Category: Grief

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I’m sure the Angel GruCru is already showing you around, making your transition easier. Make sure you look for your little cousin Dori since she’s newly arrived as well. Look out for your other BGFF’s … Jackson & Cooper are no doubt barking along with Pingo over something they spotted. Milo is probably making everypawdy laugh. Olivia is likely jumping a counter in attempts for more food. But remember: Be kind to her or Sparky or Bishop have to put you in your place. 

Most importantly, enjoy yourself up at the Rainbow Bridge. Run freely and have the best zoomies of all time. You deserve it. You have provided unwavering, unconditional love and support to our Ohana. It’s time for you to forget your worries and pain. You’ve earned your wings. Run free. 

You are always in my heart, Kirby. As I hope I’m in still yours.

Love, Momma

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Another gift you gave us was the gift of friends. Your Instagram account. Your face and that HUGE personality brought new friendships into my life. I can’t thank you enough for how much your involvement in #GrumpyBeaglesUnited 💪🏼 community helped me form new bonds. 

Because of you, I’ve come out of the shadows once more. Because of you, I am no longer just a “childless middle-aged Filipino American.” I can also be “Crazy Silly Dog Mom who has too much useless info in her head.” But Kirby … to you’ve always known Crazy / Silly Momma. If you knew me before joining our Ohana, you would’ve encountered Sad / Aimless Emily, which has been a lengthy period in my life. It was YOU who helped pave the path back to that silly, fun part of me. 

You won’t believe how much you are loved out there, Kirby. Since hearing that you have crossed the Rainbow Bridge, many people have expressed how much you meant to them. They’ve told me that you brought smiles to their faces and that they loved all your silly KirbyOnThings 🆙🔝 poses or KirbyGosling 🎬 pictures. They loved all the EpicOhanaRoadTrip 🛣🚙💨🗺💫 we took in the AdventureBox 🚘📦. They’ve told stories about rides on the KirbyCopter 🚁💨 on the way to another epic GruPawty🎉 I can’t believe how many people have followed you all these years! 

That’s how special you are, Kirby. You are so loved.

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You’ve given us many gifts, but one of the best is the gift of confidence. Daddy and I are not very social. Your Momma was, but infertility made me reluctant to make new friends. I couldn’t relate to old friends who were newly married, starting their families, or committed to their professions. Many women or couples felt uncomfortable when they found out we had no kids; we were less relatable. It was hard to find childless people around us who could be empathetic to our struggles. In the early part of this century, infertility was a taboo subject, and it made those going through it feel shamed and broken. 

But WOW, that changed when you became part of our family. You won everyone’s heart right away. You instantly won everyone’s heart. We’d see people’s faces melt and say, “Aww!” Some would stop us and ask to pet you, and we’d always oblige. You always wanted the attention, and we were also proud to show you off. 

That led to speaking with others, interacting with more people, and having conversations about topics other than kids or the weather. That was something I used to enjoy. And your adorable personality helped your Daddy get more comfortable with new interactions. 

Of course, we’re still introverts (we’re still homebodies), but having you and Kira as part of our Ohana made us feel comfortable relating to other people. You were always a good conversation-starter. You made us feel less socially awkward, and that was such an enormous blessing you bestowed on us. 

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This brings me to why it’s so hard to explain to others why you are extra special to me. Especially from our other pets. I felt that you were ours, the minute you were in my arms. The warmth of your chest, the slap of your tail on my right arm, the complete happiness you exuded. I don’t know why, I just knew. And somehow you became something more than just a dog. To me, you became my spirit animal. You became part of me; part of my spirit. Someone I had to nurture and love and continue to make happy because you made me so very happy. It had been a long time since I felt that happiness. 

You gave me something to look forward to every day. I knew I had everyday responsibilities to tend to, which I did because — well, that’s just life, right? But you gave me a reason to wake up. You and Daddy. Those really were the only reasons to get up in the morning and put one step in front of the other. Since we couldn’t have kids, you became OUR son. Our lives revolved around you and spending as much time with you. Even vacations became road trips, just because we wanted to take you with us everywhere. That’s why flying to the other side of the world without you AND Kira was not a simple decision for us. I suppose that might be how couples with preschool-aged children probably feel when going on a long vacation without them. 

I don’t think anyone, not even past infertility friends/couples who have found closure with their dreams of having a family (either with or without kids) can truly understand this. I’m generalizing, of course. But even though I didn’t give birth to you, I feel we share the same spirits; we embody parts of others that we can feel each other’s emotions. One that really embraces the whole “I am in you, you are in me” part. Maybe a “Mother’s Instinct”? Which if that’s so, I obviously failed.