Clean Feat

Today is considered a “Holy Day” in the Catholic faith. It’s the Thursday before Easter; the day before Good Friday. For those that are not familiar with it’s significance, Holy Thursday is more or less the day that Catholics celebrate “The Last Supper.” It’s the day in which Jesus breaks bread with the 12 Apostles for the very last time. It’s the day in which Jesus prays to God in the Garden of Gesthemane to provide him with the strength he will very much need the next day. It is also the day where one of his own Apostles, Judas, betrays him.

Yes, I know I’ve said it time and time again … I am NOT a very “good” Catholic. I believe in God and Jesus. I believe that the death of Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice for mankind. I am just not much of a “practicer” in the Catholic faith. No, I don’t go to mass weekly. No, I don’t participate in the sacraments religiously (no pun intended). But what I get out of my belief in God and Jesus (and yes, the Holy Spirit, too) is the sense of spirituality. The sense that there are certain things that are well beyond my control. That there is a higher being watching over me.

Wow … I think that’s the most I’ve really “talked” about religion in a very long time. But seriously, there is a point to this all.

The other thing that is both the backbone and the bane of Catholicism’s existence is its traditions. The “bane” of it being that it takes waaaaaaay too long for change to come to Catholicism … which tends to drive those that are otherwise “believers” away once a situation (like, let’s say IVF for infertility) butts up against an individual’s personal beliefs. I’ve had many many many friends from my Catholic-school childhood fall victim to this. Me included.

But it’s those traditions that sometimes keep a person tied to their faith as well. Personally, there are certain things … like Advent and Lent that I enjoy about my religion. These “seasons” are richly filled with tradition and purpose; but they are also filled with symbolism as well. Advent … a time to prepare for the birth of Jesus which could also symbolize the birth of a “new year” or “new life.” And Lent … a time of self-reflection, of forgiveness of one’s self and others; a time to “give up” something of importance in order to understand what it is like to sacrifice something for others. Yes … it’s those symbolisms in Catholicism that I truly enjoy.

One such tradition that occurs today, on Holy Thursday, is the washing of feet. Yes … you read it right; the washing of feet. During Holy Thursday mass, the priest will literally wash the feet of 12 people in the congregation.

What, may you ask, is the symbolism behind this act? Well first of all, this is literally an act that Jesus performed on all of his Apostles shortly after the Last Supper. It seemed like a strange thing to do because really, why would the “Son of God” perform such a menial task on those that were brought together to serve him?

Now I can’t be certain without doing a major google search, but I have always taken this part of the service to mean two things. First of all, it’s a symbolism of purifying one’s soul/sole in order for this person to fully comprehend the assignment of which he/she has been given in life. A way of cleansing any self doubt. And second of all, I believe that this tradition is a practice in humility. If the “Son of God” should perform such a menial task to others … then we, as Catholics, should be able to participate in our share of menial tasks in order to understand humility.

Yes yes …. I’m finally getting to the point of this rambling. So here goes.

The reason I’m bringing this all up today is not just because today is literally “Holy Thursday.” The reason I’m giving you such a lesson is because today I received my lessons in purity and humility.

That’s because today … I finally got to talk directly to my Mom in the Philippines. And I’ve finally heard the news about how my Grandma is doing … straight from the horse’s mouth. And that has got me feeling just a little less anxious because now I know for myself that my Grandma is actually doing okay.

And when I mean okay; I do mean that Grandma has been breathing on her own since last Friday. To top it off, she has been discharged home from the hospital in order to be surrounded by those she loves. Her IV’s have been discontinued, and she’s responsive to touch and pain. However, she’s still getting her feedings through a tube and well, she really cannot talk. But considering where she was two weeks ago … this is absolutely incredible that she has such strength inside of her. And that has taught me the lesson of humility. That we can prepare for the very worse and things could turn out better than we think. God (and Grandma, too) could have other things planned that we are still not aware of.

And purity? Well … it’s a stretch, but the fact that I was able to talk to my Grandma on the phone … well, that was pure joy. As my Mom held the phone up to my Grandma, I told her how much I loved her and missed her deeply. I told her that I wish she could stay strong and get better, but that if she couldn’t do so … I would understand. I told her that I just wanted for her to be peaceful and happy. And while I knew I wouldn’t get to hear her beautiful voice respond to me, I just knew that she understood what I said. That purity of heart and soul inside my Grandma … that is something I’ve always seen in my every interactions in the past with her. And that is what I felt today.

I miss my Mom. And I miss my Grandma, my Lola. And if I could be there to “wash” their feet … to show them some humility and purity (well, as pure as I can get) … I totally would.

Grandma, you continue to surprise every single one of us with your strength. I love you and I just want you to be in peace. I’m praying for you and for all of our family members … that we will pull through with the amazing grace that you’ve always shown us. Thank you for your strength in heart and humility.

XX's and OO's needed

Well, it’s official. My 99-year old Grandma is off the respirator as of about 9 am Friday morning, CST. That would have made it 10 pm Friday evening there in the Philippines. They have also stopped her dialysis and heart medications … and as of 2 pm CST, she’s still been breathing on her own.

All this is news that I’ve gathered by emails from my cousin in CT, because silly me managed to leave her cell phone on Monday back in Detroit. Which means I’ve been without a phone for the past 4 days. I have called to talk to my Dad, who in turn, has only been able to talk directly to my Mom once or twice since she left the States. But any news he received was far less than what my awesome cousin has been telling me.

And before you ask why I haven’t been able to call myself … well, it’s because Hubby & I actually don’t have the ability to make international calls at this moment. Neither by our cell phones nor our land line digital phones (through Com-crap). What I should do is go to the nearest Filipino or Asian market and pick up a phone card. And then call … if I can only get the time difference straight. (As in, should I call at 4 am CST which would make it 5 pm there? Or should I call 5 pm CST which would make it 6 am the next morning there? So confusing … ) Plus there’s also the fact that (other than those basic naughty words) I can’t speak or understand Tagolog …

UGH … it’s times like this that I didn’t feel “torn” between to worlds. All I really want is to be with my Mom and my Grandma. I miss them terribly! And my heart is breaking, knowing that my Grandma will soon be gone and I won’t be able to be there to hug or kiss her good-bye … especially since it’s been years since I’ve physically kissed and hugged her since she moved back “home” to the Philippines.

Anyway, I just wanted to post quickly with an updated. Again, thanks for all the wonderful thoughts and prayers. Please please please … keep them coming! Now all I’m asking for is that my Aunt and Uncles make it back “home” in time to say their goodbyes. I believe they’re all scheduled to leave on Monday … with the hopes that they will arrive Tuesday evening (Filipino Time). I would just really want my Grandma to be surrounded by all her children before she moves on to the next world …

Br.ide Of Fra.nkens.tein Removed

Quick post, as I’m surrounded by unorganized mess mixed with packing boxes back in Michigan.

Hubby officially “moves” to Chicago with me today, along with puppy-girl Kozzy. Yay! Home with finally be Home in Chicago. As sad as I am the Detroit is going through such hard economic times, especially with the housing markent, I’m actually quite relieved that this gives us time to do a “slow” move over to Chicago. If only we didn’t have to pay a mortgage plus rent, I’d be even more of a happy camper.

251This weekend should have been spent doing more packing and taxes (yeah, we’re procrastinators), however most of it was spent with family and friends. Saturday, we met with my parents for an early dinner (at Pizzapapalis, of all places! Hands down, the best deep dish pizza … next to the “original” Pizzeria Uno in Chicago … by the way). It was good to spend time with my parents … especially my Mom, before she flies out to the Philippines this morning. (More on Grandma later … )

For “second dinner” (a la “Hobbit”-style), we met with our good friend, J at our favorite burger joint. It’s been a ritual for us to meet there even when I was still in the D. I miss the excellent burgers … but I miss my friend, J more. I’m worried a bit about him … I think this move to Chicago for us is hitting him harder than both Hubby & I thought. But we’ve assured him (and ourselves, too) that we’d be back often enough to continue our late night ritual. If only we can find a burger just as good as Redcoat in Chicago. But more importantly, if only I could convince him to move to Chicago to be closer to us …

Last night we spent a quick couple of hours out to dinner with Hubby’s family. Again, nice to catch up with everyone. Great to talk to my SIL about how “wonderful” her psych rotation in Nursing school is going. (Ah … the memories!) And completely awesome to see my nephew again and to hold my beautiful niece once more. I do miss them. Tons

Oh, and as of yesterday afternoon … I am officially no longer the “Br.ide Of Fra.nkens.tein.” I no longer have the grey/silver streaks of hair at either side of my temples. That’s because finally … after six long months … I got my hair cut and dyed! Woo-hoo! And there’s another person I miss tremendously, too … my awesome hairstylist! She is that good … that I’d come back in to town just to have my hair done just by her.

And finally … a quick update on Lola. Grandma is not doing any better … she’s officially gone into a coma and her kidneys are failing. Everyone is thinking that she just might not pull through this time. Of course, she’s been known to fool us all in the past … so I’m not giving up hope for a miracle. But honestly, I think she’s waiting for all her children to come back “home” to be by her side before making her decision.

My Mom finally found the earliest flight out to the Philippines mid-Friday morning. Unfortunately, the normally two-layover / 14-hour flight has now turned into a three-layover / greater than 36-hour flight. It was the best she could do on short notice … and it still didn’t come cheap. The important thing is that she’ll be meeting her sister during one of these layovers and will share the same flight with her into Manila, Philippines. I hate knowing that she’s traveling all alone, especially during this emotionally difficult time.

This same Aunt of mine also has the medical DPA for my Grandma. Which means once she’s there, she will have to make that tough decision as to what to do next. What a huge responsibility for her, and I’m glad that my Mom … the one sibling probably with the most faith and spirituality … will be there with this Aunt. In any case, if you guys can continue to say prayers for my family … I’d very much appreciate it. All of your wonderful thoughts and sentiments have worked wonders thus far … and for that I am incredibly grateful.

252Well, so this short post turned out longer than I thought. But thought I’d shoot a “quick” one out before the rest of my day starts. It’ll be a busy one as I attempt to replace my lost MI driver’s license and do a little more shopping (cheaper here with the 6% sales tax, versus the 10+% in IL) before we head out of town again. But at least now this once-Bride of Frankenstein will be united with her Groom.

Again, thanks for all the warm thoughts and prayers for my family. Please please please … keep them coming!

Lola

Lola, in Tagalog (the primary language in the Philippines), means Grandmother. Except being the Filipino-American that I am, I never called her that. I always called her Grandma.

Grandma, besides my parents and my brother, is the first person I can remember constantly being around me when I was a toddler. I have this image of her sleeping in my bedroom on my other twin bed next to me in my room. And I remember this purple-y floral embroidered luggage bag that she always had; and she constantly wore purple …. as it’s always been her favorite color.

Grandma turned 99 this February. And other than her vision and hearing, and the occasional memory lapses, she’s as sharp as a tack. Well, I should really say that those memory lapses have become more frequent … but geesh, at her age that’s still frickin’ amazing. The point being is that she can still recognize all her own children and her dozens of grandchildren scattered throughout the world.

The reason I’m bringing Grandma up right now is because she needs all the good prayers and positive vibes right now. I’ve just been told that she was admitted to the hospital in the Philippines on Wednesday night … and things aren’t looking too good.

My mom and all her siblings that live scattered throughout the U.S. are desperately trying to find a flight “back home.” Because they’re trying to travel to the Philippines together, they’re having a difficult time coordinating flights. That, and well the tickets are monstrously expensive.

I wish I could be there; be by my Grandma’s side to hold her hand. Be with my aunts and uncles and cousins to hug them and to be hugged by them. Mostly, I want to be with my Mom, who called me this morning in tears. Because my Mom, who is named after my Grandma, is feeling so lonely right now. Wanting desperately to catch the first flight out that she can. And yet, this morning … told me she’s not had the energy even to pack, because she’s just been waiting by the phone for any word of when she’ll be able to get her flight. And well … any other news of my Grandma as well.

My "Lola" and Mom, who was named after her, on my wedding day ...
My "Lola" and Mom, who was named after her, on my wedding day ...

It’s times like this that I wish I was closer to home. That I didn’t have such a new job with little to no time off to take. It’s times like this I truly miss my family.

Please please please … if anyone has it “good” with the Man Upstairs, please send a prayer or a thought up to him to look over my family, my Mom … and most of all, my Lola.