Category: Friends

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Valley of the Bloggers

Warning: Long post ahead
Short version: Went to local Resolve event and met two of our fellow IF bloggers. Ended up with two new IRL friends and a renewed spirit towards adoption.

Wow. I can’t believe how SMALL Blogland can actually be! Earlier tonite, I attended our local Resolve chapter’s annual “Ask the Expert” night for the first time (more on that later). And who should I happen to come upon?! Not one … but TWO of our fellow IF bloggers!!

Now, I have to preface this by saying that I had a slight notion that I might see kcmarie122 tonite as I knew we lived in the same general area of the world. When I got the eblast from Resolve (and also a comment on my blog from MamaSoon), I thought that perhaps she might find this event interesting and posted a link on her blog. That’s how I found myself continually glancing around the room to see if anyone looked remotely like her profile picture. I thought I caught a glimpse of her once while sitting in one of the session, but as soon as that session was over I suddenly lost sight of her. SO … imagine my surprise when she came up to me during the dessert reception afterwards! Ah … kcmarie122 … you are just as sweet and kind as I imagined you would be. I am so happy we finally got to meet!

Let me tell you a little more about why my Hubby & I decided to go to this event before I tell you who else I stalked met.

When I received the eblast, I was a little hesitant to sign up to go. I wasn’t sure if I was just about ready to take another step forward in my adoption past. I can’t remember if I blogged about this, but the last time I inquired about adoption at this one agency, they were already calling me back after only one day and then called again a week later. Now for some people, that aggressive first part on the agency might be a good thing. But the fact of the matter is, it’s taking me this long to make that first call (at least, this time around) … I don’t want to feel rushed or pressured into making a decision that I might not be that comfortable with. I’m sure there are agencies out there that are not like that, but this agency put a bad taste in my mouth at that particular moment. Who knows? Maybe when I’m finally ready to dive into adoption, I might want that type of “aggressiveness” on my side. But not just now.

But I digress (yet once again) … The thing is, we decided to go because we figured that this might be a way to get resources about adoption and not feel pressured into making a decision right then and there. Plus, the whole adoption forum of this night was basically a panel of different experts (lawyer, doctor, professor, counselor, and adoptive parent) discussing their experiences with the different parts of the adoption process. And then after they each spoke, they were asked questions written by us, the audience. Talk about major learning experience for me. It was refreshing to hear about the other aspects of the adoption process by actual “professionals” without having it be fed to us by an adoption agency, who really … sometimes I think are mostly after the money that prospective couples are willing to shell out. (Okay … yes, I know that’s an irrational thought skewed by said-adoption agency above.) Hubby and I got a lot of good info and having gone to this forum has renewed my spirit and added a little more spring to my steps towards adoption.

Yes, Girls, I still support ART

Quickly though … I should add that this Resolve event had a separate forum (or lecture, really) on ART, well. Truth be told, there were many many many more people in that forum than there was at the adoption one. But that’s okay. This is the stage in my IF journey that I’m in. I now know (in my vast wisdom – so said, sarcastically) that my limit for IVF was one … After all, I spent more that enough time and money doing unnecessary clomid cycles followed by more than enough medicated cycles before I was smart enough to figure out that the particular RE I was going to at that time was not suiting my needs. Yeah, that’s how smart I was.

Again … I digress. (Sorry, my ADHD — never actually diagnosed, by the way — is on full tilt today.)

At the end of both forums, there was the aforementioned dessert reception where I met kcmarie122 ( 🙂 still so giddy!) This gave us an opportunity to talk to the panel of professionals as well as meet and greet other professionals. Which was a good thing, because we were actually able to talk to the lawyer who specializes in interstate adoptions for a bit, and ask her about certain concerns we had about adopting domestically. In addition, this also gave us an opportunity to enter into some prizes they were given away including gift baskets, a free consultation with an adoption lawyer, a free acupuncture session, an others. But the two big prizes for the night were a $10,000 prize towards an IVF cycle or half off the price of an adoption homestudy (approx $700 in value).

Hubby & I listened patiently as the organizers drew tickets for the smaller prizes. One of the names and the person’s subsequent city called as a winner sounded just ever-so-vaguely familiar. And as this person walked up to claim her prize, she certainly looked just as familiar to me, too. I turned to Hubby and whispered, “I think I know that person.” He looked at me quizzically as I told him that she might be someone that I might have seen somewhere out in the IF blogiverse. At the evening’s end, the “Grand Prize” winners and alternates (just in case the winner decides to forgo adoption or the winner of the other prize, for some reason, is unable to complete the IVF cycle) were named. Hubby then urged me to go across the room and introduce myself to this mystery lady. “No, that’s okay,” I told Hubby, but he persisted even after I told him that I would feel as if I was stalking her.

So finally after being pestered enough, I approached said-woman and said, “Excuse me … you might think this is an outrageous question but …. do you blog?” And as this nice woman looked at me strangely (not to mention, a little leery … I mean after all, we’re talking about metro-Detroit here. You know … “Murder Capital of the World.” Yeah … NOT!), she turned to me and said, “Yeah, I do. I’m SoapChick.” And then I think I exclaimed, “I thought you looked a little familiar!,” a little too excitedly and I might have startled her a bit. And then I introduced myself and the rest was history. We ended up talking for quite a while and it was just SO wonderful … like meeting someone you think you know, but not really.

And then the REAL weird part was that when I told her that I just met kcmarie122 earlier, Soapchick kept telling me that “the name” sounded familiar. She said that she sat next to someone during the raffle drawings that may just have been kcmarie122. And as we traded descriptions of this person, we both came to the conclusion that it was kcmarie122 that she was sitting next to. Then, just as Soapchick, Hubby & I parted paths, who should we run into again but kcmarie122 who confirmed that she was sitting and talking with SoapChick at the same table! How absolutely weird and awesome is THAT?!

After attending this Resolve event tonite, I’m reminded of how far along I’ve come since even just starting to blog. Last year at this time, I was still struggling with even dealing with my feelings about my infertility. I had stuffed all my emotions inside of me that I was just waiting to explode. It didn’t help that I was facing yet another Mother’s Day childless. And it certainly didn’t help that there were currently plans underway for a baby shower for my SIL who was then pregnant with Liam. It would only be another week later that Liam would be prematurely born; which then brought yet another wave of emotions that needed to be stuffed. Yeah, I was at a pretty bad place last year.

And this year? Wow. I’m not only able to blog about these emotions, but I can actually talk about it. To total strangers. And be not only okay with it … but completely thrilled about it. Okay, so we’re not totally strangers, having shared our stories online with each other unknowingly. But still. WOW!

So kcmarie122 and SoapChick … I am so incredibly thrilled to have met you IRL. It’s absolutely mind-blowing, knowing that I’m not only NOT ALONE in this big blogiverse … I’m not even alone in my own county and state! My next goal … meet the others in this fine state of Michigan …

Oh! And I forgot to mention the other fortunate thing that happened to me tonite. My name ended be pulled as the second alternate winner for the Adoption Homestudy prize! Woo-hoo!

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Flippin' Blog!

Map of the Philippines

Alright … I’ve postponed this long enough. If it’s one thing that Filipinos are good at and known worldwide for is procrastinating. I mean really … why else would we have our own “time zone”? (Okay, so Filipino Time is not exactly a zone, per se. Rather it’s a … I don’t know … a philosophy? Lifestyle? Cultural trait?)

Anyway … a fellow blogger I met in Blogger Town (you know, the place next door to Fac.ebook and Mysp.ace?), Joanne just tagged me about a week ago and it was about gosh-darn time I get to it. And because she’s also “Flip“, I figured she might forgive me for following the typical Filipino Time protocol. So here goes …

1. Why did you start your blog?

Well hmmm … I’ve always just loved writing. It’s a way for me to express some creativity and allow me to vent. Back about five years ago, when I was deep in the heart of my IF journey, my Mom had made a simple comment that I should start writing like I did back in high school and college, using the letters I wrote to my cousin as an example. My cousin and I wrote letters much like the two characters in “Beaches” did. She was, in essence, my “living journal” at one of the most confusing and hormonal times in life.

Now, I’ve been somewhat of an inconsistent journler all my life; always starting one but then losing interest in it after awhile … which is why I didn’t start this blog until just over a year ago. I had finally gotten to the point where stuffing my feelings to “Save Face” just got to be way too much. I had to let it out somewhere. And because I wasn’t able to share this confusing and hormonal time of my life with anyone close to me … well, it only seemed natural to put it up on a blog to see if anyone out there could even begin to understand the kind of emotions I was going through.

2. How did you come up with your blog name?

Well … I suppose it’s much easier to send you here to read about my name. Much easier than having to cut & paste. And you get the added benefit of not having to read it again if you’ve already read it.

"Living Journal" Cousin, Dr. Brother & Me, circa mid-1970's

3. Do your friends and family know about your blog and what do they think?

Amazingly, yes. Not all of them read it, but they know about it. The one thing that I’ve found really great about having my family read it, is that they can finally be able to realize just how much of my life has been about my infertility and how hard IF’s emotional toll has been on every aspect of my life. Filipinos tend to avoid talking about difficult issues such as drugs or divorce or … gasp … infertility. This goes back to the whole “saving face” thingy and the extreme loneliness that becomes part of it. By putting my blog out there … well, I’m still able “talk” about my infertility while still being able to show up at family dinners or other social functions without feeling as if I’m “broken” or “weak” or just plain “out of control.”

As far as what they think … well some of my IRL (in real life) friends have posted comments to show their support and agree (or disagree … I love getting perspective from other people) with what I’ve written. As for my immediate family … My Mom, as I’ve mentioned in passing before does read it … albeit inconsistently, as she confessed to me. My MIL (whom I truly love and respect) has admitted to reading my blog, which again, is a good thing. She has, in fact, told me many times that she never truly understood how and/or why I felt the way I did until reading my blog. I also know that my (currently) pregnant-SIL reads my blog … and I’m sure that what I write may have hit many-a-nerve with her. It isn’t meant intentionally or maliciously to hurt anyone’s feelings … it is simply my thoughts, my feelings, my way to vent. I don’t think Dr. Brother or Dr. SIL read this blog, but I could be sorely mistaken. And I know that Hubby reads it. If anything, he’s the one that will reach out and hug me when he sees the sadness in my writing. Or laugh with me about some of the silliness I write.


Mmm ... Yum!

4. How do you write posts?

I guess it varies on my mood from post to post. Mostly, it’s just me writing about me in the first-person perspective. Other times, when I’m trying to be vague, I’ll take on a third-person narrative … but if I start writing like The Rock talks … someone should just virtually slap me. “Can you SEEEEEEE … what the EM is writing?!” 😛

5. Have you ever had a troll or had to delete unkind comments?

Thankfully no trolls. And thankfully no unkind comments. I do get some unsolicited comments with some sort of “sales angle” that WordPress sometimes misses … and those I will delete. Otherwise, I’ve found that any person that has commented on my blog has been extremely nice and empathetic. I’ve “met” some really cool internet buddies this way. And I hope to continue to do so. So for those that might just be lurking … please please, pretty please … I’d just LOVE to “meet” you!

6. Do you check your stats or care how many people read your blog. If you care how do you increase traffic?

Yeah, I admit it. I’m a sucker to see how much my blog gets viewed. I don’t know why. It’s not like this is some sort of “popularity contest.” Really, I just want to know whether or not some one finds some interest in what I’m writing. And I’m hoping that perhaps someone else might find comfort in knowing that they’re not alone in what they might be feeling.

I really don’t do anything to increase blog traffic. I hate the thought of placing ads on my blog. Because even if I do like my electronic “toys” and designer “duds,” I’m still a “respect mother earth” and “there’s gotta be a better way” liberal at heart who absolutely hates mass production and consumption.

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So that’s that. I might be a little “late” in responding to this meme, but if there’s yet another thing Filipinos are good at … it’s making sure that they follow through in any promises or obligations sent their way!

Now …. hmmm. Who do I tag? I think I’ll ask twoPINK! and kcmarie122 to be the next victims. But don’t feel like you absolutely have to do this just for me … ’cause i’d hate to think that I “guilt-tripped” you into doing this.

How very un-Filipino of me. 🙂 Continue reading “Flippin' Blog!”

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On the Road

This is what you get for
making faces at the camera!

Hubby & I have been getting a little antsy lately. We’ve both been crazy busy at work lately and were looking for a little adventure. So we decided to take a little road trip this weekend.

The catalyst for our trip was to head back to the west side of the state to attend a surprise birthday celebration for one of our friends. The look on his face when he saw that we drove such a distance today just to celebrate with him was priceless.

Then we figured since we were already out that far, we’d keep heading west and visit my brother and his wife in Chi-town. Well really … I wanted to visit my two “nieces” (the kitties Mocha and Sophia) and “nephew” (the adorable Wrigley). That and meet the newest member of their family “Ryan,” who is another rescue greyhound and actual litter mate of Wrigley. This should be fun … let’s see how four adults, two cats and two big dogs can all comfortably move around in a not-so-big condo.

We have no idea what else we’re going to do during our trip to the Windy City. We’ve been there so many times that we’ve pretty much exhausted all the “tourist-y” attractions. Except maybe go up the top of the Sear.s tower, which I’ve never had any inclination to do anyway. I think we just wanted to take some time to get away from the every day grind. We all need those mini-vaca’s every once in awhile …

In the mean time, here’s a photo that my SIL sent to me of Ryan. Apparently he has quite the same demeanor as his brother Wrigley … so I’m sure that I’ll be falling in love with him as well. Too bad they couldn’t keep the whole baseball field theme with the names and call him “Bennett” (as in one of the original names for Tiger’s Stadium) or “Trumbull” (as in “The Corner” of Michigan Ave and Trumbull, where the old stadium used to be). But the names Wrigley and Ryan do sound pretty darn cool together … so I’ll let them keep it. 😛

I’m sure I’ll have more pics of the “nieces and nephews” when we get back … so be prepared for an onslaught of pet pics in a later post. But for now … we’re off to Chicago!

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Timing is Everything

One of our really good friends went on an interview recently for a job that he really REALLY wanted. And the thing is, both Hubby & I thought he’d be absolutely perfect at it. Plus, it would give him the opportunity to have an actual 9 to 5 job with no weekends or holidays. Which, of course, would make planning Red Coat Tavern or D&B outings a lot easier.

Unfortunately, he did not get that job and was understandably disappointed. And as he blogged about his disappointment, I couldn’t help but think of some words to console him.

What I wanted to say was that I was the type of person who believes that timing is everything. And in my infertility experience, that truly is the case. I mean, really. How many mornings did I wake up and roll over to grab my digital thermometer to take that basal temp? How many mornings did I have to run to the RE to get poked for blood to determine where my hormone levels were? And let’s not forget those early morning dates with the US technician and her magic wand. And when we’re talking serious science experiments here (aka, IVF), you’re literally dependent on perfect precise timing.

But that’s a different type of timing. That’s a “controlled” timing situation. Making sure that all the I’s are dotted and the T’s are crossed. That’s a much different type of timing when you compare it to “waiting for all the stars to line up” type of timing.

That type of timing is what I can best compare to as “fate” or “destiny.” When Path A intersects with Path B at a fixed point. When you just barely miss / catch those “Sliding Doors“ on the subway. And that’s the type of timing that I was thinking about when I contemplated on what my comment would be on our friend’s blog.

What I wanted to say to our friend was that I was the type of person that believed in that type of timing. That right now just wasn’t the “time” him to get the job. And that in the future, I believed that an even better opportunity would come along at the right time in his life. I truly do believe that for him, as he is such a wonderful person. Instead I simply stated that I hoped one day he would get that dream job that he so deserved.

I decided against using the whole “not the right time” statement, not because I didn’t believe it for him. Rather, I left it off because I’m feeling a little unsure about my own “fate” right now. Where exactly does my “destiny” lie? Am I ever supposed to be a mother? Am I really supposed to be achieving my “childhood dream“?

I’ve always been a firm believer in karma; the whole “what goes around, comes around” theory. I always sought to do the right things in life because I always thought that eventually good things would come back to me in spades.

I’m still waiting. And it’s waaay past even the standards for typical Filipino Time (which is alway late).

Okay, so I know that I’ve been given other good things in life … Good, stable job. Roof over my head. Food in my belly. Family and friends. Wonderful husband. But I’m still waiting for children, waiting to become a mother.

Maybe I haven’t done enough good things in my life at this point.

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On a completely unrelated note … check out the latest post on my other blog for a good laugh.

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Me, Bartleby and Ta.rzan

Hubby & I spent the night on the west side of the state Saturday night. We were out that way specifically to catch the theater debut of one of our friends. (I’d tell you more about the play, but “I’d prefer not to.” But I do have to say, I do think our friend did a wonderful job.)

We’ve been to this town before (the most recent to see the Cowboy Junkies about five years ago), but never got a chance to really check the place out. But since our friend lives out there, we managed to get the “grand tour” of the area which included a trip to a local brewery that produces the only beer my alcohol-allergic / beer-loathing Hubby will drink. Seriously didn’t know that this brew was locally-produced.

Anyway, we ended up staying the night because the play didn’t even start until 11:00 pm. And then afterwards, well … of course we ended up going out and grabbing a drink afterwards. So we booked a room at one of the local hotels just to rest our heads for the night. After all, it’s a decent 3-hour ride back to Detroit and we weren’t about to make that drive after being out until 2 am. (Okay, maybe we would … if we were still college-age!)

The next morning, I turned on the TV in the room (while Hubby started to get ready) and started flipping through the channels. As I flipped, I stumbled onto the Dis.ney channel that happened to be showing the animated film, “Ta.rzan.” I don’t know what possessed me to keep the TV on that channel, but I suddenly found myself sucked into the movie.

There’s something about Dis.ney animated movies that I really enjoy. Especially the ones that were produced from “The Little Mermaid” onward. OK, so there were a few that I could care less about (hmmm … “Emperor’s New Groove”?), but overall I’ve liked their films.

In fact when planning our wedding, Hubby & I created a “Three Wishes” theme, including designing our own invitations (which, back in 1996, was definitely not a common thing to do) based on the movie “Aladdin.” It started with a porcelain figure of Jasmine & Aladdin that Hubby gave me when we were still dating which we thought would make a great cake topper. Then we chose “A Whole New World” from “Aladdin” as our first dance and then gave little ceramic genie lamps as our favors. Yes, I guess you can say we had our own version of our “Dis.ney Fairy Tale” wedding.

But I digress … What struck me about watching “Ta.rzan” was the whole “Boy being raised by a gorilla” thing. Specifically the part where Ta.rzan found out how he came to live with and grow up with a pack of gorillas. Now, I’m assuming that most people have seen this movie or are familiar with the story. However, if you haven’t and you have the urge to read the book / watch the movie … then I suggest you skip the next two paragraphs.

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If you recall that in the movie (because the movie actually does vary a bit from the book by Edward Burroughs), Ta.rzan was brought up by a pack of gorillas and was always regarded by the other gorillas as different. This, however, didn’t matter to his “Mom,” Kala, who brought him up as her own, after losing her own baby gorilla by the same leopard who killed Ta.rzan’s parents. When Ta.rzan stumbles upon Jane and is surprised that there is a person who looks similar to him, he tries to learn from Jane (and her father) as much as he can about his “kind.” Ultimately, Jane is supposed to be leaving back for “merry olde England.” As Ta.rzan had ultimately fallen in love with her, he has to make the decision to either remain behind or go with Jane.

Before Ta.rzan’s decision is made, Kala tells him the truth about his parents and how, after her own son died, she raised him as if he was her own child. After he makes his decision to follow Jane, he turns to Kala and tells her that she will always be his mom.
*

Uh, yeah … and that’s where the tears started flowing. (Thank God Hubby was in the shower at that point!) I kept thinking that if I was Kala, I would would be absolutely heartbroken. Proud of him, but utterly heartbroken for myself.

First of all, it’s the whole “mother who loses her own biological child” thing. How can that not relate to how I’m feeling? Okay, so I never was able to get pregnant on my own and have never physically lost a pregnancy. Or worse, a baby. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have the right to grieve about not being able to have my own biological baby. And how about those that have experienced failed IVF’s alongside with me? Or those that have experienced ectopic pregnancies or miscarriages? Those are all losses.

And then there’s the whole “being raised by someone that didn’t give birth to you” issue. Uh … that would totally relate to adoption. I know that my journey through infertility has taken me down the adoption path. And I know that every day I am one step closer to becoming just as strong as Kala wanting to raise a child that isn’t biologically part of me.

I know that adoption is my fate and once I have my child, I will be so totally, utterly and unconditionally in love with him/her. BUT … I can’t help but think that somehow, somewhere down the adoption path I will truly start to freak out about the possibility that this child might not love me or feel that the love he/she has for me is not as strong as it would be if I were his/her biological mother.

Huhm … I just realized that perhaps my child would probably think the same of the love that I would have for him/her. He/She could be thinking … “Does she love me as if I were born from her womb?” Well, the answer to that is yes. As I’ve never been able to experience pregnancy, I guess I wouldn’t know the difference between loving a child that is biologically mine or loving one that was brought into our family through adoption. So my future son or daughter … I want to let you know this right now: I will love you, because … to me, you are my own child.

Damn Dis.ney … why must you always produce movies about orphaned heroes or heroines that overcome adversity. Do you purposely peer into my heart and see which one of those heart-strings (or better yet, my apron strings) to pull?!