible (not really) Rain

It certainly didn’t help that I was up late the night before finishing up the previous long-winded post. Nor that I absolutely hated waking up in the dark (again) this morning.

Yes, this time change completely disrupted my usual morning routine. It’s a routine that involves getting ready for work while simultaneously spending time with my furchildren.

First up is Rain, our Senior Citizen cat. She usually follows me into the shower and stays with me until I’m squeaky clean and robed. Then she meows incessantly until I pick her up and take her to our couch where I smother her by scratching her behind her ears and under her chin. That is until she gets sick of me smothering and jumps off of my lap.

Next up is Kozzy. After I’m all dressed for work, I wake Hubby to let him know I’m taking our 14-year old “puppy” for her morning walk. The time it takes me to walk Kozzy down the street and around the block apparently is enough time for Hubby to get ready to take me to work.

Kozzy-girl trying to steal the spotlight from Yami

Anyway … when Kozzy and I go on our morning walk, it’s usually about her having to do her “business.” After she’s done, I take her to an area where she can sniff away to her little heart’s content. And then it’s back to the apartment.

Finally, there’s Yami. She is definitely a silly one. She’s the kitty who wants to be cuddled but doesn’t want to be cuddled; if you get my drift. In other words, she’ll come up to me and weave between my legs as if to say, “Pick me up! Pick me up!” But then she runs away the minute I bend down to pick her up. So every morning, I have to sit down in the chair next to her favorite “box” so that I can pet her while she props her front paws up on my knee.

After finishing that morning routine, Hubby & I head out the door; but not before reassuring our anxiety-prone Kozzy that we will return … well at least Hubby will sooner than me.

This morning, my poor pets felt the effects of losing an hour as well. Rain was so surprised that I was up “so early” that she wouldn’t even follow me into the bathroom. And Yami just wouldn’t hop into her box so that I could pet her. But the pet most affected by the time change was our poor Kozzy.

Yami in her specially "designed" box

Typically Kozzy is patiently waiting for me to put her collar on so we could go for her walk. But this morning? Well, I walked into her “room” to find her curled up asleep on her rug. She was obviously in a deep sleep, because she didn’t even move a muscle as I approached her. In fact, I had to pet her a few times on her head and behind her ears before she would even lift up her head. And once she did, she looked at me as if to say, “Seriously? It’s way too early. Let’s go back to sleep!” But after a little more coaxing, she finally stood up and stretched.

It’s just funny to know that my furbabies are also affected by the time change. While I know this discombobulated feeling is only temporary … and that the reason for “springing forward” is to make the days longer, I just want to get back to a regular rhythm; return back to my previously scheduled programming.

And quite honestly, I’m just waiting for the sun to actually come out here in Chicago. Because maybe then it’ll feel like we’re actually “saving” daylight!


Let’s see … what language should we use today for my Daily Lenten Duties? How about Dutch?

Goede daad van de Dag: Today’s Good Deed happened to be little things again. Informing a stranger that the parking ticket machine wasn’t working. Holding the door open for someone who happened to be pushing an elderly person in a wheelchair. But probably the best “Good Deed” was to actually return to work today, given my difficult week last week … <sigh>

Dankbaarheid van de Dag: I am truly grateful for the other supervisors that I work with on a daily basis. It’s just nice to know that, unlike other departments where there is no cohesion with their peers, we can all support each other without hesitation.

Anyway, that’s it for the night. I’m definitely going to turn in so I can catch a little more ZZZ’s than last night!

Mad as a Milliner

There’s a good portion of me that believes I’m mad. Not mad, as in angry … Rather mad, as in crazy.

And I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing either.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I recently saw “Alice in Wonderland” with Hubby and our friend, J. And as we usually do after seeing a movie, we went out to eat so we could discuss our review of the movie.

While all of us agreed that the movie had some stunning visuals a la-Tim Burton style, we varied in our overall assessment in the movie. But, as I know that Hubby and J will likely write their own review of “Alice in Wonderland” … I’ll stick to my own review.

Simply put, I love pretty much all Tim Burton films. Well, except for “The Corpse Bride” and that’s only because I haven’t seen it yet. All of the movies have a certain charm to them, with characters that you can’t help but like.

“Alice in Wonderland” also has this bit of charm; Helena Bonham-Carter is excellent as the Queen of Hearts … I love that she’s this wicked queen with insecurity issues and a need to be loved. And Alice? Well I just totally fell in love with her. She’s smart. She’s brave. And she’s a little “mad” herself.

However, the movie has a few shortcomings; things that kill me to admit… While I love Johnny Depp’s performance of the Mad Hatter, I just didn’t get a good sense of character development. The same goes for Anne Hathaway’s White Queen.** But who knows? Maybe the DVD/Blu-Ray release will reveal more scenes that were cut from the final version of the film.

And while the ending is predictable (which movies aren’t anymore?), it would have been nice to see … or rather feel … more trepidation or angst leading up to the finale. And as much as it pains me to say this … There’s this bit part at the end involving the Mad Hatter that just seems altogether strange; at least in the anticlimactic timing of it.

Yet despite these shortcomings, it’s the overall message that this film provides that has me loving this film. In particular, it’s the opening scene that stole my heart.

This scene begins with Alice’s father passionately discussing the expansion of his “business,” outlining a trade route that, to his investors, sounded like an impossible feat. As he does this, he notices a young Alice in the doorway of his office. It’s late at night and Alice apparently woke up from a nightmare. So Alice’s dad excuses himself and brings Alice back up to her room and tucks her back in, all while Alice tells him about her strange nightmare that involved a talking rabbit and a mischievously grinning cat. Afterwards, she asks her father whether or not she’s gone mad. In which, her father touches her forehead and says, “I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers.”

“But I’ll tell you a secret,” Alice’s father adds, while Alice looked at him completely stunned. “All the best people are.”

It’s this message that gets carried throughout this film; the perception that Alice should not have to settle in life. Nor that she should be afraid to believe in herself. Whether it’s about accepting a marriage proposal to someone she doesn’t love … or whether it’s about believing that she is smart and brave in every day life. It’s about believing that she can be a little “bonkers” but still be strong.

And that’s the part of the movie that I can best relate to. That sometimes the craziest moments in life can also be the most rewarding.


Daily Lenten Good Deed: Nothing beats finding money on the floor. Of course, if you just happen to see who dropped it … and that person wasn’t aware of the missing moolah … who’d know that it was you that took it? My conscience would. Which is why I did what any good person would do, which was let the person know that his cash had dropped out of his pocket.


Hubby is *MY* Mad Hatter!

Daily Lenten Thanks: After spending a weekend away from my other furbabies*** … I always miss them something fierce by the time I return home to them. And their constant need to cuddle with me for the first couple of days afterwards tells me that they missed me too. Today I’m so thankful I’ve got these two  furballs that provide me with all the unconditional love their little kitty hearts can give.


** Although I admit that I’ve never completely read Lewis Carroll’s series of books on Alice; nor have I watched any movie versions. So maybe this is why I feel the lack of character development in this movie.

*** Because the third furbaby, Kozzy, always gets to come along on the five-hour car rides to and from Detroit.

Proud Pet Owner

There’s this high school in Chicago with an  incredibly large lawn right down at the end of our street. It kinda like the “old skool” schools that remind me of Rydell High from “Grease.”

Official Clubhouse for the DEC

In any case, the huge lawn of this school also serves as a dog park. It comes in pretty handy when we’ve gotta take our Kozzy-girl out for her “business.” But not so great when there’s a whole gaggle of other dogs out there as well.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, our Kozzy is not exactly the most socially adept dog. Both with strangers and with other dogs. With us, she’s the sweetest affable dog around … but with others, she’s such a nervous nelly; which in turn makes her aggressive. So yeah, she’s not exactly welcomed at the dog park.

In fact, Hubby & I have a name for the group of pets and their owners. We call them the DEC. Or the Doggy Exclusive Club. Of which Kozzy & her owners are not members.

But thanks to unyielding patience on both our parts and the help of tips from watching “The Dog Whisperer,” Kozzy has made a breakthrough tonight. That’s right, peeps; I think Kozzy actually made a doggy friend. And it happens to be this fluff-ball of a puppy that belongs to the family in the apartment building a few houses down. It’s a good thing this furball is the antithesis of Kozzy; he’s friendly and verrry non-aggressive. So much that Kozzy actually let him sniff her and let Kozzy sniff him … all without any growling or barking!

I KNOW! I was sooo amazed!

Of course, after that … I just had to test out the DEC. And, unfortunately … the amount of pets and pet owners at the park must have overwhelmed our Kozzy. Which, of course, resulted in Kozzy being overly anxious and overly aggressive. But … at least I managed to calm her down before heading back home.

Despite that little hiccup at the end, I am so proud of my Kozzy-girl. It’s taken awhile, but I think she’s finally adjusting to city life!


And now for the Daily Lenten Special:

Good Deed Du jour: The first Wednesday of the month is typically “Free Inservice Day” at work. It’s where our Clinical Trainers arrange for some sort of vendor to come out and present on a healthcare-related topic. With that comes free Continuing Education Units (CEU) to keep up with our Nursing License and Certification for Case Manager. Oh, and lunch is usually provided as well. However, the amount of food that’s provided is usually waaay too much for me to eat in one setting … so I tend to either share it with someone or bring it home.

Today I decided to give the other half of my chicken pita sandwich and cookies to someone else who needed it. And that would be the homeless guy that happened to be sitting outside of the Borders Bookstore on Michigan Avenue. I’m sure this guy probably gets a lot of handouts throughout the day, but at least I know that I’ve given food to someone who could use it.

And here's my Kozzy-girl!!

Gratitude Du jour: Even though I already expressed gratitude for having Kozzy in our lives; today I am thankful for all the things that having to care for Kozzy has taught me. While patience is the number one thing that Kozzy has taught me, there’s another important lesson I’ve learned for her. Because of Kozzy, I’ve learned how my emotions and moods affect others. With humans, it’s not as blatantly obvious to see how an anxious or bad mood can affect other people around you.

With pets … dogs, in particular … they can pick up on emotions right away. If I’m happy and excited, then chances are Kozzy is the same. And when I’m angry or anxious … well, you bet that Kozzy starts exhibiting her anxiety. And because of this exercise, I’ve learned to be more conscious of how my disposition affects others. So thank you Kozzy, for that lesson.


Somedays work feels like Mr. Stay Puft

Proton Pack Day #2. Except today I was remotely putting out fires from home; which definitely had its challenges. But ask me if I minded doing it from home, and I’d tell you that I would find a way of putting up with the challenges in order to take advantage of this benefit. It’s just too bad that I’m limited to working from home only one day a month. Boo …

Anyway, because I worked from home today I did not have much opportunity to do any new Random Acts of Kindness. Instead, while taking my puppy-girl for an extended walk (after my work day was done), I once again spread some goodies for the Chicago wildlife. Well … the birds and squirrel variety, anyway — none of those “back alley” city wildlife.

Squirrels are funny creatures; more so, it seems, in the city. Hubby & I have had the conversation before about how squirrels in Chicago seem just a bit different than squirrels back in suburban Detroit. First of all, the colorings/markings on Chicago squirrels are remarkably greyish-brown; more of a hodge-podge of various squirrel colorings. And then there are those suburban Detroit squirrels, which tend to be either reaaallly brown or black.

Meet City Squirrel (Chicago)

And because I grew up in suburban Detroit in the decade following the 1967 Detroit Riot and during Coleman Young‘s five terms of Mayor (both circumstances that contributed to the massive segregation between city and suburbs, caucasian and non-caucasian), it’s a silly observation that Detroit squirrels should be so … well, black and white. Add to the fact that up until the last decade or so, it was rare to see a black squirrel past Eight Mile Road* … that’s irony at its best!

But regardless of ra- … I mean species , the big thing that we noticed about city squirrels and “country” squirrels*** is the personalities. Suburban squirrels (at least in all other areas of the Detroit area other than Ann Arbor) are rather timid. They are easily frightened by anything and everything. Whereas, their cousin, City Squirrel just loooves to come up to anyone or anything … especially my dog.

You know, the same dog that has anxiety issues? And totally gets nervous/aggressive when other pets are around? Yes, City Squirrel loves to antagonize her. (My poor Kozzy-girl … ) They love to stand in direct path of her and make clicking sounds in order to get her attention. And then they looove running away the minute Kozzy starts pulling on her leash and barking at them.

And this is Suburban Squirrel

Some days it’s absolutely hysterical. And then there are days, like today (as I tried to feed them), that it’s downright frustrating!

(Remind me again why I was trying to feed them? Oh yeah, for my daily Lenten *good* deed … NUTS!!)

As for what I’m thankful for today … I guess because we’re quite tight in the wallet lately, I’m grateful that I have food to put on our table and food to feed our pets. While City & Suburban Squirrel can probably scrounge off the land (they’re raised to do that) or fill their tummies with scraps given to them by suckers like me, at least I don’t have to go further than the closest grocery store to get mine. And how about all the other people I see in the streets of Chicago? The ones asking for spare change just to get food? The same ones that are grateful for any leftovers that other humans give to them? That just makes me even more thankful that we have what we have.

Okay … that’s it for the night. Think I’m going to crash now, so that I can be prepared to fight more fires tomorrow. <sigh>


And finally, meet City Squirrel II (Detroit)

* Yes, that IS the road that is referenced in the famed Brian Grazer/Eminem** movie. This road in Detroit is literally (and figuratively) the dividing line between city and suburbs.

** Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon: I have a friend who actually went to HS/Middle school with Marshall … well, at least until he dropped out!

*** Remember City Mouse and Country Mouse? Meet their kissing cousin, Suburban Mouse! LOL!

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Please Stay Another Day (Part Deuce)

I think it’s rather strange how, after writing my last post, Chicago has been raining off and on. This weekend is pretty much going to be the same of scattered showers. I’m thinking that perhaps Mother Naure took my little quote at the end of that post a little too literally.

The following post was meant as a continuation of my last one; following up on further emotions I’ve been experiencing lately. All because of PS’ story. And all because of the unconditional love my cat, Rain, has given me throughout the years …

So without further ado, I give you Part Deuce.


Rain gets along with everyone and everything ...

Rain gets along with everyone and everything ...

I think about the eventual loss of Rain, sometimes in conjuction with my inability to have kids of my own.

Oh, I know that I place a lot of importance in my pets because they are, in essence, the children I will never(?) have. Even for those families with *actual* children and pets can understand how much these animals become part of your life. They are a source of unconditional love and happiness.

There are moments that I swear that my pets understand me; know me intuitively. It’s as if they have a direct line to my emotions. When I’m happy, they’re out and about trying to play with me. When I’m angry, they know to stay clear from my path. (Except my puppy-girl, Kozzy. Sometimes she’s a little … slow, but we love her to bits!)

And then there are the sad moments; particularly the moments that I’ve been in tears. Those are the moments where my pets seem to come out of the woodworks and surround me. Not all at once; as a mob of 2 cats and a dog would be quite a scene. No, they seem to come around, one by one, as if to make sure I’m never quite … alone.

Yami, obviously NOT ...

Yami, obviously NOT ...

The past few years, my pets have shown exactly how much they love me. Especially after all the events that had happened to throw my life off kilter. You know … the life that I thought I might have? The one in which I dreamed of the family that I would have had by now. The one in which there are still days or moments or news of pregnancies that I still, to this day, mourn the loss over.

Yes, these pets … my Rain, Kozzy and Yami … are, next to Hubby, another reason why every day I try to put one foot in front of the other. And it’s because, just like Hubby, they’ve seen the worst in me and they still love me unconditionally.

Kozzy still puts her nose right up to my face when I lay paralyzed on the couch. Rain still jumps onto the bed on those days when I can’t seem to get out of bed and plops herself to the side of me, pressing her entire body up against me. Yami still jumps onto my lap  and then settles in my arms whenever I sit on the couch staring off into space, burying her entire head up into the crook of my elbow. And they do that independently of any specific events and on their very own accord … all to, in my opinion, make certain that I’m alright. And that I’m not alone.

I know that my pets shower me with love and affection because they know that Hubby & I are there for them unconditionally. Oh, believe me … they piss us both off sometimes to the point where I literally wish I could send the dog to the imaginary dog house, or the cats into a corner where they’d know not to come out until it was safe. But I also think that with the love and affection we provide them, they just want to reciprocate the feelings in the best way that they can.

Kozzy doesn't mind the company ...

Kozzy doesn't mind the company ...

PS’s story (in the previous post) and the fact that Hubby & I are caring for a pet that is on the downward slope of her life, had stirred up some emotions over the past couple of weeks. And it’s those thoughts of exactly who is going to care for us when we’re older. And who will be providing us with assistance to get around.

I see it with my parents, as I’m now about 5 hours by car from them. I worry about how they are able to get to and from Doctor’s appointments and if they’re actually following up on their health. I worry about my Mom taking a tumble and injuring herself. I worry about my Dad with his heart and his weight and his kidneys. I worry that I’m not going to be able to be there at the moment they need me the most. *

Oh, I know realistically that it’s not always guaranteed that having kids will automatically mean that Hubby and I have someone that will take care of us in our older age as no one can predict the future. If Hubby & I did have kids, who’s to say that (God forbid) our child doesn’t pass away before us? Or that our imaginary child decides that he/she wants nothing to do with us? Or that we’d have a child that requires us to physically care for him/her 24/7?

I know it’s not worth it to place all my eggs in one basket, and to worry about things that I have no control over. But I do. Worry, that is. Not only because, quite frankly … at my age their are no real good quality eggs to place in any basket. But also because one of my biggest fears is that I’ll have outlived** everyone in my life, Hubby included … and be all alone when I die. That there will be no one — well at least no one who loved me unconditionally — by my side.

So it’s with this thought that I know (irregardless of whether we eventually have kids … I can still dream, after all) that I will always have some sort of pet in my life***. One who I will love unconditionally and who will love me unconditionally in return.

I guess this means that Hubby & I will need to find a “Retirement Home” that will be willing to let us keep our pets!

And there are days where Yami doesn't either ...

And there are days where Yami doesn't either ...

* It’s one of the biggest downsides of moving out of state, but my parents know that this was a move that I needed to do both physically and emotionally. And for that, I am grateful.

** Fat chance of this happening, as I can barely take care of my own health …

*** Except I might just take a little break from acquiring any other animals until I can get past the eventual hole that will be left in my heart when Rain finally goes away.

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