CF Living after IF – Page 17 – Apron Strings for Emily

09 February 2009

Can't. Stop. Facebooking.

Whew. What a weekend. But it was a fun weekend, that’s for sure. I flew home to Detroit this past Friday for the purpose of taking my Mom out for her birthday. And for the added bonus, our good friend J’s birthday was also on Saturday. He planned an outing to celebrate his birthday at the local Dave & Busters and had extended the invitation to me. However, in efforts to surprise him I told him that I wasn’t going to be able to make it as I had to work on Saturday. So when I showed up Saturday evening, he was caught off guard. It was great to see his expression and was wonderful to catch up with him.

And yesterday, Hubby & I took my parents out to brunch this wonderful breakfast place by our homes. We sat, relaxed and caught up with all the going ons in our lives. They had just come back from Vegas and looked incredibly relaxed and happy. And Hubby & I filled them in on our new digs and I told them about my job.

I also managed to spend the whole weekend doing laundry. Yep; that’s right. Laundry. You see, our apartment does have a washer and dryer, except it hasn’t exactly been working. So … knowing that I had to take my laundry out of the building to get it washed and still have to pay for the machines … well, I figured I’d send a whole bin-full of dirty clothes home with Hubby last weekend and do my laundry for free at home! So now instead of having one carry-on of stuff (including this wonderful lappie of mine), I will be returning with a second carry-on bag. And Hubby will now have to bring the rest of the clean cloths back with him next weekend. I’ve told him that it could be his Valentine’s Day gift for me. (Woo-hoo! Clean underwear!! 🙂 )

The other thing I had done this past weekend (in between activities and laundry loads) was do a whole bunch of scanning of old photos. I’d been wanting to do this for awhile, but … 1) I had no scanner with me in the new digs, and 2) all the old photos were still back in Detroit. So being at home this past weekend afforded me the time to do some scanning.

And the added bonus was that I could start uploading some of these photos onto my Facebook (FB) page. Well, seeing all the comments from people that I had “tagged” on these photos has been a total hoot! It’s totally brought back so many fond memories of my youth all the way up to those initial post-college / pre-wedding days.

I realize that I’ve been totally addicted to FB lately. And I’m sure the reason is three-fold. One is because I’ve enjoyed keeping in touch with my family; Dr. Bro & Dr. SIL as well as my SIL and her Hubby. Yes, I realize how ironic that is … that I’ve managed to stay more “in-tuned” with my SIL since moving away from the area. But like we’ve both said in passing at one time or another, perhaps distance is what’s best for now. Besides, I know she’s been swamped with school (she’s going back for Nursing) and with caring both Kairi and Tyler. And I know I’ve been just a “tad” overwhelmed with my new job. At least on FB, we can do a quick status update to get an idea of what’s going on in our lives.

As for Dr. Bro and Dr. SIL … since they live clear across the country, this has been such a great (and inexpensive) way to “talk” to one another; to share with each other daily things. And plus, Dr. SIL *now* gets to see some pics of her Hubby in his youth. Ha!

The second reason I’ve been pretty active on FB is because I’ve been getting back in touch with all those friends I’ve lost touch with over the years. Many of them were friends I was really close with in high school; two of which I still get to see every once in a while, and a third who now literally lives a block and a half away from me. (It’s actually quite funny that we’ve chatted on FB and have even “Skype“-ed it one evening … when we could literally be at each others’ place in a matter of minutes!) Then there are those grade school and childhood friends … the ones I haven’t seen in decades. Those ones have been fun to see how much we’ve changed from then … and how we have so many of the same recollection of events. And seeing those photos of us? Yeah … what a blast!

Finally, the third reason I’ve been on FB is because I am simply in a new location without Hubby and have not established any new friendships in the area. And FB has been a way for me to socialize for the time-being. Oh, I know I’ve got cousins and my great HS friend here … but establishing new connections, new friendships? That hasn’t happened immediately. Yet. I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’m constantly at work. And while I have established some connection with a few people, being the “new kid” in both the company and the general area — let alone a “newbiew” in a leadership position — it’s been difficult trying to “feel” people out. And to be felt up in return. (Yeah, so that came out wrong … tee-hee!)

Realistically, I know that this won’t come straight away and that I need to give it time. I just find it strange how tough it’s become to establish new friendships. Seriously … it’s sometimes hard enough to maintain a connection with those people who might not be aware of the childless situation we’re in. Sometimes it’s difficult for either side of a friendship to understand the circumstances surrounding any situation either of us are in or have been in. Imagine trying to establish this connection with anyone new. Yeah, like I said … “difficult.”

But. I just so you know, I am making an effort. I am continuing to be the happy and humerous person I know I can be (and have been, of late). I am trying to show my quirky personality. And I am open in sharing my experiences with infertility to anyone who asks. And maybe that’s why some people shy away, not knowing what to do or how to relate to my childless situation. But I’m cautiously optimistic that they will only see the infertile side of my life as only part of my overall makeup as an individual.

So yes. Wow. I am making that effort to step out of my Infertility Shell. And by doing that, I’ve found myself thinking less and less of it from week to week, month to month. I’m hoping that it continues to head that way. And that I will finally not let my infertility rule my overall life.

But until then … until I befriend Oprah or Jerry Springer, or any other major celeb in the area that might grant me access to the upper eschelon of society (yeah, right!) … I have a feeling I will continue to spend a lot of my social time on FB.

05 February 200910 June 2021

Protected: Analysis Paralysis

27 January 2009

Hubby & Emily Plus … ??

I don’t know what it is, but just like Wordgirl, I am drawn to yet repelled by Jo.n & Ka.te Pl.us 8. Actually, I’m more drawn to it rather than repelled.

I’m sure part of it is the whole Asian bit; as Jo.n is half-Korean. And I’m sure it’s the whole twin fascination thing I’ve always had. Except it’s not really the twin “look-alike” thingy … it’s more the science aspect of it. The whole nature vs. nurture thing. It’s just frickin’ amazing to see how all eight children who share such strong genetic traits have such distinct and unique personalities.

And I’m sure the whole “repelling” part of it is simply the fact that Hubby & I can’t experience even one-eigth of what they have. While I’d love to have a household full of kids, I’d be happy with even just one. As in one of the eight Go.sselin children. (I’d love to take Cara or maybe Aa.den or Hannah …)

I can’t quite be angry at Jo.n and Ka.te. After all, they also had issues trying to conceive. Like myself, Kate was diagnosed with PCOS. However, unlike Hubby & me … she and Jon were successful. Obviously.

So yesterday after Hubby left to go back home, I was left to my own devices. And seeing that I finally got cable in the bedroom, I promptly plopped myself in front of the TV and started to flip channels. I finally settled onto TLC and watched a marathon of Jo.n & Ka.te episodes.

Like a moth to a flame … (Or more appropriately, like a fly to a bug zapper … )

As I watched the episodes, there happened to be one particular commercial that would run in between TV breaks. And it got to me … Every. Single. Time.

Perhaps it was because I was missing my husband. Perhaps it was because I was watching a show that involved raising children. Perhaps it’s because it was because this commercial reminded me about something I will never be able to experience.

Or perhaps it’s because as much as I wish I could give my husband that gift … that moment in life … I will never be able to.

And that breaks my heart …

01 January 2009

The Rest of the List …

As promised, here’s the rest of my reasons for disappearing from Blogland.

Hope everyone had a wonderful New Year’s Eve!!

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6. Rediscovered my love for big stage productions.

For our anniversary (back at the end of August), Hubby got us tickets to see “Wicked” at the Detroit Opera House. Let’s preface this by saying that I’ve been asking to see this musical for years. It’s only until Hubby got the opportunity to listen to the audiobook version of the book that the musical was based on that he finally expressed interest in seeing the musical. Earlier this month, as I sat about 15 rows back and to the right of the stage, I realized how much the Drama Club-geek in me missed the excitement and wonders of musicals. Not to mention that the story itself and the songs were fan-f*cking-tastic! It makes me want to see the Chicago production before it closes at the end of January. Hmmm … perhaps I will get that opportunity! 🙂

7. Pondered the relationship between Siri.us and Jaco.b Bl.ack.

A while back, I started reading the “Twi.light” series by Steph.anie Mey.er. Except I never finished the whole series before the movie based on the first book came out. After seeing the translation into film, I had the incredible urge to finish the rest of the 4-book series … like, right away. And thus, I spent a good two weeks (in whatever spare time I had) completely immersed in Bel.la’s world. The sad thing? I was so disappointed on how the series ended. Seriously. Book Four should have ended when Bel.la “died.” And … Ren.esmee … WTF?! Her first name would have been better as Ca.rlie.

8. Attempted to decipher the “kids only” rule.

For Christmas this year, Hubby and I were told that the big “extended” family decided this year to buy presents for kids only. Which … hey, with all that’s going on with me … was perfectly fine. I wasn’t about to turn down the opportunity to save some extra money. Except … well, there was no clear definition of who was considered a “kid.” Seriously … did it mean anyone who was under 18? Did this include the adult “kids” of your own set of children? And really … what about those couples that don’t have kids? Is it fair to expect them to go home “empty-handed” just because they don’t have kids? And is it fair to expect the “childless couple” to buy presents for everyone else’s kids and have no one buy anything for them?

Okay, I realize I’m being petty here. But here again is yet another insensitive remark / action that “fertile” people may not realize is stressful for the infertile.

A solution? Perhaps include the childless couple on the list of people to buy for? It doesn’t have to be a fancy shmancy gift. A restaurant or movie (or hey … even a Target) gift card for even a small amount is always a lovely t0 give to us infertiles. Any small gesture to acknowledge that we’re simply not forgotten during such a child-centric holiday is very much appreciated.

Stepping off my soapbox now …

9. Rocked out until my joints hurt.

For Christmas, our good friend J gave me RockBand 2 for our Wii. Totally one of the best Christmas gifts I received this year! (Well except for the gifts that Hubby got me … which, he’s always been a great gift-giver in general.) Expecially since he’s the same friend that got Hubby & I the original RockBand for the two of us as birthday gifts this past July.

If you’ve never played this game and you love music … you must find a way to play it. I could care less which platform you use (PS3, Xbox, etc), you just have to try it for yourself. It’s so. D*mn. Addicting. Especially in any social situation you’re in. Like the surprise birthday party we attended this past Saturday for my Hubby’s aunt. All the kids were playing. And then later in the evening … there was a lot of “Drunk RockBand” going on with the “adults.” Waaay too much fun. So much fun, in fact, that the next morning wrists were hurting (from “playing” the guitar) and shoulders were aching (from banging on the drums). Ack … I must finally be feeling my age!

10. Facebooked until my face hurt.

I do admit it, I love Facebook. It’s yet another addicting internet activity that I could spend hours and hours on. Not that I’ve ever used it to cyber-stalk anyone … rather I use it to keep in touch with family members and friends in ways we never could before in the past. We’ve been able to share quick news bits with each other, post photos from events that we’ve been to … tease each other like we do IRL. I’ve found that Facebook had kept me close to those family and friends that are far away from where we live … and even those that aren’t!

Needless to say, during the Holidays I’ve been quite active with all my Facebook friends and family; sharing pictures, exchanging virtual “gifts”, and wishing them all the warmth and happiness in the world.

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So there you have it. The ten reasons for disappearing for a while. I still can’t believe it’s now 2009. And how, as of next week, I will be at my new job.

Of all things, Hubby & I picked today, the first of the year, to start the move to our new life. (Anyone else find that symbolic?!) Unfortunately, this means I will be having sketchy internet connection over the next week or so. Which means I will, once again, disappear for a little while.

But once I’m back, I’m sure I’ll have lots to say. Until then … I’m once again wishing you all a wonderful 2009!

27 November 2008

Fleas On My Dog

No … there are no fleas on my puppy-girl, Kozzy. Actually, this is the way that my co-worker sings the Christmas carol, “Feliz Navidad.”

“Ah … now I get it,” I can hear y’all chuckling. But what does this Christmas carol have to do about Thanksgiving … other than the fact that today (or tomorrow, how ever you want to look at it) is the “official start” of the Holiday season?

Well, funny you should ask. Last year at this time Hubby & I, along with my parents, were on a Caribbean Cruise. One of the days was spent in Cozumel, Mexico where, as we stepped off the “boat” all I could hear throughout the plaza was that Christmas carol. And just the thought of hearing a Mexican Christmas Carol while in Mexico … it just had me in hysterics.

Anyway.

It’s about 8:00 am on Thanksgiving morning. Hubby’s getting some much needed sleep in the bedroom while I’m on the couch typing away on my lappie. I’m still getting these horrible coughing fits, but for the most part I’m feeling much better. Although, I have this feeling I’ll be losing my voice by the end of the day today. Damn sore throat.

Plans for today include lunch with my parents after the traditional Filipino Thanksgiving Mass. My parents asked us if we were going to attend; in which I promptly said that this morning was the only opportunity for us to unwind before another busy weekend. Which, in a sense, is the plain truth. But I also just honestly don’t feel like having to deal with the inevitable social conversations that involve Filipino acquaintances commenting on our child-less status. Seriously, there’s only so much of this an infertile can take … even if it’s been more than ten years! But seriously, it should be a nice sit-down lunch with my parents at the local Italian restaurant.

What?! Did you just say restaurant?!

Mmhmm. Yes. Emily, with or without the apron strings, is not exactly that great of a cook. And quite frankly, while I can do a turkey dinner, it just doesn’t seem to make much sense to do so when it’s only going to be the four of us. Oh, I suppose I could invite Hubby’s family and the other members of my side of the family … but then that would mean 20+ people in our home which, at most is only comfortable to fit five around the table. So yes … turkey lunch at a restaurant with my parents.

But don’t you worry, we’ll still have the traditional turkey fixin’s. At Hubby’s parents house. Later tonite. Where YAY! I get to see my nephew and niece. And BOO! Might not get to hold niece because of being a bad sicko.

So overall, busy day. But one that will be spent with family. After all … isn’t that what holidays are about?

Oh, and technically this is also supposed to be the day to express gratitude … so, without further ado …

Things to be extra-thankful of this year:

An incredible husband who takes care of me when I’m sick (and we’re talking both physically and emotionally), and who has been my rock for the past 12 years.
Loving and supportive parents who understand the reason for upcoming changes
IRL friends and co-workers (not to mention bosses) that have also been supportive and excited for my upcoming change in employment
Extra-wonderful pets … who have no idea what changes are store for all of us, but who are always willing to snuggle with me and give me some furbaby love
An incredible online group of friends who have weathered with me during some of THE MOST difficult times in my life over the past year
And last but certainly not least,
God for giving me back a little bit of faith in this world. That somehow when one door closes … another door opens. Even though it might not be the door that you were hoping would open.

Happy Thanksgiving, Blogland!!