Don't Stop Believing
Last night Hubby & I were “hangin'” at the local coffee house, both of us on our laptops. Well … actually, Hubby was working while I just putzed around. And really, I should have been finishing up on the “quickie” knit project I’ve been working on for the past two weeks (so much for quick!). Or I could have been catching up on some much needed blog reading. But instead I surfed the web. And listened to some tunes off of Hubby’s laptop.
I guess I should preface this by saying that I usually rely on Hubby to update my iPod. He’s the one who uploaded most our songs from our CD collection into our digital library. He’s usually the one to find new artists and songs on the web for us. If there’s a certain tune I’m itching to hear, he’s the one that finds it and uploads it on my iPod. Many times when I stick my earbuds on at work (to drown out those loud co-workers while trying to concentrate), I end up finding little gems on my iPod.
For example, one week I had this incredible urge to hear that one Jo.an Je.tt song from that one movie she was in with Mi.chael J. Fox, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember the name of the song, let alone the name of the movie. (Oh yeah, I can hear y’all trying to remember it now, too … ) The next day at work, what do I find on my iPod? Uh-huh … He’s such a great guy, isn’t he?! I think so.
Anyway, lately Hubby’s been on an “Under $5” deal at the iTunes store, where you can purchase either movies or albums online for $4.99. Last week he got some great 80’s movies to watch on our iTouch. And this week? Well … that’s what we were listening to last night; the “Escape” album from Journey. “Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit” … Listening to it is totally flashing me back to growing up in the ‘burbs of Detroit back in the early 80’s.
I was telling Hubby that I remember that this particular album was one of those “tapes” that Dr. Bro bought during his one “stint” at the whole Co.lumb.ia H.ouse “Eight Tapes for a Penny” deals; the expensive shipping cost paid for by mowing neighbors’ lawns and saving his weekly allowances. So listening to the whole album in it’s entirety is like stepping back to the summers where Dr. Bro and I would ride around our neighborhood with our “bike gang.” And summers with swimming lessons at the local middle school.
When celebrating my mid-summer birthday meant either camping out of town or heading down to the county “wave pool.” Where summers were spent earning money by babysitting the neighborhood kids. Of which were eventually spent at the local B. Dalton’s buying books … and then reading them late at night under the covers with the flashlight.
Those days seem like such a lifetime away; even though it was only 25 years ago during this lifetime. It was a time of naivety; a time of feeling care-free. Especially during summers which, in it’s own, was a time of freedom. No timetable to conform to, no expectations to finish homework.
Referring back to yesterday’s post … it was simply a time of feeling as if anything was possible. As if the whole future was yet to be discovered. As if believing in any dream made could actually come true.
I miss those days. I miss not having to conform to a daily routine. And I miss not having expectations of others; and others not having expectations of me. I miss that feeling of the future being so far ahead of us … slightly out of reach, but still within the realm of reality. Still believing that anything is possible.
There are some days that I truly wish I could go back to that moment and relive it with the knowledge I have now. But then I remember that the choices and decisions I’ve made are what has made me into the person I am today. Bruised and a bit broken … but otherwise ready to face yet another challenge. Especially now that I’ve got that “second chance” I’ve been waiting for so long.
Journey was right not to stop believing.
Flying High
I am totally on cloud nine right now. The events over the past week and the reality that’s about to come has got me flying high.
I wish I could un-PWP those specific posts that can better explain the reason for such emotions. Unfortunately there are those certain aspects of our lives that won’t exactly allow us to shout it from the rooftops. At least for now.
In any case, this news has definitely added a skip to my step, a slight upturn to my lips … a light at the end of a really long and dark tunnel.
For once in a very long time, this change in tides just feels right. After years of banging my head up against a brick wall … of going through doors that seem to lead to nowhere … this path finally seemed to be the correct one. And the doors? They have amazingly been opening up all on their own. What a relief after years of struggling to open one door just to face the next locked door.
But I’m not taking anything for granted. I am truly relishing this moment. Because I know that moments like this are few and far between. Truth be told, the last time I’ve felt this excited … and full of optimism … was the two years before and the two years after our wedding. And that was more than ten years ago. (Wow. I just realize that it’s been that long …) Not that we haven’t had great times and haven’t formed a multitude of incredible memories and experiences … it’s just that we haven’t had that “anything is possible” feeling since then.
And especially since boarding that roller coaster ride called “Infertility.” Because really, there’s only so much “impossibility” (read: hopelessness, aka BFN … as in “Big Fat Negative” pregnancy test) that one can take.
Which is why I know not to take anything for granted. Seeing as I know that, even though at this very moment these doors are unlocked … it only takes a second for them to slam shut and to once again be dead-bolted.
So I’m going to relish this “high” for as long as I possibly can.
Accepted
(Update 03.19.2009: Now that the cat’s out of the bag, I can finally un-PWP this post!)
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~
Well … it’s official. I accepted the supervisor position. And at close to the salary I wanted with an added sign-on bonus, too. BONUS!!!
So all that’s left is to complete the drug screen and the background check. And apply for this state’s RN license. And find a place to live. At least those are the most immediate things I need to do. Before my start date which is unofficially January 5th.
I finally told my parents last night. And amazingly, they took it pretty well. I think deep down they knew that there just seemed to be something missing in our life. And as wonderful as our marriage was, we just didn’t seem to be happy. So I think that when I told them how this whole opportunity just seemed to be calling out to us, I think that sold them on the idea.
I probably won’t tell my current employer until I get the official notice; which should happen after the drug screen and background check are completed. But in the mean time … since you guys have been so incredibly awesome and patient with me, the least I can do is tell you where we’ll officially be moving.
Unfortunately, Kara … it’s not California, although it would have been awesome to move out that way. I can tell you that perhaps one day we will move out further west; as that would be both Hubby & my dream to live close to the Pacific. And no, Pam … it’s not Minnesota either. Or Indiana, Io. But where I’ll be will definitely be a closer drive for all of us to visit each other.
Yes, Hubby & I will still be in the Midwest … Chicago, to be exact. It’s a city that Hubby & I have always talked about moving to, even back in our college days. Except the opportunity just never seemed to surface. And then any chance of moving stalled once we took the journey down the infertility road. Because starting our family became our priority.
Now, it appears that this city is calling to us again. And lately, all the signs have been pointing us to that direction. And I am So. Frickin. Excited!!
Dim Sum of Nuttin'
Ack. So I’ve been doing good in the blog posting lately … I still can’t believe I’ve done a post a day for now 17 days. Actually more, as I posted a few a day before the month officially began. But in the process I’ve neglected posting comments. And that’s really because I haven’t honestly been reading so much lately. In fact, my Flock reader bar has filled up to more feeds than I can possibly read in one setting.
D*mn. And I had been doing so well for a while.
Seriously though. Where the heck did the month go? I still can’t believe that a week from this Thursday is officially Thanksgiving. Which, of course means that the Holiday season is literally around the corner. Except, I swear the stores seem to think it’s in full swing. And let me tell you, hearing the holiday music all over the frickin’ place is annoying.
Worse even is that it’s only mid-November and there’s snow on the ground. Well at least there was early this morning. Ugh. This is Michigan … which, unless Mother Nature plays another trick on us, means that we’ll be seeing snow until early April. That’s five months of seeing snow. Almost half a year. Ugh.
It’s not that I don’t like snow. It’s pretty to look at, pretty to play in … totally sucks to clean up after, drive in, deal with stupid drivers and salt trucks. But hey … this is life in the Great Lakes state.
Moving on to something else …
Hubby was asked by our nephew to be his confirmation sponsor. So today, we went to mass at our nephew’s church where they asked the candidates and their sponsor to commit to this Catholic sacrament’s process. Afterwards, we had gone out for some dim sum at a local Chinese restaurant. Lots of yummy dumplings and noodles later … Hubby & I were sitting around holding our niece, who amazingly slept all throughout mass and pretty much all through lunch. But alas, she open her little eyes to us and was being her utterly adorable self.
If I could only find a way to duplicate her and take her twin home with me …
Okay, this is all I can manage for today. Until tomorrow …