Category: Blog

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Can't. Hide. Forever.

Couldn't I take her to work instead?

For those of you that didn’t know, today happened to be “Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work” Day. Yet again, nothing says “Hey! Look at me!! I’m Childless!!!” whenever someone asked me why I didn’t bring my child with me today.

Uh. Perhaps because the ones I do have are the four-legged variety? And somehow, I can’t see them allowing me to bring my fur-babies in.

Lucky (or unlucky, depends how you look at it) for me, I’ve been extremely swamped at work. I’ve been doing 10-hr days / 4 days a week for well over 3 years now … and I must say that this is the first time I’ve ever wanted to work five 10-hr days in a row. That’s how much crap I have to do.

But don’t you worry (as if!), because I’m not that stupid dumb dimwitted brain dead to realize that I could work an extra day … but since I wouldn’t get paid (or otherwise compensated) for working above and beyond what I am paid to do … I say, “The hell with that! I’m gonna enjoy my three-day weekend!”

So really, the whole “kids at work” thingy didn’t bother me so much today. Seeing as I was either: a) attending my ba-zillionth meeting this week, b) chained to my corner of the world that my company designates as “my desk,” or c) hiding in my manager’s office (or under my desk) trying to sneak a few moments of blissful ignorance as to what was piling up on top of my desk.

In any case, I know that I can’t just hide forever. After all, even though infertility and being childless is currently a big part of my life … for the rest of the world (or at least the other 92% of the population), having children and raising them is always going to be a big part of their lives.

And as Monty Python would say … “And now for something completely different …”

**************************************

Happy Birthday to you, Dad!!

I am so very grateful for having you as my father.
Not a day goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars that you’re still with us today.
It’s been a rough few months, but I have every faith in you
that you will continue to get stronger.

Love and Forever,
Your L’il Punkin

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In Case of Emergency …

Anybody else find irony in this picture?

Guess it doesn’t help that the “electric” sharpener is actually battery-operated.

Goes to show the inner workings of Nurses in an office setting … 😛

In any case, it’s amazing how going away for a short weekend can throw you completely behind in reading blogs. I mean seriously … I’ve got quite a list of posts that I haven’t been able to read since last Friday. And that doesn’t even count the ones I’ve “starred” to get back to once I came back from Chicago.

Once again … Damn that Goo.gle Reader!

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Nieces and Nephews

Hubby & I are back from Chicago and from visiting with my brother and SIL. Dr. Brother is finishing his last year of residency at one of the major hospitals in the Chi-town area while Dr. SIL works in the ER at another area hospital. But despite their hectic schedules, they took the time out to spend Saturday afternoon and most of Sunday entertaining us.

 
And it’s Slytherin Green to boot!

Not that they honestly had to do too much to entertain Hubby & me. Really, all we wanted to do was spend time and hang out with them. We spent some of our time walking around the Bucktown / Wicker Park area, thinking that perhaps we could afford things from some of their upscale resale shops … uh, yeah. Guess I’m a little to used to finding great deals at the local Sal.vatio.n A.rmy. But I did manage to find this really cool shirt. Okay, so I didn’t so much “find” it … rather I copy off my SIL’s idea, as I just loved the whole “snarkiness” of it all.

The other part of our time was spent doing our favorite pastime when we’re together … and that’s eat. If there’s one thing that I wish we had around where Hubby & I live is rows and rows of restaurants and bars with varying tastes. There’s only so many times you can eat at a chain restaurant. Don’t get me wrong, I love my A.bee’s Triple Choco Meltdown, but perhaps I’d like to try something … I don’t know … a little less manufactured? So yes. We ate … and we stuffed ourselves with some great food. Tummy was definitely satisfied!

But the real reason for our visit? Yes … it was to see my “nieces” and “nephews.” The four-legged variety, that is. Oh boy, did we ever have fun with the boys. They are way too loveable! But rather than tell you about them … here’s some pics of them along with their “sisters,” Mocha & Sophia, who have ruled (and continue to rule) the household.

The sad thing? Come this summer, my brother and SIL are moving to the Pacific Northwest. Dr. Brother managed to secure a one-year fellowship out there and Dr. SIL has also managed to obtain a few job offers. This means that in order to visit them and the “nieces” and “nephews,” we’d either have fly out to the coast OR take an extremely loooong road trip.

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On the Road

This is what you get for
making faces at the camera!

Hubby & I have been getting a little antsy lately. We’ve both been crazy busy at work lately and were looking for a little adventure. So we decided to take a little road trip this weekend.

The catalyst for our trip was to head back to the west side of the state to attend a surprise birthday celebration for one of our friends. The look on his face when he saw that we drove such a distance today just to celebrate with him was priceless.

Then we figured since we were already out that far, we’d keep heading west and visit my brother and his wife in Chi-town. Well really … I wanted to visit my two “nieces” (the kitties Mocha and Sophia) and “nephew” (the adorable Wrigley). That and meet the newest member of their family “Ryan,” who is another rescue greyhound and actual litter mate of Wrigley. This should be fun … let’s see how four adults, two cats and two big dogs can all comfortably move around in a not-so-big condo.

We have no idea what else we’re going to do during our trip to the Windy City. We’ve been there so many times that we’ve pretty much exhausted all the “tourist-y” attractions. Except maybe go up the top of the Sear.s tower, which I’ve never had any inclination to do anyway. I think we just wanted to take some time to get away from the every day grind. We all need those mini-vaca’s every once in awhile …

In the mean time, here’s a photo that my SIL sent to me of Ryan. Apparently he has quite the same demeanor as his brother Wrigley … so I’m sure that I’ll be falling in love with him as well. Too bad they couldn’t keep the whole baseball field theme with the names and call him “Bennett” (as in one of the original names for Tiger’s Stadium) or “Trumbull” (as in “The Corner” of Michigan Ave and Trumbull, where the old stadium used to be). But the names Wrigley and Ryan do sound pretty darn cool together … so I’ll let them keep it. 😛

I’m sure I’ll have more pics of the “nieces and nephews” when we get back … so be prepared for an onslaught of pet pics in a later post. But for now … we’re off to Chicago!

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Little Black Spot on the Sun

I admit that I wrote yesterday’s post probably about two weeks ago but have been putting off posting it until now. Mostly it’s because rather than feeling relatively upbeat, like that post was supposed to be … I’ve been rather morose, which has obviously been reflected in the previous two entries I’ve published before then.

Today, I decided to expand a little more on my last post’s musings. And it’s really because of Mel’s latest and greatest post that she published yesterday on the parallels of Infertility and Dating. Mel writes that there’s a similarity between the two in that both situations possess a need that is unfulfilled. And there is certainly a resemblance in trying to find the love of your life and longing for a child love and raise.

As I’ve said before, I’ve been extremely lucky to have found my soul mate earlier in life. I have seen what it was like for my SIL who had struggled to find her true love. She endured so much heartache at a relatively early age, raising her son who was only two at the time of her divorce.

Yes, I saw how hard it was on her and how debilitating it was for her self esteem. And how much she doubted herself. I saw how very lonely and hurt she was, especially as her brother (my Hubby) and I thrived in our relationship as a married couple. But then she slowly started to date again, venturing out to test the waters. Finally, when she was least expecting it, she found her soul mate. After a rough first couple of years of marriage, which included the loss of their son at 4 months of age, they are now expecting their second child in August. And honestly, I couldn’t be happier for them.

Then there’s the infertility end of the spectrum. Finding love early and then not being able to create a life out of that love that Hubby & I have for one another. What kind of cruel joke is that? How painful it is … to know that you have all this love to give each other, but you can’t physically share that love with your own flesh and blood? Every day I struggle with this; knowing that I can provide all this love to a child … any child, in fact. And yet in the same breath, I doubt that I will ever be a good parent. Because if I can’t even create life, how am I supposed to appropriately support and encourage life in a child?

Infertility wreaks habit on anybody’s self-esteem. Much like not being able to find the love of your life. Infertility, for me, is an utterly debilitating pain … and one, on certain days, that I can’t seem to stop. But then I look at Hubby. And I remember the struggles my SIL has gone through. And I realize that I am, once again, fortunate that I have found love.

Do I admit to being jealous that my SIL is now pregnant for the third time? Well … yes. And trust me, I hate that I feel this way. Because I know of all the pain and self-esteem issues she’s suffered to get where she’s at today.

So to go back to Mel’s post about the analogy of infertility and dating … I do think that there are many similarities. Hurt. Doubt. Pain. None of which, when comparing dating with infertility is any more or less than the other.

Because pain is still pain, no matter how big or small the punch in the gut is.