Category: CF Living after IF

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The End is Nigh

Never saw a sign like this until Cannon Beach, OR

Wow … I’m writing on the eve of my last daily entry for the month. The end is actually near! Can’t believe I survived yet another month of posting every day … actually, I can’t believe that I signed up to write for another 36 days until Easter Monday.

Eesh. I’m wondering if I have enough “Good Deeds” in me to last that long … As it is, I’m thinking that some of the good deeds I do are rather … lame or trivial. But I suppose doing something is better than nothing.

Today, Hubby & I slept in. Good G*D, it felt good to sleep in. And although I know that this is a luxury that most other people aren’t able to do (read: those with kids), I figure that this is something that I can at least add to the (very short) list of positive things that infertility has given me.

But that was last night‘s item of gratitude. Let’s see … what other thing about infertility can I be grateful for? Well, seeing that Hubby & I spent the afternoon at the grocery store … I guess I can say that I’m grateful that Hubby & I only have to worry about buying groceries for ourselves. Because somedays I’m just amazed how much two weeks of groceries can cost for just two people. Imagine if we had more than our two mouths to feed? As it is … our dollar is stretched tightly these days. Or as one of my co-workers said, “There’s still too much month at the end of our money.”** So yeah … that’s what I’m grateful for today.

Surfing the web tonight regarding the latest catastrophes

Good Deed? That one’s a toughy today. Probably mostly because I’m (if you can’t tell by now) not exactly in the most “giving” mood today. And I suppose if I had to name a “good deed” today, it would be that I withstood listening to a rather awful poetry reading group while at Borders tonight. (Boy, am I snarky today!) Don’t get me wrong, me love me some good cultural and creative vibe … and, if I was being honest, I’d say that a few were pretty good. But … well, yeah. I’ll just leave it at that.

One of the “readings” had to do with the whole “2010 End of the World” deal. Which, given the fact that I just mentioned above that *I* had another “ending” in site, is rather funny. (Babbling, I know. But I’m talking about NaBloPoMo for February.) But as this guy talked about wars and earthquakes, I couldn’t help but think of the most recent events of late.

Like today … the earthquake in Chile. And the Tsunami warnings for Hawaii and all the other Pacific Islands (including the Philippines).  Or even the recent iceberg collision that caused one of them to break off a huge piece into the ocean; which may cause, what some scientists believe, a disruption in the ocean’s circulation and therefore disrupting marine life.

Original 1900's shot of Crowfoot Glacier

Just over five years ago was the major tsunami in India. In 2007, there was the glacial lake (in Chile, of all places) that completely disappeared. Even when we went to the Canadian Rockies two years ago, we saw with our own eyes, how much the Crowfoot Glacier had melted.

Then there was last month’s devastating earthquake in Haiti; of which a team member of mine lost family in that tragedy. And just two weeks ago, an earthquake here. In Chicago.

I’m not a firm believer in the whole 2012 theory that the end of the world will be on December 21st of that year. However … I do think that something will happen that will cause the world’s population to change in some way. Whatever that “thing” is … it will probably require a major paradigm shift in the way that the world operates today.

A shot of the same Glacier (by yours truly) in 2008. Notice the bottom "claw" has melted away?

Because seriously … at the rate that these devastating events are coming***, I just might have to expect swarms of locusts followed by the Four Horsemen.

Okay, depressing post done with for the day. Let’s hope for a better one tomorrow.

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** Sadly, it’s the end of the month (a short one, at that) and POOF! All that money’s gone. <sigh>

*** Anybody else notice how more and more frequently these “natural” disasters are coming at us?!

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Dedicated

I am so dedicated to completing the month of posting daily (although I started to lose the whole “Ties” theme midway through), that I’m currently writing this with my eyes half-closed.

I’m so looking forward to this weekend, just so I can catch some Zzzz’s. Not only have I stayed up late pretty much every night since the Olympics, but it feels as if I’ve been running non-stop at work this past week. Needless to say, I am exhausted.

So before I literally fall asleep with my head on the laptop keyboard, let’s get down to business:

Today’s “Good Deed” for the day involved speaking with one of those interesting homeless guys on the streets of Chicago. Because Hubby had a conference until 4:30 downtown, we made plans to meet at the local Borders Bookstore after I got off work. And since I had enough of work today, I left my office a half hour earlier (with the blessing of Big Boss, of course) And as I stood outside the store patiently waiting for Hubby, this completely harmless Homeless Guy (HG) came up to me and started talking with me.

Now, normally I would give any stranger that came up to me (let alone one that appeared to have bathed in liquor) a rather disparaging look and dismiss him or her. But since it was Friday, and HG appeared friendly enough, I decided to humor him.  After about 10 minutes of bantering back and forth about me being “full of it” (he didn’t believe I was married) and about trying his best to do what he thinks is right … Hubby finally showed up; probably much to this guy’s chagrin. And after a brief three-way conversation, HG reluctantly let Hubby & I go on our merry way.

Of course, Hubby had to tease me about how he couldn’t leave me alone for a minute; that I always seem to attract the opposite sex … of which I immediately corrected him by saying that I always seemed to attract the “best” of the bunch. Hah!

At the very least, I hope I provided HG a little bright spot in his day. I’m sure that most people either ignore him as they walk on by. Or they do what I normally do on any given day. Sometimes I think that people just want to be heard, so I’d like to think I indulged him with that opportunity.

As for what I’m thankful for today? Since I’m so frickin’ exhausted, I’m just quite happy that one thing I get to “indulge” in every weekend is the ability to sleep in or wake up on my own time. If there’s any bright spot about living child-free after infertility, this is definitely one of them!

Okay, that’s it. I’m done for the night. Hope you all have a wonderful Friday night … and may you all have the opportunity to sleep in. Even if it’s just for a bit!!

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Keeping the Momentum

There’s a part of me that realizes I’ve changed since coming to a resolution with my infertility; since moving to Chicago. It’s been a gradual change; mostly based on the increasing confidence and strength I’ve garnered over the past year.

And this past month, with all the writing I’ve been doing … I realize that my posts have definitely taken a different tone.  Specifically, I’ve noticed that I’ve taken a break from the sad, depressing — and even angry — parts of my life.

I have always loved making observations about myself and of the world. My mom always told me that I was both very perceptive and inquisitive, so I guess it comes naturally to me. The only problem I’ve encountered (especially more recently) is that I often forget what an impact some of these observations have on me. And if I don’t write them down … well, then my “lightbulb moment” gets lost in the dim recess of my mind.

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Speaking of observations … yesterday was the “observed” Catholic Holy Day of Ash Wednesday. Ask me if I went to mass … and I’m sure you’d already know the answer. But we’ve already had many a conversation about my actual “practice” of my Catholic faith.

Regardless, there are certain things … traditions, really … that I like to follow. (Coincidentally, a bloggie friend recently talked about how traditions in religion is something she enjoys … read about it here.) One of them is the practice of “giving up” something during Lent.

I debated for a few days as to what I would give up this year. In the past, I’ve typically given up things that I really, really enjoy … knowing that I’d really only be practicing the art of self-restraint.  One year it was chocolate-covered pretzels, and another year was caramel apple suckers. Come Easter after both years, I was so good at exercising self-restraint that I no longer had those “cravings” to consume them as I had done before Ash Wednesday.

This year I thought about giving up Coca-Cola (I’m addicted) or even any form of chocolate (detrimental to *anyone’s* sanity). And as I told my co-worker this, she told me what she decided to do different for Lent this year.

Since she was already pretty adept at giving up things for Lent, my co-worker chose to “pay it forward” this Lenten season. Meaning that she would decide to do one random act of kindness every day for the 40 days before Easter.

The more she talked about her plans, the more she had me sold on doing the same thing. Even though I understand the concept of “giving up” something for Lent as being able to exercise abstinence and to “purify the soul” before the day of Resurrection … the “rebel” Catholic in me thinks that this concept in this century is self-defeating, rather than self-appreciating.

If this sounds muddled, let me explain it with this train of thought: If I decide to give up chocolate for Lent this year and I’m not successful, I know I’d feel guilty. Even worse is that the mere thought of having chocolate before Easter would already elicit those feelings of guilt … even if I didn’t have any .

Yeah, self-defeating.

But … let’s say that instead of “giving up” something, I decide to “give” something to someone else … like an extra sandwich from my catered lunch meeting today to the homeless person outside of the Starbucks by work … well, it would make me feel as if I’ve helped someone else and it would make me feel good about myself. And in the end, it would boost my confidence.

Kinda like how once I started to allow myself to feel “happy” again (after 12+ years of infertility), I’ve managed to garner some momentum in gaining confidence and strength. And more importantly, contentment in my overall life. (See how it all ties together?)

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My goal this February was to write an entry a day; and seeing that I have only 11 days to go, I’m pretty sure I will meet this goal and gather more of that strength and confidence.

LOOVE this "work flow" chart!

SO … in order to continue that forward momentum, I’ve decided to borrow my co-worker’s Lenten promise. Starting today (and ending on Easter Monday … since I’m already a day behind), I am going to vow to perform one random act of kindness a day and document that daily deed on my blog.

But not only that … I’m also going write about one thing that I’m thankful for every day. Because the exercise here is to remember that others may not have the same luxuries (whether material or other luxuries) in life that I do.

And I hope this gets me closer towards feeling more fulfilled in this life.

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And the Emmy goes to …

Wow! I am totally feeling the bloggie love lately. First, I get a special secret “lollipop” from an anonymous reader. And then I actually get quoted about how much I enjoyed receiving such a lovely suprise.

And now? Well now I just received another wonderful suprise … a bloggie award from Mugsy at Drive Fast. Take Chances. How lucky can I be?!

Seriously though, Mugsy has always been such a wonderful commenter on my blog that I feel so special that she thinks I deserve the “Beautiful Blogger Award.” So thank you sooo much, Mugsy!

But like all wonderful awards, the best part about being recognized is to also recognize those other bloggers that inspire us. So with that, there are instructions that go along with receiving this award:

  • Thank the person who nominated you for this award. (Check.)
  • Copy the award and place it in your blog. (Double check.)
  • Link the person who nominated you for this award. (Triple check.)
  • Tell us 7 interesting things about you.
  • Nominate 7 bloggers
  • Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

Okay, so seven interesting things about me. Eesh … let’s see:

  1. I have this almost unhealthy obsession with Johnny Depp. It started back in grade school when 21 Jump Street first came out and as followed me through my adult life. What can I say? I have a thing about intellectual bad boys. And thank G*d, my Hubby doesn’t mind!
  2. When I was young, my parents owned one of the earlier versions of a karaoke machine where you could actually record yourself (on a cassette tape, of course) singing to various songs. We had a whole library of songs you could sing to, including Wham!, Duran Duran, and Spandau Ballet. Somewhere in my parents’ basement is a whole 90 minute cassette tape of me singing all those early 80’s Madonna songs.
  3. Other than pets and (questionably) my Hubby & me, I can’t keep other living things alive. Plants, that is. Seriously, the longest plant I ever kept alive was a cactus … and even that’s saying something.
  4. I am not only a “Water Rat” (as the year of my birth dictates in the Chinese Zodiac), but I am a pack rat. I’d like to think it’s a reflection of how sentimental a person I am, and how much I like to hold on to keepsakes. Yeah … I’ll keep telling myself that.
  5. As much as I like to “collect” things (whether it’s shoes or bags or books), I’m a pretty simple gal when it comes to “material things.” I mostly like things for their “utilitarian” purpose rather than their “brand.” Not sure when that started happening though, because I know in my college and post-colleg years I was all about style and name. Maybe the cost of IF was one factor in changing that mindset …
  6. I’ve been an avid reader my entire life; thanks to my Mom, who starting taking Dr. Bro and I to the library as early as 6 and 4 years of age, respectively. I spent every summer up until about 8th grade participating in my hometown library’s Summer Reading Program.
  7. Between my Hubby & I, we own more than enough CDs and to start our own library. And although most of those CDs were bought in those college & post-college years, we still haven’t even uploaded even a fourth of those CDs onto our “digital” library.

So yeah. There’s my seven (not so) interesting things about me. Well, at least *I* don’t think there as interesting as … I don’t know … saying that I’m double-jointed, or something along that line.

And now … this is where I admit that I’ve been a bad bad BAD bloggie friend for … ahem … quite awhile now, actually. I can come up with some lousy excuse, but the truth is that I haven’t had much time to write a blog entry, let alone read and comment on other bloggie friend’s blogs. But seeing that I’m now *consciously* making an effort to write more … this should mean that I should also consciously make the effort to read and comment more, as well.

So this list? These are my tried and true blogs that I’ve loved to read throughout the life of my bloggie existence. A few are bloggers who started out in the same Infertility boat as I was … and in the three years I’ve been blogging, we’ve all diverged in different directions. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t stop enjoying their updates. Anyway … here goes.

  1. Pamela at Blood Signs.  She’s a fellow midwesterner, who shares my love of books and music. Add to the fact that she’s a beautiful writer, well … it can’t get any better than that.
  2. Christina at Apron Strings. Oh yes … anyone that shares the same love of Everything But The Girl with me is gold in my eyes. And given the fact that we also share the same Wedding Anniversary date … well, that just is the icing on the cake!
  3. Kate at The Only Bee In Your Bonnet. I’ve loved following along with Kate’s journey. She’s got a way of writing that has you wanting to know more about her life and her thoughts. And because she’s just as wordy as I am, I can appreciate it all.
  4. Aunt Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka. Yep, Aunt Becky made the list … for no other reason than her writing completely Cracks. Me. Up. There have been many days where I’ve found myself in the dumps and all I needed to do is click over to Aunt Becky and I would find myself smiling. Add to the fact that she has always been there for me, commenting on my blog … well, I couldn’t ask for a better bloggie friend.
  5. Kelly over at Soapchick. I first met stalked Kelly IRL at a Resolve event back in MI and I couldn’t be more grateful for the incredible support and strength she’s provided me in my life these past few years.
  6. Loribeth at The Road Less Travelled. As I fumbled through deciding where my IF journey would eventually take me, Loribeth has been an inspiration for me. With her writing, she’s allowed me to realize that life DOES go on, despite the curve balls that get thrown our way.
  7. Mrs. Spit at Mrs. Spit … Still Spouting Off. There is something … for lack of better words … ethereal about Mrs. Spit’s writings. Just like Aunt Becky has a way of making me laugh, Mrs. Spit has this way of soothing my soul. And in weathering the storms I’ve faced these past few years, she has been that sense of calm I’ve needed .

So there you have it. I’ve now officially passed on my award to others. But not before, once again, thanking Mugsy for such an honor …