Please Stay Another Day (Part Deuce)
I think it’s rather strange how, after writing my last post, Chicago has been raining off and on. This weekend is pretty much going to be the same of scattered showers. I’m thinking that perhaps Mother Naure took my little quote at the end of that post a little too literally.
The following post was meant as a continuation of my last one; following up on further emotions I’ve been experiencing lately. All because of PS’ story. And all because of the unconditional love my cat, Rain, has given me throughout the years …
So without further ado, I give you Part Deuce.
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I think about the eventual loss of Rain, sometimes in conjuction with my inability to have kids of my own.
Oh, I know that I place a lot of importance in my pets because they are, in essence, the children I will never(?) have. Even for those families with *actual* children and pets can understand how much these animals become part of your life. They are a source of unconditional love and happiness.
There are moments that I swear that my pets understand me; know me intuitively. It’s as if they have a direct line to my emotions. When I’m happy, they’re out and about trying to play with me. When I’m angry, they know to stay clear from my path. (Except my puppy-girl, Kozzy. Sometimes she’s a little … slow, but we love her to bits!)
And then there are the sad moments; particularly the moments that I’ve been in tears. Those are the moments where my pets seem to come out of the woodworks and surround me. Not all at once; as a mob of 2 cats and a dog would be quite a scene. No, they seem to come around, one by one, as if to make sure I’m never quite … alone.
The past few years, my pets have shown exactly how much they love me. Especially after all the events that had happened to throw my life off kilter. You know … the life that I thought I might have? The one in which I dreamed of the family that I would have had by now. The one in which there are still days or moments or news of pregnancies that I still, to this day, mourn the loss over.
Yes, these pets … my Rain, Kozzy and Yami … are, next to Hubby, another reason why every day I try to put one foot in front of the other. And it’s because, just like Hubby, they’ve seen the worst in me and they still love me unconditionally.
Kozzy still puts her nose right up to my face when I lay paralyzed on the couch. Rain still jumps onto the bed on those days when I can’t seem to get out of bed and plops herself to the side of me, pressing her entire body up against me. Yami still jumps onto my lap and then settles in my arms whenever I sit on the couch staring off into space, burying her entire head up into the crook of my elbow. And they do that independently of any specific events and on their very own accord … all to, in my opinion, make certain that I’m alright. And that I’m not alone.
I know that my pets shower me with love and affection because they know that Hubby & I are there for them unconditionally. Oh, believe me … they piss us both off sometimes to the point where I literally wish I could send the dog to the imaginary dog house, or the cats into a corner where they’d know not to come out until it was safe. But I also think that with the love and affection we provide them, they just want to reciprocate the feelings in the best way that they can.
PS’s story (in the previous post) and the fact that Hubby & I are caring for a pet that is on the downward slope of her life, had stirred up some emotions over the past couple of weeks. And it’s those thoughts of exactly who is going to care for us when we’re older. And who will be providing us with assistance to get around.
I see it with my parents, as I’m now about 5 hours by car from them. I worry about how they are able to get to and from Doctor’s appointments and if they’re actually following up on their health. I worry about my Mom taking a tumble and injuring herself. I worry about my Dad with his heart and his weight and his kidneys. I worry that I’m not going to be able to be there at the moment they need me the most. *
Oh, I know realistically that it’s not always guaranteed that having kids will automatically mean that Hubby and I have someone that will take care of us in our older age as no one can predict the future. If Hubby & I did have kids, who’s to say that (God forbid) our child doesn’t pass away before us? Or that our imaginary child decides that he/she wants nothing to do with us? Or that we’d have a child that requires us to physically care for him/her 24/7?
I know it’s not worth it to place all my eggs in one basket, and to worry about things that I have no control over. But I do. Worry, that is. Not only because, quite frankly … at my age their are no real good quality eggs to place in any basket. But also because one of my biggest fears is that I’ll have outlived** everyone in my life, Hubby included … and be all alone when I die. That there will be no one — well at least no one who loved me unconditionally — by my side.
So it’s with this thought that I know (irregardless of whether we eventually have kids … I can still dream, after all) that I will always have some sort of pet in my life***. One who I will love unconditionally and who will love me unconditionally in return.
I guess this means that Hubby & I will need to find a “Retirement Home” that will be willing to let us keep our pets!
* It’s one of the biggest downsides of moving out of state, but my parents know that this was a move that I needed to do both physically and emotionally. And for that, I am grateful.
** Fat chance of this happening, as I can barely take care of my own health …
*** Except I might just take a little break from acquiring any other animals until I can get past the eventual hole that will be left in my heart when Rain finally goes away.
Block-Head
July had been a pretty busy month; and now, here we are in August and I feel as if I haven’t accomplished much lately. And when I mean “accomplish,” I mean sitting down and feeling satisfied that I’ve produced something that would be worth writing about … let alone have others read.
I’ve started many a posts over the past couple of weeks; all in an attempt to at least write. Except they never made it past the first few paragraphs because … well, I’ve been just plain exhausted.
Oh, who the h*ll am I kidding?! I’ve got major writer’s block and I’m not sure how to solve it other than rambling endlessly of seemingly trivial things.
Like how for Hubby’s birthday on the 19th, we got new iPhones. (So. Frickin. Cool!!)
Or how work had sucked royally from the end of June until about midway through July (when my manager took a two week vacation).
Or even how excited I was to meet Alexa and Mel. And Aunt Becky and Io. (BlogHer Chicago, bay-beh!)
Or how much frickin’ fun Hubby and I had when his Aunt and Uncle along with three of his younger cousins (which included future “Lego Engineer“) came to visit. (Wii Rockband + Lake Michigan Beach = Tons o’ Fun)
Nope. Got nothin’ in this brain of mine that I’ve felt have been in depth or insightful. Not that I haven’t had those thoughts … I just can’t seem to get them down on paper — er, on my laptop.
At the very least, I wanted to share some pictures from my meet-up with some awesome bloggie friends from Blogher Chicago. (Un)fortunately, I didn’t get a chance to actually attend the conference. But seeing that it was literally being held across the Chicago River (just one short jaunt across the Columbus Drive bridge) from where I work, I had to at least try to meet up with these women who have provided me with such incredible emotional support over the past three years.
Unfortunately, as Hubby’s been slammed with work lately, he was not able to Photoshop us into Super-Hot Uber babes. (Sorry, chicas … but we’re all beautiful anyway!)
Anyhoo … I just wanted to, at the very least, refresh my blog for now. Well, at least until inspiration strikes, anyway.
Oh, and to wish the wonderful Io a most excellent birthday. Here’s hoping you get to spend more time with A. instead of Robert Osbourne.
But seriously peeps … anyone got any good cures for Writer’s Block?
Born on the 6th of July
I’m coming up on the last minutes of my actual birthday; I turned 37 years old today. And while I’m not exactly thrilled to be another year older, I must admit that this has been a wonderful day. Actually, it’s been a wonderful four days.
It started out on Friday with the corporate Independence Day holiday; which meant I wasn’t chained to my desk or weighted down by twenty zillion emails on my work-issued crackberry. It was also the only day Hubby and I both knew we’d have all to our own this entire weekend.
So what did we do? Spent it sleeping in until about 9 am, followed shortly after by the presentation of my “early” birthday gift. Then it was off to Evanston and on to the beach, where we spent the afternoon swimming in the cool (but not freezing) Lake Michigan weather and lying on our large two-person beach towel reading. That was followed by a really late lunch (or early dinner) at the local seafood restaurant and a movie at the Evanston theater. Overall, a very relaxing day.
Saturday morning was spent cleaning, in anticipation of my parents arriving by train later in the afternoon. And really, that was probably the most work I did all weekend long. (Except for that relatively last-minute document that work required me to have completed by Friday morning … )
By 1 pm Saturday afternoon, Hubby and I were on the Chicago River waiting for our Chicago Architecture Foundation (CAF) docent to begin our tour of the significant buildings along the river. It was an excellent tour and it definitely gave us a different view of the Chicago skyline; one we had never seen before. The only downer was that it was a very cold and wet day. Oh well, this just means we’ll have to go again on a brighter and sunnier day. 🙂
My parents “rolled” into town around 5 pm on Saturday evening. And because it was still raining at the time, we headed over to the Water Tower only to find that the indoor shopping center would close at 6 pm. So instead, we took the Lakeshore scenic drive up to Evanston to have dinner at the same seafood restaurant Hubby & I ate at the day before.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that Hubby was already thinking in “advance.” You see, by the time we made it up to Evanston, the rain and clouds blew over leaving a clear evening sky in its place. Which made it perfect weather for Evanston’s 4th of July fireworks. So after dinner, we walked down to Patriot’s Park along the waterfront and sat front and center for the show. Perfect way to end the day.
Yesterday (Sunday) was spent at the Shedd Aquarium downtown in Chicago’s Museum District. Hubby & I had been there earlier in the year when our nephew Tyler spent his Easter break with us. Unfortunately, the sea-quarium was being remodeled, so we didn’t get to see the dolphins or whales at that time. But yesterday … those beauties were back. And showing off just for my parents; who had never been there.
For my parents, I think the best part was the whole “Wild Reef” exhibit, which is the shark exhibit. Hubby & I had been to the Shedd about 5 years ago when this exhibit first opened; mainly because our nephew has always had a thing for sharks. What we hadn’t expect was:
- The sharks to be so d*mn small at the time, and
- The whole exhibit to revolve around protecting coral reefs
The whole coral reef aspect was the same thing that both my parents and Hubby & me loved. And that’s because the Philippine Islands played a ginormous role throughout the exhibit. What we had learned is that the Philippine waters house the largest, most diverse fish and coral life in the world. And seeing how prominent the role of the Philippines played everywhere in this display, it was an absolute cool way to learn more about my heritage and where my parents came from!
And today … “B”-day (as opposed to “D”-day … 😉 ). I wasn’t expecting much of anything other than a (well-deserved) day off from work to spend with my Hubby and parents as we traipse through the town. But it was such a fun day!
We started out in Chinatown where we walked through and picked up a variety of different things … like a back scratcher (can never have enough of them) and a hand-painted fan (for those hot days). Oh, and some delish sweet and sour gummies from an Asian candy store … yum! However, the real reason to go to Chinatown was to have a Dim Sum feast at our favorite Chinese restaurant. And because it was my birthday, I had to have my traditional “Long Life” noodle dish!
While in a post-food ingestion haze, Hubby drove all of us over to the Sears — oops, I mean Willis — Tower to do the most touristy thing in Chicago. Yep, went all the way up to the observation deck; but not before spending more than an hour in line. But it was definitely worth it … the views of the city were absolutely spectacular!
And then there were the glass balconies. Oh yes; glass. It’s the newest part of the the attraction; four retractable glass balconies that allows a view of the city that’s definitely unique. As in “103-stories-straight-down” unique.
It was a little daunting at first, but once I was on there it wasn’t so bad … as long as I didn’t continue to look down for extended periods of time. From then, it was just a matter of taking silly pictures of us “falling” or “hanging on to dear life.” And of course, since I’m such a “rebel,” I had to do something “dangerous” … well at least what others would perceive as dangerous.
Oh yeah … I made Hubby take a picture of me jumping on the balcony. Which, if one didn’t know how absolutely reinforced these balconies were by steel, would really freak anyone else that was on the balcony when I jumped. Heh … told you I was a rebel.
My parents took us out to dinner afterwards, at my place of choice. But because my parents had yet to to experience authentic Chicago deep dish pizza. So that’s how we ended up at Pizzeria Due and stuffed beyond belief and in desperate need of something to do walk off all the food we ate.
That’s how my Mom, Hubby and I ended up at the beach 3 blocks from our apartment, walking along the lakeshore. And it was a beautiful evening to do so as well, with the full moon shimmering off the lake.
Afterwards, it was back to the apartment where, after an unexpected phone call from Dr. Bro (who actually remembered to call on my actual birthday — a miracle in itself), Hubby surprised me with a birthday cake.
And so that was my Birthday weekend. A lot of activity in a small span of time. I’m so grateful my parents were there to celebrate it with me. And I’m so incredibly lucky to have a Hubby that loves me so much.
So now I’m off to do a little more work before heading off to bed. I’m not going into work tomorrow, as we’re taking my parents to the train station late-morning, but this is something with an unfortunate deadline.
And what a blessing it will be to have tomorrow off. Because after a busy four days, this 37-year old body certainly needs the rest.
Hips *DO* Lie
It’s been hot lately in Chicago. I mean, I’m not complaining. Considering how just a few months ago I was complaining how frickin’ cold it was outside.
Now that Hubby’s here with me permanently, I have to admit that I’ve been using him (and our car) as my primary means to get to work. Because sometimes getting to work in a sweltery mess (when I’m supposed to be lookin’ all professional and sh*t) is not always a pleasant thing. Yeah … like I’ve always said. I don’t “glisten” like most women do. I down and out sweat. Like a hog.
I’m spoiled, I know. In many counts. But in this scenario, the fact that I get air-conditioned door-to-door “valet” service in the morning is wonderful. That, and the absolutely spectacular view I get of Lake Michigan every morning is downright overindulgence.
So yes, that’s how I find myself getting to listen to morning talk radio on the 7 mile/20 minute ride into work every morning. And truth be told, I have missed that part of my daily commute with my previous employment.
Morning talk radio is absolute smut. But seriously, that’s how I tend to get my latest celebrity gossip. (How do you think Hubby heard about the scheduled Johnny Depp appearance?) That, and my daily laughs of stupid conversation topics. Like the worst advice your parent may have given you. Or the worst back-handed compliment someone may have said to you.
That last one was spurred by the description Marlon Brando apparently made about Jackie Onassis in an unpublished passage of his biography. If you hadn’t heard the latest news, Brando and Jackie O. allegedly had an affair about a year after JFK was assassinated. He described her as having “boyish hips” and a “muscular frame.”
Now, as a non-girly girl, I don’t find anything offensive about that comment. But I suppose if I was seen as the fashion icon of the ’60’s … it would be considered a slap in the face.
And that’s how radio listeners began to call in with various back-handed compliments they had received in the past. One woman called in saying that a blind date told her over dinner that she was “stocky” and then made things worse by rescinding it back and calling her “healthy.”
Another woman called in about a shoe salesman who told her that her legs and ankles were “pretty thick.”
So of course I had to turn to Hubby and tell him the worse compliment that I can remember being told. And that was that I had excellent “child-bearing hips.”
For the life of me, I can’t remember who had told me that. But I do remember that it was prior to marrying Hubby. Which would mean that it would be before Hubby and I even started trying to “bear children.”
And even though I do have a large-ish ba-dunk-a-dunk, which is supported by them wide hips of mine … it still stings a bit when I remember that “compliment.” Especially after all the years of my hips failing to bear those children.
D*mnit. Shakira was wrong. Apparently, hips *do* lie.
Okay, so ‘fess up, blog world. What’s the worst compliment anyone has given to you?