Twas the Week After Christmas

So it’s been a couple of weeks since I last posted. But believe me, it’s only because the past weeks have been hectic, especially with the holidays. I mean, it’s gotta tell you something about my general lack of time (or energy) if Hubby & I didn’t even bother to send out any Christmas cards, let alone put up our Christmas tree, this year. However, unlike last year (when I didn’t even want to celebrate the season), it’s more because I simply ran out of time.

A Picture of all the hats I made

The weeks leading up to Christmas was spent trying to get some shopping done amidst trying to organize all of the knitted and crocheted hats my co-workers and I made for for premie babies and chemo kids. If you can believe it, we donated over one hundred-twenty hats to the local hospital… the very one my nephew, Liam, spent all his days at. I invited my SIL along to drop of the hats at the hospital on the Friday before Christmas. We visited the NICU and delivered the hats along with a sweet treat for the nurses that my SIL brought. After all, the whole meaning behind making the premie caps was to honor my nephew. I hope that we did him justice. And I truly hope that it helped my SIL to start closing this sad chapter in her life. At least that was my intent when I invited her that day. In any case, this project of mine certainly kept me busy enough … but it truly helped me get into the giving spirit of which is Christmas.

Aren’t we cute?

Hubby & I managed to spend the weekend before Christmas wrapped up in our own little “bubble.” And while the majority of it was spent buying those last minute gifts and then boxing and wrapping every single one of those presents, we still managed to find time to spend precious time to celebrate Christmas and exchange our gifts together. Every year, that precious time together is all important for the two of us. Especially (as I mentioned in a previous post) since we know that the next few days is going to be spent with family.

This year, instead of our usual Christmas Eve madness (both of our families tend to celebrate the Eve instead of the Day), my in-laws planned on doing lunch on Christmas Day so we weren’t feeling so rushed. And my side was planning on going to midnight mass on the Eve and then open gifts afterwards. However as usual, my side decided to change things at the last minute (or at least not tell me until the last minute) and celebrate lunch on Christmas Day instead.

And Tyler just LOVES his gifts

And with that said, I do have to thank God that my in-laws are pretty accomodating; because they did, at the last minute, change their celebration to dinnertime. It was a low-key event at their house this year, as many of his family that live in our area was out of town. But nonetheless, it’s always fun watching my nephew, Tyler, getting excited as he opens his gifts. Lucky boy this year got a PS2 from Santa with some new games and toys from us. Since his old GameCube no longer make new games, he was so happy to get a new system with new games that he didn’t want to let go of them despite the fact that he was getting tired.

My Dad’s side of my Family

My side of the family spent lunch time on Christmas Day at my Aunt’s house. I have to say that I was really looking forward to it because it was going to be the first time in a long time that all of my Dad’t brothers and sisters (along with many, but not all, of their kids) were going to be together in the same room. I have to honestly give props to my younger cousins for putting this together as (knowing how lovingly dysfunctional my family can be) none of this would have been planned without them. And I also have to give credit to my older cousin who came up with the idea to put together a photo album of all of the cousins throughout the year to present as a Christmas gift to our grandmother. It turned out to be a hit with not only my grandmother, but with all our parents, who didn’t know we were putting it together.

The photo collage on the front of my Grandmother’s Gift

So that’s the story of our Christmas this year. I honestly had a wonderful time this year, as compared to last year. And spending time with my cousins was probably the highlight of the holiday. That, and of course, the wonderfully awesome gifts that my dear Hubby got me.

To see more pictures of our holidays, check out my album:

Christmas 2007

Gratuities Not Accepted

When Hubby & I visited the Tulum Mayan Ruins, I have to admit that I hope it would be a mystical or magical experience. And in many ways, with the incredible rain storm we encountered, it was. Saul, our half-Mayan tour guide, gave us a little “tip” just before he sent us on our way to explore the ruins. He told us that at some point during our time at the ruins, we should close our eyes and open our minds and we would experience the exactly how sacred and spiritual this site was to the Mayan people.

So as we’re walking in the midst of this downpour of rain and as we’re wading in the warm sea at the Tulum beach, all I kept thinking about was how special it would be if, indeed, something wonderful would happen. And as Hubby & I get ready to exit the ruins, we closed our eyes and opened our minds. Now honestly, the only sound we could here was the rain steadily falling and the crowds of people chattering around us trying to stay dry. But me? I hung on to the hope that perhaps this special ground would prove to be “fertile” for us. In fact, I already had the name “Maya” picked out if I did become pregnant with a daughter.

This past Saturday, my hopes of a miracle pregnancy were once again dashed. And while it doesn’t sting so badly as it has over the past ten years, it still hurts. (And I do mean “hurt.” Damn those cramps and bloating and the feeling of being “off-balance.” It’s sucks that this monthly “symbol” of womanhood just reminds me of what a failure I am in that department. But I digress …)

Now I probably would have just picked myself up and chalked that dream of a miracle conception as yet another one of my silly attempts to bring hope into my life. But then I watched the movie “Waitress.” Which, as I think of it now, was probably not a good idea to watch, especially in the “hormonal” state of mind I was on Saturday.

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The premise of “Waitress” is that of a waitress (Jenna) who has this incredible talent of making such wonderful and uniquely-named pies. She is married to a husband who is very jealous and controlling. Jenna’s biggest dream is to win a pie-baking contest with a $25,000 award so that she can leave her husband and find happiness by owning her own pie shop. But then Jenna finds out she’s pregnant. And suddenly she finds herself having an affair with the new married OB-Gyn in town. And then she feels as if she’s stuck in this loveless and unhappy and unsatisfied life.

(Now, if you’re wanting to watch this movie, I suggest you skip the following paragraph and move on to the next. There really isn’t any major spoiler to this movie, but if you’re like me … I’d hate it if someone ruined the whole movie-watching experience by telling me exactly what happens in the end.)

*
Throughout the movie, Jenna starts to write these letters to her unborn baby. The letters start out sounding bitter and angry and even at one point, pretty hostile (in my opinion) and resentful of having to carry this child and then have to spend the rest of her life unhappy because of this child. Even as she’s in the delivery room, you can clearly tell that she still does not want anything to do with this child. It wasn’t until her baby girl was placed into her arms that she finally found both love and happiness. But not only that, she found the strength and confidence within herself to divorce her husband, end the affair with her doctor, and open her own pie shop.

*

So why, after watching this movie, did I find myself overwhelmed with emotions? And why did I find myself yet again crying uncontrollably in Hubby’s arms?

The most obvious emotion I felt was the anger and jealousy towards the main character. Jenna is pregnant and I’m not. Throughout the movie she voices how she doesn’t want to be pregnant and she doesn’t want to be tied down with an unwanted baby. And here I am wanting to go through pregnancy and definitely wanting to have a baby. How can I not feel anger and resentment after years of not being able to fulfill my dream of starting a family?

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Less obvious, was the empathy I felt towards Jenna. Here she is, living in a situation that she is trying to change, but for one reason (a controlling husband) or another (her unexpected pregnancy) things keep her from changing it. It’s similar to the way that I’ve felt about my infertility. Since marrying my best friend, what I’ve always wanted … what I always dreamt about … was having a family. I wanted to become a parent to children that I would love and cherish and raise to hopefully be smart and successful adults. That was my dream, my wish, my goal in life. And yet, everything Hubby & I had done under the sun to create a biological child of our own was unsuccessful. In that sense, I felt “stuck” in a situation that I couldn’t change, just as Jenna felt “stuck.” I couldn’t create a child, let alone sustain any pregnancy, that was both a part of me and my husband. I’d never know if certain traits (like the shape our child’s nose or his/her smile) was more like my husband or me. It’s those things that I cannot change. And it’s certainly those things that make me feel my sadness a little more deeply.

As I watched the ending of the movie (no, no spoilers here), I just felt so unfulfilled. Which was totally the opposite of what Jenna was feeling. It’s not that I’m unhappy with my life … no, that’s not the case. Because I certainly do have a ton of happiness and a lot to be thankful for in my life … the number one thing of which is a completely loving, devoted, and overall awesome husband/best friend. It’s just that the dream I have (the one with the white picket fence, the tall tree with a tire swing holding all of our kids, and the front yard that overlooks the ocean) seems like it’s exactly that … just a dream.

And I know that I still have that opportunity to make that dream into reality. And I know exactly what my next step is going to be. In a few days (when this blessed monthly event is over), I will pick myself up and resurface from this fog of sadness. But today, right now … I honestly just want to pull myself under the covers and sleep.

Jamaican Me Crazy

Well, I’m back from sailing the Caribbean Sea … albeit, reluctantly. If I didn’t have to return to work to make up for all the money we spent on this trip, I would still be out there in the wide open waters.

I blame the Cancerian in me. Having been born under a water sign, I find myself being attracted to oceans and lakes. And I also blame the Filipino in me. After all, the Philippines is a country formed by a multitude of islands (over a thousand, in fact) in the Pacific Ocean. That definitely makes me think I should be a permanent “Island Girl.”

Anyway, back to our Royal Caribbean Cruise. The reason we booked this vacation was mainly to celebrate my parents’ retirement. This was going to be the first family vacation in over 15 years and was to include my brother & his wife along with Hubby & me. Unfortunately it was only to be Hubby & me with my parents. (Ha … that only meant more chocolate and dessert for me! Tee-hee!) Regardless, we all had TONS of fun and enjoyed an absolutely relaxing vacation.

We sailed out of Port Canaveral on Sunday the 18th on our ship, the Mariner of the Seas and spent the entire first day of the cruise at sea. The ship is literally a city on water. Not only did they have the typical amnemities of your usual cruise ship (theatre, beautiful dining rooms, many lounges and bars, huge pools), but they also had an ice rink, a basketball court, and a 9-hole mini-golf course. I swear, we lived in this “city” for 7 whole days, and I STILL feel like I haven’t explored it all.

The first port we docked at (on Tuesday) was Labadee, Haiti. Now I know what you’re thinking … why would ANY cruise ship include a stop in Haiti. However, I am here to tell you that of all the ports we docked at, Haiti was both Hubby & my favorite. But that’s because where we were staying was a private beach owned by Royal Caribbean. There was honestly not a whole lot of activities to do at that destination … but we didn’t care. The beach was beautiful and the water was refreshingly cool. We checked out some local tourist attractions and learned a little history. (For instance … Did you know that Haiti was the first completely run slave country to gain it’s independence? Or that a buccaneer is a “retired pirate” who was now supporting piracy on land by mostly running trading posts?) But mostly we just hung out at the beach enjoying the slight breeze and napping on lounge chairs while listening to the waves. It was THE BEST place to start off our vacation.

The next day (Wednesday), our ship docked at Ocho Rios, Jamaica. I was looking forward to our tour excursion at this location because this was the day that was going to be able to encounter dolphins. We headed out to Dolphin Cove in the morning where we were first told to explore the whole park. This place not only had dolphin, but they apparently had a shark show (which we didn’t see). They also had areas throughout the park where you could encounter other animals. I actually got to handle one of the beautiful parrots and Hubby & I also got to hold a giant iguana … it was definitely a unique experience. But the main attraction of the day was being able to touch and feel and KISS Misty, our dolphin. She was an absolute cutie! We were able to witness her do some awesome tricks in front of us, too. Although I wish we could have done a little swimming with her (that package was mucho expensive!), I’m glad we didn’t … as we didn’t see those groups witness any more than we did, nor did they actually get to hold onto their fins and swim with them.

While still in Ocho Rios, our next stop was the Dunn’s River Falls. Our tour excursion included the ability to climb these falls and then relax in all it’s glory. So here I’m thinking of my trip to Oregon, where climbing the falls meant taking a wooded trail to the top. Oh no. In Jamaica, climbing Dunn’s Falls actually meant climbing the tiered rock-formation falls. Now, I think all would have been fine and dandy if we would have known exactly how these falls looked like before we decided NOT to take the 45-minute guided tour up to the top with the regular “tour group.” Instead, we were approached by a tour guide who offered to take us up the falls all by ourselves. Well. It was definitely an adventure for us and after about a half hour of climbing against strong currents and taking the “nontraditional” tour group route (not to mention acquiring a few war wounds along the way), we made it up to the top of the falls, out of breath but proud of ourselves for surviving the climb. Afterwards, we were planning on doing a little shopping but … 1) We were too annoyed by many of the locals at the Dunn’s River Falls market approaching us and trying to get us to buy something we didn’t want, and 2) We were too freakin’ exhausted after that climb. So instead, we headed back to our trusty Mariner and relaxed the rest of the day.

Our fifth day of our cruise (Thursday), we docked in George Town, Grand Cayman. Again, we booked a tour excursion that would take us around most of the island. Our first stop was to check out Cheeseburger Reef (aptly named for the fact that the reef sits directly in front of the local Burger King … at least that’s what we were told) to see all the exotic marine life via a semi-submersible boat. Along the way to the reef, we got to see a few shipwrecks underwater (the Cali and the Balboa) as well as a few stingrays.

Afterwards, we climbed aboard our “tour bus” and got the tour of the island including a stop at the famous “Seven Mile Beach” as well as the Tortuga Rum shop where we could sample both rum and delicious rum cakes. Eventually we ended up at a little town called Hell. Of course we had to take pictures of ourselves in Hell, go to the bathroom in Hell, and even send a postcard to a couple of our friends (those whose addresses we could remember!) from Hell. Way too many puns to come up with when you visit a town called Hell. Seriously though, the reason the town was named Hell was because of the interesting rock formations that were found in the area. Makes you wonder if this is what Hell really looks like.

And finally, our last stop was the Boatswain’s Beach / Cayman Turtle Farm where we got to see many a sea turtles in various stages of life (from little hatchlings all the way up to 20 to 30 year old sea turtles). The best part? We got to pick up the 2 year old sea turtles and feel their shells, fins, and soft heads. Way cool. The worst part? Well, knowing that we were actually visiting a “farm” where they breed turtles both for sustaining the species as well as for commercial reasons. In fact, after the tour was over, my Dad went over to the attached Botswain Resort’s restaurant and got himself a little cup of turtle soup where he proceeded to offer some to Hubby & me. All I could tell him was I could never bring myself to ever eat turtle soup again after meeting “Squirt” from “Finding Nemo.”

On Friday, the Mariner docked us on the last port of our cruise, the island of Cozumel in Mexico. After disembarking our ship, we were immediately directed onto this super-sleek looking ferry that would take us to Playa de Carmen. Oh, don’t let the mission statement of Mexico Waterjets fool you. They certainly got us to Playa de Carmen in a timely manner, but not without making the best of us (who, by the way have BEEN on a cruise ship now for over 5 days) absolutely sea-sick. It was not a pretty site, let me tell you.

But I digress. This particular shore excursion was the one reason that my parents picked this exact cruise itinerary. It was the ability to spend the afternoon at a well-known Mayan Ruin, Tulum. We had an awesome tour guide, Saul, who is half-Mayan and half-European. (That was the first of many things that I learned that day … that the Mayan people are quite alive and continuing to practice their traditions. Kinda made me feel silly, thinking that the Mayans were an extinct civilization). Once we got to the ruins, he took us on a rather quick walking tour of the site and gave us a brief history of what the ruins were used for (mostly a spiritual site with sacred temples). Afterwards, we were told to walk the ruins at our own leisure. I would have loved to spend the time walking around and reading all the different signs which would explain what each building was meant for … however, the minute Saul was finished with his part, the skies apparently decided to open up and let the flood gates open. Of all days, this was the day Hubby & I decided not to bring a change of clothes or towels, as we weren’t expecting to go swimming. But hey … we also weren’t expecting that there would be a beautiful beach at the Tulum Ruins either.

So since we were already soaked to the bone, we decided to head down to the shore and stick our feet in the sea. Let me tell you, not only was the beach and the sea absolutely breathtaking during the storm, but the water was incredibly warm and inviting! So after we “swam,” we figured we needed to find something to help us dry off. And that’s why we are now proud owners of a hand-made Mexican blanket. (I’m pretty darn sure we would have never bought one if we didn’t find it necessary.) We then headed back onto the ferry (dreading every moment of it) and was shuttled back to our ship. We would have loved to do some shopping back in Cozumel, but unfortunately we didn’t have enough time before our ship was to leave port.

The last day of our cruise was spent at sea, taking us back to Port Canaveral. I liked the itinerary of this cruise mainly because it sandwiched 4 days at different ports between 2 days at sea. That way you had time to get into “vacation mode” before spending 4 hectic days on each stop. And then you have the last day to unwind and relax before heading back home.

A few more notes before I finally end this long blog post.

• Hubby & I cracked up when we saw the day of the week placed on the carpet of the elevator on the ship. I mean really … why would they spend the time to change the day on the carpet every day? Well, we found out midway through our cruise that we DID start losing track of the days. (Now THAT’s a vacation!!)

• The food on the cruise was absolutely fantastic! The only “complaint” I had was that the chefs MUST put something in our food to make us hungry all the time. I mean, seriously. Two hours after eating this incredibly HUGE Thanksgiving meal, I was once again starved and ended up trying get my hands on as many chocolate-covered strawberries during the midnight buffet. (BTW, best Thanksgiving EVER … didn’t have to cook OR clean!)

• Our waiter, Francis and his assistant, Chouzyu (sp?), were wonderful. After a couple days, they both just seemed to know exactly what and when we needed certain things. Oh … and the fact that they supplied us with endless desserts always made my dinner all that much better. (One night, I swear, I couldn’t decide which one of the three desserts I really wanted … and then next thing I knew, Francis was bringing me ALL THREE of them. I swear, it was my wildest “dessert-lover’s dream” come true!)

• And Dad … I love you to death. But next time, ask us before you go out and buy FOUR cartons of duty-free cigarettes to bring back home … especially since you’re only allowed one carton … and ask us to claim the other two cartons. Next time, I really WON’T hesitate to flush them down the toilet.

Okay. I guess I best be wrapping up this post. I think I’ve made it long enough. But hey … I can’t help it. I’m seriously still on “vacation mode.” In fact, I REALLY want this feeling to last as long as I can.

Yeah, yeah … I can just hear you all saying “Quit it. Stop now. Jamaican me crazy!!”

If you’re interested in seeing more pics of our trip, click on the album below.

Caribbean Cruise 2007

Off to Find Capt. Jack Sparrow

Well, not really. But wouldn’t mind actually meeting the REAL Johnny Depp. (Sigh … my personal McSteamy).

Seriously, Just in case you’re wondering why my Yahoo Avatar is in a sarong and bikini … it’s because I’m sailing away to the Caribbean for the week. Woo-hoo!

So hope you guys all have a wonderful Turkey Gobble Gobble Day!

Look What This Nut Has Done …

Meet “Newbie,” the squirrel that
“hangs out” in front of my work space

Those darn Needle Nuts at work … can’t ever keep them quiet. Wait. What am I blabbing about?! I am one of those Needle nuts.

To date, I now have two and a half boxes full of hats. I am completely overwhelmed by the response we’ve gotten. We’ve knitted and crocheted so many unique and beautiful hats that I couldn’t keep them hidden inside the boxes. So instead of doing work yesterday (hey, like I can focus the day before I leave for a week’s vacation), a few co-workers and I had fun dressing up our plush toys. And what a fashion show they’ve put on!

It all started by
dressing “Elmo”

Last weekend I stopped by my local yarn shop to pick up some more yarn and needles. (Like I need an excuse to go in and “touchy-feely” the cool fibers they’ve got there. But I digress …)

“May the Force
be with You”

I ended up talking with Bridget, the owner of the shop. She, along with another yarn shop owner, had started a group that knits (or creates other fiber arts) for local cancer charities. Anyway, I ended up telling her about the project we were doing at work and my personal reasons for specifically making preemie hats. She was so touched by the story of my nephew, that she donated quite a few balls of scrap yarn (and a couple skeins) for us to make more hats. Again, I am overwhelmed with everyone’s generosity.

And now, to top it off … a fellow co-worker managed to “re-teach” me to crochet (my grandmother taught me many moons ago, but I forgot). So now I get to whip out even more preemie hats and chemo caps! Oh my, even more of an excuse to hit the yarn shops again!

This isn’t even a third of what we have created!