Goin' With The Flo

The Pioneer of Modern Nursing
The Pioneer of Modern Nursing

I made the mistake of heading into the Hallmark store in my office complex yesterday. What part of me thought that taking that little detour on my lunch break during this time of year was a good idea? Yeah, silly me.

Lucky for me, every year Mother’s Day happens to be only a “day” in the midst of another important week of the year. Well, at least for those that happen to be “tight” with Florence Nightingale, anyway.

Yes, every year Nurse’s Week is celebrated in the US from May 6th to May 12th. Why those days specifically? Well, it’s because May 12th is the actual birthday of the “Pioneer of Modern Nursing.” And May 12th is officially known as International Nurses Day.

So yeah, having a whole week “dedicated” to my profession … it certainly takes the focus of the one day of the year that practically the whole nation celebrates the one thing in the world that has eluded me the most. The one day that celebrates the biggest disappointment I’ve encountered thus far in my life.

But going back to the whole Nurse’s Week thingy … I have to say that I find it pretty humerous that I ended up in the profession I did … and “liking” it.

Click on image to read the pledge and Detroit's history in it ...
Click on image to read the pledge and Detroit's history in it ...

First of all, there are waaaay too many Filipinos in this profession. And in my youth, I was constantly trying to break out of the stereotypes that follow my culture. But ultimately it was the whole “respect your elders” part of my culture that had me ending up pursing a career in nursing. In other words, rather than spend my undergrad years “pondering” what I wanted to do in life while my parents (most graciously) funded my university education … the suggestion was made by many-a-relative that nursing would provide me a lucrative* career while I figured out what I really wanted to do with my life. Lucky (or unlucky, depending how it’s looked at) for me, while I still don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life (as motherhood obviously hasn’t worked out) … at least there are enough “avenues” in the profession of Nursing that I’ve been able to dabble in other areas other than bedside nursing.

I do have to add this though … no matter where I’ve worked (in an office setting or at the bedside), I am constantly being asked when I’ll be bringing in pancit or lumpia to any potluck. Totally sucks for my co-workers who have the perception that all Filipinos are able to cook. Hah!

And speaking of different “avenues” of Nursing … I have to point out that this is probably the reason I do “like” the profession I’m in. Because believe me, in this modern day and age of health care … burnout in the “bedside” aspect of Nursing is pretty darn high. That’s because despite the advances in medical care, people that are admitted to the hospital are much much more “sicker” than they were in the past. And despite the higher acuity in patient care needs, the nurse-to-patient ratio has not improved in years. In fact, in many parts of the nation, the number of patients assigned to one nurse has exponentially increased; leaving Nurses at the bedside with more to do with less resources.

My Nursing School's reknown "Nightingale Award" (click on image)
My Nursing School's reknown "Nightingale Award" (click on image)

This is why I am glad I’m no longer doing “direct patient care.” This simply means that I’m not physically reaching out and touching a person. (Not to say that I’m not “caring” for them, though.) Rather the aspect of Nursing I’m part of is Case Management. So what’s the role of an RN Case Manager? Well, in a basic explanation, a Case Manager assists in coordinating the care of a clinically complex person in order to maximize this person’s ability to care for themselves.

Confusing, right? Well, let’s just say that instead of physically caring for a patient while he/she — I don’t know — is “tossing their cookies” … I’m the Nurse that, once the acute illness “settles down,” is helping to make sure that these patients follow up appropriately with their physicians or other health care professionals in order to prevent a recurrence or complication of their condition. And I’m the same Nurse that spends MORE time educating a patient and/or family member about their disease or condition so they can understand their physician’s plan of care and the various options they may have available to them.

Florence "The Lady With The Lamp" Nightingale
"The Lady With The Lamp"

Yeah, I bet you didn’t know that there were many aspects of Nursing as a profession. Just like I’m sure that you may forget about other jobs that Nurses do that don’t necessarily involve working in a hospital, nursing home or Doctor’s office. Yes. Nursing is everywhere. Like in the home setting. Or in the community. Or even at your own workplace.

Heck, you might even work directly with a Nurse. Or even an “ex-Nurse.”** Because believe me, we’re everywhere.

So with that said … I must remind everyone out there to wish all the Nurses you know a “Happy Nurses Week” over the next seven days. Because despite what it feels like to most Infertiles out there … this week isn’t all about being a Mom. Sometimes it’s all about going with the “Flo” … Florence Nightingale, that is.

Yeah. I’m that cheesy.

On an even sillier note … I must share this picture with you to show how “smart” my kitty cat can be. Notice how she’s perched on a pillow? Well … as she knows she’s not allowed on our new sofa, she’s found a way to get around it … by being on top of a pillow instead of directly on the sofa. How cute can she be?!

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* “Lucrative” as in “there are always going to jobs available in nursing” … not “lucrative” as in financially “stable.”

** Although I always say, “Once a Nurse, always a Nurse.”

McSnippets!

A few weeks ago, Hubby and I spent another one of our Detroit Saturday nights at our favorite Hole-In-The-Wall with our friend, J. It’s becoming a tradition to do this every Saturday we’re back in the Detroit area. First of all, it gives us a chance to get our fix of the best d*mn burgers in the area. And second, we get to have some great conversation with a great friend.

270That Saturday we were talking about childhood memories. The kind of memories that no one else but one or the other could remember. The ones that everyone else might think was crazy and make-believe. But the ones we knew in our minds were true.

For the life of me, I can’t remember what memory J had that neither Hubby or I could place in the back of our minds. And I wish I could … because then I’d want to see if anyone else out here in the blogosphere would know what he was talking about. As for me … I had two specific memories. Neither of which was “google”-able about three years ago.

The first one I had was almost a blur-like memory. A mini-TV show that played between shows on the local PBS-like station. They reminded me of the “Scho.olho.use Rocks” series in that it would always have some sort of lesson to learn. However, unlike “Scho.olho.use Rocks,” they’d always be aired during weekday afternoons. And instead of being cartoons, they would be budget-friendly claymation figures. But whenever I brought this up to any of my friends that grew up in the same area at around the same time period, no one could ever remember “Snippets.” In fact, I’ve been accused once or twice of making it up in my mind. Except now I’m here to prove that they did exist … because since the last time I googled the show, it appears that other people were remembering and wondering the same thing.

The second one is a little more personal. That same Saturday night, I told J and my Hubby about this memory I had about a Ron.ald Mc.Don.ald character that neither of them could remember. All I could remember was that it was a pirate-like character and that I saw a statue of him somewhere at an outdoor McDon.aldland playground out in front of the actual restaurant. (Remember when they used to have swingsets and merry-go-rounds located in a brick courtyard directly in front of the restaurant?) Both J and Hubby laughed at me, informing me that I surely must have mistaken this pirate with the Ham.burgl.ar. And furthermore stating that perhaps my love for Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack obviously extended back into my early childhood.

But see the thing is, I knew in the recess of my mind that I had a picture taken in front of this pirate. And so the next morning, before we left our home to return back to Chicago, I went rummaging through some of the old photo albums I managed to (a-hem) “borrow” from my parents. And lo and behold … I managed to find proof of said pirate. After showing Hubby, I told him that I now had to scan this picture in and share it with J … just to prove him wrong.

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But then I promptly forgot about it … until the other day at work ,when rummaging through my bag, I stumbled on said picture. Of course, then I had to show it around the office and relay to them the conversation I had with Hubby and J. And now that I had my solid proof, I told my co-workers, I had to find out exactly who this character was.

Well, duh … since I’m officially now living in the state in which McDo.nald’s was founded, it didn’t take me that long to find out the name of said character. Captain Crook (which was later shortened to just “The Captain”) was similar to that of the Ham.burglar … except instead of stealing burgers he was known to steal Filet-o-fish sandwiches. And apparently it was Officer Big Mac who would try to catch him. The Captain and Big Mac apparently got the cut in the early 80’s when McDon.aldla.nd began to streamline its characters. Don’t ask me how the Fry Guys (aka the “Gobblins”) and Birdie made the cut … along with Gri.mace. I mean seriously … what exactly is Gri.mace supposed to be?! *

272So there you go … apparently I really don’t pull things out of thin air (or from my a$$, as others might say). But ain’t it a sad state of affairs when I can remember silly trivial things … and yet I struggle with remembering where I last put my cell phone?

Don’t answer that. Somehow, I can already hear all those responses to that rhetorical question. Hmmph …

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* Silly side note: Filipinos use a vegetable called ube (pronounced like e.Bay, but with an”ooh”) in many sweet desserts. The color of ube is remarkably like the color of Gri.mace. My Hubby had this way of teasing his younger cousins that any desserts made of ube was actually bits and pieces of Gri.mace. Yeah … he devastated his poor cousins who really thought they were eating Ron.ald Mc.Don.ald’s friend!

The Inexplicable Feeling of Loss

I fully admit it. I’m addicted to watching certain tween shows. HSM? Loved it … have such a crush on Z.ac Ef.ron that just seem so …. wrong. (But then I think of D.emi and As.hton and go, “Hmmm ….”) Li.zzie McGu.ire (especially the movie)? Yep, like that too. So it was no surprise to Hubby when I told him I wanted to see Ha.nnah Mon.tana: The Movie. (Hey, what can I say? Being the music chick I was even at an early age, I always “wished” I could be a Rock Star!)

So today we headed off to the movie theatre and sat amongst many a grade school/middle school girls with their friends/parents and watched the movie. And even Hubby had to admit it …. that it was actually quite good. And “good” as in not a glorified Hollywood version of the TV show. That was most likely due to the fact that the movie was set primarily in Tennessee (now whether it was actually filmed there, I don’t know).

263For those of you that don’t know the story behind Ha.nnah Mon.tana, the show is based on the life of Mi.ley Stewa.rt, a teenager (Mi.ley Cy.rus) from Crowley Corners, TN who moves with her father, Rob.by Ray (Bi.lly Ray Cy.rus) and older brother to Malibu, CA to follow her rising career in music. In order to to live a “normal” teenager’s life outside of the music business, Miley and her father develop her alter-ego, Ha.nnah Mon.tana, to be her Rock Star persona. Trying to keep a duel-life prompts hilarity, a-la-Disney Channel style.

The movie was definitely a change in pace from the TV series in that Mi.ley returns “home” to Tennessee for a father-ordered “Ha.nnah” rehab. And it is, in general, the story of a teenager trying to find her true self amongst the pressures of being pulled in fifty zillion directions. And yes … I’m totally a sucker for those kind of movies. (Hellooo … “Pretty In Pink” anyone? “Some Kind of Wonderful”?!) So if anyone loves those types of plots … I totally recommend it to you. Yes, it has its cheesy moment, but it’s at the very least … rental-worthy.

The point of this post really was not to do a film review of this movie. After all, even though I write about a variety of different topics here, this blog is still primarily about dealing with my inability to have children. It’s a blog about loss.

So what does “Ha.nnah Mon.tana” have to do about loss? Well first of all, let’s talk about the fact that we were surrounded by leagues of tweens and even more 6-9 year old girls. And let’s talk about the moms that they were with. As I looked around, I saw that many of the women taking their kids to see the movie were right around my age. Which would have probably made them anywhere between 22 to 30 years of age when they had their kids. And seeing their interactions with these girls … well, yeah … why shouldn’t it break my heart just a little? After all, this is what I would have done for my girl if I ever had one. I would have let them dress up in all their “Ha.nnah Mon.tana” clothes and let them “pretend” to be a Rock Star. I would have stood in line early at the theatre to try to get the best seats in the house (dead center of the theatre). I would have asked them to invite their best friend along. I would have done all that, if that was something that they really wanted. And if I ever had the daughter to do this for.

But alas, that isn’t the case. And therefore it’s Hubby and I that sat at the end of the row, discussing how that dad or Grandpa (along with Hubby, himself) was a wonderful man to endure sitting through a movie just for their daughter/granddaughter. And how we would totally do these things for our kids just because we loved them.

264The second part that got to me were the various parts of the movie where Mi.ley talks about her mom (played in flashbacks in the TV show by Bro.oke Shi.elds). Su.san Stewa.rt apparently died three years before the series began. (Not in real life; just the show. Mi.ley Cy.rus’ mom is still alive.) And it’s those moments when she reflects as to whether or not her mom would be proud of her if she were still alive … those were the moments that had me unexpectedly bawling my eyes out.

At first I couldn’t understand why it was that I was dropping those crocodile-sized tears. To a Tweener Movie, nonetheless. But then I reflected on what happened to me yesterday at work when my manager (who was off that day) called me in regards to an email she wanted me to send. She apparently noticed something in my voice because she asked me what was wrong. That took me by surprise as I didn’t realize I sounded anything different than how I normally was. So when she asked, I told her about my Grandma Rose … and then I suddenly felt my eyes swelling up with tears. Totally unexpected because I thought my waterworks were otherwise under control; but apparently not. And that’s when she told me to go home; to take the time to mourn. To use my bereavement time that I was entitled for.

At first I resisted; saying that the funeral was in the Philippines. I mean, it’s not like I was going to actually be attending a funeral service/mass. Plus, I figured that as long as I kept myself busy I wouldn’t think about how sad I actually was. But apparently, that’s not what Grandma Rose wanted me to do. Because no sooner than I had told my manager I was going to stay until the end of the day … we received the news that the department would be closing early for the day. So I took that as a sign to use my bereavement time for this coming Monday.

In any case, this inexplicable feeling of loss … this sadness I have over the passing of Grandma Rose … is something I know I’m going to have a hard time getting over. Even now as I type this, I’m starting to well up in tears again. There are moments, like sitting at the local Borders and reading magazines, when I’m perfectly fine and happy. And then there are these moments when all I want to do is cry over the loss of my Grandma.

In 1973, Grandma was awarded a plaque for 43 years of service with the Bureau of Public Schools (another pic "borrowed from yet another cousin!)
In 1973, Grandma was awarded a plaque for 43 years of service with the Bureau of Public Schools (another pic “borrowed” from yet another cousin!)

The irony of this all is that this feeling of loss … well, it’s the same loss I felt (or rather, still feel) over the many months of negative pregnancy tests, the failed IVF attempt … and even the loss of my one frozen embryo that we “let go” one year after that IVF cycle. It’s this sadness that’s so difficult to explain … to write down into words. Whether it’s the loss of the ability to create or sustain life, or the loss of a well-lived life … it’s still the loss of life.

And as evidenced by today’s reaction to seeing mom’s around the same age as I am taking their kids to the movies … I still have those days (five years after IVF) where that feeling of loss surrounding my infertility are still very potent and strong. But there are also those days where I can take it in stride.

The same thing, I know, will happen with my feelings over the loss of my Grandma. There will be those days where all I think are the happy moments I had with her and how incredibly full her life was. But there will also be those days … like today … where all I can feel is that inexplicable feeling of loss.

And this … this is yet another lesson I’ve learned from my experienced with infertility. And yet another lesson that my Grandma (who remained a schoolteacher up until her 80’s ) has taught me in life.

Thank you for that one last lesson, Grandma Rose.

"Twee – R"

Last night was the end of an era. Well, at least for me anyway. And perhaps for the 16.2 million people who watched the last episode of “ER.” 

The Original Cast
The Original Cast

This show came out the year that I graduated from Nursing School and during that first fall season of me living in my own apartment. That same year was also the season premiere of “Friends” and the second season of both “Seinfeld” and “Mad About You.” For me, after having spent many Thursday nights in college at the bar, Thursdays on NBC in the fall of 1994 was the return of my “Must See TV” moments.

 “ER” came out at the perfect time for me. I was finally getting used to being on my own. I had probably just gotten off my intense orientation period as a new Registered Nurse at the hospital. Watching the show just brought out all the drama and excitement of what can go on during any given shift for me at work. While I didn’t work in an actual ER, working the afternoon shift on a post-surgical floor certainly did have that same quick environment. Not only were we getting all those patients back from the operating rooms for post-recovery care, but we were also getting those patients that came through the ER earlier in the day and now were finally assigned a hospital bed. And since we dealt with many of the chronically sick patients with gastrointestinal (GI) problems (Crohns, Ulcerative Colitis, and any garden-variety of patients with cancer of the GI tract) … the afternoon shift was the one responsible for providing them with their 24 hour caloric intake through their IV lines (otherwise known as Total Parental Nutrition). And trust me … those were a pain to “hang.”

Gorgeous George! And remember Se.an Ast.in's brother, Mac.kenzie?
Gorgeous George! And remember Se.an Ast.in's brother, Mac.kenzie?

So basically what I’m getting at is that watching “ER” resembled the chaos of what could happen when I was at work. And being 22 years old at that time, all that excitement was  … well, it was Pretty. D*mn. Exciting.

 And the “original cast.” Yeah, there was something about that group of characters that I fell in love with. It didn’t help that I already had a crush on Geo.rge Cloo.ney from his days on “The Facts of Life.” But Anth.ony Edwa.rds, Sher.ry Stri.ngfield, Er.iq Las.alle, Jul.ian.a Mar.guili.es, and No.ah Wy.lie … not only were they excellent actors, but the way they portrayed their characters was incredible.

I must admit the last 5 years I only caught a handful of episodes here and there. And that’s mostly because all, but No.ah from the original cast were long gone. However, this past season, I made an effort to try to watch all of them. That one episode where Dr. Greene “returns” as a flashback was awesome. And not only was Dr. Greene there, but Dr. Romano also made a guest experience. And we won’t even go into the Dr. Ross and Carol episode … I was just ecstatic that they all made the effort to come back for one last reprise of their roles.

Betcha you forgot about Anth.ony Edw.ards in this movie!
Betcha you forgot about Anth.ony Edw.ards in this movie!

In any case, I plopped myself down in the front of the TV last night at 7 pm CST to watch the retrospective. I forgot how groundbreaking the show was in terms of the way it was shot and the quick paced dialogue. I realize now that some of the other shows I’ve loved have since utilized those techniques. “Push.ing Dai.sies” has used the steady-cam shots in quite a few of their scenes. And of course “Gilm.ore Girls” had that razor sharp dialogue. While I know those two shows have nothing to do with medicine or health care … to this day, I just haven’t found a medical drama that combines those two elements like “ER” did. 

While watching the show last night, I sat in front of my MacBook and did another new favorite activity (besides FaceBook and blogging) … and that’s Twi.tter. Below is a few of those Twi.tter Tweets I posted last night …

  • Weird seeing Rory Gilmore as an intern at Cook County ER …
    .
  • Oh. Em. Gee. Just realized who that Med Student is … yep, Rachel Greene. WOW! ER has come full circle.
  • See? Was I right or was I right?! Brings a tear to my eye …
  • Love how Angela Bassett’s character is interviewing Mark Greene’s daughter. What a great way to tie their stories together …
  • Love it love it love it! Love how Carter is mentoring Mark’s daughter. Just like Mark did for Carter on his first day. Oh how I’ll miss ER.
  • I’ve been following ER since I first graduated from Nursing School … *gasp* FIFTEEN YEARS ago!
  • *RIGHT ON* Nurses ROCK!
    .
  • Sigh … Thanks for fifteen great years, ER. I’ve loved “growing up” professionally with you.

For those of you that don’t understand the concept of Twi.tter, it’s a way to quickly let a network of friends or “followers” know what you’re thinking or doing. It’s similar to what Fa.ceBooke.rs do when they update their status. But the catch is … in Twi.tter, you’re limited to only 140 characters.

I admit it was confusing for me as to why I’d want to do yet another computer-related social activity. However, once I got the hang of it … I was addicted! (It also doesn’t help that there’s an application on Fa.ceBoo.k” that automatically updates your status with whatever you posted on Twi.tter.)

260And really, what started out as a basic means to update people on what a person was up to (commonly known as “Tweets”) has now grown into a phenomenon. Because now … not only are individuals using it as a social medium, major companies and corporations are using it to get a “pulse” as to what their consumers are saying about them. After all, Twi.tter is essentially publicity for them, whether good or bad.

I could, or rather my Hubby could go into much more detail about what other uses there are for Twi.tter … but I *WILL* tell you what I’ve used it for. And that’s to use it as free “advertising” to direct people to my blog. Yay for higher blog subscriptions!

So there you have it. All you ever wanted to know about “Twee – R” and more. 

Tell me folks … do you Twi.tter, too?

And if you caught last night’s “ER” series finale … what did you think?