Ohhhh yeah … The Detroit Red Wings are one more game away from winning the Stanley Cup!
Yes, Mrs. Spit … I know how upset this must make you. A non-Canadian team match-up for the title. But I must remind my friendly neighbors to the north, that Detroit has played a big part in the history of the National Hockey League. First of all, the Red Wings are one of the “Original Six” hockey teams still in existence from the first decade of the NHL. And second … anybody who knows hockey (and even quite a few that don’t) knows who Gordie Howe is. Yup. Mr. Hockey, No. 9 of the Detroit Red Wings. And finally, I do believe that Detroit is pretty much known league-wise as “Hockeytown.”
If you wanna know a really quirky fact concerning Detroit and Canada … Did you know that Detroit is the only U.S. city in which you have to drive south to cross the Canadian border? Yes … our friendly neighbor, Windsor, Ontario is the southern-most city in the great country of Canada, which makes many of those Cannucks that support our Red Wings have to drive north to catch one of our home games at “The Joe.”
And that, my dear blog friends, just might wanna make you scream, “Get the puck out!” Just like Hubby did multiple times tonite …
I have read so many new blogs over the past 5 days that it’s frickin’ ridiculous. And I’ve gotten comments from so many new people that I feel like I’ve been voted in as Homecoming Queen! (Hey, what can I say … I’m a Midwesterner and Homecoming Queen was more important than Prom Queen …) Thanks to everyone that has stopped by to leave a comment … all of your words mean more than you could ever know. Because, if I haven’t outright mentioned it before … prior to starting this blog, I felt I had little to no support as I’ve fumbled through this IF world. And now … well, I’m ecstatic that I’ve found, not only an outlet for my frustrations, but a whole support system I never knew existed until just over a year ago. I truly wish I would have found out about you all ten years ago, when I first got on this d*mn roller coaster.
And as I’ve been going down the NaComLeavMo list of blogs, I’ve started to add more subscriptions to my google reader. And since I haven’t had a chance to read the blogs of those I’ve already subscribed to … well, let’s just say that I’ve got a lot of reading to do this weekend. I’ve tried to chip away at it night after night, but dangnabbit! That list still keeps growing. I swear, I spent the whole evening alternately watching the Pistons lose (grrr ….) and reading / commenting on blogs off of my google reader. And I’m not even halfway through all the posts …
Well … I guess between going to a Bridal Shower on Saturday (thank G*d it’s not the other variety of shower), watching the Red Wings game Saturday evening, and meeting up with fellow Metro-Detroit bloggers for lunch on Sunday … I will have to do more reading!
But right now I’m going to climb into bed and crash … YAWWWWNNNNN
Okay, for those of you that aren’t aware … Sunday the 25th was the start of “National Comment Leaving Month” or NaComLeavMo … and yes, that’s what that little graphic with the party hat to the right of this post is for.
For those of you who haven’t read Mel’s post, NaComLeavMo is the month where we are encouraged to step out of our “lurker” mode and actually comment on other people’s blogs. And in return, leave a comment on the blog of someone that commented on yours. The idea is to open up discussion amongst all of us in IF / MC blogland and beyond.
Today being day three of this month, I’m finding it hard to just “stumble” onto a fellow blogger on Mel’s list without having to do a lot of back-reading before I feel I can … a-hem … “intelligently” respond. (Oh, who am I kidding … right?!) And then I stumbled on Rachel‘s latest blog post, who thought it might be a great idea to do a quick recap of ourselves and our story so that other’s might not have to be “clicking around” so much.
So Rachel … I’m taking your lead and doing the same thing. (By the way, my favorite ice cream flavor is Jamocha Almond Fudge from BR … or Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz from B & J!!)
Told you I was an Island Girl at Heart
Hmm … where to begin …
Three things are a big part of who I am in life. I’m Asian, I’m Catholic (although of questionable degree), and I’m Infertile. Yep … that’s right Infertile with a capital “I”. But let’s start off with the Asian bit first.
I’m a second-generation Filipino American; meaning my parents were born in the Philippines while my brother (aka “Dr. Bro”) and I were born here. While I know many other people can relate to having parents that were born in another country … being of Asian descent, it’s a little harder to “blend” in, if you catch my drift. I’m always going to look different than most people in a room. Or I’m always going to be lumped in or mistaken for another “nationality” (whether it be any pick of Asian countries or Native American or even Guatemalan … Not. Kidding. You.) But the biggest part of being Filipino American is that you are literally torn between a very traditional culture where authority is never questioned and the American culture where everything and anything can be challenged and questioned … and it’s encouraged. How does a strong-willed, stubborn female learn to live with these clashes in culture and belief? Well … peruse through my older entries and you might find a few.
As for the Catholic part of me … I don’t want you to think that I’m super-spiritual or anything. Because, in reality … I’m not. But, having been through 12 years of Catholic School … how can religion not play a part in my every day life? Even though it’s mostly about feeling guilty. You know … the “I’m not a Mom yet because I must have not prayed enough” or “I must have done something horribly wrong for God to punish me by not gracing me with child.” That kind of guilt. And no … I’m not (as) angry at God for where I am in life. Truth be told … I know that I’ve been “given” certain gifts from up above (my Hubby being the biggest gift of all); I just honestly have to have faith … not only in God, but in myself as to know when I am strong enough to do the right things in my life. And that’s the part of my Catholicism and spirituality that I can most relate to. Trust me … it’s taken me being 18 years of being out of high school to figure that one out.
I’m Infertile. Oh yeah … this is the main reason I started this blog. There had to be a way for this Catholic Filipino-American to let out all the repressed emotions I’ve let build up over the past ten years. Yep. That’s right. Ten. Long. Years. In brief, I married my high school/college sweetheart two years after graduating from college. We started TTC just over a year after that with (obviously) no success. After another year of “giving it more time,” I finally approached my OB-Gyn who put me on almost a year of Clomid. Yeah … the nurse in me should have questioned that … but the Filipino in me respected authority (see what I mean?). After that didn’t work, it was on to a laparotomy to clear out some nasty endometriosis followed by six months of evil pharmaceutical devil incarnate Lupron therapy. Then followed about 7 months of medicated cycles and the first episode of deep depression along with a 4 month “break” from treatment. And then the big guns … IVF. A one-time cycle that failed and brought about another episode of deep depression, followed closely by repression. Until one fateful day in November 2006 when my SIL (who just remarried 5 months prior and already has a middle-school age child from her first marriage) announced she was pregnant. As if that didn’t devastate me enough, Liam was born prematurely and with some “imperfections” which just made me feel like my feelings of jealousy and anger caused ill-will to this innocent child. And so … in the midst of my SIL’s pregnancy with Liam and his unfortunate passing 4 months later, I started this blog. And it has helped me deal with these emotions in ways that I didn’t think possible. And the fact that I’ve found such wonderful support out here in blogland … it just means the world to me. I just wish I would have found it sooner!
So those are the biggest things I can share with you in this one lengthy post. Hope you decide to stick around and read on. And then you can follow along with what happens in the next stage of my Mommyhood dream. I’m hoping to gather that source of faith and strength to fumble through the adoption process … as one failed IVF was enough for me emotionally and financially. Oh and you can see what other evil and emotionally ridden things I do as I finish up another six months of Lupron therapy for that bitch of a friend I call endometriosis. Oh … and did I mention my SIL is pregnant again … and due in early September?
Goodness … if you’ve stuck around reading this entry to the end … you might as well just add me to your Google Reader! 🙂
(Oh and hey … while you’re at it, check out my other blog!)
… Like a Dee-troit Party, ’cause a Dee-troit Party don’t stop!
These days there’s not too much to be proud of when you tell someone you’re from the Detroit area. First of all … despite the fact that we are NOT the Murder Capital of the U.S. (that esteemed title goes to New Orleans for 2008), people still seem to equate Detroit with crime and violence.
And then there’s the whole Motor City deal. Yes, we’re the birthplace of the modern automobile. Yes, we make gas guzzlers. Yes, we’re a city that’s literally dependent on fuel. That makes for a harsh economy, especially with many people losing jobs and a bad housing market.
Oh, and of course there’s the whole mayor fiasco, which I won’t even begin to rant about here.
So … when good things happen in Detroit, it’s always something to be proud about. And the fact that our sports teams are doing incredibly well right now is definitely a source of pride.
Now, I have to admit … I like blaming the fact that I’m a sports nut because of my husband. I always tell people that I never knew in the six years of dating Hubby that he was such a big sports fan until after we married. And that because of him, I started getting into our sports teams.
That is not true. I fully admit that my fascination with watching professional sports started early in life. From watching Tigers games at the old Tigers Stadium … to watching a very young Steve Yzerman play with the Red Wings at my first hockey game at 12 years old … to listening to the “Bad Boys” of the Detroit Pistons play in the NBA finals during my high school graduation ceremony in 1990. In fact … I can tell you with certainty, that watching sports is something that has bound my Dad and I together. And, of course, Hubby too.
Well, so for those of you that don’t follow sports … let me just tell you how proud I am to be a Detroit fan. Currently, the Red Wings are vying for the Stanley Cup. If they should win … our captain will be the first European-born captain to win the Stanley Cup. And the Pistons? Well, they’re currently playing against the Boston Celtics in the semi-finals for the NBA Championship.
And tonite? Well … I’ll be a little nervous. You see … not only are the Wings playing, but the Pistons are playing at the same time!!
D*mn. This is prime example of a Detroit party that don’t stop …
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UPDATE: And the par-tee continues … Wings won against the Pittsburgh Penguins 3-0. Pistons won against the Celtics 94-75. And both games were played AND won here in Detroit. Talk about a great day for the city …
Yesterday I realized that my SIL is due in a little over three months. And while I spent most of her pregnancy with Liam wallowing in self-pity and anger, this time around I’ve pretty much “ignored” the fact that she was once again pregnant. And I’m once again not.
Okay, so I haven’t completely ignored the fact that SIL is pregnant. Yes, we’ve talked a little about it, but mostly to see how her baby was doing. Because I know how difficult it was for her to go for so many tests, especially after she had found out that Liam would be born with some “imperfections.” So yeah … I’ve tried to be there if she needed me.
Thank God she hasn’t. Needed me, that is.
Yes I realize how incredibly odd that sounds. Probably a little cruel, if I’m being completely honest. But there really is reason behind it.
First of all, her baby is doing well. And thus far, there’s no need for concern over the possibility of any major health issues for her OR the baby. So “being there” as a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to … as was necessary with her pregnancy with Liam … is not completely needed this time around.
And second of all, I’ve distanced myself purposefully for self-preservation. While I normally consider myself a kind person who is empathetic to most people’s individual situations, this time around I can’t be. Okay, so I do understand how scared my SIL probably is about this pregnancy, especially since it’s been just over a year since Liam was prematurely born. But I just can’t share those sentiments with her.
Because I’m not, nor will I ever be in the near future, pregnant.
Yes I could set aside that fact and just be 100% there for her. But as infertility is such a bighuge ginormous part of who I am at this stage of my life, I simply just can’t let the sadness … the anxiety … the anger of not being able to produce my own biological child go.
So keeping myself at arm’s length during my SIL’s pregnancy is the best thing I could do for her. Because I don’t want her to feel my sadness. And I don’t want her to feel my anger. Because, quite frankly, she doesn’t need to focus on any of those emotions except making sure she brings a healthy baby into this world. This time around.
And once her baby is here … just like her other children both past and present … I hope she knows that (s)he will be loved by me. Completely.
Yes, Mrs. Spit … I know how upset this must make you. A non-Canadian team match-up for the title. But I must remind my friendly neighbors to the north, that Detroit has played a big part in the history of the National Hockey League. First of all, the Red Wings are one of the “Original Six” hockey teams still in existence from the first decade of the NHL. And second … anybody who knows hockey (and even quite a few that don’t) knows who Gordie Howe is. Yup. Mr. Hockey, No. 9 of the Detroit Red Wings. And finally, I do believe that Detroit is pretty much known league-wise as “Hockeytown.”
If you wanna know a really quirky fact concerning Detroit and Canada … Did you know that Detroit is the only U.S. city in which you have to drive south to cross the Canadian border? Yes … our friendly neighbor, Windsor, Ontario is the southern-most city in the great country of Canada, which makes many of those Cannucks that support our Red Wings have to drive north to catch one of our home games at “The Joe.”
Holy Schmoly! (Try spelling THAT, you 
As for the Catholic part of me … I don’t want you to think that I’m super-spiritual or anything. Because, in reality … I’m not. But, having been through 12 years of Catholic School … how can religion not play a part in my every day life? Even though it’s mostly about 
prior and already has a middle-school age child from her first marriage) announced she was pregnant. As if that didn’t devastate me enough, Liam was born prematurely and with some “imperfections” which just made me feel like my feelings of jealousy and anger caused 
Yesterday I realized that my SIL is due in a little over three months. And while I spent most of her pregnancy with Liam wallowing in self-pity and anger, this time around I’ve pretty much “ignored” the fact that she was once again pregnant. And I’m once again not.
So keeping myself at arm’s length during my SIL’s pregnancy is the best thing I could do for her. Because I don’t want her to feel my sadness. And I don’t want her to feel my anger. Because, quite frankly, she doesn’t need to focus on any of those emotions except making sure she brings a healthy baby into this world. This time around.