Soul Writer

It’s amazing what 60-plus degree weather in the middle of winter can do for the soul. And is it me? But does everything seem to run smoothly on a beautiful day like today? Like the trains, for instance. I left my place this morning at the same time I normally do. Walked the same distance to the train platform. Took the same train. Made the same trek from the station to my office building. But … it took fifteen minutes less than it normally does.

Maybe it was the added skip to my step. Maybe I was simply enjoying the walk outside in fresh air. Maybe it’s seeing quite a few different neighbors on my street coming out of hibernation for awhile. Either way, this little glimpse of warm weather has me excited to explore the rest of this city when the weather consistently stays warm.

Anyway, the typically 40 (or so) minute train ride into the downtown area affords me the time to do a quite a bit of reading on the way to and from work. Since the beginning of the year, I’ve managed to read all three books in the “Wicked” series by Gregory Macguire. (I’m telling you … the musical was awesome. But the book series is d*mn good … and quite a bit darker, too.) And now, I’m trying to finish “Confessions of a Shopaholic” by Sophie Kinsella before the movie comes out. And even though I fully expect the book to be much better than the movie, I want to see it because I just love Isla Fisher.

But getting back to the book … I have to admit that I’m laughing my butt off and simply cowering with fear. Laughing, because the main character gets into these situations that are so impossibly hilarious. Terrified, because some of those situations she gets herself in are because of irresponsible exploits on her part … things I may have done in the past (especially as it relates to “denying” my anger and sadness over infertility) and even now, in the present (a-hem, finances … just like the book). It’s also downright spooky how some of those irrational thought processes correlate with my own ludicrous conclusions. Overall though … I hope that the ending of the book doesn’t end up being a major disappointment. And that goes for the movie as well.

And while I continue to babble … where the bloody h*ll was Amer.ican I.dol when I was in high school and college? Maybe then I would have had enough fearlessness and gumption to audition for it. Not that I claim myself to be an excellent singer or musician … because I’m not. But music was definitely something that was a big part of my childhood life all the way up to college. And then I got into Nursing School … and music, along with writing was replaced with bedpans and clinical pathways.

Okay, so not necessarily strictly bedpans. But you get the point. While I take pride in being a Registered Nut — I mean, Nurse … (after all, I worked very hard to get where I am in my career today) this wasn’t what I saw myself doing for the rest of my life. Nah, ask me back in high school … and I would have told you that I wanted to go into journalism or some sort of non-science related career. Or h*ll … if I thought I was good enough, I would have tossed aside college and gone full fledge into the music scene. I mean, after all … I had such a stellar career as a sales associate at Music.Land. Ha! Bet that would have thrilled my parents …

In any case, even now I still don’t know what I really want to be when I grow up. I always thought that I’d have it figured out by now; with that stellar career still on the rise. Okay, so my current career right now is on the rise … but then I also imagined that I’d have at least two kids in grade school right now, too. In that scenario, I may still have been in the Nursing career, but really … hadn’t I gone into Nursing because I always thought it would give me a little more flexibility when it came to raising my children? Funny how things never turn out the way you think they will.

Regardless of what I’ve rambled on about these past few paragraphs, I must admit that despite everything that I have experienced in life … especially over the past 2.5 years … I don’t regret the choices I’ve made. (Okay, maybe certain actions. But definitely not choices.) Because then I wouldn’t be the stronger person I that am today.

And that takes a lot out of me just to say that little bit.

Whew … amazing what great weather and a change of scenery can do to one’s soul.

Hubby & Emily Plus … ??

I don’t know what it is, but just like Wordgirl, I am drawn to yet repelled by Jo.n & Ka.te Pl.us 8. Actually, I’m more drawn to it rather than repelled.

I’m sure part of it is the whole Asian bit; as Jo.n is half-Korean. And I’m sure it’s the whole twin fascination thing I’ve always had. Except it’s not really the twin “look-alike” thingy … it’s more the science aspect of it. The whole nature vs. nurture thing. It’s just frickin’ amazing to see how all eight children who share such strong genetic traits have such distinct and unique personalities.

And I’m sure the whole “repelling” part of it is simply the fact that Hubby & I can’t experience even one-eigth of what they have. While I’d love to have a household full of kids, I’d be happy with even just one. As in one of the eight Go.sselin children. (I’d love to take Cara or maybe Aa.den or Hannah …)

I can’t quite be angry at Jo.n and Ka.te. After all, they also had issues trying to conceive. Like myself, Kate was diagnosed with PCOS. However, unlike Hubby & me … she and Jon were successful. Obviously.

So yesterday after Hubby left to go back home, I was left to my own devices. And seeing that I finally got cable in the bedroom, I promptly plopped myself in front of the TV and started to flip channels. I finally settled onto TLC and watched a marathon of Jo.n & Ka.te episodes.

Like a moth to a flame … (Or more appropriately, like a fly to a bug zapper … )

As I watched the episodes, there happened to be one particular commercial that would run in between TV breaks. And it got to me … Every. Single. Time.

Perhaps it was because I was missing my husband. Perhaps it was because I was watching a show that involved raising children. Perhaps it’s because it was because this commercial reminded me about something I will never be able to experience.

Or perhaps it’s because as much as I wish I could give my husband that gift … that moment in life … I will never be able to.

And that breaks my heart …

Me? Quiet?!

After reading this post once again (and realizing how inconspicuous it starts out as), I’m finding it rather appropriate that I posted this today, on MLK Jr Day … and on the eve of the Presidential Inauguration of Barack Obama. If anything, I encourage you to read the following with an open mind and with the hopes and dreams that both these two historical men had and currently have.

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Well, the good news is that there’s a “warm front” on the horizon. Of course, “warm” means highs of 20 degrees over the next week. Much better than the sub-zero temperatures. Good thing too, because I was seriously sick of having my scarf stick to my nose from all the frozen snot (yes, I know that sounds disgustingly awful). It’s bad enough that it was so cold that my eyes would water … and that those tears would immediately freeze on my eyelids! One thing that helped warm the weekend was the arrival of Hubby. It’s always a brighter, sunshine-y day (a-la-Brady Bunch) when Hubby’s around. He flew in from Dubuque, IA where he was once again an Addy judge for their local Ad Club.

I met him at the airport and then headed (for what seems like the millionth time) to Ikea to pick up some more household stuff. It seems as if until he’s officially with me, I’ll be needing a second set of whatever we currently have at our house in Detroit. We’re trying our best not to buy anything we don’t need. Except I am finding it rather difficult to be living with just a bed, two chairs, and a table … which, coincidentally is doubling as a TV stand at the moment. Oh well, one more reason to look forward to when Hubby & I are together once again. movie poster Gran Torino

We did make it a point to catch a movie this weekend. And really … we ended up seeing two, but only one was, in my opinion, worth mentioning. If you haven’t had a chance, go see Clint Eastwood in “Gran Torino.” One of the best things about seeing this movie is that it was shot in Detroit and its surrounding areas. During certain parts of the movie, Hubby & I would be pointing out certain locations to each other, thinking we’d know where it was filmed. One particular scene, however, (the barber shot scene) we knew was actually shot in the city I live (lived?) in. That was pretty cool to see.

It was a big deal in the news last summer that Clint was filming in our area. Big Oscar-award winning director/actor setting up office in the area, renting a house in our suburbs … well, it was just plain cool. There would be sightings of him in the local mall, grocery store, etc … and stories of him being exactly as kind and unassuming as the media always portrays him. That was cool to hear. gran-torino-eastwood-barbershop

And the big thing was that Clint seriously immersed himself into the role he played. Not only was he the lead actor of the film, but he directed it as well. And if you know anything about the movie, Clint and his team submerged themselves into the Hmong community.

Despite what most people think, Hmong is not (and never was) a nation or a type of “nationality.” The Hmong people are a collection of 18 different mountain tribes that have lived in China and other southeast Asian countries (such as Laos, Thailand and Vietnam). Many of them migrated to the U.S.* following the Korean and Vietnam War as refugees with the assistance of a few Christian missionary groups. Other families came after assisting the U.S. during these wars. In any case, many might consider the Hmong a “nation-less” culture; much like one can’t pinpoint exactly which part of Latin or South America an Aztec or Mayan person may have come from.

The reason I bring up this bit of history in my post was to further delve into “Gran Torino.” Clint Eastwood’s character, Walter is … for lack of better terms, what Hubby and I would call a “Crappy Pappy.” Meaning, he’s an older man past the prime of his life, who would spend the rest of his days as a crotchety, cantankerous old man. Walter’s the mean old man next door who would yell at you for stepping on his lawn, would say something rude just to get a rise out of a person … would yell out Slow down, kid! to any teenager who drives just a little too fast past his house.

Walter is also the type of man who had no qualms about shouting out plain old racial slurs to any person who was different than him. Whether it was the young 27-year old Catholic priest, the white “Vanilla Ice”-type teenager, or the Hmong people who slowly have taken over the neighborhood where he lives … he always found something crude and rude to say about them.

"Stay off my lawn, Punk!"
“Stay off my lawn, Punk!”

In the beginning, the first-generation Asian-American gal in me found it pretty darn funny. The comments Walter would make under his breath were every stereotypical racial slur you would expect; some more crude than others. He’s a guy, as my good friend Kara would say, with a bad case of “verbal diarrhea.”

There came a point, however, when I found myself getting more and more annoyed. Not so much with what Walter may have said or done, but more about how the crowd around us reacted to those racial statements. As strange as it may sound, I started to feel rather … uncomfortable (for lack of better words) with my surroundings.

It’s not that I was mad or upset about the dialogue in this movie, because after all, Walter is supposed to be that type of character; one with no inhibitions about saying such racial slurs aloud. What, I guess upset me more, is that the primarily non-Asian crowd kept laughing and laughing and laughing about each inappropriate comment made. (I mean seriously people, how many times can one laugh about the multiple suggestions / innuendos that all Asians eat dog?!) It came to a point where it felt as if the comments Walter made were every single thing that many of the other movie-goers wished they could say out loud on a daily basis … without, of course, sounding unbelievably politically incorrect.

Maybe I’m making too much of a big deal about this. Or maybe I’m not.

I just know, from my experiences as an Asian-American, that most of our backgrounds are such that we (collectively as Asians of any descent) are known as a “quiet culture.” A culture that isn’t known to raise a “stink” about social injustices against our “people.” A culture that, quite frankly, is known to just “suck it up” when it comes to having things said or done against us.** And if you see “Gran Torino,” you will be able to see that part of Asian mentality … especially during the first half of the movie in scenes with Thao (or “Toad,” as Walter calls him), the male Asian lead character.

Gran TorinoI, myself, find a bit of my personality in Thao’s sister, Sue — “Americanized” enough to know how to stick up for myself, but still feeling a bit of an outsider amongst the rest of the world. (I’m nowhere near as “straightforward as this chick … but I can so relate to her experiences!)

In any case, it’s your opinion, as a reader to decide whether I’m making this issue to be more than it should be. What I do know for a fact is that “Gran Torino” is just a movie. And a well-written one at that. Because what happens in this movie … what happens with Clint Eastwood’s “Walter” during the course of the movie is, without a doubt, phenomenal.

And really, who better to direct this movie … to star in this movie as Walter … and bring up such sensitive issues than Clint Eastwood? Personally, I think he should be, at the very least nominated for Best Actor during this year’s Oscar race.

Go see the movie (if you haven’t already). And tell me your thoughts.

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* The Detroit area, particularly the city of Warren, has one of the largest Hmong communities in the nation. Another one of the reasons why it was so cool that Eastwood filmed “Gran Torino” in the area.

** As I re-read this post, I realized that there has been an even more recent incident involving Asian-Americans in the Detroit area. Most Asians are very familiar with the Vincent Chin story, as this sparked the first instance of solidarity among Asian groups against hate crimes. However, not many Asians were aware of another incident that happened about 2.5 years ago to Chonburi Xiong (who, coincidently was Hmong).

Please … I encourage every one of my readers to click on the links of these names above (or even these ones) and read the stories. It is only by *knowing* that such instances exist that we can be aware of how our every day words and actions can affect others all around us.

Show and Tell: The Pointer Cousins

showandtellI realize it’s been over a week since I last posted here … and more that a couple weeks since doing a Sunday Show and Tell. I’d blame it all on the holidays, but truth be told … Hubby & I just started our Christmas shopping over the past week.

And now … here it is, the week of Christmas. Yikes. And double Yikes!

Anyway, today I wanna share with you a photo from last year‘s Christmas with my Dad’s side of the family. It’s been years since more than two or three of our families have gotten together for the holidays. Which is weird, because growing up I found myself either at one of my Dad’s siblings’ home on Christmas or everyone was at our house.

Last year, we managed to get all of my Dad’s siblings together at my Aunt’s house. Not all of the cousins were there, but I do have to say … getting six out of eleven of us there is nothing short of a Christmas miracle.

So anyway … the picture I’m sharing today is a group shot of all the cousins that were present. We wanted to get a picture with our “Nanay.” (Filipino for “Mom,” but us cousins have always called our Grandmother that, instead of “Lola” – which is Filipino for “Grandma. Yes, we’re weird.) Except of course … being the crazy ones that we were, we had to make it fun. And thus ….

Jump! Jump!

Here we are, the Pointer Cousins … doing our rendition of “Jump (for My Love)”.

And just because I love watching Hu.gh Grant shake is booty … here’s an extra bonus clip from my favorite movie (probably of all times), “Love, Actually

If I don’t get a chance to post before the madness, which in our family begins on Christmas Eve … I hope that every single one of you have an incredible Holiday. May the warmth of family and friends this holiday season carry over into 2009!

Happy Festivus and Merry Chrismahanukwanzakah to you all!

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Now, make sure you head over to Mel’s and check out the rest of the Show and Tell items for the week!!

My Hubby, My Hiro

Not to be completely cheesy here, but I’ve always believed that my Hubby is my own personal, honest-to-G*d hero. I’m sure part of it is because I met my Hubby during my sophomore year in high school and were friends first before starting to date the summer before starting college. And I’m not saying these things to put him high up on a pedestal. Simply put … he is my best friend and because of that, I place all my trust in him.

One of Hubby & My Favorite Telly Shows
One of Hubby & My Favorite Telly Shows

That song … the one by Enrique Iglesias … came out just before my laparotomy. This was the big surgery where I’d get my bikini c-section scar without the baby to show for it. The surgery to do some major clearing out of the endometriosis that was thought to be the reason I couldn’t get pregnant. (Little did I know then that it was also a combination of my “tricked out” hormones thanks to PCOS. Oh, how hindsight is always 20/20 … grrr.) And even though I had two previous laparascopies beforehand, the thought of this surgery somehow scared the living daylights out of me.

But it was that song, “Hero” that seemed to pacify my nerves. Perhaps it was because that particular song came on during one of the many tearful moments spent prior to the surgery. When Hubby held my hand while wiping my tears off my cheek with his other hand. All while Enrique would sing about kissing away my pain. And standing by me forever. So yes, to this day every time I hear that chorus, I think of that particular moment.

Okay … so really, this wasn’t supposed to be all serious here. What I was actually getting at was how Hubby & I have loved watching the TV show “Heroes.” When we first saw previews of the series two years prior, we both knew this was a show we wanted to watch. I mean, really … we’re talking about two people that have traveled as far as San Diego for Hubby’s love of comics! So to have a TV show based on poeple with “special powers”? Yeah, totally up our alley.

"Heroes" character, Hiro Nakamura
“Heroes” character, Hiro Nakamura

For those of you that have never seen the series, one of the major characters is an Asian with the power to “bend” time. Of all things, his name is “Hiro,” which is pronounces just like the word “hero.”

While Hiro’s power is cool, the thing that has made him our favorite character is who he is as a person. In the beginning, Hiro is this typical Japanese character who works in a boring office setting feeling as if he’s destined for greater things. When he learns about his power, he immediately relates it to his best friend, Ando as having special abilities just like in one of his favorite comic book series, X-Men. Among a series of events, Hiro and Ando find out that their “lives” are being depicted in a comic book written by another person with special powers. By reading this comic , he comes to the conclusion that it is destiny to use his powers for good. And throughout the past two seasons, Hiro and Ando have managed to get into difficult situations but have always managed to come out of the scrapes together.

My Hubby, My Hiro
My Hubby, My Hiro … Like the Spidey tee he’s wearing?

So, I’m sure you’ve probably figured out why I’m giving you this whole schpiel. First, the “Hero” song. Then the TV show “Heroes.” And finally the Asian character on the same show, “Hiro.”

Obviously, this all relates back to Hubby and how he is literally my Hiro. Let’s just say that not only are there character similarities between Hiro and Hubby. Well … see for yourself. Don’t you think Hubby could kinda pass for Hiro too?

Seriously though. Seeing Hiro’s character reminds me of some of the reasons I love Hubby. The Asian thing. The sense of responsibility to do what’s right. Even the whole comic book lover thing. (Yes, I’m serious!) But what gets me the most is the like Hiro, Hubby has this incredible loyalty to those he cares for the most. And that despite everything that we’ve been through together , he has managed to stand by me forever. And every day, he continues to take my breath away.