Highlighting IF

Anybody else watch “Without A Trace” last night? It was interesting episode about a missing wife. Of course the first person they suspected was the husband. Apparently neighbors had mentioned to the investigators that the husband and wife were fighting often.

So when they went to question the husband, he tells them the reason they’ve been arguing lately. When they first got married, they immediately started trying to start their family. In his words, he said he wasn’t so worried at first; that things would happen in time. But after a year of trying, they still weren’t pregnant.

In the next scene, they show the husband coming into their bedroom all geared up and “ready to go” (if you catch my drift). Except the wife is getting ready for work instead. “Did I get my signals mixed?,” he asks and then rattles off that he thought her temp had spiked, the LH was up and the fertility monitor said that all systems were go. When the wife turns to him, she has this incredibly sad look on her face and basically tells him that she has too much to do and so many deadlines to meet at work … except that doesn’t look like the reason she appears despondent. And of course the husband sits down next to her and hugs her; tells her that one of the things that they talked about was controlling and reducing their stress.

And before I had the chance to get all pissed off about the whole “Just Relax” bit, the husband redeemed himself by saying to the investigators, “No one ever tells you how hard it is when you have problems making a baby.” (Or something like that, anyway.)

Well, the rest of the story was irrelevant (to me, anyway). We later find out that the wife was pregnant and had a baby in her teenage years. And that apparently she developed an infection in her ovaries that have now made her incapable of getting pregnant. Really, I was just incredibly surprised of the less than 2 minute period spotlighting infertility. And how “real” a condition this show made this couple’s infertility.

While I think they could have focused on the infertility aspect a little more … I’m just happy that they did. Because I think it’s important that there be more media attention on infertility and how it affects every aspect of a couple’s life.

What about you? Have you encountered any other shows or newspaper/magazine articles or movies that have approached the subject of infertility? And did you think they portrayed it in an appropriate way?

Bit O' Tears

Cutie Girl: “Mom, can we go over that girls’ house?”
FB Friend: “What girl?”
Cutie Girl: “You know, that girl, my friend with the dog and the cats . . . she said I can come over anytime.”
FB Friend: “Well, I’m sure we’ll have to see if it’s okay with her mom”

– Posted on my Face.book Wall

Two Saturdays ago, we celebrated my niece’s baptism with a party afterwards at my in-laws house. At that party was one of my Hubby’s family friends and her 5 year old daughter. This little girl is so precocious; so bright that you can’t help but be infected by her laughter, enthralled in conversation with her.

This past weekend, her mom posted the above conversation on my Facebook wall. And I can’t tell you how big my heart swelled when I read it. Wow, I thought. I must have made some sort of impression on Cutie Girl. That she would remember such a conversation that even I couldn’t remember. (But then again, when don’t little kids remember more details than adults?)

And as I mentioned in previous posts, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my cousins. First, with my older cousin’s wedding. And more recently, with my youngest cousin’s cotillion. As family usually does when gathering together in such occassions, we began to reminisce on our youth; on growing up in our family. Two of my cousins, sisters about 6 and 8 years younger than I am, brought up how much they used to love staying at our house. They remembered all the times we’d play in our basement; me pulling them down the stairs in sleeping bags and all around the basement while pretending that they were on a roller coaster. They remember how I used to get them to do silly dance routines with me when I was 13 or 14 to great 80’s songs like Wha.m’s “Wake Me Up (Before You Go-Go)” and Rob Bas.e’s “It Takes Two.” And they remembered how, when I was in high school, I would teach them to sing Depec.he Mo.de songs in perfect harmony. The one comment that stuck with me was when one of them said to me, “You were my favorite cousin when I was a kid. You were always so much fun.”

On the drive home from our trip this past weekend, I couldn’t help but put these two separate events together. And think, once again, how much I love kids … how much I’ve always loved kids. And, while I don’t mean to sound arrogant or proud, how good I am with them. How natural it was for me to be with them.

And at that moment, I also couldn’t help but think … how f*cking ironic that I can’t have any of my own; at least “naturally.”

As I told Hubby these thoughts, I also told him that the pain … it doesn’t hurt as much any more. This feeling of failure; of emptiness. This indescribable sadness. It’s not as deep.

But every once in awhile … at moments like that, I can’t help but spill a bit of tears.

Step …

(Update 11.17.2008: I’ve decided to split up this post into two parts in order to allow for parts of this previously PWP post to be finally visible.)

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So today was the big day. The interview for that Out-of-State job I applied for. For the company that my former Director and now new VP of said company helped arrange for me. I must admit, I was perfectly calm heading into town, but the nerves got the best of me early this morning. I was freaking out, if I’m being completely honest.

But reading all your words, and knowing that you guys were rooting for me … and having Hubby there to help calm my nerves … well, I took comfort in that. So thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.

It turns out, I didn’t need to be so worried. Not saying that I nailed the interview … but let’s just say that things ended up going real well. I was initially set up to interview for an RN Case Manager position, but as I expressed interest in a Supervisor position and the Manager that was interviewing saw I had supervisory experience … well, she took it upon herself to interview me for both positions. and she set up another interview immediately afterwards with the Physician Medical Directors. Now … that part made me a little nervous, but I think I managed to win them over. And it certainly helped that my ex-Director picked that moment to take a break from his schedule of meetings to stop in and say hi to me. Kissmet, I tell you!

Anyway, I’ve been told that they want to set up one more interiew with me; with the Director of their department. Unfortunately, it will have to be at another date … and could possibly be set up as a phone interview … as she wasn’t available today.

So that’s the next step in the process. And I’m expecting to hear about setting that up within the next couple of weeks. Until then, I’m in a holding pattern. But at least I can exhale for the time being.

(See this next post for continuation of this original post …)

Wish …

… Me Luck. Tomorrow’s the big day. The interview.

Yikes! A little nervous, and yet excited!!

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(Update 03.19.2009: Now that the cat’s out of the bag, I can finally un-PWP this post!)