Musings – Page 37 – Apron Strings for Emily

02 March 2010

The Not-So-Good Wife

Grams from “Dawson’s Creek” has come along way. So has Carol Hathaway from Cook County’s “ER”. Come to think of it, so has Mr. Big … well, actually he’s just a recurring special guest star.

Yeah, amongst the other TV shows I’ve picked up this year is NBC’s “The Good Wife.” Now, I admit that I started watching it because I’ve always loved Juliana Marguiles since her days on ER. And I must admit that I like seeing the Chicago skyline on the small screen. What I didn’t realize until I watched the season premiere was that this was a lawyer show. And me love me some lawyer shows.

It must be some inherent need for me to live vicariously through these shows. Or maybe it’s just that Hollywood makes it look so glamorous. But regardless, I love listening to lawyers debate. Well, at least in court; where there’s a formality to their arguments.

You see, I’m not good at arguing. In fact, I’m pretty bad at it.

419 — Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Oh, I can hold a conversation and find logic in arguing a point. I can even concede if the opposition has a strong rationale for their position. But throw emotion into it? Well yeah, then I’m a mess. And let’s face it, unless there’s that formal structure for debate … when isn’t there a situation where emotions eventually come to play?

So yeah. I suck at arguing.

I have no other reason for bringing this point up other than the fact that I love Juliana Marguiles’ character on “The Good Wife.” Somehow her character, despite her own personal mess, always manages to find a way to keep her emotions in check. And I really wish I had the talent to do that.

Guess that means I better cross “lawyer” off the list of possible new careers …

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And now … back to the task at hand.

Random Act of Kindness: I can’t believe I actually did this; especially since some days I still feel like I’m still a “tourist” in the city of Chicago. But yes, I *actually* managed to give restaurant recommendations to some visitors attending a conference in the nearby Hyatt Regency. I stumbled on the poor souls on my way out of the building this evening and they just looked so pitifully lost. So I took it upon myself to ask them if they needed any assistance … and, yeah … little ol’ me managed to help them. Yee-haw!!

421 — Because only a "Good Wife" would put such a *great* picture of her Hubby ...

Thanks & Gratitude: Can I tell you how much I love my Hubby? Not only does he drive me to work everyday (so I don’t have to feel all rushed and exhausted just getting to work), but he also manages to meet me every day at the El Station with our Kozzy-girl just so he can walk me home. AND … the poor guy is so awesome that he not only cooked dinner tonite (and most nights) but he also cleaned the cats’ litter. And if there’s any chore I hate to do the most … it would be cleaning that litter. So thank you VERY MUCH, oh dear Hubby of mine. Much much love from your Not-So-Good Wife.

01 March 2010

Identity Theft

Since I’ve been blogging a lot recently, I’ve been trying to make an effort to “socialize” more. I admit that I am decent at writing posts, but not so great about commenting on other reader’s posts or comments in regards to my posts.

If it makes anybody feel better … I’m pretty much consistent with responding on Facebook and Twitter!

Anyhoo … I’ve been trying to read and comment on those blogs of people who I’ve been following since the beginning and who have followed me through those difficult years. There are three gals that I wish we could all get together in the same room and just shoot the sh*t; two I’ve met IRL and one … well, she has always been such a bright spot in my day.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve met and have gotten pretty close to those other bloggers out there; it’s just that these three gals … well, I think there’s just something about them that seem to tie us all together (had to get one last February NaBloPoMo theme in … even though it’s March). And even though our shared bond was/is infertility, this friendship seems to have gone beyond it. So even though I had “disappeared” there for a bit (I blame no one but myself), I’m trying to make sure I keep these friendships up.

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I’m also branching out and trying to “socialize” with new bloggers. In the midst of writing daily, I’ve noticed that I had more “followers” and “lurkers” than I thought I did. (Thank you WordPress Blog Stats!) So yes, I’ve been trying to follow these bloggers and comment on their posts as well.

One of those new bloggie friends wrote a post about stigma and “spoiled identity” as it relates to her life and her struggles with infertility. And as I read her post, I realized that I had never quite described that feeling of social isolation and exclusion as being stigmatized. Or that feeling of not being able to contribute to conversations about child-rearing or pregnancy as being “socially discredited.” But that’s exactly what had happened in my IF journey.

It’s funny how I can learn new things, new perspectives from others going through what I had already gone through. Which, when going through my journey, I would have probably found any new point of view either comforting … or annoying.

Comforting, only if the person shared my same point of view or emotions. And annoying, if the person brought up something that hit a little too close to my soul … and sometimes (quite honestly) below the belt.

But reading these new perspectives now, after coming to terms with my own journey, they’re … well, refreshing. And, given what I learned today about my identity during that journey, I’d like to think I’m still learning about my IF journey, even if I’m no longer on that path.

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These three “original” IF friends … we’re all on different journeys now than when we first “met” via our own separate blogs. One of us is currently pregnant and two of us are currently off that crazy train called infertility. And one … well, one is at a point in her IF journey where I was at for so long. But despite the fact that we’re no longer on that shared path of IF, we’re still in a shared journey together. We’re still trying to provide support to one another.

All of us have been stigmatized by infertility. All of us have been robbed of the “identity” that we thought we’d have by now. All of us have experienced the feeling of being excluded (whether purposefully or not) from certain baby-related conversations or events. Yet all of us have managed to find comfort from one another. All of us have managed to forge a NEW identity amongst ourselves … outside of our infertility.

Because even though we may have had / still have a “spoiled identity” amongst other people in our own real lives, we’ve found that amongst us … our opinions matter. And our voices are allowed to be heard.

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Daily Random Act of Kindness: Let’s see; today my “good deed” for today was more of an exercise of patience. Let me set up the scene:

When I left work on Friday, it just happened that one of my team members was not very happy with the outcome of a conversation I had with her and the rest of my team earlier in the afternoon. Now, historically … this particular team member is known to hold grudges; and before I could approach her about the issue again last Friday, she had left for the day.

Needless to say, I dreaded going in to work today; knowing full well that I’d feel the wrath of The Grudge. And sure enough, when I made my “morning rounds” to say good morning to my team, all I got from this team member was a grunt.

It took a few tries, but I finally got her to say more than five words to me by mid-morning. And by the afternoon, she was finally back to her normal self.

417 — A "Robert Smith" version of me in HS

While I know I needed to resolve the issue with this team member (seeing as I had to continue working with her and, well … supervising her), I think — or rather, I feel that I went above and beyond (and definitely out of my way) to get her to come around.

So yeah. I consider the patience I had with this team member my good deed of the day.

Daily Gratitude: Today I am grateful for bloggie friends; both old and new. If it wasn’t for you … I think I would have totally lost my identity. But you guys … well, you guys have kept me grounded.

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On a completely (un)related note, today marks the first day of NaBloPoMo March. For those of you that aren’t familiar with what NaBloPoMo is, click here to read more.

The theme for March is Strange(r). So my posts can be about strange (or stranger) tidbits of information or situations or stories. Or it can be about strangers; as in, “Strangers in the night.” Yet again, it’s a vague theme which I’m not necessarily held to writing about. However, seeing that today’s post talked about complete strangers that have become close bloggie friends, and about new strangers that I’ve just met … it looks as if it fits into this month’s theme.

Much more to come in the following month …

27 February 2010

The End is Nigh

404 — Never saw a sign like this until Cannon Beach, OR

Wow … I’m writing on the eve of my last daily entry for the month. The end is actually near! Can’t believe I survived yet another month of posting every day … actually, I can’t believe that I signed up to write for another 36 days until Easter Monday.

Eesh. I’m wondering if I have enough “Good Deeds” in me to last that long … As it is, I’m thinking that some of the good deeds I do are rather … lame or trivial. But I suppose doing something is better than nothing.

Today, Hubby & I slept in. Good G*D, it felt good to sleep in. And although I know that this is a luxury that most other people aren’t able to do (read: those with kids), I figure that this is something that I can at least add to the (very short) list of positive things that infertility has given me.

But that was last night‘s item of gratitude. Let’s see … what other thing about infertility can I be grateful for? Well, seeing that Hubby & I spent the afternoon at the grocery store … I guess I can say that I’m grateful that Hubby & I only have to worry about buying groceries for ourselves. Because somedays I’m just amazed how much two weeks of groceries can cost for just two people. Imagine if we had more than our two mouths to feed? As it is … our dollar is stretched tightly these days. Or as one of my co-workers said, “There’s still too much month at the end of our money.”** So yeah … that’s what I’m grateful for today.

407 — Surfing the web tonight regarding the latest catastrophes

Good Deed? That one’s a toughy today. Probably mostly because I’m (if you can’t tell by now) not exactly in the most “giving” mood today. And I suppose if I had to name a “good deed” today, it would be that I withstood listening to a rather awful poetry reading group while at Borders tonight. (Boy, am I snarky today!) Don’t get me wrong, me love me some good cultural and creative vibe … and, if I was being honest, I’d say that a few were pretty good. But … well, yeah. I’ll just leave it at that.

One of the “readings” had to do with the whole “2010 End of the World” deal. Which, given the fact that I just mentioned above that *I* had another “ending” in site, is rather funny. (Babbling, I know. But I’m talking about NaBloPoMo for February.) But as this guy talked about wars and earthquakes, I couldn’t help but think of the most recent events of late.

Like today … the earthquake in Chile. And the Tsunami warnings for Hawaii and all the other Pacific Islands (including the Philippines). Or even the recent iceberg collision that caused one of them to break off a huge piece into the ocean; which may cause, what some scientists believe, a disruption in the ocean’s circulation and therefore disrupting marine life.

405 — Original 1900's shot of Crowfoot Glacier

Just over five years ago was the major tsunami in India. In 2007, there was the glacial lake (in Chile, of all places) that completely disappeared. Even when we went to the Canadian Rockies two years ago, we saw with our own eyes, how much the Crowfoot Glacier had melted.

Then there was last month’s devastating earthquake in Haiti; of which a team member of mine lost family in that tragedy. And just two weeks ago, an earthquake here. In Chicago.

I’m not a firm believer in the whole 2012 theory that the end of the world will be on December 21st of that year. However … I do think that something will happen that will cause the world’s population to change in some way. Whatever that “thing” is … it will probably require a major paradigm shift in the way that the world operates today.

406 — A shot of the same Glacier (by yours truly) in 2008. Notice the bottom "claw" has melted away?

Because seriously … at the rate that these devastating events are coming***, I just might have to expect swarms of locusts followed by the Four Horsemen.

Okay, depressing post done with for the day. Let’s hope for a better one tomorrow.

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** Sadly, it’s the end of the month (a short one, at that) and POOF! All that money’s gone. <sigh>

*** Anybody else notice how more and more frequently these “natural” disasters are coming at us?!

25 February 2010

More Cowbell!

Living in Hockeytown (aka Detroit), I’ve been to enough hockey games to know at least the first verse of the the Canadian National Anthem. It also helps that Windsor is literally across the river (and south) from Detroit.

But after being addicted to watching the 2010 Winter Olympics these past few weeks, I think I’m getting to know the whole she-bang.

What exactly am I going to do after this weekend?! And, more importantly … what am I going to do with my new iPhone “Cowbell” app? After all, I did download it specifically for the ski and bobsleigh and snowboard events. And I know d*mn well I’ll be using it tomorrow and this weekend when watching the men’s hockey event … But still!

Ah … but according to my team, I was told I could use it to “herd” everyone together for our team meetings. Or use it to call order in the room. Or simply use it to disrupt a tense situation. In any case, it will be fun using them in other sporting events … like, oh say … Michigan Football?

Let’s see, want to hear the most girl-scouty good deed I’ve done thus far in my Lenten “Good Deed” journey? Get this … I actually helped a blind man cross the street. Not. Kidding. You. What can I say, the opportunity presented itself as I came up to the intersection right by the El station close to my home. I saw him standing at the corner looking unsure as to which direction he wanted to turn, so I simply asked him. And even though I didn’t physically walk him across the street, I at least pointed him (or, rather lead him) in the right direction.

As I sit here tonight watching … duh, the Olympics, I’m actually rooting for 16-year old Mirai Nagasu from the US to medal … I just love her personality! But somehow, I think she won’t. And I really hope that Joannie Rochette gets to medal tonite. I think that despite the fact that her mother passed away, she had an incredible short program. Oh well, I’m just hoping for a good program tonite.

Wouldn’t it be great if Joannie won? Then I’d get to practice my singing of the Canadian National Anthem. Ha!

Anyway, with the focus on Joannie and the loss of her mother … well, it makes me think of my own Mom, and how I’d feel if I lost her suddenly. As it is, we’re coming up on the year anniversary of my Grandma Rose’s passing … which I’m sure is probably weighing heavily on my Mom’s mind as well. I think it’s events like this, whether it’s my Grandma’s passing or Joannie’s heavy loss, that reminds me how lucky I am that my Mom is still here with me.

So that’s what I’m grateful for tonite: I’m grateful for my own Mom. I’m grateful for all the gifts she’s given me, including my love of reading and my love of constantly learning. I’m grateful for the fact that she raised me to be compassionate and — probably much to her chagrin — independent. Mostly, I am grateful that she’s still here with me in this world … because, despite what she probably thinks … her love and support mean the world to me.

Okay … time for me to buckle down and watch Women’s Figure Skating. And maybe … just maybe … I’ll break out that cowbell!

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Well. There goes my chance to belt out “Oh Canada” … but hey, at least Joannie medalled! I’m very happy for her!!

24 February 2010

Oh NUTS!!

399 — Somedays work feels like Mr. Stay Puft

Proton Pack Day #2. Except today I was remotely putting out fires from home; which definitely had its challenges. But ask me if I minded doing it from home, and I’d tell you that I would find a way of putting up with the challenges in order to take advantage of this benefit. It’s just too bad that I’m limited to working from home only one day a month. Boo …

Anyway, because I worked from home today I did not have much opportunity to do any new Random Acts of Kindness. Instead, while taking my puppy-girl for an extended walk (after my work day was done), I once again spread some goodies for the Chicago wildlife. Well … the birds and squirrel variety, anyway — none of those “back alley” city wildlife.

Squirrels are funny creatures; more so, it seems, in the city. Hubby & I have had the conversation before about how squirrels in Chicago seem just a bit different than squirrels back in suburban Detroit. First of all, the colorings/markings on Chicago squirrels are remarkably greyish-brown; more of a hodge-podge of various squirrel colorings. And then there are those suburban Detroit squirrels, which tend to be either reaaallly brown or black.

And because I grew up in suburban Detroit in the decade following the 1967 Detroit Riot and during Coleman Young‘s five terms of Mayor (both circumstances that contributed to the massive segregation between city and suburbs, caucasian and non-caucasian), it’s a silly observation that Detroit squirrels should be so … well, black and white. Add to the fact that up until the last decade or so, it was rare to see a black squirrel past Eight Mile Road* … that’s irony at its best!

But regardless of ra- … I mean species , the big thing that we noticed about city squirrels and “country” squirrels*** is the personalities. Suburban squirrels (at least in all other areas of the Detroit area other than Ann Arbor) are rather timid. They are easily frightened by anything and everything. Whereas, their cousin, City Squirrel just loooves to come up to anyone or anything … especially my dog.

You know, the same dog that has anxiety issues? And totally gets nervous/aggressive when other pets are around? Yes, City Squirrel loves to antagonize her. (My poor Kozzy-girl … ) They love to stand in direct path of her and make clicking sounds in order to get her attention. And then they looove running away the minute Kozzy starts pulling on her leash and barking at them.

Some days it’s absolutely hysterical. And then there are days, like today (as I tried to feed them), that it’s downright frustrating!

(Remind me again why I was trying to feed them? Oh yeah, for my daily Lenten *good* deed … NUTS!!)

As for what I’m thankful for today … I guess because we’re quite tight in the wallet lately, I’m grateful that I have food to put on our table and food to feed our pets. While City & Suburban Squirrel can probably scrounge off the land (they’re raised to do that) or fill their tummies with scraps given to them by suckers like me, at least I don’t have to go further than the closest grocery store to get mine. And how about all the other people I see in the streets of Chicago? The ones asking for spare change just to get food? The same ones that are grateful for any leftovers that other humans give to them? That just makes me even more thankful that we have what we have.

Okay … that’s it for the night. Think I’m going to crash now, so that I can be prepared to fight more fires tomorrow. <sigh>

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402 — And finally, meet City Squirrel II (Detroit)

* Yes, that IS the road that is referenced in the famed Brian Grazer/Eminem** movie. This road in Detroit is literally (and figuratively) the dividing line between city and suburbs.

** Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon: I have a friend who actually went to HS/Middle school with Marshall … well, at least until he dropped out!

*** Remember City Mouse and Country Mouse? Meet their kissing cousin, Suburban Mouse! LOL!